06/21/2002

Dear Journal,

It's been an interesting and busy week. It's finally over. We've all graduated. My friends and I are on our way to becoming adults and it's both exciting and terrifying. I've already received my acceptance letterto the Bluffington Institute of Arts. It's a local college but it offers the programs I'm most interested in, and it will sort of be nice staying close to Mom, Dad, and Cleo since Judy is all the way in Massachusetts at Vole.

It's been rough on Mom since Judy moved out but I think she's happy that I will be close. Dad seems happy about it too but he keeps insisting that if I need to 'leave the nest' I can do it whenever I want. I haven't told them yet about my plan to live on campus but I think they'll be able to handle it. I've even looked into the enrollment guidelines and have signed up for a pet friendly apartment. The tuition is a little higher but I plan to keep working part timeto pay my half of the rent and it's totally worth it to keep Porkchop with me. He's getting too old for me to leave behind now.

The idea of being left behind is probably the hardest part. Skeeter and Patti have also been accepted to university, but not here. Skeet will at least only be a half hour away in Bloatsburg's School of Science. There's some sort of programthere for him to become a space engineer. He's stoked and might actually become an astronaut.

Patti, on the other hand, will be all the way across the country in Nevada. She's going to become a reporter and got an excellent basketball scholarship. I'm happy for her but I'd be lying if I said I wasn't sad too. She won't forget me, will she? She won't forget us, right?

I have to go for now, journal. We're all getting together at Mr. Swirly's tonight for some shakes and laughs. Keep your fingers crossed for me. Everything is still ahead.

***

His palms were sweating by the time he arrived outside Mr. Swirly's ice cream parlor. Was this really going to be it? Their last summer together? He didn't know what to think. How often would he get to see Skeeter? They wouldn't be neighbors anymore. And Patti? Sweet, sweet Patti. She would be clear across the country. What would he do without her? Their relationship was already complicated enough with them only sort of being 'a thing'. She'd been one of his only waking thoughts for so long that he had no idea what he'd do with himself when she left. They'd even dated for the entire eighth grade year before their romance withered the following summer.

Doug sighed and smiled, thinking back on what had been. Despite the end of their relationship- which had consisted of three outings to the movies, more shakes at Mr. Swirly's than either of them could count, a bit of hand holding, five awkward but sweet kisses, and one kissing session that had left them both breathless but afraid to go any further- they had remained steadfast friends. Neither of them had done much by way of dating after that. Patti had gone to a movie or two with Guy Graham and Doug had done a couple of outings with Connie Benge. Looking back on it, it was a little odd perhaps that neither of them had really been subject to jealousy- even when they'd gone to prom separately.

It was for the better, he supposed, as he let himself into Mr. Swirly's. Their friendship came before any of that petty garbage. He smiled when he saw his friends.

Patti waved, beaming brightly. Connie looked over and smiled as well. Skeeter stuck a gangly arm in the air and waved like fiend. "Doug! Over here." He honked and Doug shook his head. Good old Skeeter.

"Hey guys." He smiled harder than he really wanted, hoping they didn't see through him. Each looked so happy to be here, still in their dress clothes from the ceremony, and standing on the precipice of the future. He surely couldn't be the only one who was a little worried as well as excited, could he? He remembered when they'd all graduated from the sixth grade and he'd been one of the only ones to sweat it. In the end everything had been fine but this was different. They wouldn't all be going to the same school next year. There'd be no study groups with popcorn and gummy bears. There'd be no hallway pep-talks between old friends. They wouldn't see each other again for most of the year. He bit his bottom lip and refused to dwell on it now. There would be time for sorrow later.

Skeeter bounced up to the counter and started placing everyone's order. The four of them had come here so often he knew it by heart. They all did. When the orders were filled and paid for, the gang went over to find a booth and sit. Silence grew up around them almost immediately.

Patti leaped at the chance to fill the lull. "Beebe and Chalky will probably be here any minute too. Did you guys hear that the Bluffs are going to set Beebe up to release her own line of clothing? She said it will be available for this coming school year. Isn't that exciting?" Her intentions were pure but she was having a hard time selling it.

Connie gave a half nod and Skeeter was blowing bubbles in his milkshake- not an easy feat. When it became apparent neither of them intended to respond, Doug stepped up. "Uh, that's great I guess. I wonder what her designs will look like?" He didn't really care but he supposed it was the polite thing to say. And besides, this conversation was safe. If they talked about something as mundane as Beebe Bluff's clothing line then they didn't have to talk about how far away they were each going. They didn't have to say goodbye.

After a pause, Patti opened her mouth to respond but there came a commotion from the front of the store just then. The door flew open and a loud voice whooped before following up with a cackle. "Hey Losers! Outta my way. High school graduate comin' through!"

A smile ticked at the corner of Doug's mouth despite himself. He turned to look though there was no need, he knew that laugh anywhere. Roger Klotz swaggered through and his goons, Willie, Ned, and Boomer followed. Still wearing his button down shirt and tie, Roger nevertheless had his signature leather jacket and Doug suspected he may have worn it under his graduation robe the entire time. At least it was the sleeveless one he tended to use in the summer months. Even still, it would have been hot with so many layers under the lights of their auditorium stage. A rebel at heart, Roger wouldn't have cared.

Skeeter grinned ear to ear and tapped Doug's elbow. "I'm surprised Roger didn't prank anyone during the ceremony. Not even a hand buzzer for Principal White or Assistant Principal Bone."

Connie giggled. "No. He was too nervous. Did you see him blushing?" Her own cheeks flushed light pink at the memory. "He was sort of cute for a minute there."

Patti laughed and nodded her head. "Yeah. So much for the big, bad bully. His hands were shaking when he accepted his diploma. I had my fingers crossed for him that he wouldn't drop it or trip or anything."

Doug chuckled and took a drink of his shake. He didn't tell them about how Roger had come to him earlier that morning. Of course, the former bully claimed to be looking for his cat, Stinky, but that had merely been a weak excuse to talk about graduation. They'd helped each other through their seventh grade ceremony as well, when neither of them had been certain of junior high. Doug's smile grew. That seemed so long ago now but the secret was still safe. He'd been tempted more than once to out the bully as nothing more than a big softy, but he'd never been able to bring himself to do it... and, despite being a jerk sometimes, Roger had never said anything either. Theirs was a secret, if somewhat trivial, pact. Doug's smile slipped away. He and Roger had a couple of those.

"So what are the plans for this summer, guys?" Patti folded her arms and leaned across the table, eyes dancing. "We have to make it one to remember because it might be our last for a while." A genuine and valid question, it still managed to knock the wind out of Doug and make him forget all about Roger Klotz. Skeeter and Connie likewise went quiet and Patti seemed to realize her mistake. "Oh, I'm sorry. I didn't mean it like that. I mean, we'll all see one another on the big breaks, right? And it's not like none of us know how to send a letter or use a phone."

Doug grimaced. She was right but why did she have to be so calm about it? Were none of them dreading this separation like he was? Didn't they realize this fall would be the first time in six years they wouldn't be able to walk down the street and see one another? Phone numbers and schedules would change. Interests would vary and they'd meet new people. What if they forgot about one another?

Connie hung her head. "I know this isn't the end exactly but..." Her shoulders shook and a rogue tear stole down her cheek. "I'm just going to miss you guys so much. We're almost like a family, you know?"

Patti put an arm around Connie's shoulders and Skeeter reached across the table to touch her hand. His voice was suddenly less bright than typical. "It's going to be rough at first but we'll get used to it. That's part of growing up, right?"

"I guess."

Patti nodded. "That's why this summer is important. We have to make the best of it. We need to plan trips and hit the movies, go hiking, make as many memories as we can. Right?" She goaded at them until Connie smiled and Doug even felt his own mood lift. Leave it to Patti to cheer them up.

Skeeter nodded, eyes wide and shining. "Hey guys, Lilo and Stitch! We could go see that tonight. You know I've been dying to see it. It could be our first memory of this summer."

There was a collective pause before Doug and the girls burst out laughing. Skeeter froze, a lost look on his face. Their mirth rose up to fill Mr. Swirly's and they got a lot of looks but they didn't care. Doug buried his face in his hands and let the deep belly laughter roll on. It felt so good after spending the entire day dreading this very meeting.

Finally Skeeter seemed to understand they were laughing at his movie choice and he ducked his head, cheeks flushing. "Or we could do something else, I guess."

Patti waved her hands in front of herself. "No, no! Skeeter, it would be lots of fun. It's just so-" She burst into another fit.

"It's so perfectly you." Connie choked out and Patti nodded that she agreed. Doug had to concur but didn't bother to nod. At this, Skeeter snickered before breaking down into laughter with them. God, were they going to miss this as much as Doug?

"Who let all the loonies out tonight?" Roger had closed in on them without being noticed. He sat on the table next to their booth- not at it, on it- and stirred his swirly. It was Oreo with hot fudge added- the same as always. His was just one more of the orders Doug had memorized. Was it normal for all childhood friends to be so close? Was it possible that none of them were exceptional? Did everyone who graduated high school have to say goodbye to such close friends? Roger wasn't even a friend exactly.

Patti was the first to get her giggles under control and she took a drink of her shake to help calm herself. She smiled at him, face still red. "Oh, we're just making plans for the summer. I guess we're going to the movies tonight."

Roger frowned at his swirly and tried to dislodge his spoon without spilling any of the ice cream or fudge. He was only partially successful and his tongue darted out to catch the drizzle that over-spilled. Doug swallowed and looked away. Roger's voice was as preoccupied as his hands. "Yeah? What are you losers gonna see?" He didn't sound particularly interested and was certainly only sitting with them while he waited for his friends to finish up.

"The new Disney movie," Skeeter couldn't contain his excitement, "Lilo and Stitch."

The red head came to a grinding halt and lifted his green eyes. "What?" For once, his smile seemed genuine and startled. He glanced to either side of himself as if he expected some sort of trick. "Are you takin' Dale and Cleo?"

Skeeter blinked. "I didn't think about that." He frowned before shrugging. "Nah, man. My brother's too loud. I wanna be able to hear it the first time. Me and Doug can take them sometime later this week."

Roger couldn't handle any more. He tipped his head back and laughed as loud and as hard as they had earlier. It was always the same laugh, another signature of his and Doug smirked despite himself. The would-be bully slapped his free hand off of the tabletop and doubled over before he could get out another word. "Oh-oh man! You guys are such goons! First night as free men and you're going to a kiddie movie?" He buckled down into more laughter and had to set his swirly aside to keep from spilling it.

Doug snorted but refused to full-out laugh. Roger may have had a point but Doug wasn't about to give him the satisfaction of knowing it. He rolled his eyes, smirk still in place. "Laugh it up, Roger. What are you and your friends doing tonight?"

Connie perked up suddenly. "Oh! You could come with us." She seemed to think for a moment and narrowed her eyes. "If you can behave yourselves."

Roger grabbed a napkin and waved it like a white flag. He had his other arm around his ribs and looked up at them through bleary eyes. He had to choke around his sobbing laughter. "I- I give up. I can't- just stop. You're gonna kill me." The cackling continued until he'd managed to finally suck in a deep breath and lower his voice. "I wouldn't be caught dead with you lame-o's at that movie. An' the worst part is you're totally serious." He snorted again but managed to contain his laughter. "Ow, my sides hurt. I gotta go." His voice was hoarse as he barked one more laugh. "You dingbats have fun."

Grabbing his swirly, Roger stood to leave as his friends made their way over to him. They each had their usual orders and typical vacant looks. Doug watched them turn toward the door and suddenly found himself calling out. He didn't know why he cared but the words fell from his mouth anyway. "Roger, wait. Where are you going?" When the bully looked at him, Doug's face went warm and he stumbled to elaborate. "I mean, what are you guys doing tonight that's so much better than a movie?" His mind raced. He didn't actually want Roger to tag along with them, did he?

The same crooked grin that had foretold of trouble for the past six years crossed Roger's face. "I was thinkin' of bothering Lamar Bone. A little toilet paper. Some eggs. A real fun goodbye. Want in, Funnie?" His smile was sharp; he knew the answer before Doug shook his head.

"No. You shouldn't-" When the goons glared at him, he knew it was no good to try to speak reason to them. Willie and Ned had become real assholes over the past couple years. Roger was still in charge but high school was over. The winds would change, Doug was sure. "You should be careful. You're not students any more. What was that you were saying about being free men? Freedom won't feel the same from behind bars."

Three ugly scowls couldn't undo Roger's bright smile, trouble-seeking as it may be. "Eh, you worry too much, Funnie. Besides, he'll have a fun time catchin' us when we're on our way to California."

A cold rock settled in the pit of Doug's stomach. "California?" Patti, Connie, and Skeeter also made curious faces at the mention.

Roger nodded and took another bite of his swirly before elaborating. "Yeah. Unlike you goons, some people have the sense to get the hell out when the getting is good. Last chance to screw off for an entire summer. After that, it's time to grow up."

Doug shuddered. Roger had a point but... why so far away? "Are you moving out there for good or are you coming back?" It wasn't important, or at least it shouldn't have been, but suddenly he wanted to know.

The bully hesitated. He seemed to have to think and glanced around at his crew. They looked back at him with varying levels of vacancy but offered no help. With a shrug, he barked a laugh. "I guess I'll see about that when I get there." Suspicion gave way to frowning, though, and he pushed on with a sneer. "What do you care, Funnie?"

He didn't care. Why would he? It wasn't like he and Roger had ever been friends. And if anything, Doug should be grateful that he wouldn't have to put up with the bully's big mouth or mindless minions any more. But... Roger would be one more person gone from Bluffington, another reminder their childhood was over. He swallowed and shook his head. "N-nothing. Good luck."

Willie, Ned, and Boomer headed for the door at that, apparently satisfied that Doug wasn't going to come between them and their summer plans. Roger hung back for only a moment more, some look of confusion on his face. In the silence that grew between them, Roger seemed to finally come to his senses. His face pinched and his cheeks may have gone pink as he spun around to follow his friends. "You- you're weird, Funnie. You know that?"

Doug did know that. It was odd for him to be having these feelings about someone who'd always been such a pain but he was having them anyway. He shrugged and Roger shook his head.

Skeeter honked and waved. "Bye Roger. Send us pictures or something!"

Patti nodded and found her voice. "Yeah. I guess if you're really going to go then make sure you send us some post cards or something."

Still frowning in apparent confusion, Roger stomped toward the door. "Yeah, alright. See you around, Losers." He glanced once more at Doug but then pushed through the door and was gone.

It was an odd, unsettling feeling that came to rest in Doug's gut as he watched the back of Roger's leather coat disappear into the parking lot. Despite having his good friends all around him and knowing that he still had two months to say his goodbyes, he already felt like pieces of the past were drifting away.

***

So I don't know why it was so hard to see Roger go tonight. We're not friends or anything. I guess it's just odd to think about him not being here. He was one of the first people I met when I came to Bluffington and he's always been around. It feels like it will be too quiet here without him.

The moviewas fun. Skeeter had a blast and tomorrow he and I are going to take Dale and Cleo to the half priced show at noon. We got some pictures of us going into the theater. I'm going to make a photo album at the end of the summer for a keepsake.

I guess that's all for now. Goodnight Journal.