The Very Secret Diary of Erina, Spoiled Princess of Rohan
Day One
Got sent to stay in Rivendell for a few months by Father. Not so sure why, though suspect may
have something to do with the fact that I let that wanderer Gandalf have his favorite horse. Not
like he was going to ride it, anyways!
Elrond not too happy about me being in his "kingdom", but damn good at hiding it. Suspect will have to go to all new lengths of annyance to make him make a fool of himself. See very interesting days ahead.
Day Two Have been sentenced to room after calling Elrond an insufferable dwarf in front of v. important dinner guests from somewhere in Eriador.
Guests were four rather short, kind og attractive guys with hairy feet, plus v. handsome human chaperone. Have resolved to find out more about all five, and to get back at Elrond.
Noticed as was leaving that the cutest one gasped alot and was rather pale. Think he may be sick.
Will look into this.
Day Three Still sentenced to room for smacking Arwen after she called me a stupid ditz. Have decided hate Elves.
Day Four Discovered that pint sized hairy boys are Hobbits, from place called Shire. Names are Merry, Pippin, Sam (who is rather fat, and seems to have an obsession with Frodo) and, of course, Frodo, the one who is sick. Have taken certain liking to Pippin, who is cutest besides Frodo, and not sick.
Human is Aragorn, son of Arathorn, and in love with bitchy Arwen. Shoot me.
Day Five Cannot get near Frodo, who has recovered, as Sam seems likely to kill me if I try anything. Aragorn seems to find him disturbingly attractive, too, but Sam will certainly kill him if he tries anything.
Have not been sentenced to room for two days, and taking full advantage of it. Have begun tailing Pippin, and trying to convince Elves that he is not a v. lifelike lawn ornament.
Day Six watched from bushes when Elrond held secret council thingie. Not that secret, considering it was held outside. Not that fun, either, as mainly consisted of men talking about fate of Middle Earth and rather pretty gold band they kept calling Ring of Doom and Isildur's Bane.
Left as clock reached second hour of boring talking. Could not find Hobbits anywhere. Took a bath and purposely used all of Elrond's strawberry bath suds.
Day Nine Hobbits and Aragorn leaving along with blonde pretty boy Elf named Legolas, the most red-headed dwarf I've ever seen (given, of course, that I haven't seen many Dwarves), Gandalf-who thanked me for the horse, and the Steward of Gondor. Got peeved because no one saw fit to tell me Boromir is married to grabby, frizzy-haired, hobbit-loving red-head half-wizard. Slow burn. Took another bath.
Day Ten Followed Fellowshiop out of Rivendell. Gave up many nice, hot, bubbly, strawberry sudsy baths to do so. Think have gone insane.
Have decided like tall blonde Elf, not-so-tall, not-at-all-blonde Dwarf, and Pippin. Did not tell anyone where I went. Hope Elrond will worry his stupid tiara-ed head off, then nance off a cliff and rid us all of his girly-Elf-ness.
Had to sleep on ground, and not in good mood.
Day Twelve Have been eating lembas stolen from Rivendell kitchens for three days. Have been sleeping on hard, uncushioned ground with rocks as pillows and no cuddly Hobbits for three days. Have been staring at Legolas's ass for three days.
In mixed mood.
Day Fifteen Made self apparent to Fellowship when Gandalf yelling caused giant avalanche that made them turn back down big snowy mountain. Somewhat relieved, as snow getting too deep, and too cold.
Shared hot dinner with hobbits, got yelled at by stupid old man. Drooled over Elf, who says he is married, and scooted away from me. Cursed loudly in Rohirric and went to "pout" behind rock with Pippin.
Stupid blonde Elf. If he thinks he is married, he must not have heard Elrond refer to him as the "gayest gay Elf who ever nanced down the Pike." He must also think I am easily fooled by such lies.
Day Twenty No entries for five days because of lack of light. Was forced to go though v. dark underground mines of some sort after mountain pass got destroyed.
Tried to listen to Gimli (I finally figured out the Dwarf's name!)'s constant chatter about the mines in their heydey and what-not, but somehow managed to fall asleep almost every time. Dwarf did not seem to mind. Don't think he noticed, in fact.
Fought wierd fire-shadow Balrog thingie trhat caught Gandalf. Cried, though did not much care for Old man, nor pointy hat trick. Was comforted by Gimli, ignored by Legolas, and sobbed at by Pippin. Know which I like better.
Aragorn has taken over as leader, though think we need one who is less of pervy hobbit fancier, not that I'm one to talk.
Fellowship (minus Gimli) has agreed to go to Lothlorien, where a bunch of poncing Elves live.
Fellowship (minus Gimli and Pippin, but at Legolas's suggestion) has agreed to leave me there.
We will see about that.
Day Twenty-Two Smuggled self away by dressing up as Legolas. Was disappointed when poncy Elf prince was not left behind, but, strangely enough, have not been found out yet. Shows what happens when you set a bunch of men to do an ancient King's job.
In other news: Elf is actually married. Have decided to sulk, and to dislike Legolas.
Day Twenty-Four Was found out when reached shores of Parth Galen in pretty leaf boats. Blame Legolas, as he found me sorting through his pack for more hair straightener. Also blame mother, for having wavy hair. Not so upset, as got to destroy half of Elf's hair care products before got caught.
Aragorn says is too late to send me back, and will not let me go alone, which is fine with me. Not too keen on going up river by self with Orcs on eastern shore, if Legolas can be belived about that.
Have given up on stupid blonde prince because of hair obsession, and is always mean to me. May have something to do with what I did to his hair care products, but not so suer. Have decided Elf is insufferable twit, and certain he fancies Aragorn, despite passive agressive wife.
Day Twenty-Five Frodo went off to Mordor with Sam to destroy Ring. Merry and Pippin kidnapped. Boromir killed. Cried. Was again comforted by Gimli. Not sure what to think about that.
Aragorn, Gimli and Legolas decided to chase after Merry and Pippin and call themselves the Three Hunters. Suggested two things.
First, get Gimli a horse, as he cannot run very fast. Now know what feels like to be hit on head with blunt end of axe. Don't care to repeat the experience.
Second, change name to Four Hunters, since they can't very well leave me. Legolas glared and nanced off, Aragorn said it didn't matter, as we are all working for same goal, and name not importana. Asked, if name so unimportant, why can't it be changed? Was told did not matter, as they were dropping me off in nearest civilzation, anyhow. Whacked Aragorn with Boromir's dinner-plate-like shield, and was chased around Amon Hen for twenty minutes, until finally tripped over Orc corpse and apologized to Aragorn. Aragorn said he'd think about letting me stay if proved was useful.
Returned to camp to find Legolas sulking. Went to talk to him, and was asked why not change name to Three Hunters and Annoying Rohirrim Brat? Told him that was fine, then grabbed stuff and took off into woods after Aragorn.
Again see very interesting days ahead. Miss strawberry scented baths.
Elrond not too happy about me being in his "kingdom", but damn good at hiding it. Suspect will have to go to all new lengths of annyance to make him make a fool of himself. See very interesting days ahead.
Day Two Have been sentenced to room after calling Elrond an insufferable dwarf in front of v. important dinner guests from somewhere in Eriador.
Guests were four rather short, kind og attractive guys with hairy feet, plus v. handsome human chaperone. Have resolved to find out more about all five, and to get back at Elrond.
Noticed as was leaving that the cutest one gasped alot and was rather pale. Think he may be sick.
Will look into this.
Day Three Still sentenced to room for smacking Arwen after she called me a stupid ditz. Have decided hate Elves.
Day Four Discovered that pint sized hairy boys are Hobbits, from place called Shire. Names are Merry, Pippin, Sam (who is rather fat, and seems to have an obsession with Frodo) and, of course, Frodo, the one who is sick. Have taken certain liking to Pippin, who is cutest besides Frodo, and not sick.
Human is Aragorn, son of Arathorn, and in love with bitchy Arwen. Shoot me.
Day Five Cannot get near Frodo, who has recovered, as Sam seems likely to kill me if I try anything. Aragorn seems to find him disturbingly attractive, too, but Sam will certainly kill him if he tries anything.
Have not been sentenced to room for two days, and taking full advantage of it. Have begun tailing Pippin, and trying to convince Elves that he is not a v. lifelike lawn ornament.
Day Six watched from bushes when Elrond held secret council thingie. Not that secret, considering it was held outside. Not that fun, either, as mainly consisted of men talking about fate of Middle Earth and rather pretty gold band they kept calling Ring of Doom and Isildur's Bane.
Left as clock reached second hour of boring talking. Could not find Hobbits anywhere. Took a bath and purposely used all of Elrond's strawberry bath suds.
Day Nine Hobbits and Aragorn leaving along with blonde pretty boy Elf named Legolas, the most red-headed dwarf I've ever seen (given, of course, that I haven't seen many Dwarves), Gandalf-who thanked me for the horse, and the Steward of Gondor. Got peeved because no one saw fit to tell me Boromir is married to grabby, frizzy-haired, hobbit-loving red-head half-wizard. Slow burn. Took another bath.
Day Ten Followed Fellowshiop out of Rivendell. Gave up many nice, hot, bubbly, strawberry sudsy baths to do so. Think have gone insane.
Have decided like tall blonde Elf, not-so-tall, not-at-all-blonde Dwarf, and Pippin. Did not tell anyone where I went. Hope Elrond will worry his stupid tiara-ed head off, then nance off a cliff and rid us all of his girly-Elf-ness.
Had to sleep on ground, and not in good mood.
Day Twelve Have been eating lembas stolen from Rivendell kitchens for three days. Have been sleeping on hard, uncushioned ground with rocks as pillows and no cuddly Hobbits for three days. Have been staring at Legolas's ass for three days.
In mixed mood.
Day Fifteen Made self apparent to Fellowship when Gandalf yelling caused giant avalanche that made them turn back down big snowy mountain. Somewhat relieved, as snow getting too deep, and too cold.
Shared hot dinner with hobbits, got yelled at by stupid old man. Drooled over Elf, who says he is married, and scooted away from me. Cursed loudly in Rohirric and went to "pout" behind rock with Pippin.
Stupid blonde Elf. If he thinks he is married, he must not have heard Elrond refer to him as the "gayest gay Elf who ever nanced down the Pike." He must also think I am easily fooled by such lies.
Day Twenty No entries for five days because of lack of light. Was forced to go though v. dark underground mines of some sort after mountain pass got destroyed.
Tried to listen to Gimli (I finally figured out the Dwarf's name!)'s constant chatter about the mines in their heydey and what-not, but somehow managed to fall asleep almost every time. Dwarf did not seem to mind. Don't think he noticed, in fact.
Fought wierd fire-shadow Balrog thingie trhat caught Gandalf. Cried, though did not much care for Old man, nor pointy hat trick. Was comforted by Gimli, ignored by Legolas, and sobbed at by Pippin. Know which I like better.
Aragorn has taken over as leader, though think we need one who is less of pervy hobbit fancier, not that I'm one to talk.
Fellowship (minus Gimli) has agreed to go to Lothlorien, where a bunch of poncing Elves live.
Fellowship (minus Gimli and Pippin, but at Legolas's suggestion) has agreed to leave me there.
We will see about that.
Day Twenty-Two Smuggled self away by dressing up as Legolas. Was disappointed when poncy Elf prince was not left behind, but, strangely enough, have not been found out yet. Shows what happens when you set a bunch of men to do an ancient King's job.
In other news: Elf is actually married. Have decided to sulk, and to dislike Legolas.
Day Twenty-Four Was found out when reached shores of Parth Galen in pretty leaf boats. Blame Legolas, as he found me sorting through his pack for more hair straightener. Also blame mother, for having wavy hair. Not so upset, as got to destroy half of Elf's hair care products before got caught.
Aragorn says is too late to send me back, and will not let me go alone, which is fine with me. Not too keen on going up river by self with Orcs on eastern shore, if Legolas can be belived about that.
Have given up on stupid blonde prince because of hair obsession, and is always mean to me. May have something to do with what I did to his hair care products, but not so suer. Have decided Elf is insufferable twit, and certain he fancies Aragorn, despite passive agressive wife.
Day Twenty-Five Frodo went off to Mordor with Sam to destroy Ring. Merry and Pippin kidnapped. Boromir killed. Cried. Was again comforted by Gimli. Not sure what to think about that.
Aragorn, Gimli and Legolas decided to chase after Merry and Pippin and call themselves the Three Hunters. Suggested two things.
First, get Gimli a horse, as he cannot run very fast. Now know what feels like to be hit on head with blunt end of axe. Don't care to repeat the experience.
Second, change name to Four Hunters, since they can't very well leave me. Legolas glared and nanced off, Aragorn said it didn't matter, as we are all working for same goal, and name not importana. Asked, if name so unimportant, why can't it be changed? Was told did not matter, as they were dropping me off in nearest civilzation, anyhow. Whacked Aragorn with Boromir's dinner-plate-like shield, and was chased around Amon Hen for twenty minutes, until finally tripped over Orc corpse and apologized to Aragorn. Aragorn said he'd think about letting me stay if proved was useful.
Returned to camp to find Legolas sulking. Went to talk to him, and was asked why not change name to Three Hunters and Annoying Rohirrim Brat? Told him that was fine, then grabbed stuff and took off into woods after Aragorn.
Again see very interesting days ahead. Miss strawberry scented baths.