AN: Okay. So. New story. New lines. New everything. This is...this is going to be a bit different than normal. There're going to be a few things in this story ya'll won't like. So, I'm apologizing ahead of time. Sorry for this. Another thing. This is my way of saying sorry to you guys for taking so damn long on updating my other stories. Lol. Oh! Also! Credit to dshell99 for helping me with the title of this story! "To Love Again" is going to be a fun ride. Hopefully.

"Baby, don't let the lights go down."
He heard him chuckle a little bit behind him. "And why not?" He took a moment to think of his answer. "Because I don't know if you'll be there when I wake up."

Kevin looked down into the blue eyes he's loved for so long and felt something tug at his heart. "D..."

"I know it sounds ridiculous. But I miss you when you're gone and I feel like dying when you aren't near me. I know I sound melodramatic. But I miss you, Kevin. I miss you. And I'm not sure if I'm supposed to." Double Dee said, tears streaming down his face. He turned away. He knew this routine. He'd turn his back and he'd feel Kevin move out of bed and rustle around for his clothes. He'd walk out and down the stairs to the front door where his shoes were. And then he'd hear the click of the door as it shut with finality. Then Double Dee wouldn't see nor hear from him for a few months.

And just like he expected, Kevin moved and was gone. He didn't wait for the click of the door. He cried. He let the tears fall full force. He picked up his phone and dialed Nat's number. He needed a friend and Nat was the only one who knew what he was going through. Having been through it himself.

A few minutes later, Nat was laying beside Double Dee. Holding him close to his chest while he cried and continued to hold him while he slept. It was nearly two in the morning when he quietly slipped out of the house and across the street. He knocked on the grey colored door. And waited. A few minutes later, Kevin answered. His eyes landing on Nat for a split second.

He sighed. "Hey man. Come on in."
"Actually Kevin, I won't be coming in."
"Oh?"
"Yeah. Did you know, Kevin, that every time you leave I am the one he calls? I am the one who comes running to pick up what's left of him. All because you can't be man enough to fucking admit you're gay and in love with that kid across the street. He loves you and you take advantage of him every chance you get. And for what? So you can get your rocks off? Man, I thought you were better than this Kev. I thought you were better." And with that, Nat walked off. Leaving Kevin standing on his front porch, dumbfounded. But as soon as he turned around to go inside, he let the tears fall.

And to no one in particular, he said "how am I supposed to love again?"

Kevin lay awake in bed. Thoughts of the boy with the bluest eyes swirling around in his head. He did love him. And he planned to come out to his family, then his friends. It wasn't that he was afraid. Oh no. Kevin was very much not afraid of coming out. What he was afraid of was losing the people he loved most of he did. So really in a weird way he was a bit afraid. But don't ask him if he is, he'll deny it.

If he was being honest with himself though, extremely honest, he was terrified of losing Double Dee. Although he already knew he was. It was happening slowly, but he knew. He had been there when he needed someone the most. And he had been the one to save him from himself.

Kevin was his own worst enemy.

Thoughts of another boy entered his mind. The first boy. The boy who looked exactly like the Dork across the street. He was dominant, strong, sexy as all get out, and Kevin had fallen for the boy with a bad attitude. That summer was a mix of parties, sex, and other such nonsense. Until...until it came to a stop. A stand still.

He had found the boy in bed with another. Someone who looked like a dorkier version of Kevin. He was angry.

"What the fuck Edd?"
"Whatever do you mean, mon Cherie?"
"You're in bed with another fucking person and you ask me what I mean? Are you crazy? What the fuck Edd?"

Edd, or Eddward, sat up. He swung his legs over the side and stood. "Kevin, shall we take this out to the living room?"
"Yes. I think we fucking should."
"Language, Kevin."
"Fuck off Rockwell."

For an hour, he and Eddward argued. For an hour, Kevin felt his heart break. How could someone he loved just betray him like that? Did he really love Eddward? Or was he just infatuated with the boy?

"Kevin. I no longer have time to deal with your problem. So let me make this perfectly clear. You were only a distraction. A means to an end. My Pumpkin is now home from his European getaway. You were never more than a fling. Now kindly show yourself out, Kevin." And with that, Eddward walked away and into his room. Shutting the door with a loud click. He could hear Eddward tell the smaller redhead that everything was fine. That the problem had been resolved and that he needn't worry. Kevin walked out, slamming the door behind himself.

Coming back to reality, Kevin managed to sit up and swing his legs over the side to go to the bathroom. After all, he still had school to attend.

And quite possibly a boy to avoid. He wasn't sure yet.