Harry Potter was your average 16 year old boy. He was hopelessly addicted to porn, fantasized about women all day and was constantly trying to get lucky. Unfortunately for the young chap he was stuck living with his abusive Aunt Petunia, sadistic Uncle Owen and their retarded son Dudley. He longed to get away from these blundering ignoramuses but lacked any way to escape from their drudgery until August. You see though he seemed like just an average kid he was actually HOLY SHIT A MOTHERFUCKING WIZARD!! That's right a mother fucking wizard and he even went to a school for it. It was called Hogwarts (not to be confused with genital warts) School of Witchcraft and Wizardry. And soon he would be back there again, attempting to get laid under the ever watchful eyes of his homosexual headmaster (literally!!) Dumbledore.

Lying on his bed, he thought about his friends Ron and Hermione, about what or who they may be doing. He suddenly thought of the two, strangely, naked together on a rose covered bed. Harry pictured Ron brushing the beautiful brunette hair out of her eyes while he scoped out her body and small breasts. For the sake of it being a fantasy Harry decided to up her bra size to about a 32 DD. A man can dream, he thought. Ron began running his hands around and between her yum-yums, caressing then squeezing them.

The very thought of it was exciting Harry, who quickly rushed over to his chest, and dove through all his magic supplies. There were books, potions, his wand, dead animals and even his robes but none of these were what he was after. At the very bottom he produced a very large bottle of lube. He liberally applied it to his genitals and returned to his bed and thoughts of his best friends spooning. Hermione reached down between Ron's legs and grabbed his small, flaccid penis. She began to stroke it. He lunged back in pleasure and moaned. "Hey," she snapped, "am I the bitch in the sack or are you?" He relaxed and placed his hands on the back of his head as she continued to beat his penis into a rock hard, useable cock.

Meanwhile, Harry was getting his cock straddled, by himself, but nonetheless straddled. Hermione had worked Ron's cock into a massive erection, and she now began slobbering on it as though it were a Popsicle. She went up and down on it for minutes in the same motion, and then she shoved her index and middlefinger into his tight brown pooper. He pulled away violently, "What the fuck are you doing, Hermione?" he yelled but it wasn't Hermione. A naked, saggy-assed Dumbledore was lying at his feet, licking the shit off his fingers. "It's been awhile Ronny boy!" he said cackling with laughter.

Harry awoke screaming from his sleep. It was only just a dream. "I hope Hogwarts isn't like that this year," he said whispering to himself in between panting for breath. He then saw his owl Hedwig resting on the windowsill. She had a packet tied to her feet. He raced over to her and untied it and unraveled the parchment. It read:

Dear Harry,

Do to increased concern for health and overall safety at Hogwarts, we regret to inform you that you may not return this year. However you may go by Griffin on August 23, to an experimental online wizarding school in the glorious walls of Vaginal Valley. It's a known hotspot for prostitutes so be careful not to enjoy too much hedonistic sex.



Love Always,

The Ministry of Magic

Harry was shocked. They were really sending him to a disease ridden whore paradise with no parental figures, to do school work only when he felt like it and on top of that they were keeping him away from his gay protector. "Fuck yeah," he said to himself, and lit up a cigarette with his mother fucking wand.