Instability

AU(ish).

A/N: As of right now, this is a one-chapter event. If people review and like it, I might continue on. I have a general idea of where the plot would go, but I'm short on time in my life. So, let me know if you like it/want to read more.

No copyright infringement intended. Stephenie Meyer owns the characters and settings. She also owns a good chunk of the beginning.

His fist slammed against the tree. It wasn't a big tree, slender and only a few feet taller than Jacob. But it still surprised me when the trunk gave way and snapped off loudly under his blows.

Jacob stared at the sharp, broken point with shock that quickly turned to horror.

"I have to get back." He whirled and stalked away so swiftly that I had to jog to keep up.

"Back to Sam!"

"That's one way of looking at it," it sounded like he said. He was mumbling and facing away.

I chased him back to the truck. "Wait!" I called as he turned towards the house.

He spun around to face me, and I saw that his hands were shaking again.

"Go home, Bella. I can't hang out with you anymore."

That's when I snapped. This wasn't happening. Not again. Not because someone didn't want me… Again. I absolutely refused to be another plaything, another trinket that could easily be tossed aside. Nope. Not. Ever. Again. I couldn't exactly control what came out of my incredibly moronic mouth next.

"You're just leaving me here? You're just going to throw me away like old gum?" He was shaking a bit more, his eyes were squeezed shut, as if he was trying to block out the blazing desert sun. We were in Washington. It was pouring rain. I should have recognized this as a sign, as an intuitive warning against what was about to happen. Unfortunately, my big mouth just kept right on talking, a mile a minute.

"You're just as bad as he is, Jacob Black. "

And that's when he snapped.

* * *

What felt like seconds later, I was waking up to the sound of an incessant beeping and the feeling of needles in my veins. Then I noticed the tubes that moved with me whenever I moved, and finally I was able to put a name to the setting around me. I was in a hospital, and wasn't completely sure how - or why - I could possibly be there. In fact, being back in this place was almost as bad as the dull pain I could feel fighting its way through the strong pain medication. Not only had… his… father worked there, but this place held a lot of memories of my times with Jacob before he --

Oh.

Immediately, there was a sequence of recollection that assaulted my already jostled brain. The thoughts that passed through my brain were in a somewhat chronological order.

The first thing I was overwhelmingly reminded of was the pain. I knew there had been excruciating pain.

The second thing I remembered was the smell of the blood. Mainly my own blood, if I wasn't mistaken. That was probably when I had passed out. I just couldn't handle it; not only was it gross, or the smell too strong, but it reminded me all too well of all the times my blood had put me in fatal danger, simply by being there. And that tangent reminded me, all over again, that it was my fault they all left. That, had I not been so accident prone, and so human, that they would still be here. Sure, he might have left me regardless, but I knew that if I hadn't been so clumsy, he wouldn't feel so bogged down by trying to always be my savior.

This stirred another consequent memory. I felt like he was a part of the reason I was in here. And yet, I knew automatically that he had not been there for the incident. He was off with his distractions, searching for something far more interesting than I. This was dangerous territory, and I knew it all too well. I lay there and pondered the fresh silence that had settled over my thoughts. It was very welcoming. I slipped back into oblivion.

* * *

When I woke up for what I assumed was the second time, I was hit with another wave; this time, it was of longing. I wanted to see Jacob -- in fact, where was he? Why wasn't he sitting by my side, holding my hand and telling me that it was all going to be all right? Why wasn't he --

I was instantly nauseated by the things I next remembered. I had approached Jacob about his leaving me, about him joining Sam's group of lackeys. He had been mad. I had been furious. I had said something about Jake being like… Oh, no. The next, and last thing I could remember in full techni-color was Jacob's face finally unclenching, and his violent yell as a ripple coursed through his body. I vividly remember a ripping sound coming from somewhere in his general vicinity; I hadn't know what it was coming from, and I hadn't cared.

For the time being, that was the only information I could recall. It would be an understatement to say that I was confused. I was downright clueless as to what exactly had happened, but I knew that the answer was with Jacob - wherever he was. Had he really not been to see me at all?

I sighed deeply, trying to release all the mental tension I felt into the breath. When I swallowed the air to fill my lungs, I felt a piercing pain in my torso. And on my back. Come to think of it, it was everywhere, all of a sudden. The most severe ache seemed to be coming from my face, and I lifted one hand to touch my cheek.

What I felt there, on the normally smooth surface, was a map of scabs weaving their ways across my features. With as much effort as I could muster, I propped myself on my elbows and peered at my chest and stomach, where the rest of the pain was originating.

There were deep red cuts running up and down my front. They seemed to fall into groups of threes and fours, although I couldn't be sure at the time. I wasn't anywhere close to knowing what had happened to me, but I knew that someone in the hospital must have known - or at least have extremely good pain medications - so I hit the call button next to my head.

After a couple long minutes, a nurse came wobbling in. She asked me if I was ready for more meds, but it declined her at first.

"What happened to me?" I asked. My voice was scratchy from neglect. I didn't miss the fact that her expression indicated that this was the last question she was hoping I would ask when I woke up.

"You were attacked by a bear. Or a large wolf. Or… Well, some kind of large animal. No one is really sure, not even the boys who brought you in." Her eyes were apologetic for this inconclusive response. However, part of her speech hadn't avoided my attention.

"Boys?" I asked. She had to be talking about Jacob and his gang. They were the last people I remembered seeing. Well, if anything, at least he didn't hate me enough to leave me there to die.

She hesitantly responded, "Well, yes… About four of them brought you in. You were in extremely bad shape - there was so much blood everywhere." Her words about blood made my head start spinning again.

"Did they not stay?"

"Well, honey, one of them did for the first night and the day after," she said. Wait.. The first night? How long had I been there? She seemed to understand the question on my face, as she answered, "You've been here for about a week. Your cuts were so bad that you lost a lot of blood at first. That, and the fact that you have a concussion from the impact of hitting the ground so hard when you were attacked. We've just basically been keeping you asleep for as long as we can. I'm sure it must hurt a lot." She trailed off and looked suggestively at the pouch of emptying pain medicine.

"Wait, I only have a couple more questions. Where's my dad?" She told me he had been spending the nights here, but he was still working during the day. They hadn't expected me to wake up so soon. "How long am I going to be here?" She explained that now that they knew I was conscious, they would just be monitoring my status, and would let me know within two or three days when I could be discharged. With that, I let her re-administer the drugs.

* * *

I knew I was dreaming, and that the dream was slowly coming to an end. I was losing grasp of what was going on, but I knew that since he was there, it couldn't be reality. My ears were then flooded with the beeping sound of the machines, and a deep voice coming from somewhere to my left. The voice was talking to someone - explaining something.

It took me about half a minute to realize I knew this voice - this was the second voice that had left me behind. Jacob Black. I was angry with him, even though I knew he had saved my life. Even though he cared enough to save me, I couldn't stand to see him right then. So, in true Bella style, I just kept my eyes closed and feigned sleep. I began to listen to what he was saying, and the more I listened, the more I didn't understand.

"Oh, Bella. Why did you have to push me over the edge? Why'd you make me do it? You of all people…" He sounded like he was in pain. Well, good. I was too. "I won't ever forgive myself for doing this to you. Please forgive me. If you can hear me at all, please forgive me."

I knew myself, and I knew that if he was going to take me back, I would most likely forgive him at some point. Because I just needed someone to cling to. But not now. I couldn't handle the pain in my heart when I was facing all this pain on my skin.

He continued, "I didn't even realize it was you, when I hit you the first time. I didn't even know who I was. I had no sense of what was going on - but, of course, that's no excuse for the scars I've given you." Wait.. he hit me? I was starting to think that maybe he was actually talking about the physical scars I would have, rather than the emotional ones. But that was ridiculous. These were clearly marks of an animal attack. "When I finally found my humanity and my reason again, and I realized that it was you - that you were the one I was ripping to shreds - that I was killing my Bella --" He stopped suddenly, as if he couldn't bear to continue. Ripping me to shreds… Again, I was more and more confused as to whether he was being literal or figurative. "Bella. Bella, I don't know if you can hear me, but, if you can, I'd like to explain."

Finally.

"When I stopped hanging out with you, it was the hardest thing I have ever done. But I was doing right by you. I was protecting you from what I am - from what we all are. Sam told me I couldn't tell you, and I can't just disobey him. I mean, I literally cannot disobey. See, Bells, I'm a werewolf. Wow, that was easier to say than I thought it would be. I guess 'cause you're asleep…" He kept rambling on, but I tuned it out. A werewolf? That was new. But, above that, what worried me most was how easily I accepted this explanation. Mythical creatures weren't so mythical to me, after all. But, I definitely had some questions for him when I was done giving him the silent treatment. "You remember the time, on the beach, when I first told you about the treaty between my people and the Cullens?" Ouch. There was that pain in my chest. "Well, I told you that the Quileutes were descendants of wolves. Do you remember that? Turns out, that story was way more accurate than any of us knew. When our natural enemy is near, the Quileute youth go through a transformation that gives us the ability to turn into our ancestors. So.. there you go. Werewolves."

Maybe not as many questions as I had assumed. He was being pretty thorough. I only wondered if he would have given me these answers had he known I was awake and listening intently to his every word.

"When we change, especially the younger we are, it's usually in reaction to our anger. When you said those words to me, Bella, I couldn't help it. I lost myself. I thought I could keep it together for you. I never thought I would ever be able to hurt you; I thought that subconsciously I would know it was you. But I didn't. At the time, all I knew was my anger, and that you were an outlet for my expression. I am so sorry. I don't know the words to say to make it better."

I was almost to the point of telling Jacob I was listening. I could see that he was suffering from his guilt and that I wanted him to know I was okay, but I was a little preoccupied dealing with these new developments in the plot that was my life.

There was obviously something very wrong with me. The one true human friend I had wasn't even human. What did that say about me? So Jacob was a wolf. And he truly couldn't tell me because Sam had some sort of power over him. I stored that information away for further inspection. I also had to consider the fact that Jacob - my Jacob - was the one who had ripped me apart. Literally. I didn't know how I felt about that. Should I be mad because he had done this? Should I pity him because he didn't have control over his life? Or, should I just be bitter because this was his mistake that I would have to live with forever?

First thing first.

"Jacob. Thank you for telling me the truth." I heard an intake of breath from my right side. A couple beats passed, and then, "You're welcome, Bella. Go back to sleep."