A/N: Because I don't have enough on my plate already. Also, Close Encounters will be deleted.
Full Summary: Ben Solo hears two voices, Hux and Phasma, who help him navigate the world after he's dishonorably discharged from the Marines. They help him plan murders and clean them up and keep his violent alter ego Kylo Ren under control. Then he meets Rey Kenobi, who lives just down the hall, and finds himself inexplicably drawn to her. He begins the path to healing as his obsession with her deepens and he fights the urge to kill her as the voices command. But is Rey really what she seems?
Ben Ben Ben Ben Ben Ben Ben Ben
My eyes roll open and I sit up quickly in bed, clutching my head. It's dark and quiet in my small apartment and the voices haven't stopped like the doctor promised. Fucking liar. Damn pills make me groggy and I have to work out more than usual to keep the weight gain at bay.
"Shut the fuck up, Phasma!" I snap.
She laughs. Then wake up, Benji. It's noon.
I slip out of bed and ruffle my thick black hair. It's been a few months since my commander figured out I was hearing voices and I was dishonorably discharged. All the structure of the military made it harder for me to block out everything Snoke put me through and it all bowled me over. Alcohol helps, and pills. Those aren't allowed when you're a Marine.
Did you see the woman next door? Hux pipes in like a rat. She'll be next.
Phasma bristles. No, we need to lie low until the last murder is forgotten. Control yourself, Hux.
I'm hungover from the night before and a half-empty bottle of gin is resting in the pool of blood from my last victim. I lean over to check the fridge for food and shove cold chicken in my mouth with dried gore on my fingers. Hux and Phasma bicker while I stare down at the dead girl by my table. Brown hair, blue eyes. Not my favorite, but I was really into slitting her throat. Connix. Air Force brat.
My phone is lit up with voicemails and texts from my mother. I take a swig of vodka and text her back with one hand while the two in my head argue about what I should do today. Hux drives me to kill and Phasma drives me to do whatever it takes to survive. They both popped up after Snoke—
You should sleep with someone, Phasma suggests. Get some of the tension out. Don't kill her, though.
Drink her blood! Hux hisses.
I just want to stay drunk so I don't have to think. I'll have to dismember the body and dissolve it but I'm lazy, like a sated lion. The voices fuse together as I step over the corpse and sit in a chair, chugging vodka like it's water. It doesn't mix well with the Haldol.
Neither of them are inspiring me to do much, so I work on the corpse. I methodically remove her head and cut off her fingers and toes and chop each part of her into small pieces. Hux is too busy insisting I find a woman to rape to enjoy the dismembering. I gather her body parts and drop them in my bathtub to dissolve with lye. It's a big bloody pool that I've seen plenty of times before.
Over the years I gained the ability to shut Hux and Phasma out when I needed to. Usually it wasn't a bother and I appreciated their input. But they typically argued amongst themselves and encouraged me to kill or maim or rape. It was fine with me. They gave me direction.
Hux huffs. I'm just suggesting—the girl next door would be an easy victim.
"She's small and skinny," I say, agreeing. My mind swirls from the booze. "Could break her arms real easy and fuck her before she realizes it."
Phasma offers some common sense. Ben, you just killed this girl. Lie. Low. Go to the bar and find one to bring home and sleep with and wait a few weeks. And skip the Haldol. It makes you sloppy.
"Dually noted. I'll flush the pills."
They'll inject him, Hux snaps. They track his doses, you fool. Just take the pill, Solo.
Ugh. I pour the dissolving concoction into the tub and rise to wash my hands and pop the Haldol. It shuts them up for a while but they lurk in the background and start talking after a few hours.
I clean up the blood in the kitchen and burn the rags, fluttering the smoke away from the alarm. But it reaches the sensors somehow and I growl under my breath and lean on my tiptoes to yank it from the ceiling. Hux tells me to smash it and Phasma hisses and spits and the doorbell suddenly rings.
We all freeze. I leave the alarm, clicking the sensor off, and brush off my two voices on my way to the door. I've lived here for a few months and no one has knocked on my door.
I open it up to find the girl next door standing there in blue pajamas, brown hair tossed back in three buns. She has her skinny arms folded over her chest and smiles up at me. Hux screams at me to kill her but I hesitate and search her pretty brown eyes. I've never given her a second glance before, but I find her thin face and wide eyes very appealing.
"Hey," she says, smiling, "I'm Rey. I heard your smoke alarm going off. Are you okay?"
Kill her, Hux spits.
Ben! Phasma says in a warning tone.
Ah, I'm not a moron. I nod a bit faster than I planned and glance into my apartment. It's essentially empty, save for some decorations I found at garage sales.
"Yeah," I reply, "everything's fine. Thanks for checking."
Rey beams and her cheeks flush pink. "Of course! I've seen you around but you're always in a rush, so…" She leans on her tiptoes to peer over my shoulder. "How long have you lived here?"
You could snap her neck nice and quick. Rape her first. Hux cackles. I imagine he looks like a fox.
The blood and stuff is all cleaned up so I step back to let her in. For whatever reason, I find her really appealing. I stare as she slips inside in her ratty pajamas and swallow hard. I want her. I can't have her, because that's dumb, but I want her little body writhing under mine.
"A few months," I offer awkwardly. "Left the Marines. You?"
"About a year." She admires my eclectic décor, laughing. "These are so cool. I like odds and ends. Do you like antiquing?"
I barely know her but I want her to be mine. She picks up a lucky cat with a raised paw and smiles, tracing a skinny finger over its paw. My heart skips a beat.
Awww, Ben, Phasma teases. You like her. Cute.
"Yeah," I lie, "I do. I bought a lot of this stuff at garage sales." I try to hide the bottle of vodka on a chair, hoping Rey didn't notice. My breath reeks of alcohol, though. "How 'bout you?"
Rey's brown eyes shift to me and she shrugs. "Yeah, but I don't have much time for it. Trying to get registered to be a mechanical engineer. New York makes you, I guess." She sets the cat down and looks up at my smoke alarm. "Gee, guess you're tall enough to reach that, huh?"
I laugh. I haven't in ages, maybe since the first murder.
"I am," I agree. "So, uh… College? Where do you go?"
"I graduated from MIT. New York has more jobs." Rey rubs her upper arms and shivers. "Anyway, I'll stop bugging you. You've got stuff to do, huh?"
Hux forces an image of me raping this strange girl into my head. I bat him away and shake my head, still trying to play it cool. I've never been good with women. Neither is dad. I inherited all my worst traits from him. Mom is much more sensible.
My mind wanders to Snoke and our visits together. I'm over it. Over him whispering in my ear and licking it and eventually convincing me to let him touch my dick. Over it. Over it. Over it. Over it.
You'll get him, Phasma reassures, sensing my inevitable breakdown.
I shrug, smiling weakly at Rey. "It's my day off. Cleaning… day drinking. The usual."
Thankfully, she laughs and hesitates by the door. My heart gives a powerful beat and I don't want her to leave, but I'm not a big enough moron to say it out loud. I don't know. I've met a lot of women and raped and killed most but Rey is… different. Soft and pretty. I wanna cut her open and nuzzle her guts.
"Well, if you want to night drink…" She takes her phone out and nods. "Give me your number."
Oh, fuck. Okay. I scramble for my phone like it's going to help and ignore Phasma and Hux laughing at me. I stand by the table, concerned I'll go after Rey if I get too close. She's cute. Hot. I spit out my number and she smiles and says she'll shoot me a text later on. My finger twitch when she leaves the apartment and I'm tempted to drag her back inside and fuck her.
Phasma sighs with relief when the door is locked. Close call. Okay, Ben—we need to make sure you don't hurt this girl. Connix disappearing will make it very complicated if this little girl disappears, too.
Easy. He brings her home, sleeps with her, and the night ends. Hux sounds annoyed, like it should be obvious. Right, Solo? You can be a bit rough. She won't say a word. I can tell.
I go for a bottle of gin. "I don't know. We'll see what happens. I like her."
It's a foreign feeling. I spent years killing and hunting in the Marines and it felt so natural. I never really liked a girl in high school or anything. Rey is pretty. I could cuddle with her, maybe.
Phasma and Hux chat while I call my mother back. Leia worries when I don't contact her at least once a day. She was present when I was dishonorably discharged for my mental illness and insisted my discharge be changed to 'honorable' because my illness was hard to control. My father, Han, didn't care much. He muttered 'knew he was nuts' into Leia's ear. Yes, they knew I was.
They didn't know about Snoke, however. He was a local child psychiatrist who agreed to take me in when I had emotional problems in childhood. Within a few sessions, he was molesting me. I never told my parents. I liked the attention, even if I hated being touched. My mind split into Hux and Phasma and my serial killer alter ego was Kylo Ren.
I stir Connix's dissolving body and dress to go to the local grocery store. It's upstate New York so there isn't much going on. I live in a pleasant, safe area called Saratoga. I trump downstairs and out to the sidewalk, avoiding cracks and whistling.
It's fall. Crackling leaves line the streets and all the tourists from downstate are bundled in coats and hats. The summer brings them in droves to watch the horse races. I pull up my hood and tune in to the conversation between Hux and Phasma, only mildly interested.
He needs an outlet, Hux insists.
Phasma flares, intent on protecting me. Shut up! It's dangerous!
The grocery store is packed with tourists. I clench my jaw and sidle along the aisles to find ingredients for beef barley soup. I'm used to noise. I've listened to Hux and Phasma for ages and always talked to myself when I was a kid. But I don't like groups of people and I fucking hate tourists. I push them out of my way and fill my basket with ingredients. Maybe I can cook for Rey.
Drug her, Hux cackles.
"That's basically necrophilia." I smile when an old woman stares at me. Look away, bitch.
Useless. Phasma considers my situation and sighs. She invited you out, Benji. Pursue it and see what happens, but don't harm her. It will come back to haunt you.
Mmm. True. I go to the counter and pay for my groceries and head home. I don't feel empathy, but I do worry about my own self-preservation. Murdering Rey will interfere—so I'll restrain myself for now.