Welcome to my one shot.
Legal: I do not own DeGrassi.
This one shot is A/U and takes place the afternoon of Ray of Light pt.2 after Eli breaks up with Clare.
Everything is in Clare's pov.
The rest you will learn as you read so enjoy!
Thanks to Meghan for choosing the baby names and letting me use her.
I've Been Broken Hearted
I left school as soon as the bell rang after my last class, I had no desire to be there or be anywhere near Eli. I walked to the park and managed to stop crying by the time I got there, there's no playground at this park so there aren't many kids. I sit under a tree and just sort of watch everyone and that's when I see him, Fitz sitting just a few yards away under the partial shade of a tree. I haven't seen him in a long time, not since he was at my house that day, he stopped working at the Dot after that but I'm guessing he got a new job. I thought about trying to find him a few times but there was so much going on in my life the thought just kept getting pushed to the back of my mind. But now he's here at this very park that I walked to, only he's not alone. He's not with a girl, not exactly anyway, he's on a blanket with two small babies, they must be about two months or so. One is in blue and one in pink so I would surmise one is a boy and one is a girl. He's facing slightly away from me but I can tell that it's him, I walk over and he looks up at me when I cast a shadow on his blanket.
"Clare?" Fitz asks looking up at me.
"Hey can I join you?" I ask.
"Yeah please do," he smiles moving his leg so I can sit down.
"They're beautiful babies," I say looking at the girl jerking her body on the blanket as she learns to move. "Umm who's are they?"
"Mine," Fitz tells me and I look at him in complete shock, my mouth hanging open and Fitz closes it for me. "Clare this is Starr Rebekah and Jayson Gabriel Fitzgerald, my twins," Fitz informs me.
"You have kids? But when? How? I haven't seen you in a year but I thought you were still going church, a Christian, did you…I mean…" I stumble over what to say but I just found out Fitz is a father! I look at his hand and notice he's wearing a wedding ring.
"I'm still Christian and I still attend church, actually that's where I met my wife Meghan," he says with a soft smile.
"So you are married?" I ask and realize it's a stupid question.
"Widowed, she died during childbirth," Fitz explains and he looks overcome by grief as the memory comes over him. He looks away and I see him wiping away tears, I put my hand on his and squeeze gently. It's a small gesture of comfort but the only one I have just now.
Jayson rolls over toward his father, sensing that his father is sad and Fitz smiles picking up his son and beaming at him with pride. I pick up Starr and cradle her in my lap, she coos and makes herself comfortable, gripping my shirt in her hand and I see Fitz smile as he watches this.
"Please tell me Fitz I'd like to know about Meghan," I encourage him.
"Like I said we met at church, I'd seen her there before but after I left your house that day, I'm sorry for that by the way," he apologizes looking me in the eye.
"That's okay," I reply with a smile.
"Anyway it was after that I realized I had to let you go, whether or not you belonged with Eli it was your life and I had no place in it, not at that time at least and I needed to find my own path. One of the men at the church gave me a job as a front desk clerk at the Town Inn where he's a manager. It's a good job and pays better than the Dot. I was able to get a better apartment and I started dating Meghan, our relationship was…fast I guess. We fell in love, we found each other, we needed each other really and God brought us together. Meghan's family died when she was young, in a car crash she doesn't remember, she was put into foster care. She got bounced around between homes for several years, one was abusive, others were nice but she was never in one home for more than a couple of years. Her family had been Christian and while most of her foster families were not she never lost her faith, not even after all she'd been through. When we started dating she was with a foster family she'd only been with for a few months, they weren't abusive but they were neglectful. Meghan longed for the sense of family she hadn't had since she was little, and I did too and we found each other. I asked her to marry me after only a month and she said yes, we were married the following Sunday at church in front of everyone. Our wedding night was her first time and she became pregnant with our twins. My job supported us since she was still in school but the pregnancy was difficult and they put her on bed rest during the last trimester. She went into labor at 34 weeks and she was too weak, her body couldn't take it and she passed away."
He stops talking as he begins to cry, holding his son sleeping in his lap and he strokes his son's head.
"I'm so sorry Fitz," I tell him putting my hand on his arm.
"It's okay, I'm sorry that I lost her but God wanted her back. I was given the gift of true love, and I was given these two miracles. Meghan lives on through them and my memories of her. I get a lot of help from the church, there's a group of women that take turns watching the twins while I'm at work. They cook for me and run errands, even with all the help I have it's still hard and I don't know how I'd get by without them. Today is my day off and I wanted to bring them to the park for some fresh air and sunshine and you were here," Fitz grins.
"Yeah it's been a long time since I've been to the park but I had to get away today, needed to think and be away from everyone," I say looking down at Starr sleeping in my lap, still gripping tight to my shirt.
"I should get them home, they'll need to eat soon and start their bed time routines. Would you come with me? I'd like to hear about your life for the past year," Fitz requests.
"Sure I'd be happy to," I smile.
Fitz grins back and reaches over grabbing the baby's carriers, he puts in Jayson and I put in Starr then follow him to his car. We secure them into their car seat bases and I get in the passenger seat, Fitz drives to his apartment building. He grabs the diaper bag and Jason's carrier and I get Starr's then follow him up to his apartment. It's modest but nice; I can see the touch of a woman in the decorations for sure. The door opens to a small galley style kitchen that looks out to a combined living room and dining area. One small round table with two chairs and two high chairs is in the dining space. The living room is framed by a light blue sofa that faces the window which looks out to the street, a TV blocking a portion of the window. To the left of the sofa, near what appears to be the closet and the washroom, are two baby swings. To the right of the sofa are two bedrooms, the wall between the bedrooms is lined with shelves, the shelves are lined by photos and trinkets. The center of which is a wedding photo of Fitz and Meghan, he's in a suit and she's in a white dress that has short lace sleeves. Fitz holds her around the waist from behind, her hands rest on his and they're both smiling so wide it practically stretches off their faces. There are other wedding pictures surrounding this one, there are many pictures of Meghan and a couple candles surrounding one portrait of her as a sort of shrine. There are a couple of pictures of Jayson and Starr near the pictures of Meghan.
"We can put them on the floor while I heat their bottles, do you mind feeding Starr? She obviously likes you," Fitz says locking the front door as I'm still looking around the apartment.
"I'd be happy to feed her, she's very sweet," I smile.
"Thanks, I'll grab their blanket," he smiles setting down Jayson's carrier.
Fitz goes to a large wicker chest behind the sofa and pulls out a large colorful blanket. He lays out the blanket behind the sofa and takes Jayson from his carrier laying him on his back on the blanket. I do the same with Starr, laying her a few feet from her brother and Fitz goes into what is very obviously the twin's room. He comes back out with two toys that straddle over the twins, they have pictures and soft toys hanging down that the twins can bat at and grab. I follow Fitz into the kitchen leaning on the counter as he heats the bottles, every few seconds I glance back at the twins but they are playing with their toys and kicking around. He tests the bottles and then places them on the side table by the sofa, then we go to the blanket picking up Jayson and Starr. Fitz sits on one end and I sit on the other, cradling Starr and feeding her while he does the same with Jayson. I watch them eat, and watch Fitz with his children.
"Let's put them in the swings," Fitz says when they're done eating and I get Starr in the swing. "Are you hungry? I have lasagna and a couple different kinds of casserole," Fitz offers.
"Yeah I actually am hungry, I didn't eat lunch and I guess it is about dinner time," I reply.
"I'll heat up the lasagna, Mrs. Sands makes a great lasagna," he smiles. He starts the oven and offers me something to drink; I take a glass of water. When the lasagna's in we sit back on the sofa while waiting for dinner. "So what's happened for Clare Edwards in the last year?" Fitz asks.
"You sure want to hear this? There's a lot," I reply.
"Yes I'm sure, I want to hear everything," Fitz replies.
For the next three hours I just pour my heart out to Fitz. I talk about Eli crashing his car, Jake, our parents wedding and our breakup, Adam getting shot, getting back together with Eli, everything that happened with Asher and finally my breakup with Eli today. We've eaten, cleaned up and put the twins to bed all while I was talking. I didn't realize how much I truly needed to get out, how much was still weighing on me needing to be cathartically released without interruption. It's not that I haven't expressed these things before but when I have I'm always interrupted by someone else's feelings on the matter. Not with Fitz however, he reacts but it's subtle, done silently with facial expressions and gestures like his hand coming to my shoulder or back, even as much as making a fist when I talk about Asher but he doesn't speak. He waits until I've finished to even utter a word.
"I'm sorry you went through all that, and Asher never got charged?" Fitz asks.
"They're still investigating but he probably won't be charged, there just isn't enough evidence," I reply and look at the clock in the kitchen. "Oh gosh it's after nine I've been talking for so long and you have work in the morning, I have school and I should probably go. I'll call Jake and have him pick me up, thanks for having me and listening to all of that, I feel like I just spilled out so much baggage on you and you have so much of your own," I apologize.
"Not baggage Clare life experience and I liked listening to you talk, I always have," Fitz replies.
"That's sweet Mark and I enjoyed this a lot but I should probably go," I say and he laughs a little. "What?"
"You called me Mark," he says.
"Sorry I didn't mean to it just sort of slipped out," I apologize.
"It's okay, Meghan always called me Mark, she refused to ever call me Fitz and would only call me Mark. I hated hearing my name from everyone but Meghan made it sound nice, I loved hearing it from her. The way you say my name it reminds me of the way she would say it," he smiles and I smile too.
"I really should go Mark; I'll have Jake pick me up. It was good to see you and meet your beautiful children," I tell him pulling my cell phone from my purse.
"Wait would you come to dinner tomorrow night? I'll cook and I'm sure one of the ladies from church will watch the twins for a few hours. Say seven and I can pick you up if you need me to," he almost pleas.
I did have fun today and talking with him was nice, I have to admit that I am feel something, some sort of connection. I always knew there was a sweet side to Fitz but seeing him as a caring hardworking father and a widowed husband shows me Fitz in a whole new light. I also admit that there is a definite attraction, I've always been a little attracted to Fitz but when he was a bully I was too afraid of his dangerous side. When he got out of juvie I was too afraid of losing Eli, but now he doesn't have a dangerous side and Eli and I are through, for good this time.
"Okay tomorrow night at seven but I can borrow Jake's truck you don't need to pick me up," I smile and call Jake on my cell.
"Yeah?" Jake answers.
"I need a ride home," I tell him.
"You get drunk or something after the breakup this morning?" Jake questions.
"No I'm…at a friend's house," I respond huffing with slight annoyance and give Jake the address of Fitz's apartment building. "Jake will be here in a few minutes," I tell Fitz.
"So what would you like to eat tomorrow night? I can cook pretty much anything," he says.
"I'll let you decide, I trust you Fi…Mark, I trust you Mark," I tell him and he smiles so sweetly when I call him by his first name.
We talk for a few more minutes until Jake calls my cell to tell me he's downstairs. I say goodnight to Mark and he says he'll see me tomorrow night; I go downstairs and get in Jake's truck.
"Who lives here this isn't our neighborhood," Jake comments as he starts driving us home.
"Mark," I answer.
Jake furrows his brow as he tries to think of who Mark might be but he can't think of one and he doesn't ask any further. I didn't think he would. When we get home Mom tells me she's sorry about Eli but I can do better and Glen simply smiles at me. I just smile and go up to my room, I do my homework, shower and go to bed and all the while I can't get my mind off of Mark. I wake up happy and while I don't remember my dream I know that Mark was in it. I get ready for school and Jake drives us, he's already eaten at home but heads straight to the caf when he gets there while I head to my locker.
"You're unusually chipper post Eli breakup? Wait did you finally snap? Should I call the men with white coats?" Adam jokes coming next to me.
"No Adam I didn't snap I just had a really good afternoon and evening yesterday," I reply.
"Great so what's your secret because you ran out of school in tears before I could stop you yesterday," Adam comments.
"Mark," I reply closing my locker and walking down the hall.
"Mark?" Adam questions still standing at my locker. "Hold it!" He calls running over, getting in front of me and grabbing my arms. "Mark as in Fitz?"
"Yes," I nod.
"Clare are you insane?" Adam exclaims.
"Adam he is not the same guy that went to school here," I say with a censuring tone.
"Yes I know that, he's not a bully anymore and he found God but he still cyberstalked you and showed up at your house one rainy afternoon," Adam reminds me.
Owen, Drew and Bianca happen to be down the hall with Dallas. Drew, Bianca and Owen all look over at us but Dallas has no idea who we're talking about.
"I know Adam but he's not even that guy anymore, he's a man now, he's mature and responsible. I saw him at the park and went to his apartment and w…"
"You what?" Adam interrupts me as our three eavesdroppers move a little closer and Dallas follows them. "You went to his apartment alone?"
"Adam we didn't do anything but eat dinner and talk will you relax," I admonish.
"You had dinner with Fitz in his apartment last night?" Owen questions butting in and catching up with the conversation.
"I'm guessing you two haven't seen much of him in the last year," I remark and Owen and Bianca look away with ashamed expressions. "He's not the bully from the ravine any longer, he was married, his wife died in childbirth and now he's a single father with twins," I inform them all.
"That doesn't exactly make the fact that you're rebounding with him any better," Drew interjects.
"I'm not rebounding with him we had dinner, we caught up and talked it was nice and that's all we did," I assert as the bell rings.
I walk off to class leaving them behind, but while confidant in my decision to have a dinner date with Mark tonight I'm starting to have my doubts. Eli broke my heart and the very same day I run into Mark, he made me feel good but maybe it was just that Eli made me feel so bad. Maybe my broken heart is just looking for mending. And what about Mark? He lost his wife not that long ago, a couple months ago maybe three. He's got twins, children are a huge responsibility and even a dinner with Mark could mean so much more to him than to me. Mark isn't going to casually date or want a high school girl friend that will be going away to college in a year. Mark needs commitment like real commitment, doesn't he?
These doubts nag at me all day, all through school. Adam doesn't say anything else about it other than telling me to be careful and not jump into something that will get my heart broken again. At lunch I hear Owen and Bianca saying they should call Fitz and how they feel bad for not being around for him after he got out of juvie, but they never say anything to me about having dinner with him tonight. By the time I get home to do my homework I consider calling Mark to break the date. I'm still doing homework and rolling over whether or not to break the date when Mom knocks on my door.
"Dinner will be ready in ten," Mom tells me.
"Actually I have dinner plans, I'll be home by curfew and I need to take the truck," I inform her.
"Oh dinner plans with who?" Mom questions.
"Whom, and I'm having dinner with Mark. I should be getting ready," I tell her.
"Mark who?" Mom asks not leaving my room.
"Mark Fitzgerald," I reply.
"The boy that threatened Eli with a knife?"
"Yes Mom but he's not that guy anymore, he's different. He's Christian, he goes to church every week, he's got a steady job, he's mature and responsible," I tell her.
"Well why isn't he picking you up for this date? He is not what I meant by you can do better, this is worse," Mom snaps a little.
"Mom it's dinner, it's not a date I'm going to have dinner with someone I consider to be a friend and he is much better than Eli. Now please leave my room so I can get ready," I insist pushing her out of my room.
I lock the door and go to my closet, a renewed determination to have dinner with Fitz if only to piss off my mom. I wonder how many impetuous decisions were made out of simple teenage rebellion? After looking through my closet a little I pull out a cerulean blue dress and a black sweater and I wear black flats. After checking my hair and makeup in the washroom I grab my purse and go downstairs.
"Clare home by curfew, one minute late and I call the cops," Mom warns me.
"I'll be home by curfew Mom," I groan in annoyance and go out to the truck.
I drive to Mark's apartment building and find the guest parking then find my way back to his apartment and knock on the door. Fitz opens it and smiles at me, stepping aside so that I can get in.
"You look beautiful," Mark smiles and I find myself blushing a little.
"Thanks, sorry I'm a little early my mom sort of threw a fit when she found out I was having dinner with you and I wanted to be out of there," I tell him.
"Don't apologize I'm glad you came over early. Set your purse anywhere, I'm still making dinner. Can I get you something to drink?" Mark offers locking the door.
"Just water is fine thanks," I reply setting my purse next to the sofa and going into the kitchen to watch him cook. "Where's Jayson and Starr?" I inquire as he hands me a glass of water.
"Mrs. Hardin is watching them, she goes to my church and she just lives a couple of blocks over," he replies.
"Mark I came tonight but I'm wondering where this is going? That is I just broke up with Eli yesterday and you lost your wife just a couple of months ago. I don't know if either of us is ready for another relationship, not to mention that you have kids and I didn't imagine kids in my future for a long time. Jayson and Starr are great but I'm still in high sch…"
"Clare stop," Mark interrupts me as he's stirring sauce of some kind, "tonight is just dinner. I lost Meghan two months, three weeks and two days ago. I miss her like crazy and I will always love her but she wants me to be happy and she knows how I felt about you, how I still feel about you. I asked you to dinner tonight because I felt what I always feel with, I still like you, still have feelings for you but tonight is just dinner. I'm not asking you to marry me or even be my girlfriend; I just want to be your friend, to have you around because you Clare are my human element. Yeah you remind me of Meghan, or rather she reminded me of you but I'm not trying to replace Meghan I never could. I feel better when I'm with you, happier and I like having that whether we become involved or stay friends forever."
I smile and bite my lip, blushing a little, "I think that's the nicest thing anyone has ever said about me. I feel the same way, I loved being with you yesterday and with your kids. I like being here. You make me feel good and happy; it's like…like you fill a whole I didn't know was there."
Fitz grins and I see him blushing a bit himself which makes me smile even more. "You're welcome here anytime Clare, Jayson and Starr really liked you; they aren't usually so easy with new people. Dinner's almost ready could you set the table?"
I nod and get down dishes, Mark made a wonderful meal and we talk the whole time. I help him clean up and the only time we touch is when I hug him goodbye but our time together was more intimate than any make out session I ever had with Eli. Mark walks me to my car and we exchange phone numbers, Mark gets in his car to go pick up the twins and I get in my car to drive home. Mom asks me how dinner was and I simply tell her that it was a very nice dinner with a friend. I do remember my dream about Mark that night and go to school with a smile on my face the next morning.
"So how was dinner with Fitz last night?" Adam inquires catching up to me as I walk to my locker. I would answer but Eli suddenly appears in front of me like some gothic apparition and I jump slightly.
"You had dinner with Fitz last night?" He growls.
"Yes I had dinner with a friend and it's not your business Eli," I snap back and link my arm with Adam's to walk to my locker.
"My dinner was great Fitz was wonderful, we have a sort of connection," I tell Adam and he gives me a look, "we're just friends Adam," I tell him with a smile. "For now anyway."