2nd Series 04/6 - Coming To Terms

by Macx

A epilogue to Split personality. Ace tries to deal with what he did to his friends.

Coming to Terms
by Birgit Staebler

Morning had broken to reveal the results of a late night storm. Driftwood littered the beach and the sand looked wind-swept. The trees had weathered the storm unscathed and the house had not even lost a piece of plaster. It had been just another windy night. Kate Morrigan, keeper of the lonely house at the edge of Whitewater, looked out over the beach, hair flying in the wind. It was early in the morning still, even if the cloudy sky could be mistaken for mid-afternoon. She guessed the storm would return, but she didn't really worry. What she did worry about was the lonely figure sitting on a large piece of driftwood and staring out over the unruly sea. Dark hair with accenting white stripes whipped in the wind, unruly and wild, and the surprisingly pale gray eyes stared fixedly at the waves. He was miles away with his mind.
Ace Cooper had come here over two weeks ago, driving an unmarked car -- not the Magic Racer, looking like hell, and simply asking if she would mind him staying for a while. No, she didn't. Watching him throughout those days, she had grown more and more worried. Ace as silent, never stayed long in one place inside the house, and generally avoided being around people. He had a haunted, distant look in his face and sometimes, in the morning when she actually saw him, he had traces of nightmares in his eyes. Something had happened to him and he didn't talk about it. As much as Kate respected his privacy, this had her worried on a gut-deep level.
Then there was the total absence of magic around him. She couldn't feel him like Cosmo did, but magicians had a way of telling things, of feeling things, and Kate knew when Ace worked magic because her nature magic and the Magic Force sometimes frictioned. He had been eerily silent in that regard. Even when not actively wielding it, there was always an aura of Magic Force around him.
More waves crashed onto the gravel beach and she sighed. Ace had spent most of his days here, thinking, being alone, and when he had returned, mostly either late at night or early morning, he hadn't looked any better. Something was eating away at him from the inside and it was only getting worse.
That Cosmo wasn't here was another clue. He hadn't called either. What was going on? And should she involve herself? Kate sighed once more. Ace was a very good friend of hers and a long time ago, there had been briefly more. That it hadn't turned into something permanent had two reasons: magic and Mona. Magic because for both of them it always came first and because it frictioned, and Mona because she would always be Ace's love. Kate could accept it. She cared deeply for him and right now, her motherly instincts screamed to help. How? Call Cosmo? Vega? Maybe even Mona? Whatever she did, she would leak Ace's hiding place, because that was what he was doing: hiding. What from and how long he intended to continue, she didn't know.
Kate gazed at the lonely figure and wished she could read minds or at least feel emotions. Ace was deeply troubled; very deeply. She walked back to the house, arms wrapped around herself. It wasn't really that cold, just windy, but inside her, there was an icy chip of fear.

*

Ace stared at the churning sea, a bitter reflection of his own state-of-mind, and for the umpteenth time he wished he had a solution, that he could undo it all. But it had happened, he had to live with it, and he had to handle it.
How?
Pain lanced through him, all emotional, and his mind screamed in agony as the memories came back once more.
What had he done! God, what had he done?
His throat and eyes burned and the lump in his stomach seemed to grow even heavier. Speaking of his stomach, it did a flip-flop and nausea rose inside him. His head pounded and he screwed his eyes shut, fighting against the pain and desperation -- and losing again.
Again.
For the last two weeks he had been assaulted by his memories and every time they had climaxed into horrifying nightmares each night; even when he was awake. It was like watching a movie where he was playing the main role without really remembering being there. But he had been there, all the time, doing all the evil and nasty things he saw in his mind.
Attacking Blackjack and nearly killing him, as well as his bodyguards.
Attacking Vega. So close to killing him in the end.
Attacking Mona. Ready to kill her if she didn't change to his side.
Attacking Cosmo..... injuring him badly.... branding him for life.... planning his death... enjoying it....
Ace moaned softly and buried his head in his hands. The magic tingled through him and he pushed it violently back. Thinking of the magic, what it had done, made him sick to his very core. He had attacked people and nearly killed them! Thinking of the magical fight made him want to throw up. He had used magic for battles before, but never like this. And never with such deadly force. It had always been a difficult ally to be with, but he had handled it, had forced it to do his bidding, had toned it down to smooth the sharp edges.
And when magic had no longer sufficed, when the pain would have threatened to overwhelm him, he had reached for weapons of another kind. He had beaten Cosmo up, as well as Vega, and both had been left with serious injuries. He had their blood on his hands, literally, and he couldn't wash it away. There had been no restraints when he had faced his two best friends, no conscience, just plain, evil darkness.
Ace stared at his fingers, then clenched them into fists, burying his nails into his palms. The pain wasn't enough to chase away the darkness. The blackness inside him, the evil stench, was still with him, as were the memories. He couldn't erase it, couldn't purge it, and the sickness was spreading. Turning in his bed at night, sleep had eluded him, and even though his friends had tried to help, they couldn't. He had to deal with this alone.
Ace had had to leave Electro City and everyone behind; he needed to be alone, to think and hopefully to forget. It wasn't that easy, though. Forgetting. Even if he hadn't been himself throughout this horror trip, he had every single memory of that time and it was as if he had acted without influence. Nightmares had returned ever since and he couldn't face Cosmo or Vega, let alone Mona, without recalling what he had done to them -- what a part of him had done. He hadn't acknowledged any of Mona's calls, hiding from her, and Ace didn't know if he could look her in the eyes ever again.
The only place he could think of where he might be able to find the solitude and peace he needed to come to terms with the last weeks was Whitewater Spring. It was far enough away from Electro City not to be a tourist place and at this time of the year, rarely anyone came otherwise. Spring storms and floods threatened the unwary and tourists didn't like their vacations stormy.
Stormy.
Ace smiled without humor. That was what his emotional state was right now. His eyes fell on the thin, red welt on his wrist. Cold fear and horror rose again, his stomach clenching into a painful knot, and he felt like throwing up again. The bracelet. It had been around his left wrist and when Vega had removed it, it had left a mark. The doctor had told him that he might have a red welt for a long time. Thin cuts healed quickly, but, like scratches, the skin would need time to regenerate completely. Until then.... and even afterwards... he would always be reminded of the cursed jewelry.
Kate had not asked many questions when he had arrived, simply helped him prepare one of the many rooms and then left him alone. She knew him well enough to realize that Ace would either come to her to talk or not. There was no pushing him into it. On one side he was glad she was here because it didn't let the feeling of complete solitude settle in, on the other side he wished she wasn't here.
Paradox.
Schizophrenic.
Just like him.
Another smile, this time dark and painful. He had been schizophrenic when the control chip had turned him into what not even Blackjack had dreamed of: completely aware of his other persona, even loving it, and still remembering the time before that. He remembered the disgust he had felt when thinking of Cosmo, his friend and partner, how he had decided to get rid of him, planning to kill him. Everything inside him screamed now at the thought, but not that long ago he would have laughed at seeing Cosmo squirm in pain and then die at his hands. The recollection of the time he had tortured his young friend through the empathic bond they shared made him want to throw up. He had wanted to hurt Cosmo..... wanted him to suffer.... In the end he had hurt him. Severely. The disfiguring facial scar... god... Cosmo was too young for this life-long mark! No one deserved it!
Ace felt tremors of relived memories race through him. Cosmo had gone through hell because of him, for him -- and had survived. Barely. He had come out of the final battle weak, bleeding, with more injuries than Ace wanted to recall. Cosmo had slept for days, waking only to eat a little bit or go to the bathroom. The magic had drained him down to his last reserves and when he had finally recovered, Ace had already made his decision. He had to leave. Cosmo had bounced back with such a speed, it was more frightening than if he had remained bed-ridden. But Cosmo was Cosmo again.... except for the obvious changes.
The magic fight would forever remain in Ace's memories, just like he would always recall the desperation and inner turmoil in his apprentice's eyes as he had made the decision to attack Ace with his own powers.
And Mona... he would have been prepared to kill her too, for not taking his side, for hating the evil new Ace Cooper.
Ace buried his head in his hands, bile rising in his throat.
Kill.
Killer.
He had turned into a killer.
Blackjack, as well as Spade and Diamond, had barely survived, all with horrible burns. Most of them would heal with the help of modern medicine and those scars who didn't disappear would be removed with cosmetic surgery.
Magic turned killer.
Anna had always told him how strong the Magic Force was inside him, how much it would demand of him to focus and never unleash it completely. Magic did the bidding of its user, and whoever wielded it, could either help or destroy. Ace had never thought twice about how to use his magic. He wanted to help. Whenever he had called upon it in fights, it was against his criminal opponents, not against innocents. At the Croesus Palace he had unleashed it, had focused with the intent to kill, and even now he remembered the powerful rush, the strength and energy, the control and might he had felt.... how exhilarating it had been to be in control... and how he had pitied the weak humans writhing before him.
Ace felt sick again and his stomach heaved, but there was nothing inside to throw up. Ultimate power. Yes, magic was power, but he had never used it as such. Even when Jack Malone had employed him, he had never really tapped into his talents as a magician for power. Now he had reveled in the feeling and the memory was a nauseous black cloud, hovering above him, taunting and laughing.
Hurting Cosmo.
Nearly killing him.
Ace screamed silently and lashed out at the memories, but they only skidded back and sat at a safe distant, mocking him.
The sky had grown dark by now and the night approached in great leaps. It wasn't summer yet, with its long evenings and warmer nights. The coldness outside was nothing compared to the iciness inside him. Ace watched his breath come out in small clouds, heard the violent surf crash onto the rocks, and he felt the magic around him, calling for him to tap into it.
He refused.
All he used it for was to feed the empathic shield around his mind to keep Cosmo from getting swamped with Ace's pain. He wasn't very adept at shielding and he would never be, but his desperation fed whatever he had into it. Ace didn't want his young friend to suffer even more than he already had. It would definitely drain him in time, but he didn't care. He just didn't care. It was all the magic was of use of right now. Something rippled over the makeshift shields and he winced.
Tears came unbidden to his eyes and he wiped angrily at them. He wished he could talk to someone, but he was equally afraid of opening up that much. The pain was threatening to devour him, but maybe that was for the best. Hide forever, never resurface, try to become one with the nothingness.
Caught in this battle of his emotions, Ace huddled against the driftwood, letting the growing wind tug at his clothes and hair.
Hide.
Just hide.
But he couldn't hide from the memories....

* * *

Cosmo sat in the Magic Express, zapping through the channels, and finally threw the remote away in disgust. Zina lifted her head, rumbled softly, then slunk away. Cosmo couldn't blame her, He wasn't good company of lately and he couldn't stop banging his head against the wall in frustration. His injuries had mostly healed by now. The hairline fracture wasn't bothering him, except with a headache sometimes, the facial wound was getting better, and the bruised lung didn't really make life impossible. Well, sometimes he felt it, but when he took it easy, it was nothing at all.
Ace was gone. He had left after just a few words about needing a bit of distance and time off. It had left a big hole in Cosmo's life and in the magic fabric. Cosmo, able to feel Ace's presence as a magician and also his emotions, was unable to pick up anything except a few bleeps. It was painful because suddenly he was missing something that should have been there. Ace was blocking like mad and it had to drain him severely, even though he was a more experienced magician.
Why?
Why did he block?
Ace never did that. Usually Cosmo had to do the blocking because Ace was not empathic and had no clue what area of his magic senses, as well as his mind, to shield. Cosmo, as the empath of the two, had had to learn and it had been difficult. Now Ace was doing the very same thing and because he was rather inexperienced with magic empathy shields, it had to drain him and probably hurt, Cosmo thought, speaking from experience. The longer Ace kept this up, the worse it got. Abusing magic like this was abusing yourself. Cosmo winced. Ace was into self-abuse right now. Whatever he did, it hurt him, and he didn't even mind.
Punishment.
He was punishing himself.
But why?
Why had he left?
Angrily, Cosmo jumped off the couch and started pacing, just like had done every day since Ace's departure. He knew Ace felt guilty as hell about what had happened, about what he had done, but he hadn't done it by his free will! Cosmo didn't blame him and Vega didn't either. They had accepted it, had found the explanation and reason behind the change, and they had undone the changes. Ace shouldn't blame himself!
Again, like every day, Cosmo felt the memories of the fight surface, how he was attacking Ace with magic. He had never thought he would have to raise his hands against his friend, but he had. In the end he had. Tears threatened to fall and he spun around, long strides taking him through the room. With a snarl he suddenly drove his fist into the reflecting surface of the large TV screen on the wall. Pain shot through his abused hand and he hissed, immediately cradling his hurting limb. His eyes caught a look of the wound on his face and he winced. Another reminder. Ace had freaked every time he had looked at Cosmo and his emotions had gone on the rampage. Cosmo had felt it each time.
"Not your fault," he whispered, cradling his hurting hand. "Man, it wasn't your fault!"
No one could hear him.
Cosmo left the library/living room and wished he had something to take his mind off things. There was nothing. He had checked and rechecked Angel's systems, had cleaned up the Express, taken inventory of all the props currently stored in the bay... and had nothing left to do! Flopping down on his bed, the teenager stared at the ceiling. He wished he could just use the magic and single out Ace, using it like a bloodhound.....
He stopped.
Well, maybe he could. Ace had never said that he couldn't. He had just warned him that it was dangerous to try something this random. Cosmo smiled. Wasn't all his magic trial and error? Why not try?
Cosmo closed his eyes and went through one of the relaxation exercises that always worked best for him. He felt his body relax, his muscles slacken, and the magic inside of him was suddenly very strong all around him. Carefully he reached out and touched the flimsy looking fabric, feeling it tingle over his skin as he did. It appeared so deceptively fragile, but the magic was far from that. It was strong and powerful, easily turned into something harmful.
Now he anchored himself in the fabric as Ace had told him, nervously wishing his partner was somewhere around. Ace usually guided him through new stuff or rehearsals of the already trained spells. Cosmo always focused on the voice that was with him wherever he went; Ace's voice. It was strong and calm, filling him with an inner peace he needed to work what spells he wanted. Cosmo still didn't have the necessary calmness to perfect his spells and even meditation rarely got him to his inner still point.
'Okay.... nothing to it.... I'm here...' he thought, breathing deeply.
The magic had been restored, had regenerated itself, but Cosmo felt a bit apprehensive when using it. The pain of the desperate last casting was very fresh in his mind.
Now he looked around, scanning for Ace's emotional emissions. Ace was there, a presence inside the magic, yes, but that was about it. He couldn't pick up more than just a few random trickles of emotions, those leaking through the amateur shield. Fear. Desperation. Emotional pain. Guilt......
Cosmo dug deeper, trying to home in on the leaks. His anchor wavered slightly, but he grit his teeth and went ahead with his experiment. The currents around him grew stronger, more pronounced, and Cosmo moved in them like a tiny ship in a raging storm.
"Ace, c'mon, man...." he hissed.
And then something slammed right into his face. Cosmo screamed in surprise and lost his concentration. The consequences were quite strong. Cosmo felt the Magic Force rush over him, uncontrolled and unchained, him in the middle of the storm, and he cried out, fighting to get out of this hell. Something buried itself in his mind like a red-hot poker and he was flung out of the magic fabric and back into his own mind.
Cosmo gasped, mouth opening in a silent scream, and his hands dug into the blanket he lay on. His eyes snapped open and tried to focus. He moaned, the moan transforming into a whimper, and his head pounded in rhythm to his frantically beating heart.
"Not again!" he whimpered, feeling anger at his own inability to control the powers inside him.
Half-blinded by the pain, he rolled off the bed, coming in hard contact with the floor. He just lay there, curled up, breathing harshly, trying to fight back the pain.
Cosmo didn't know how long it took him, but he finally managed to get the pain under control. He felt drained and weak, like he had just run a marathon. Memories of what had happened came back only slowly and he winced as his head protested with another pounding to his every move.
"Man, I should have known," he groaned, rubbing his head, pushing some strands of hair out of his face.
Ace had told him time and again never to experiment with something this dangerous alone. Cosmo was not past the point where he needed a guide, though this irked him now and then. He felt like a little kid! He sighed. He knew his friend was only trying to help, but sometimes this touched an old wound inside Cosmo.
'No time for wallowing in self-doubt,' he told himself firmly.
Right now he was worried about Ace, deeply worried, and nothing could make it any better. Flexing his still hurting hand, the teenager thought about what to do, ignoring his pounding head.
Follow Ace?
Well, he had a pretty good idea where he might be. It was the only place outside Electro City the magician would feel safe.
Wait?
Another option, but not something Cosmo was good at. He was a teenager, what did people expect? He was full of energy and he usually was on the move. Waiting was.... not him. Definitely not him.
Talk to someone?
Huh, well, yeah... but who? Vega was still busy getting this whole mess sorted out in a way that it wouldn't backfire on Ace. How he managed not to mention the magician in the report was a miracle all by itself. Blackjack had not filed a report that would arrest Ace, but Cosmo hadn't expected him to. The crime lord was the one responsible for it and they had proof. If Ace walked, so did Blackjack. If he tried to take his enemy down, Blackjack would fall as well. Pure and simple. Well, Vega was busy.
Mona?
Cosmo winced. He had no clue how to approach her about it all. Ace had nearly killed her father and she had every right never to talk to him again. They had met only once since the incident and it had been awkward to say the least.
The teenager sighed and leaned against the wall of his room, eyes closed. He had no clue what to do! He was seventeen, soon eighteen, but he wasn't the grown-up around here! Ace was the level-headed one, he was the impulsive part of this partnership! Now Ace had left and Cosmo was left with making the decisions.
"Cosmo?"
Angel's soft voice jerked him out of his thoughts and he looked up, noticing the ball of energy floating before him.
"Hm?" he asked.
"You have a call waiting."
"Who is it?"
"Mona."
Cosmo winced. Oh, no.... What should he tell her? "Uh, okay," he muttered. "Be right there."
He trudged into the living room again and activated the com. Mona's beautiful face appeared on the screen and he pasted a smile on his lips.
"Hi, Mona. Uhm, what's up?"
"Cosmo, is Ace with you?"
"Ah.... no."
Her eyes met his and Cosmo flinched back. "Where is he?" she asked softly.
"Uh.... he....errrr... left."
Mona's eyes widened ever-so slightly. "Left? Where to?"
"No clue." He rubbed over his tired eyes. "He shut me out... kinda..." It was painful to say this because Ace had rarely done it before.
Mona still didn't know the full extent of his abilities, but she knew he did magic. Cosmo was highly uncomfortable with the knowledge of Mona being in on his secret, but it had happened. He had to live with it.
"Cosmo?"
He snapped out of his thoughts. "Yeah?"
"Where do you think Ace would go to?" she asked softly, wording her previous question differently.
He sighed. "Even if I had my suspicions, I don't think he went there to have someone follow. He wants to be alone."
"But he shouldn't be. Ace shouldn't be alone and you know it."
"He wouldn't talk to me," the teenager muttered, sounding like he was pouting. Cosmo pulled himself together and looked at Mona, who smiled knowingly.
"Cosmo, please?"
He sighed once more. "Okay, but you know this is only a vague suspicion that he might be there." And he told her the address. Cosmo wished he could just take the Magic Bike and drive there himself, but then he remembered Ace's expression of utter pain and guilt
"Thanks," Mona said sincerely.
The screen went dark and Cosmo closed his eyes, feeling the dread and desperation he had felt now and then rise once more. He didn't know how much was coming from Ace because the amateur shield leaked and how much was his own.
"Good luck," he mumbled.

* * *

Mona stopped her car in the small parking lot in front of the house. It was a brickstone building, two stories tall, with a clean gravel drive up to the small parking spot in front of the main entrance where she now was. Not far away, a thick cluster of trees could be seen. Mona stepped out of the car, closing her jacket against the wind. Clouds rushed across the sky and it smelled like saltwater. Not far away from here began a rugged coastline of cliffs and rocky beaches. She had never been here before, but she had heard about the place. She had maybe expected something magical, but this was.... normal.
Locking the car, Mona walked up to the front door and climbed up the three steps to the small porch. There was no name on the bell button. She pushed it and waited. She had called ahead and talked to Kate for over an hour, finally convincing her that she had to talk to Ace. After maybe half a minute the door was opened and Mona smiled slightly.
"Hello, Kate."
Kate Morrigan smiled. She was dressed in a simple outfit, her almost trademark turtleneck sweater, a pair of faded jeans and boots. Around her neck hung a silver pendant, matching the earrings. Mona, even though she had switched to a heavy blouse, dark pants and sneakers, felt a bit overdressed.
"Hey, Mona."
Mona entered and looked around the rustic looking house. It was furnished in a simple but beautiful manner and it smelled warm and homely. Kate led her into what appeared to be a study with an adjoining library.
"Does he know I'm here?" she asked.
Kate shook her head. "No. I didn't tell him because, honestly, I haven't seen him since your call. Ace usually takes long walks or just sits and watches the sea."
Mona frowned slightly. "Oh."
"I keep track of him, don't worry. I won't let him fall off a cliff or anything." Kate smiled.
"Keep track of him?"
The other woman made a short gesture with one hand and a soft red light hovered in front of her. It glistened gently, floating just there between them. "Nature is my guide and ally, Mona. As long as Ace is anywhere out there, I can see where he is with my mind's eye. It's not much, really, but it works."
The red light dissipated. Mona felt a bit uncomfortable, reminded of the fact that Kate was a magician as well.
"Can I...."
"See him? He's not far, Mona, but he won't talk, and any attempt to make him, well.... he'll run. Either physically or just mentally. I can show you to him, but you have to decide."
Mona nodded slowly. "I understand."

Mona watched the sole figure, aghast at Ace's condition. He appeared thinner than before, pale, eyes ringed with dark circles and lying deep. He hadn't slept a lot, if at all, she decided, the painful knot in her stomach hardening. His hair was unruly and mussed, mostly through the wind though. He was dressed uncharacteristically in faded jeans, walking boots and a thick, woolly turtleneck sweater. It was like a disguise..... The magician was gone, as was Ace Cooper, and there was just a dark-haired man with a strange discoloration in his hair. His whole stance spoke of weariness and exhaustion, and the desolate expression on his face hurt her.
"He's been like this since coming here," Kate said softly.
Mona just nodded. She didn't want to intrude now, couldn't actually face him, but a part of her cried out to just go and hold him. She looked at the other woman and saw the question in her gray-blue eyes.
What was going on?
"Ace didn't tell you," she whispered and it wasn't a question.
"No. I accept his silence because he came here for privacy. He didn't come here to destroy himself, though, and I'm not going to sit back and watch."
Mona's eyes traveled to the lonely figure and her heart clenched. She had been an essential part in the catastrophic events from weeks ago, but she had never thought that the outcome would be this.....
"You don't happen to have some tea?" she now asked, finally looking away.
"I happen to, yes," Kate replied, smiling slightly. "I can also whip you up something to eat."
"Sounds good."
The two women walked back to the house, Mona's steps heavy, her mind awhirl.

*

"I'm not much of a cook," Kate apologized as she went through the contents of the fridge. "Nothing fancy in here either. Do you like noodles?"
Mona nodded. "I can help you cook, no problem." She looked around the kitchen and took in the rudimentary kitchen tools, then searched for a pan.
Half an hour later, the contents of the pan started to smell really good and both women sat on the wooden kitchen chairs.
"Ace is not coming for dinner?" Mona asked.
"He never does. I rarely see him anyway. He leaves before I get up and either doesn't return or after I'm asleep." Kate sighed softly. "This is destroying him, Mona."
Mona studied the worn table top. "It's hard to talk about with others," she finally said. "But you have a right to know." And Mona explained.
Kate listened silently, her eyes growing darker, her expression moving from anger to pain to empathy to anger again. Mona fell silent afterwards, looking into the now cold tea as if it held all the answers. It didn't. The answers were inside her and she knew she could give them freely, could face the man she loved and tell him. There would be no hesitation, no hatred.
"I'm starting to understand now," Kate said softly. "There is so much pain there, so much suffering, and he represses it all. He doesn't use magic, nor does he really acknowledge it. He is afraid. Well, terrified might be the better word."
Mona nodded at the open words, slightly shocked at the revelation. Ace without his magic? Since the first day she had met him, Ace had worked magic. Magic and Ace were something that couldn't be separated.
"He left all of a sudden and without telling anyone but Cosmo. I'm worried."
"And afraid?"
She played with the cup. "Maybe. Yes, in a way, but not like you think. I know what he can do, I accept it, but sometimes a small part of me freaks out. It's .... too much and too strange. Magic... I can't explain it but it's there and it is part of the man I love." She sighed.
"Even though he used it as a deadly weapon?"
Their eyes met.
"Yes," Mona whispered.
She had forgiven him. Completely. No doubts, no second thoughts. She knew what her father had done and it was the most horrifying thing he had ever thrown at Ace.
"I know what happened and I understand that he wasn't responsible for his deeds. His magic, even if it is something alien to me, was never destructive or evil. Ace isn't evil. He's the most gentle and understanding man I've ever met."
Kate regarded her silently. "Ace is lucky to have you," she finally said.
Mona blinked, confused.
"You know about the magic and you accept it. That's rare. Especially in the people we magicians love." She smiled wryly. "You know about his powers and you still let him close, but not many do that, Mona. Feeling freaked now and then is only natural."
Mona was silent, sipping at her cold tea. "What can I do?" she asked after a while.
"I honestly don't know, Mona. Ace is at his most vulnerable right now and easy to shatter. Whatever you do, you have to remember that."
Mona emptied her tea cup. "I understand."

* * *

Vega stared out of the window, mind far away. A small band-aid was pinned to his forehead, covering a healing, stitched wound that had been the result of a pipe connecting with his head. His back, though a bit stiff, was getting better, and the bruises on his throat had started to fade. He felt a bit bruised now and then, but it wasn't a real discomfort.
His desk was cluttered with folders, the stacks threatening to tilt and splatter all over the floor, and among the chaos sat a cup of now cold coffee. It was late in the evening and the precinct was empty of all activity except the night shift. He should have left over two hours ago, but Vega hadn't felt like going home. Home meant having time to think, and thinking always took him back to those moments he wished he could forget.
"I thought you had already left," a disapproving voice jolted him out of his thinking before the dark memories could hit again.
Vega turned and blinked as he discovered his secretary, holding a pack of paper and folders, a frown on her face.
"Same to you. What are you still doing here?" he asked.
"As you might recall, I told you I'm doing a bit of overtime to get rid of the chaos in the filing cabinets," Ms LeSage answered, raising an eyebrow.
"Oh." Yes, Vega dimly remembered that. Just like he thought he could recall Friedrichs yelling at him, but then again, that happened almost every week once or twice.
Ms LeSage placed the folders on the already overloaded desk, making sure not to disturb the piles there. "You should go home."
Vega shook his head. "I'm backlogged as it is. I need to finish some of the reports." He sighed.
"Not tonight."
He smiled wryly. Mareen LeSage had a positively motherly touch and sometimes he wondered if he would be where he was today -- in a rather cleaned-up and surprisingly well-organized office -- if not for her. She had also taken care of him after.... after the events. After Ace had nearly killed him, Vega thought with a shiver of memories. She had understood that he hadn't wanted to talk, but finally he had explained what had happened. Mareen was part of their little team of investigators, even if she never went out on cases. She worked behind the scenes, kept Friedrichs off his back as much as possible, called in information, and took care of the minor office matters. She was a god-given gift to his chaotic world.
"Maybe not, but at home I'd just sit in front of the box and wonder if starting to drink might not help," he now said.
Worry flitted over her features. "Lieutenant...."
Vega waved dismissively. "Don't worry. I'm not a borderline alcoholic and I won't take the easy way out. The last weeks were just a bit too much and it needs time to get past it."
Ms LeSage nodded and took the cold coffee to pour it away. "You still won't get anything done, if you don't mind me saying so."
Vega sighed. He was well aware of that himself. "I know, I know. If you don't mind the company though, I'd like to hang around a bit longer," he then said.
A small blush crept over the secretary's cheeks. "Oh, no, not at all." She blushed more. "I.... I think I'll better get these filed," she added hastily and grabbed the papers she had carried, taking the coffee cup along and hurrying out of his office.
Vega smiled, then turned back to the window, looking out over the dark city. It was beautiful at night, so deceptively calm and quiet under the layer of darkness. Somewhere out there sat the Magic Express, equally shrouded in darkness, and inside Cosmo was probably worrying about Ace. He knew the teenager well enough to make this wild guess. And with Ace gone, Cosmo would probably sooner or later run a ditch into the steel floor.
"Where the heck are you, Ace?" he asked softly.
Vega understood Ace's desire and need to be alone and away from here where all the memories lay, but he would take memories with him as well. While Vega had never even started blaming his friend for what had happened to them all, Ace was almost desperate to lay the blame on him. He had been under the control of a devilish device and had had no choice, but Ace didn't want to acknowledge it.
"Stubborn," he muttered.
Just as always. Vega feverishly hoped the magician would get over this and come back. They had to talk and he had to tell Ace again that he didn't blame him.
Ace as a criminal. It still boggled his mind and if anyone had asked him ever if he would have considered Ace the criminal type... Vega would have laughed. Okay, he had run with the wrong people in his youth, but he had changed and grown into a fine man Vega was proud to call his friend. He had never lost a thought about what might have happened if he had used the magic for criminal stuff. Now he had been shown, and man....... Ace was an opponent never to underestimate. Electro City would have been down on its knees..... But they had their old Ace back; for good; for real.
Vega had done everything in his powers to help his friend through the police investigation and Blackjack had luckily, for him, chosen not to send the police after his enemy. Vega had enough evidence to bust Blackjack and haul his ass in here. No lawyer would be able to get him out of it this time, not even Clockwise.
Turning away from the window and facing his desk, Vega groaned softly at the sight of the folders. His intention to manage at least some of this tonight left in a hurry and he grabbed his coat from the hanger. He walked into the front room where Ms LeSage was busy putting paper into folders and folders into the filing cabinet. Next month, all this stuff would be transferred to disk and then loaded into her work terminal.
"Ms LeSage?"
"Yes, Lieutenant?"
"You free for the evening?"
She stared at him as if she hadn't heard him correctly. "I...oh.... well... yes."
"Then how about dinner?"
Her cheeks reddened slightly and she pushed the cabinet drawer shut.
"I'm paying," he added with a grin.
"Okay...." she said slowly.
Vega gallantly held her coat as she slipped in, then they headed downstairs to the exit.

* * *

Ace stared at Mona like a deer caught in the headlights. His pale gray eyes were wide in an even paler face, a tremor racing through his body. Mona held the terrified gaze, refusing to let it go. She took in all the lines of pain and stress, the red-rimmed eyes, the suffering openly visible in the gray depths of his so expressive eyes. She had always loved those eyes. They were warm and gentle; she had fallen in love with those eyes. They were the windows to Ace's soul, and it was currently in torment.
Someone had to make the first step and this time, it was her. Ace had too often been the one to do it in the past. Looking at him now, so unlike his usual self, dressed in clothes that looked unfamiliar but good on him, she took all her courage and strength together.
"Hello, Ace," she said calmly.
He swallowed, blinking, confused. "What.... what are you doing here?" he asked and Mona winced as she heard the raw pain in his voice.
"Since you weren't home, I had to come here to talk to you," she answered.
Ace shook his head. "There is nothing to talk about."
Mona approached him, noting in dismay how he flinched back, a haunted look in his eyes. "There is a lot, Ace. And we will talk about it."
"No!" Ace started to move, but she blocked his way.
"We will talk," Mona insisted. "About you, about me, what happened..."
"I know what happened!" Ace snapped, eyes blazing angrily but not with the fire she would have thought. "I know it all because I was there every second! I nearly killed you father! I attacked you, Cosmo and Vega! I was ready to kill all of you and ....." He stopped, breathing hard, eyes wide. "I was ready to take what I wanted with whatever force necessary."
Mona winced as she realized the implication. She knew Ace had been like his own evil twin throughout that time, nothing and no one safe from him. He had attacked her father, intent on killing him, and Blackjack was only slowly healing inside and outside. She was also aware that her father had started this, had tried to influence Ace to change sides through a mind control device, and it had violently and horrifyingly backfired. He was responsible for this.
"It's over, Ace," she said firmly.
"It can never be over! It might happen again!" He clenched his hands into fists, fighting down whatever tried to rise.
"No, it can't. You were under the control of the bracelet...."
Ace moaned softly. "I used magic with the intent to kill," he whispered.
"You weren't yourself."
"Stop defending me!" he cried.
"When you stop blaming yourself!" Mona shot back. "Ace, you're the only one who keeps this up!"
He was trembling again. "Because I remember it all, Mona," he whispered. "I was there, throughout it all. I can remember unleashing the magic when confronting your father. I still see it all." He swallowed several times, looking sick, and Mona felt her emotions boil. "I have it inside me and it's just waiting for my control to slip. It could happen again."
"Ace....."
He violently shook his head. "Nothing can erase this, nothing can make it undone."
"So you'll stay here for the rest of your life?"
"I.... I have to think about a lot of things..."
"You are hiding."
Ace glared briefly.
"You are running away from reality."
He evaded her eyes. "And maybe that's for the best. For all of us."
Mona stepped closer. "No, it isn't. There are people who want to help, Ace, but you are pushing them away. We are your friends!"
"And I nearly killed you! With this! With magic!"
There was a flare as he opened his hand and magical fires and sparks exploded. Ace cried in horror and stumbled back, terror in his eyes.
"No!" he screamed. "No, no, no!"
He started to pant with the panic inside, almost hyperventilating, and his face was chalk white.
"Ace!" Mona called, trying to touch him, but he stumbled away.
"No!" he yelled. "Go away!"
"I won't," Mona told him firmly.
He cried softly, arms wrapped around his mid-section.
"Don't you think we can forgive you? You were under a foreign influence, you weren't yourself....."
He shook his head. "I never fought it, Mona. I let it happen and it felt...right." He swallowed and turned away. "I liked what I did."
"Because Pax had altered you, because your brain no longer recognized wrong from right." Mona had read it all up, had spent hours over the files, and she had felt more and more sick by the minute.
"I might have done something," he whispered.
Mona took the last few steps and now stood right in front of him. Ace looked terrible. He was exhausted to the point of a total breakdown, pale and had had little sleep. If he had slept at all. The desperation and need he radiated was almost too much for her. This was close to breaking Ace and that told Mona more than any words. He was such a strong man, had survived so many emotional and physical torments, but what had happened to him now.... He couldn't fight it alone.
"There was nothing you could do and now you can only accept." She reached out and touched him gently. He winced away, but he didn't run. "I do. As do Cosmo and Vega."
"How can you?" he asked weakly. "I nearly killed your father."
Mona refused to drop her eyes. She had to finish this. Ace, always the stronger part of their relationship, was caving in, had already given up, and he was destroying himself. She couldn't let that happen! She reached out and touched him once more, not allowing him to retreat.
"It's over, Ace," she insisted.
"Not as long as I can remember and you can't erase memories."
"But you can start accepting. That's all I came to ask. We are all worried about you; me, Vega, Cosmo....."
Ace evaded her eyes. Mona tightened her hand on his arm and when he still didn't look at her, she reached out and tilted his face to meet hers.
"Ace, give us a chance. Give yourself a chance....please. Ace?"
He swallowed and she felt him tremble. Mona didn't know what to do, so she hugged him, burying her face in the warm sweater. After a moment she felt his arms around her, his face buried in her hair, and she smiled to herself. He was trembling badly and his muscles were tight as wires. His hands clenched into the fabric of her jacket and Mona heard a stifled sob.
"Let it go," she murmured.

Ace didn't care anymore. His mind was breaking down and he didn't care who was present. He was back in the Croesus Palace, laughing maniacally as he tortured Blackjack nearly to death; he saw himself attack Vega and ready to kill him too; he saw Cosmo's wide gray eyes as he begged him not to do it. He was back at the construction site, beating up Cosmo, throwing him through the glass door; strangling Vega; unleashing magic to kill Cosmo once more. And throughout it all, the evil, dark pit inside him spurned him on, told him to do it, and he only too gladly did its bidding.
He felt arms around him, holding him, heard a voice soothing him. He cried softly, all the pain unleashing. Ace felt spent, totally exhausted, but his mind was still not resting. Now and then he flashed and every time he felt a shiver pass through him, like a tiny electrical jolt. The soothing hands were still there, rubbing his shoulders and he tried to make out what position he was in. His messed up mind was unable to perform the situation report though and he was drifting away from it all, feeling only the gentle touch, hearing the voice.

Mona sank to the ground, arms wrapped tightly around the shivering man in her embrace, leaning against the old couch. A shudder raced through him and his hands dug into the fabric of her jacket. She whispered meaningless words, soothing him, holding him, rubbing his back and stroking his mussed hair. She ran her fingers through the white stripes, feeling the soft hairs tickle her fingers. Mona looked at the dark head cradled against her chest, his warm weight against her, and she relaxed back against the couch, an involuntary smile on her lips. She continued her gentle strokes for a long, long time.

*

Cosmo was sitting outside the Express, tossing pebbles into the river, a distant look in his eyes. He had returned from the Ring Theater about an hour ago, checking out how the remodeling of the arena was progressing. It still looked like a bomb had struck, even if the manager had reassured him that everything would be ready for the magician's new show in two months. The Ring Theater, one of the oldest buildings in Electro City, had been in need of redecoration for a while and because Ace usually never ran a show in early spring, it had been decided to use that time. Then problems had occurred and the manager had explained to Cosmo that it might possibly be that they wouldn't be done in time.
Cosmo couldn't care less.
Suddenly something trickled through him and he cocked his head, recognizing the trickle as coming from only one source: Ace. The shield that had stood wavering and cracking in the way between Cosmo and Ace was slowly crumbling, leaking more and more emotions. He tried to brace himself for what was coming, but it wasn't enough.
Cosmo was hit by the full wave and gasped, the remaining pebbles falling out of his hand and clattering onto the pavement. His eyes were wide and a tremor raced through his body. Some small part of him took command and ordered him to whip up a shield, but he was like paralyzed. Everything Ace had been hiding broke free like water from behind a dam. Cosmo fell to the ground, curling into a ball, biting his lower lip. He was riding the dark wave of desperation and pain, fighting to stay on top. Finally the wave ebbed away enough for him to manage a basic shield, but he still felt the echoes of the initial wave.
Pain. Fear. Guilt. Lots of guilt. Desperation. A darkness he couldn't even begin to understand. Anger. More guilt.
Then it washed out into need and helplessness, followed by a fading feeling of fear. Cosmo breathed raggedly and briefly closed his eyes, checking the shield. It wasn't one of his strongest, so he would still feel Ace, but it kept him from being assaulted by all these conflicting, painful emissions. And he wanted to feel Ace because it reassured him in his knowledge that his friend was 'there' again. Something had gotten Ace to finally admit to his pain and he had unleashed the built-up energy. Of course, as an empath tuned in to his partner, Cosmo had received the brunt of it.
Mona?
Cosmo smiled weakly and leaned back against the Express. Probably. She was the only one who could get through to him, crack his defenses, and she had apparently succeeded. Now the healing could start.

*

Ace came to to a feeling of confusion, faint memories of a voice and ... someone holding him. He was weak and exhausted, but no longer as badly as before.
Mona!
Hands touching him. Arms holding him. Soothing the pain..... taking it away.....
The thought tore into him and he blinked his eyes open.
The first thing he saw was Mona and it was the most beautiful sight he could have thought of. She looked worried, but also relieved. Red hair framed her pale face and her green eyes drew him in. Then he became aware of his position. He lay on the floor, resting against Mona....
Embarrassment flooded him and he tried to get up. Mona helped him. Wherever she touched him, his skin seemed to tingle, even though there was a sweater between them.
"Ace?"
"I.... I'm fine," he rasped, voice weak and trembly.
"You need rest," she told him gently, never letting go of him. "Sleep."
He weakly shook his head. "I can't."
"Nightmares?" she guessed.
His expression said it all.
"I'll be there as well. I'm not leaving you," Mona promised.
Ace wanted to protest, but fell silent when he looked into her face. "Thanks," was all he managed.
He had no more strength to fight. He was drained and too close to the edge not to accept help now. He needed help....

*

Mona lay in the large double bed, listening to the regular breathing of the man beside her. He was curled up close to her, one arm draped loosely over her waist. She gently brushed her hand over his bare shoulder, the smooth skin hiding powerful muscles and a strength he rarely showed. But lately he had, in a terrifying way. She traced a healed cut from where glass had stung his skin, then brushed a finger over the old scars she knew only too well.
Ace usually slept only with his pajama pants on, rarely with the top, and Kate had given Mona one of the flannel nightshirts to wear. Not her style, but it was warm and soft against her skin, relaxing her. The bedroom was bathed in near-darkness, the only light coming from the outside. It was a clear, starlit night and an almost full moon. In the distance, waves crashed against the cliff, lulling her into sleep.
She kept watch over Ace, silent and content, keeping him safe as she had promised. He had already fought off one nightmare and Mona had just stroked his hair, talked softly, and watched him quiet down. There had been a barely recognizable discharge of magic, but she had kept still, tried not to be scared. Ace was himself again; he wouldn't hurt her. He could never hurt her.
Ace had not woken, but he had continued sleeping quietly then. His features had started to smooth out in his sleep, though there was no denying the traces of his recent ordeal. In time they would disappear as well, but right now they stood out like a scar.
Her decision to spend the night here had come without a second's hesitation and though Ace had tried to convince her not to, Mona had stayed. She had had no intention of doing more than staying at his side. They had ended up in bed together, but she had just held him, listening to his breathing, feeling his tension and wishing she could ease it.
Now, several hours later, it started again. She felt his muscles tense under her hand, felt his fingers twitch, then he moaned softly, mumbling. Mona turned toward her lover and saw sweat glistening on his face.
"No....." Ace whispered, shaking his head. "No!" he suddenly wailed.
Mona touched the sweaty face, gently running her hand over it. "Ace? It's okay. You are dreaming."
He whimpered and it tore at her heart, made her want to hurt the people responsible for the nightmares, until a small part reminded her that it had been her father's idea. She shoved those thoughts away. Ace was fighting an invisible foe and she kept up talking to him, careful never to let the contact waver. Suddenly his eyes snapped open and he gasped. Disoriented and blurry, the gray eyes sought for a point of focus, and she watched him focus on her. First there was confusion, then briefly fear, then wariness.
"You had a bad dream," she whispered, trying not to feel hurt by the fear.
He swallowed, still looking at her. Mona never stopped her caress, keeping eye-contact.
"It's okay, Ace."
It pained her to see him this vulnerable, hurt, and so confused. Mona smiled her reassurance at him, one hand clasping his, squeezing it. She bent forward and brushed her lips over his, feeling him tremble.
"It's okay," she repeated in a whisper, breath brushing over his cheek.
"I can't forget," Ace said almost to himself.
"But you can forgive. Yourself." Mona held his insecure gaze. "I did. Cosmo did. Vega did." Her caress never ceased.
"It's really not that easy," Ace murmured.
He buried his head in her shoulder and she drew him close. Mona kept her arms around him, listened to his ragged breathing as he fought against the tears she knew were threatening, and cursed silently against Pax. After some time he moved again and she was relieved to see that he had some control back. Still, he was very vulnerable at the moment and easily hurt. Looking into those intriguing gray eyes, Mona smiled and when he kissed her carefully, she didn't resist. She returned it, feeling his arms around her, holding her, and the kiss turned almost desperate. She felt a thrill race through her.
Suddenly Ace pushed her back, eyes wide. "No," breathed. "I'm sorry... I....didn't want to..."
He was starting to panic again and Mona placed a finger on his lips. "No apologies," she whispered, kissing him again. "We are past this. It happened and we know the truth. I love you, Ace. Nothing will ever change that.... nothing has ever changed it."
He stared into her green eyes, searching for a lie and finding none. She watched his adam's apple bop as he swallowed, then hope lit up in his eyes. It briefly chased away the guilt and desperation. Mona snuggled close to him, suppressing her desire for more. Right now wasn't the time. Ace needed rest and her reassurance that nothing would change.
Ace moved sleepily and she felt his body rub against hers. It evoked shivers of pleasure inside her. His arms were still around her, holding her, and then his fingers began to draw lazy circles over her back. She swallowed as the fingers moved, teasingly touching her sensitive areas and she heard a soft moan escape her lips. She arched against the torturing fingers.
"Ace...." she breathed.
He kissed her, capturing her lower lip and gently nibbling. Mona felt something inside of her melt. Ace was a great kisser and he knew it! Mona moaned softly and her body quickly flushed the intense passion and need.
Damn Ace for pushing all the right buttons! He knew her too well!
She caught his eyes and wordlessly asked if he was sure. Ace was very vulnerable right now and maybe.... The following kiss drowned that thought in more desire and the next hours turned into a haze.

*

Cosmo woke in the middle of the night, unsure what had roused him. He rolled onto his side, blinked at the clock, and groaned. 2 am?
And then the feeling came back.
Cosmo's breath caught in his lungs and he felt his body tingle with what came through. Ace's shield had shattered a while ago, as not other expected, and he was broadcasting strong emotions, but Cosmo had erected a shield against those. Now a new sensation was added, a new set of emotions......
Emotions he knew and had experienced before.
Cosmo groaned and reached for a stronger shield, quickly slamming it into place. It wasn't exactly a perfect one, but now the input was at least down to a reasonable level where he could work on a more professional shield.
"Man, Ace...." he muttered. He wasn't angry or upset; the complete opposite. A grin spread over his lips. "Definitely the best medicine."
He flopped down on his pillow and a grin was on his face, as he was feeling still more than he should. Cosmo finally managed to untangle himself from the other emotions and shielded completely. Sleep eluded him for a bit longer, but he finally fell asleep. His dreams were more than pleasant.....

* * *

Vega felt the car settle on its wheels with a small bump and he suppressed a yawn. It had been a long day, even if he hadn't pulled much overtime, but at least it had been a good day. He had wrapped up three cases and the pile on his desk was getting smaller. Ms LeSage was busy filing and archiving the reports and case folders. He had left the office at six, much earlier than usual, but after several pointed remarks from his secretary, he had fled. It was really quiet in Electro City. With Blackjack still in medical treatment, there was only Sunnyboy to worry about, and the crime boss was actually moderately tame. A few problems here or there, but nothing serious.
Now the cop climbed the stairs to his second-floor apartment, searching for his keys. He was just unlocking his door when his instincts sounded an alarm. He whirled around and stopped.
"Ace!"
"Hi, Vega," the dark-haired man said softly.
Vega stared. Ace looked terrible. He was way too pale and his eyes lay deep. He was dressed in unfamiliar clothes. The woolen sweater, the faded jeans and the boots were definitely not him. If not for the tell-tale stripes, Vega might have mistaken him for someone else.
"Can I... come in?" Ace asked carefully.
Vega blinked. "You have to ask?" He opened the door wide and Ace walked inside. He had his hands stuffed in his pockets, looking like he didn't really know what to do.
"Welcome back," Vega said softly, smiling.
Ace briefly met his eyes, then studied the floor. "Thanks. Vega, I...."
The older man raised an eyebrow. "Derek," he said. "We are friends, Ace. Remember?"
Ace swallowed. "I don't feel like a friend right now."
Vega walked over to the magician. "Maybe you don't feel it, but I know it." He smiled. "Do you want something to drink?"
He shook his head. "I.... I just wanted to drop by... just to ..." He helplessly looked around. "I'm sorry, Derek. For everything."
"You already apologized." Vega held the troubled gray eyes. "It's over, in the past, history. I'm glad you're back, Ace. Was kinda quiet around here." He chuckled and Ace smiled weakly. "Have you gone to see Cosmo?"
"No...I...." He sighed and shook his head. "It's not easy." Ace hugged himself, looking lost and helpless.
"Nothing ever is."
Vega studied the younger man, so much reminded of their first meeting, when he had looked into the pale face of a sixteen-year-old who had powers beyond his belief. Now he was looking into the same face, just older, but still afraid and apprehensive. Vega had always thought of Ace as a son, even if he wasn't family. He had watched the frightened boy grow up, had tried to help him, had tried to be there for him, and the bond between the two men was more than just mere friendship. Ace was part of his family. Vega had never really thought about marrying and raising children; Ace had been enough. He smiled slightly. Yes, he had had his share with Ace. His family, though not family by blood, consisted of Ace, Cosmo, Zina, even Angel, and sometimes Mona.
"C'mon," Vega now said. "Sit down. I'll make us a coffee."
He guided Ace over to the couch and the younger man just dropped down. Vega walked into the kitchen and started the coffee machine, then went back into the living room.
Ace was silent for a while, just looking at the floor, then he started to talk. Softly, almost monotonous in the beginning, but more emotions flowed into it in time. Vega just listened, sitting close by, trying to relay to Ace that he was there for him.
"I know what happened, I read the report, but... I still think there should have been something I can do," Ace said softly.
"There was nothing. Nothing at all, Ace. You need to accept what happened and live your life." Vega held out a cup with steaming coffee in it.
Ace took it, smiling gratefully. "Easier said than done."
"You have friends who want to help," Vega hinted, smiling.
"I know. Thanks, Derek. For everything."
Another smile. "If you want to crash here for the night before facing Cosmo...."
Ace shook his head. "No. I've to get over it, as you said. I have to put it behind me." He emptied his mug and stared at the last few drops. "How is he?"
Vega blinked, startled. "Cosmo? Well, mostly his old self, but you can see he's worried. He cares about you Ace, you are his family, and when you hurt, he hurts."
"He's an empath," the magician argued weakly.
"That's not what I meant," Vega grumbled. "The kid is trying not to show it, Ace, but he wants you back. Everyone does." Vega held the expressive gray eyes.
"I'm back, Derek. For good. It might take a while to get back completely, for real, but I won't run again."
"No one thinks you ran, Ace. No one. I understand why, and so do the others. We are worried about you.... not mad. Never mad."
Ace nodded. "Thanks."
Vega saw that he had needed that. Desperately.
Ace placed the mug carefully onto the table. "I think I should go now. I can't postpone it...."
Vega nodded and rose, accompanying him to the door. "It's good to have you back," he said sincerely. He stretched out one hand.
"Thanks, Derek." Ace took the hand and then found himself in a tight hug.
He returned it, feeling a little bit of the darkness that was still inside of him, dissolve. This was like back in the early days, when everything inside him had broken down and he had needed someone to lean on. Vega had been there, comforting the sixteen-year-old, letting him cry. Ace had been so embarrassed after that, but it had helped. A burden had been lifted off his shoulders.
As had been today. A small burden, a part of the whole, but it helped.
"Thanks," he whispered again.
Vega just smiled.

*

Coming back to Electro City had been hard. Coming back to this place had been even harder. He clutched the steering wheel of the rental, knuckles white, and his breathing grew more ragged as he stared at the gigantic white and blue train that was his home. He had fought the desire to turn off at any of the exits before Electro City, he had fought just driving through and not stopping, and now he was fighting the urge to slam in the reverse and just drive off again. Mona had offered to get him back and let the rental car company pick up the car in Whitewater Spring, but Ace had declined. He had to do this alone. He had faced Vega and it hadn't killed him. But facing Cosmo.....
Mona had stayed for two more days and they had talked a lot. Walking along the cliffs, the beach, or just staying at the house. The talking had done them both good and Ace had felt a lot better afterwards. Mona's presence had been a healing presence.... healing more than just a few wounds of his soul.
After what seemed like an eternity to him, Ace finally left the car and walked slowly toward the train. A bag was slung over his shoulder, containing a few things he had thrown together before leaving the Express.
The door slid open as he pressed his palm against the sensor pad and he stared at the interior now visible to him. Fear raced through him, but it was no longer shadowed by the evil darkness inside him. Taking hesitant steps, Ace entered the train and slowly made his way into the interior. As he entered the library/living room, an orange-red whirlwind ran in as well. Cosmo stopped dead in his tracks, eyes wide, fixing him with such an intense look, Ace felt like getting taken apart layer by layer.
"Ace! You're back!"
Looking at the young face, Ace realized just what he had done to his partner by leaving. Cosmo looked a bit ragged around the edges, eyes lying deeper than before, reflecting his inner turmoil. He tried to ignore the angry, healing wound in his face but it was hard to do so. Briefly, the healed face overlaid with the blood-covered image of Cosmo when Ace had finally come to his senses again. The large cut over his face, the exhaustion, the pallid complexion, the wasted appearance.
His stomach churned.
"Hi, Cosmo," he said softly.
Cosmo didn't wait for what else might have followed. He just hugged him and Ace automatically returned the fervent bear hug.
"Welcome back," the teenager whispered, holding on to him, fingers clenched in the woolly sweater. "You are back, right?" Imploring eyes searched his face and Ace smiled.
"Yes. I'm sorry for running, but...."
Cosmo shook his head, interrupting. "It's okay. I understand." He placed a fist on his chest. "I could feel it. Still can."
Ace nodded, aware of his own emotional state and the very perceptive empath his apprentice was. And Cosmo was forgiving him again. What had he ever done to deserve friends like these? Mona, Cosmo, Vega.... they all stood by his side, whatever happened. He didn't deserve it.
An awkward silence descended and Ace looked around the Express. Everything was just like it had been before he had left. So much like home, so much his home.
"Uh, you want me to haul in your stuff?" Cosmo broke the silence.
Ace shook his head, smiling. "No. I dropped the bag in the hallway."
Cosmo gave him a critical look, taking in the jeans, walking boots and flannel shirt that his the larger frame of his partner. "New look, man?"
Ace chuckled. "I don't think so, but for now, it feels more comfortable. Kate dug them up for me."
"Well, she got taste, but it's not your style, bro."
The magician shrugged and ran a hand over the large granite globe, spinning it gently. Not his style, yes, but right now he didn't want to wear his trademark outfit. Just thinking of it made Ace panic again. He had to work on these fears, especially his fear of magic. Cosmo depended on him for training.... His show... everything.. all involved magic.
But not today.
Not tomorrow.
In time.
"Cosmo, I want to apologize. I shouldn't have run. It was...."
"Something I would have done?" the teenager asked lightly.
Ace smiled wryly.
"Hey, I understand, man. Maybe more than anyone." Serious gray eyes held vulnerable ones. Cosmo shrugged. "I'm just glad that's all over with.... It is, isn't it?"
Slight dread seeped through and Ace felt his stomach clench at the emotions he could read in his friend's voice. So much hope and fear in one questions.....
"I'm back for good, Cosmo. It might take a while to get over everything, but I'm back."
Cosmo grinned widely. "Man, this is the best news ever!"
Yes, it was good news. For Ace as well, in a way. He wished he could be somewhere no one recognized him for a while, but he had to face reality now or live with the darkness forever. He had faced Mona and Vega, and he had come out stronger.
Suddenly he remembered something and hot embarrassment flooded him. Lord, no.... how could he?
Cosmo immediately picked up on the change of moods and an inquisitive expression crossed his features.
"Ace?"
"I forgot.... Cosmo, I'm so sorry, I forgot...."
"Uh, what?"
"Your eighteenth birthday. I....I didn't want to ruin your most important day. I'm deeply sorry.... And I didn't even manage your present...."
Cosmo's shook his head. "You didn't ruin it. Was just another day. And not the most important one." His eyes met Ace's and there was a very serious expression in them. Open and calm. "As for whatever you had planned... I don't care!"
"It was a special day...." Ace argued.
Cosmo's eighteenth birthday had been four days ago and he hadn't even thought of it.... not for a moment. He had been too busy wallowing in doubt and self-recrimination. What kind of friend was he?
Another shake of his head. "Just another day," Cosmo insisted. "And the best gift I can think of was given to me today: you are back."
Ace swallowed, feeling a lump in his throat. He didn't deserve friends like these, he thought again. Oh Lord, he didn't! "Thanks," he managed roughly.
Cosmo smiled and slight embarrassment rushed over his features. "Uh, so, what's the plan?" he tried to change the topic.
"First I want to get up to date with what's been happening in the last weeks," Ace decided, giving the globe one last spin. "And tonight, I promised a special someone a candle light dinner."
Cosmo's grin was almost wide enough to meet his ears. "Way to go, man!"
Ace chuckled. "Now, listen, Cosmo....."
"No peeping, no spying, honestly! You two enjoy the evening." Cosmo's grin was still there. "Word of Cosmo honor!"
The smile widened. "So, how about you fill me in on what's happening lately?" he asked.
Cosmo only too happily obliged.

* * *

Ace leaned back into his chair, briefly closing his eyes.
He was back.
For good.
And it felt.... right. Now it felt right. He had settled things with his friends, though it would take a while to get everything back to what it was. The feeling of light apprehension rose every time he either talked or met with one of them. Cosmo had given him dark looks for the first two days, reminding him wordlessly of the fact that he was an empath. And that he had no intention on shielding forever because Ace didn't feel like finally accepting the past and moving on. This, more than anything, had finally snapped him around.
Still, it would never be the same. Ace had yet to dress like his old self again, though he had switched from the heavy woolen sweater into his preferred white shirt, but he refused to wear the cape or jacket, and he was still into the jeans. Cosmo had remarked that he looked kinda... normal... and that it was something he had to get used to, but Ace didn't mind being 'normal'. Then there was the magic. He used it sparsely. Barely. He tried not to call the Magic Force, but it had the same effect on him as it had had on Cosmo when the younger man had refused to acknowledge his potential. So he had slowly reaffirmed his bond with the powerful force inside him. Letting it out completely, turning into the Magician, was something he had yet to do.
He sighed and chased the dark thoughts away, recalling Cosmo's face when he had been given his gift instead. It had been nothing spectacular, nothing flashy or up-to-date new. It had been a piece of paper. Just a piece of paper with words and a signature. Cosmo had just stared at it, stunned, and then he had declared Ace nuts; beyond help. Ace smiled softly. Yes, maybe, but now that Cosmo was eighteen, he was legal age. And since his eighteenth birthday, Cosmo was now Ace's legal and official partner in his business. 'Partner in crime,' Cosmo had joked, drawing a chuckle from the older man. His name was on the papers, he had all the legal rights, and there was the money factor.....
The teenager....well, young man now... had just kept on staring, demanding if this was for real, if Ace meant it.
Yes, he meant it.
Even about the money.
Cosmo didn't care about the money. He had told him that quite firmly, eyes and features set, daring Ace to argue. He hadn't. Cosmo had earned his keep throughout the last four-and-a-half years, he could handle money, and Ace trusted him not to clear out the account and run on some wild scheme.
Cosmo's hug had been quick and strong, and there had been tears in his eyes. Yes, he had always felt accepted by Ace, not threatened, not pushed into anything, but this gift was the greatest trust anyone had ever put into him.
Ace smiled again. Cosmo had been his friend and assistant, then his partner and finally apprentice, but now it was a legal fact that he was Ace Cooper's partner. That he had trusted him with his life before was nothing to the young man, compared to what he had been given now. Should Cosmo one day decide that he wanted to be a magician like Ace, there would be a place for him, a show to run, and an audience to amaze. Right now, though, he didn't really even think about it. He was happy as it was.
Following Cosmo's wish, there had been no big party and he had gone off to celebrate with his friends at the DNA club. Another smile. There had been such a hesitance in him, but Ace had chased him out of the Express, telling him to enjoy himself. He didn't need to 'baby-sit'.
Ace sipped from the soda he had opened. First he had thought about something stronger than a caffeine-laden liquid, but then decided against it.
Cosmo's expression when he had accepted the full partnership had dissolved a lot of the darkness inside him. He didn't need alcohol to drown his pain.
"Knock-knock?"
Ace looked around and discovered Vega standing in the door to his study. "Hey, Vega. Come in."
The older man smiled and flopped down on the chair, kicking up his feet. Ace mock-scowled, but Vega just grinned.
"So, big party at the DNA Club?"
"Probably. Cosmo refused something really big, something organized, so he invited some friends and all." Ace shrugged.
"He liked his present?"
Ace smiled again. "I certainly floored him with it."
Vega laughed softly. "You know you stunned me when you told me about it before.... A year ago I would have chewed your ears off with arguments against that decision.... now..."
The magician nodded. "He's an equal partner, Vega. He always was, but now it's official." Ace sipped at the drink.
Vega stretched and settled more comfortably into the chair. "Hope it won't swell his head," he joked.
Ace laughed. "I know someone who will set it right if he does go a bit over the top."
The cop snickered. "So, can I convince you to leave these holy halls and join me for dinner?" He frowned at Ace's attire, but didn't comment. Like Cosmo, Vega had decided to give his friend the necessary time to come back.
Ace smiled. "Any place special in mind?"
"I was thinking about Murphy's. Nice, quiet place. Not too flashy. And pretty good food."
"Now that's an understatement," Ace replied, rising, as did Vega. "Murphy's steak and fries combos are renowned."
Vega patted his stomach. "I know."
"Oh, come on, Vega..."
Smiling good-naturedly, Vega followed his friend out of the Express. Everything would be back to normal, he knew. Given time, the wounds would heal.
Given time.