2nd Series 04/9 - Healing

by InfamousB

A tag to Coming to terms. Ace and Cosmo talk.

Healing
A tag to Coming to Terms
by: Laura Boeff

"No.... don't..."
Ace caught the faint, frightened words as the door slid open, looking disheveled and worn himself in his robe. Faint light from outside illuminated the room in the depths of night, making it just bright enough to make out Cosmo shuddering on the bed, hand lifting against the nightmare he was caught in.
"Nooo...!" he cried piteously. Ace came forward without hesitation , Angel having informed him of Cosmo's distress. Cosmo didn't know it, but he had the AI keeping a round the clock watch on the young man. His partner would hate it. That mother-henning. But... he needed to.. he knew he was intruding on the teen's privacy, but Ace just needed to know Cosmo was okay.
"Cosmo," he called gently as a tremor went through Cosmo, the teen's hands clutching at the blanket. His fingers wrapped carefully around his friends shoulder, calling again.
"Cosmo."
Ace flinched as Cosmo screamed, eyes snapping open and locking on him in the dim light. The young man's body propelled violently backward, yellow fire trailing over his finger tips even as he fell out of the bed on the opposite side and screamed, clutching at his bruised side.
"Cosmo!" Ace cried in alarm, launching over the bed fearfully. Damn, could he do nothing right? He wanted to reassure Cosmo, not cause more pain. The young man was hissing, breathing between clenched teeth as he clutched protectively at his bruised side. The damaged lung, one of Ace's 'gifts' to Cosmo. One he damn well wished he could take back.
"Small breaths, Cosmo. Try to take small breaths," Ace urged gently, crouching in front of him. Damn him, he should have been more careful. Ace trembled. He could have very well been the cause of that nightmare. Who was kidding? He was the cause of these nightmares.
"I'm sorry, Cosmo, so sorry. I didn't mean to frighten you," he went on, voice calm, collected, though he sure didn't feel it inside. He smiled humorlessly. Not like he could really hide that from Cosmo anyway, but he had to try.
"s'okay, Ace," Cosmo hissed tightly. "Just startled me."
Startled nothing. Ace had scared him.. again.
"Here." Ace offered a hand, sliding it around the tense shoulders and eased Cosmo up, the young man keeping one hand on his bruised side. Even in the low light Ace could see the motley remnants of the bruise, still dark against his partner's skin. Like the face wound. Healing, but not entirely gone.
Cosmo let out a sigh of relief as Ace eased him back down on the bed. Ace pulled the blanket back up and around his friend, Cosmo having become chilled in the cool night air.
"You want a pain killer?" he asked softly, the guilt rising again. Cosmo hadn't needed one for a while. Not till he did something foolish like scare the boy right of bed and onto the floor. Cosmo shook his head slowly.
"No, it's okay. Just stung a little," he muttered. "I'm okay, Ace."
Ace nodded and sat silently, offering his presence as Cosmo relaxed into the bed, breathing less strained. Eventually his hand fell away from the injured side and back onto the coverlet.
"Still got Angel watching me, eh?" he chuckled at last.
Ace blushed slightly. "Uhm... well.." he stammered.
Cosmo chuckled again. "I'm okay, Ace."
"You didn't look okay, Cosmo. Do you want to talk about it?" Ace offered.
A negative shake.
"No. It's no big deal, Ace," Cosmo returned softly.
Ace licked his lips uncertainly. "Cosmo, it's okay. We should talk about it," he pressed carefully, feeling his guilt rise again, sharper. As it did whenever considering how he had hurt his partner, tortured him.
Cosmo shook his head again. "No. It's okay, Ace. I..."
"Cosmo, please. I know you're trying to protect me, but that's not fair to you. You were hurt, are hurting. I caused this and I want to help fix it," Ace declared in a slightly desperate rush. Something, anything he could do to make up for the damage done. The hurt caused. He had only arrived home two days ago. Had finally found the strength to come home. A strength that seemed to flee at times like this when directly confronted with what he had done.
"Ace... I just really don't want to talk about it," Cosmo whispered, avoiding his eyes.
"How about you shield? You need to talk, Cosmo. I want to talk. How about a shield?" he suggested.
Cosmo shuddered.
"Ace.."
"Then I'll do it," Ace sighed. Cosmo flinched and jerked back.
"Ace!" he said in alarm, then sighed. "All right, all right."
Ace felt the magic force ripple around him and offered a smile as Cosmo slouched a bit deeper in his bed.
"Still don't want to talk about it, Ace. I told you I wasn't mad," he muttered. Ace nodded and sat on the bed, close to his side.
"I know. And I believe you, but.. You are scared, Cosmo. I caused that. I hurt you. I'll be sorry for the rest of my life." He raised his hand to stem the protest. "I know you don't hold it against me, but you're still scared by what happened. So am I."
Ace took a deep breath, fingers playing with the hem of his robe.
"I... I just would like to talk about it. If you think you can?"
Cosmo was silent, breathing still a touch strained. His own hands fidgeted in his lap, lips pursed.
"What were you dreaming about?" Ace tried.
"I..." Cosmo started, hands fidgeting more. "Ace.." he complained. Ace touched his hand lightly.
"It's okay, Cosmo," he assured gently. Now that the shield was in place Cosmo could feel what he felt, not what Ace felt. That was what was important now. What his young friend felt.
"The fight. I.. I was dreaming about the fight," he whispered softly, voice tremulous as he looked away. "I.. I never thought... I'm sorry, Ace. I'm so sorry I used my magic against you." There was a swallowed sob and Ace's hand tightened on Cosmo's.
"You did the right thing, Cosmo. You saved Vega's life. That was the right thing no matter what. That is what magic is for, helping people," Ace assured urgently. Cosmo sucked in a trembling breath.
"But I attacked you, Ace..." he gasped. "You!"
"You defended Vega, Cosmo. I'm proud of you. Of what you did and the courage it took," Ace returned firmly. Cosmo looked at him briefly, then away.
"Not brave, Ace. Scared silly. I was so scared and sick and freaked..." he sobbed. "I attacked you, bro!"
Ace moved into the bed and gently gathered Cosmo against him, the young man relenting and accepting his reassuring shoulder. A slender arm snaked around him and returned the hug.
"Ace, you've done everything for me. Gave me everything and I attacked you..."
"No! No. You defended Vega against me. No matter what I have done, there is no excuse for what I did and you did the right thing, Cosmo. The right thing and I would want you to do it again if you had to," Ace cut in, tightening his grip. Cosmo didn't say anything, just sort of shivered against him.
"You did the right thing," Ace breathed softly, thinking of his horrid view of that moment. "I'm so sorry I made you decide," he went on, the moment still painfully clear. Cosmo's inner torment as he raised his hand. Ace's own surprise and growing anger at the sight of that magic raised against him.
"I'm sorry."
"Not your fault, Ace," Cosmo whispered. Ace sighed and hugged his friend again.
"Yes.. and no. I had no control of my emotions, but it doesn't mean I don't regret them. I do, Cosmo. Everything... especially..." His voice caught, throat tightening.
"Especially how.. how I hurt you.. through the link."
It took all his will to say those words. Possibly the most horrid thing he had done. Not the first magic fight, or the last one, but the torture. The abuse of the one part of his magic that Cosmo held dear: his empathic link to Ace. And Ace had abused that connection, not for any gain or goal, simply because he could and it would hurt Cosmo. No better reason than that. Pure, sadistic pleasure.
The trembling worsened and Ace flinched as Cosmo's arm fell away, wrapping around his own stomach.
"Don't want to talk about it," Cosmo hissed, with a faint hint of anger. Ace nodded sadly. No, he couldn't blame Cosmo for not wanting to. He might have forgiven him, but it would not heal the pain so easily.
"I can never say sorry enough for that, Cosmo. Above everything I did, I can never apologize enough for that," Ace said solemnly, trying to look his friend in the eye, but Cosmo would not meet his gaze.
"Not your fault," Cosmo mumbled, the trembling worsening, his breathing becoming a touch harder. Ace rubbed his arm gently, trying to ease that unconscious dread.
"I want to help, Cosmo. I... left you with some very bad impressions of me and I want to help fix that," Ace went on softly. Cosmo shrugged slightly and winced as his recently abused side flared, but said nothing.
"Can I do anything to help?" Ace tried. Another tremulous shrug.
"Cosmo, please..." Ace lifted his friend's face to him and Cosmo only put up a token resistance. He felt guilt wash through him at the tears threatening the pale gray eyes. A violent shiver went through the teen. Without hesitation, Ace wrapped his arms tight around Cosmo as the first tear fell. Cosmo buried himself against him, face pressed against Ace's chest as he cried silently, body trembling.
"I'm sorry, Cosmo. I'm so sorry," Ace murmured gently, rocking slightly as Cosmo cried.
"Don't shield.. please?" Cosmo whispered with a small hiccup. "Not for a while. Don't shield."
Ace nodded. "I won't. I'm sorry. I know you don't like it. I.. I just didn't want to hurt you anymore," Ace explained. "But, I won't. Not unless it's really important."
Cosmo nodded against him, red hair tickling under Ace's chin.
"I'm sorry, Ace," he murmured quietly.
Ace frowned. "Why? There's nothing to be sorry about."
"I was mad, Ace. I hated you, man.. when... when you did that," Cosmo confessed unhappily, looking up at him, face wet. "I'm sorry."
Ace sighed and wiped at a rogue tear.
"You had every right to be mad, Cosmo. I'm not angry. I can conceive no right to be. It's okay to be mad at me, Cosmo. I did hurt you. Badly. I only hope you can forgive me," Ace murmured, his chest clenching at the sight. So much pain, he'd delivered so much pain onto his friends, but it was hardest on Cosmo, who held such a blind faith in him that his actions had taken all the more of a toll.
Cosmo looked like he was going to say something, then his head dropped, looking away.
"Just want to forget it, dude," he muttered, tired. Ace sighed and nodded.
"Me too.. me too. And in time, it'll get better," he assured. The red hair shifted as Cosmo nodded slightly.
"Yea, keep telling myself that too," he sighed, then looked up. "Not believing it either. You?"
Ace chuckled. "No, not really," he admitted and that brought a quirk of a smile to his young friend's face.
"Man, what a mess," Cosmo sighed. Ace delivered a quick hug.
"Not any more. Not a mess anymore," he pointed out.
Cosmo laughed, though it was a touch bitter.
"Talk for yourself, dude," he said, gesturing to the facial scar. Ace flinched and winced at the small joke, eyes closing briefly.
"Oh man. I'm sorry, Ace. That was a bad joke," Cosmo exclaimed in dismay, his hand touching the magician's. Ace took a trembling breath.
"It's okay, Cosmo. I.. I've got to get used to it," he sighed softly. He had to, as much as he didn't want to. Cosmo licked his lips and looked away for a second.
"Actually.. I was kind of wanting to talk to you about that, Ace," he started softly. Ace looked over, fighting to keep his eyes off the jagged, nearly healed wound. The stitches had been removed, but thin sections were still scabbed over and those that weren't, were a dark red of barely healed flesh.
"I was just thinking of, well, having cosmetic surgery done, Ace. I... What do you think?" he went on, eyes lifting to the older man. Ace was stunned, not by the request, but by how his heart leapt at the idea of correcting the disfigurement. He tried to squelch the feeling. It was his own guilty desire that fueled it. He was well aware of that. Cosmo wanted an honest opinion. Deserved one.
"Well. Cosmetic surgery does have its dangers," he started tentatively. "My own experience was rather extensive. I'm not sure how that would compare to the removal of a scar, verses the full reconstruction I went under." God. It was hard to speak so analytically about that experience. If he never remembered Wisnewski and his doings, it would be too soon.
"Perhaps we should talk with a doctor about it. Get all the facts before you decide," Ace suggested. Cosmo was silent. Nodding slightly.
"Yea. That'd probably be the best idea," he said at last. "Find out what's involved and what's the cost."
"The cost doesn't matter, Cosmo," Ace interjected, a touch forcefully. Cosmo looked at him and smiled slightly. Okay, so he was overreacting again. But the cost really didn't matter. Anything, he would do anything to correct the wrongs he had committed.
"Still. Should find it all out," Cosmo went on. Ace nodded.
"I.. I hope you're considering this surgery because it's what you want, Cosmo. Not because of me," Ace forced himself to say. No matter how much Ace might want the surgery, Cosmo should only consider it if it was what he wanted.
Cosmo sighed and nodded, looking at him briefly, then away again.
"Well, maybe once we get some info. Then I can decide," he said simply, trying to offer a small smile. Ace tried to return it, stifling his desire for Cosmo to have the surgery. It was the young man's choice and his alone.
"You should try and get some sleep," Ace suggested, pushing himself up off the bed. Cosmo nodded, not exactly enthused.
"*Try* being the word, bro," Cosmo chuckled, scooting back beneath the blankets. Ace paused and pulled them up a touch, suffering another of Cosmo's looks.
Cosmo sighed and smiled. This time it was genuine.
"Thanks, Ace."
Ace shook his head. "Thank you, Cosmo. If you ever need to talk..."
Cosmo nodded. "I know, I know."
Ace sighed silently as he felt the shield drop. But he didn't really mind. Cosmo didn't like to shield anyway.
"You get some sleep too, partner. I've got enough to worry about with the props without you dragging your butt all around the stage," Cosmo poked lightly, unsuccessfully stifling a yawn. Ace chuckled and swiped at the red hair.
"I do not drag," he protested. Cosmo yawned again and chuckled.
"Yea, yea. Sez you," he muttered, then sobered. "Get some sleep, Ace."
Ace nodded and smiled. "You too, Cosmo."
He headed toward the door, Cosmo keeping one eye open.
"Night, Ace," he said with a touch of exasperation as Ace hesitated there. Ace chuckled and smiled.
"Night, Cosmo."