Vampire diaries and all i´s characters belong L.J. Smith. Not to me.

Authors note:

So here is my first story published on this side and in english. English is not my first language so I hope you will fogive it if there are some mistakes. I´ve done my best but I´m aware that my english is not perfect!

Now to the story:) I´d like to point out that his story is strictly rated M. There will be all kind of stuff that´s really not suitable for people who are underage or sensitive to themes like rape! There will be violence, abuse, rape, corporal punishments and probably much more. So please, if you don´t want to read things like this or feel offended by it, don´t read it! There are a thousand stories on this side which are probably much more suitable for you and what you want to read... just saying...

There will be additional warnings in each chapter as well, so please read them carefully!

Finally I want to say that I don´t support abuse, rape or everything related to it in the slightest!It´s something truly terrible, there is no other way to say it. This work, on the other hand, is fictional, it has nothing to do with reality. There is a difference guys! This means I don´t share the opinions of my characters and don´t support anything that is happening here in reality. I´d really like not to be flamed for it!

That said, I hope you enjoy reading and I´d love hear your opinion :)

Prologue

The air all around me seemed to be freezing, leaving me in utter coldness… Or maybe it was just me, feeling frozen inside. With every step I took it felt harder to breath, as if there was an invisible barrier trying to hold me in place. My mind was screaming at me not to go. It was begging me. But my body was weak and my heart was even worse. I moved without realizing it.

The moment I entered the cold basement, I felt my insides clench, my heart starting to beat so frantically that it almost hurt. I had hoped to never see all of this again… but here I was. Everything had changed and somehow it was still the same. All the bad memories I connected with this place swirled around in my head; the loneliness, the fear, the pain. I hatedt his place. I hated it with my whole heart, my whole being. This ire I could feel deep inside of me spread through my body, filling me, drowning me.

Almost unconsciously my hand wandered to this little piece of skin right above my heart…the place that would never allow me to forget.

A part of me.

For a second I couldn´t move, was frozen to the spot. My eyes closed almost automatically while I forced my body not to panic. I felt my hands shaking and clenched them to fists, my nails digging into my skin, creating a calming tingle. The pain almost felt as good as did the hate. They reminded me that I was here, still living, still breathing… still feeling. Anger was the one thing I could focus on; the one thing that kept me sane. But anyway, no matter how hard I tried to deny it, the fear was still there, lingering in the back of my mind. I had to remind me that I was not the one being caged in this basement. Not this time. Tables had turned.

Taking a deep breath, I took a tentative step forwards, fighting with myself the whole time. There was actually a big part of me that thought I was silly- no scratch that- that thought I was fucking insane for being here, but I couldn´t help it. I needed to see him and there was nothing I could do.

It felt like ages until I finally reached the bars of the closed door and had the courage to look inside. Every second felt like hours, stretching like I had never experienced it before and then suddenly I was looking inside the cell and everything happened in a mere second. There was just a movement, so fast that it made me dizzy, and he was standing right before me, looking at me through the big bars. My heart skipped a beat and by the little dangerous smirk on his face I knew that he had heard it. His exterior was perfection. The blue of his eyes was shining, the intensity in his gaze pulling me in. It was scary how easy it was for him to dumbfound me, to catch me in his spell. It was his old game. A game I had come to detest and love at the same time.

"You came," he said in his deep, velvet-like voice, his eyes shining like two silver balls and it dawned on me that he was actually happy that I was here.

My hands clenched into fists and I had a hard time controlling my body, to force myself to say something. "I did." Was all that left my mouth, my voice just a tiny whisper flying through the space between us and filling the basement. I winced by hearing my own voice, by hearing how much I sounded as if we were two lovers meeting again, when in reality we were anything but…

For a moment Damon´s eyes lit up and I knew that he had heard it as well: this sick longing, I couldn´t even start to explain. For a second he only looked at me, taking me in. His eyes roamed over my whole body before a smirk started to appear on his face. Slowly he leaned in on me, his face almost touching the bars now. His eyes pierced into mine. "I knew you would come," he told me with an air of seriousness surrounding him. His eyes were so intense that they shot showers of hot and cold through my whole body and I felt myself reddening without my consent. I felt irritated by his words, by the way he looked at me so superiorly at the moment, as if he knew something that I didn´t. He was playing games again, I could tell. And it unnerved me more than I would care to admit.

"That was quite optimistic." I said slowly, while I eyed him skeptically. "I mean, up to this morning I would have sworn that I would let you rot in this cell forever. You would sure as hell deserve it." I hardened my gaze while I watched him, promising me that I would not lose the grip on the conversation.

When he didn´t answer me however and just stood there, staring at me with this knowing smile of his I could almost feel how my anger was surfacing again. God, how I loathed him! "Can you stop this?!" I snapped, the anger not masking the fact that my voice was shaking.

One of his perfectly sculptured eyebrows rose up. "Stop what?"

I shook my head, feeling frustrated. Frustrated with him…and maybe even more so with myself.

"Stop looking at me like you have it all figured out. Stop looking at me as if it was clear that I would come!"I said more forcefully now. "Just stop it!"

The smirk on his face unnerved me. "But it was. Clear, I mean. It was just a matter of time."

I shook my head, denying his words, didn´t want to hear it at all. "No, you couldn´t have." I knew that my words sounded more pleading than anything else. I looked at him, looked into his eyes and hoped to see something there…anything that would help me to finally move on, to finally forget him.

I didn´t even realize that I had been leaning closer to him until it was too late.

In a second he had moved, his hand shooting through the bars of his little cell and before I could react he had already caressed my face, tucking a strand of my hair behind my ear. It was an innocent gesture but for me it felt like anything but. How dare he even touch me after everything he had done to me? Vile was rising in my throat and in a second I had pushed his hand away from me, glaring daggers in his direction. "Don´t. Touch. ME!" I growled at him heatedly and the way he simply smirked at me in return made me loose it even more. What made it worse was the fact that I had felt this silly electricity between us again. Even now I could still feel it. It was enough to just look at him, be close to him and my heart was making loops in my stomach. I had no clue how he was doing it, how I could hate and want him that much at the same time. I felt as if I was going mad and maybe that was exactly what was happening here. Maybe that´s what he had wanted right from the start?

Some part of me just wanted to go, to run away from here and finally escape but there was something in his eyes that held me here. I wanted answers, some kind of an answer at least. I needed… something.

Damon was watching my inner struggle contently, this silly smirk never leaving his face. Then very slowly, his hand extended out to me again. "Damon", I said warningly which made him chuckle. "Oh come on", he said with an amused expression. His hand cupped my face; pointing my chin in his direction and making me look at him. For a moment I struggled but after it became clear that I wouldn´t get away I ceased it, glaring in his direction while trying to ignore the turmoil his touch inflicted.

"Stop this", I pressed out between my teeth but Damon didn´t even seem to think about it, his look so smug that I wanted to scream, beg, run.

Finally he let go of my face but instead of backing away he leaned closer to the bars, so close that our noses were almost touching and I could feel the warmth of his breath washing over my face, could smell this sweet mixture of leather and Bourbon that was so typically him. I felt my breath becoming faster, felt my heart pumping blood through my system in an almost surreal speed. He was so close, so, so close and again I did and did not want it. Our eyes connected and I felt like I was drowning; deeper and deeper and deeper.

"Why are you lying to yourself?" he whispered against my closed lips, his voice velvet like, seductive. I felt shivers appear on my body. "It will be easier, you know, when you just accept it; accept that it was inevitable for you to come see me."I didn´t want to hear what he had to say but anyway it felt impossible to move as well while I listened to him; while I heard him say what I had known, deep down, all along. His eyes glistered. "You know just as well as I do why you can´t just forget about everything and move on with your life. Why it is impossible."

He was right, I knew the reason even if I hadn´t admitted it to myself up to now.

I hated it when he was right.

"You destroyed me," I breathed out, forcing my eyes to meet his. I wanted him to see the hate I felt for him but I was not sure that my hate was all he could see in my eyes. "I tried so hard, Damon, I did." I told him, finally admitting the truth, admitting the expenditure of my failure. It was sick and twisted that he was the only one I could admit it to. "I tried so hard to move on but I just cannot be who I was before. I don´t know how." His eyes glistered while he waited for my next words and I felt a big lump in my throat but I forced them out anyway, never breaking eye contact with him. "With every day you destroyed me a bit more. And I hate you for it." Finally my voice sounded stronger. Finally I had been able to tell him how much I loathed him. We both knew it was nothing but the truth.

"I hate you Damon."

He cocked his head to the side by hearing my words, searching for something in my face. For a second there was just silence between us and with each second I lost myself more in his intense stare. And then suddenly, without any kind of warning, he moved and his lips connected with mine in a demanding kiss, immediately erasing every thought I might have had out of my mind. His kiss was all consuming, intoxicating and so, so dangerous. I could feel his tongue invading my mouth and it was so familiar that I didn´t even think about fighting it. It would never do me any good anyway. My heart was beating painfully against my chest while I leaned closer to him and returned his kiss, enjoying the feeling of our tongues intervening and feeling repulsed by it at the same time.

I couldn´t tell how long we kissed, it was as if time was fading away and all I felt was him, just him. But then he stopped and the moment his lips left mine I realized what I had done. I was so stupid. SO STUPID. The whole weight of it crashed down on me and immediately my eyes filled with unshed tears. The feeling of pure horror invaded my body like some force of nature and from one moment to the other I wanted nothing more than to be away from him. With a little shriek I stumbled backwards until my back collided with the wall behind me. I was breathing as fast as if I had just run a marathon and my head was shaking furiously from side to side. This was all so much worse than I had thought. This was a fucking nightmare.

For a moment I just stood there, my eyes closed tightly while I tried to muster up the courage to look at him again. I didn´t want to be that weak. I wanted to be a strong person. I wanted to be a person, who could look him in the eye and show him that he was all wrong, always had been. I wanted to show him that it wasn´t so easy, that he couldn´t do what he had done. Yes, I wanted it all. I wanted it badly, desperately. But the truth was: It would all be a lie. He had caught me in his net and the more I struggled the tighter his hold over me grew. A bit more, I thought, and I wouldn´t be able to breathe anymore. I tried it, just to be sure, and it hurt. My eyes flew open, while I realized that the dark, my own thoughts were maybe not that much better. Very slowly I lifted my head and looked at his still standing form right behind the bars of the cell. His eyes were as cold as ice while he looked down at me. They were freezing me right to my bones. I couldn´t say that I was surprised by this change of attitude, by this coldness that was suddenly radiating out of his whole body. No, I knew him to well to be surprised and that made my actions only worse. I knew how he was, what he was and still I had kissed him again. I couldn´t believe the expenditure of my stupidity.

Damon seemed to see my horror and slowly a small, dangerous smile started to grace his face while he eyed my quivering form possessively. "You might hate me," he told me, his voice almost unnatural calm. "But we both know that you love me as well. " A predatory smirk appeared on his face while his eyes seemed to burn holes into my body and his words shot like daggers into my body. "You wanted to know why you can´t keep away, Mai. That is the reason… You are here because in the end of things you know that you are mine and nothing will ever change that."

I gulped and felt the weight of all of this crashing down on me. I wished he would be wrong, would be lying but I wasn´t all that sure. I was here after all, wasn´t I?

I was here, even though I knew how self-destructive this was.

He was like a bright, dangerous flame. And I was the moth, being helplessly drawn to it again and again, no matter how often I´ve already been burned. And then I recognized something else as well: it didn´t matter that it was Damon who was standing inside the cell right at the moment. No, in the end of things I was still imprisoned by him. He represented everything that was dark, was the manifestation of it. He had given me so many reasons to hate him, had hurt me in the worst ways and still here I was; still a part of me didn´t seem to be able to live without him.

It wasn´t that I didn´t see the truth. I could actually see it pretty clearly: somewhere along the way he had succeeded in pulling me from the light into his darkness. But in the end, after everything that had happened to me, everything I have been through because of him, I was not sure anymore whether the light was really the more desirable of the two of them.

But on the other hand… wasn´t that exactly what he had planned right from the very beginning?

Day after day I dig further down this hole that I have made, and
I don't know if each fistful
I take brings me closer to a goal or to a grave.
I'm in the black hole that you left me in,
Digging to try to leave you behind.
I'm in the black hole you left me in,
Trying to get you out of my mind, before I bury myself alive.

I am the prey, swimming circles in a fishbowl on display.
And I'm stuck here always, in a struggle to breathe
Under an avalanche that won't stop falling. does this hole
Lead straight to hell? cause I'm falling
And all I know is lost under a black hole

(Downplay: bury myself alive)