Splinter Cell: Co-op Theater
Disclaimer: I don't own Splinter Cell or X-Play (Game Reviews, not porn), or Navy Seals or anything mentioned here.
We America needs a hero. When justice needs to be upheld. There is only one place to turn. Let us join special agent Bob and secret agent Steve, two of the best official unofficial splinter Cells.
In the cover of night, these two, using there amazing cunning and stealth, they will defend our liberties from those who wish us harm.
Steve and bob walk through a sewer.
Steve: Bob, get over here.
Bob: What?
Steve: Stop fooling around and let's just complete the mission.
Bob: Hey you want to play Navy Seals? I could be Bill Pasketon and you could be whoever else was in that movie.
Steve: No!
They get on a pipe and start to shimmy.
Bob: Come on!
-Steve hangs down and snaps the neck of hapless guard below-
Bob: Dude! You (Bleeping) killed that guy!
Steve: So?
Bob: That guy had the (Bleeping) job of patrolling the sewers and you kill him. Wait. What are you doing now?
Steve: -Takes body to downward-going pipe- Good-bye, Sewer boy. –Drops body into hole-
-Later inside building-
Steve: Let's just get the data from the computer.
Bob: OK –Shoots computer- What!
Steve: Great. Now we have to find another terminal.
-Minutes later, in a stylish TV room-
Steve: That would look great in my living room.
Bob: Hey, how 'bout we do a trading spaces. You could do my living room and I'll do your bathroom.
Steve: Yes. That's just what I need. To mess with your house while Navy Seals Sheen turns my house into a bad eighties movie.
Bob: Uh…It was made in the nineties.
Steve: That still doesn't change the fact that Bill Packston wasn't in it! –Shoots TV-
Bob: Dude.
-After much sneaking-
Bob: -Takes guard hostage- Hey buddy. Was Bill Packston in Navy Seals? Oh you don't want to talk, eh? Maybe this will refresh your memory. –Shoots computer-
Steve: What is wrong with you!
Bob: -Shoots Steve then walks over to revive him-
Steve: You shot me! You (Bleeping) shot me!
Bob: And I revived you.
Steve: Let's just keep going.
-They get ready to launch Bob at guards next to computer-
Steve: Alright, Navy Seals time. Just don't break the…-Bob hits guards and breaks computer in the process-…computer.
-Later, after trying to find another computer-
Steve: Just get those files.
Bob: -Downloads files, then web info appears- Hey! Bill Packston was in Navy Seals. IGM gave it a…
Steve: -Shoots computer- Let's just find the Vice-President and get out of here.
-Later-
Bob: -Takes another hostage-
Steve: Who is that!
Bob: Just go get the Vice-President.
-Seconds later when Bob and hostage are alone-
Bob: My partner just doesn't appreciate things.
-Meanwhile-
Steve: -Grabs Vice-President- Take it easy mister Vice-President. Just need you to cooperate.
Bob: -Spinning guard around- You are a very good dancer.
Steve: What Are You Doing!
Bob: Nothing!
Steve: Can we just do this?
-Takes guard and Vice-President to eye scan thing on wall-
Bob: -To Guard- Your hair smells like ginger.
-Does the dual person scan with hostages-
-Later-
Steve: OK. Let's just get out of here.
Bob: Which Navy Seal are you?
Steve: Well, I guess I'll be Bill Packston.
-Starts being shot at by machine gun in tunnel-
Steve: -Gets shot at-
Bob: Steve? STEVE! I'm coming! Navy Seals! –Gets shot as well-
"Mission Failed"
I got this from X-Play, the Greatest Show Ever! Funny as Hell!