Disclaimer: Don't own Torchwood. Does that really need to be said?
A/N: So, until recently I never realized that Ianto had actually been suspended. I've heard this now from several sources, but looking back at the Cyberwoman and Small World scripts, I can't find any mention of Jack actually implicitly suspending Ianto. So, I took some liberties with this; correct me if I've made any glaring mistakes.
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The suspension had been a formality, Jack had said, and Ianto had believed him. Believed him if only because he could think of no reason for Jack to lie---certainly the older man hadn't been worried about sparing Ianto's feelings, not after what had transpired. But, after the bodies had been moved, the blood washed up, all the metaphorical dust had settled and the five of them had been left standing in the Hub with nothing to say to one another, Jack had turned to Ianto and looked not angry, but apologetic. How much of his expression had been just a façade, the Welshman wasn't sure, but the Captain seemed to be trying, at least, to keep the team together. The team, with Ianto still a part of it.
So he had talked about formalities, and asked Ianto to take a "leave of absence" for the remainder of the month. Owen had said it wasn't enough, Gwen said it was too much, Tosh had walked him upstairs and helped him clean up, and Jack had apologized. It's just a formality, he said. You understand.
But Ianto didn't understand. He didn't understand how Jack could want him back at all, how he hadn't been banished, ordered at gunpoint to leave Cardiff and never return. Whether he wanted to come back or not, Ianto wasn't quite sure. Wasn't sure if he had the courage to face his boss after saying what he had, seeing the look on Jack's face when he had been confronted by the hitherto mild-mannered office boy. Wasn't sure if he had the strength to pick up the pieces of his life, when all he wanted to do was run. But that would be his penance, he decided eventually. His punishment for betraying the team, for not being able to save Lisa. He would be forced to relive his failings every day, see what he had done wrong every time he entered the Hub. Deep down, though, he knew his decision to stay was wholly selfish; it wasn't until Jack was holding a gun to his head that Ianto realized how much the team had grown to mean to him.
So, he had cleaned up that night, and he had left, for his leave of absence that was nothing more than a formality, to contemplate what had been done and what had changed, and what he had lost.
It promised to be a difficult month.
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A/N: Yes, there will be more. Not sure how much more, but I'd like to continue this for awhile. It will probably span Small Worlds, Countrycide, Greeks Bearing Gifts, and They Keep Killing Suzie, since I want to examine the relationship between Jack and Ianto before Ianto's stopwatch proposition at the end of They Keep Killing Suzie. It may continue after that, it may not. All depends on your feedback ;P