The price of magic -A outlaw queen tale
Book One - Regina: The past is a foreign country
Book Two - Robin: Fated
Book Three - Rumple: The Watcher
Book Four - Happy Afters
Epilogue
I own nothing
Book One - Regina
The past is a foreign country
Chapter One -
One month ago - Storybrooke
The celling and the walls were white, old white, white that would have much whiter a long time ago.
The mattress was lumpy, uncomfortable, Regina could feel straps digging tight into her wrists and ankles.
Her was head foggy, her thinking felt clumsy and muddled, definitely drugs in her system by something was missing, she had no magic, it was there, she could feel it but blocked from her.
Breathing deeply, she pushed away the panic. Think Regina she urged herself. Where are you?
The drugs had a chemical edge, different from potions so not magic, that along with the bed style & ceilings made her wonder.
The room smelt of bleach, chemicals and old mould not the musty smell of cold walls warmed by open fires, this was the Enchanted Forest, it's Storybrooke she guessed, the ward under the hospital possibly.
Storybrooke.
Henry!
She pushed that thought away, forced her mind back through the fog, to her last memory, Henry, the yellow bug, leaving, driving away, lost forever.
Six months ago - Enchanted Forest
Lost and standing alone in the cold damp grass, a new dawn was breaking over nothing.
Just emptiness and heartbreak.
Regina stood still, barely listening to the voices around her, she may have given the appearance of being present, may have even replied when spoken to but she was not really there, she was inside her head, screaming and shaking, she was free falling into a endlessly pit of darkness, she was just trying to keep breathing, in out in, out, walk forward, breathe, walk, breathe, walk, nod, breathe.
She was vaguely aware of a plan being discussed to make their way to her castle, their castle David was calling it.
She watched herself from afar, there but really somewhere else.
She watched as men on horses rode towards them, she listened to what the words they spoke but she didn't really hear them.
She caught the words, castle and witch, she heard herself say "I think not," saw herself stride forward, heard Snow argue with her, heard herself argue back, heard one of the men intervene, he had blue eyes, broad shoulders, another even more distant part of herself thought him handsome, but what he said she had no idea, the other her must have been listening as she replied and then they were walking forward, breaking into little groups, walking and talking, the other her walked alone.
One month ago - Storybrooke
She could feel the traces lingering, a curse, a very familiar curse at that but not hers, not this time.
Her memories were in there somewhere at the back of her mind, on the tip of her tongue but everything was confused and foggy, she knew but she could not have said how she knew, that she returned again, that she had been in her realm, the realm in which she was born and now she was in this realm again, the land without magic.
She vaguely remembered her castle,something had happened, flashes of conversations ran through her mind but she was unable to pin them down into single coherent track.
Her mind felt addled, the drugs she thought, false memories of needles in her arms, pills in white cups, a cosy house, a small hand in her hers and laughing blue eyes.
Damn it she needed a clear head but it was too muddled.
The sound of the door opening dragged her back to the present, revealing a face she did recognise, memories of Storybrooke past slamming into her head.
She pushed the past away needing to focus on the here and now. "you're awake then" the nurse countered.
"Are these necessary" she asked lifting her restrained wrists to the nurse.
Does she know who I am? she wondered.
To her great relief, the nurse undid the straps and helped her to sit up, she accepted the tepid water pressed into her hand and attempted a conversation, the nurse ignored her and busied herself with prodding and poking her.
Getting nowhere fast she demanded a bathroom, she was led out of the room to the bathroom, half hoping to make a escape on the way there.
The bathroom was badly lit, with green tiles, dated and dimly lit, two shower stalls, toilet cubicles, and no windows.
No way out and still her magic remained dormant.
With no opportunity for escape and heavy limbs, she climbed into the shower, I will be waiting outside the nurse warned her.
Led back to her room, she looked around properly for the first time, a barred window with closed blinds to the left, single bed pushed up against the wall to the right, bedside table, small desk, brown carpet, white walls, old, tired and depressing. She mused that this room was actually nicer than the rooms she had given to the inhabitants in her time.
"You have company in five minutes, be well behaved, no repeats of last time or you will be sedated again" the nurse told her, locking the door behind her as she left.
The nurse had shown no sign of recognizing her, Regina was pretty sure that the nurse unlike herself, was walking around with curse memories.
Vanity taking over she peered in the mirror, found a hairbrush and some pressed powder in a drawer, she knew she still looked good, even with wet hair and no makeup.
Grateful for the shorter hair, she pulled the brush through it, thinking fast of how to handle this.
So we are back in Storybrooke, did that mean they were all back, could she leave and try and find Henry and if she did, would he want her to? She had to try.
She knew that saying goodbye to him had changed her, she felt the change as the curse had broken, a darkness had been lifted, the hole in her heart had diminished.
She remembered forced herself to stop thinking of Henry, even though she couldn't, because frankly it hurt like hell and still did.
"He's happy, he's happy with Emma and not alone, this has to be enough" she told herself over and over.
The darkness that consumed her in her reign as Queen had flickered out, the hollowness she felt during her first eleven years as Mayor was gone replaced with a gnawing sadness of life without Henry but now she was back, her heart fluttered with what she thought might be hope.
The nurse was back, opening the door and ushering in the last person she expected to see."Regina, your husband is here to see you".
"Robin" she breathed shocked.
Yes, she remembered him, Robin Hood, the thief, yes she remembered him, conflicting thoughts and vague memories, she couldn't be sure of their true relationship, the more she tried to remember the more the thoughts would slip away but husband he was not.
He exchanged a look with the nurse, who gave a small shrug and left the room, closing the door quietly behind her.
Robin stepped forward into the room, "Daniel" he said "my name is Daniel"
She blinked and immediately felt rage, clearly this was personal.
Robin was clearly cursed, she needed to play along, if he thought he was her husband then in theory she should be able to convince him to get her out of what she now believed was indeed the mental health unit under Storybrooke hospital.
She forced her mind to go blank and tried to focus on the haze of what she presumed were her curse memories, false memories of a home, warm coloured, forest green and taupe walls, dark furnishings, over- stuffed couch, happiness?
Stepping forward, she murmured "yes of course".
He took a step towards her, smiling softly at her, she noticed how his eyes crinkled at the edges as if genuinely pleased to see her, he raised his hands then moved them back down, clearly wanting to reach out and touch her but unsure of her response, instead he inclined his head to the bed indicating they should sit.
So they did, side by side, she avoided his gaze, it was harder to keep the anger down and stay focused, all memories, true and false, were running into one, merging together, shouting at him in the castle, thundering across the plains on horse back mixed with making this Robin breakfast, it was exhausting and a little nauseating.
Swallowing hard, she once again tried to clear her head, tried to adopt a submissive pose, not easy for her, let him make the first move and hopefully get the answers she needed.
"So" he began, "you've had a good couple of nights, you looked rested" he said, she inwardly winced at the relief he was trying to hide in his voice, "yes" she said quietly.
He smiled fully this time and clasped her hand, "That's good Regina, what we need to work towards so you can come home".
Okay she thought this should be fairly easy, he clearly has curse memories and thinks I'm his wife, wants me to come home so all I need to do is play this part and maybe I can get out of here.
She felt awkward, unsure of herself, not normally feelings she had to contend with, he had curse memories so she didn't need to worry about his enchanted forest memories. Chancing a look at him, she drew a sharp breath as a memory blazed into her head, a memory of him whispering her name in her ear, his voice deep and full of lust, pulling her close to him, pressing her into him, his hot kisses on her neck.
Great now she felt guilt, maybe shame, she had used him, only to face him again in public where he shown her only amusement and an easy affection towards her.
She looked up at him, parted her lips, in a quiet voice, quieter than she had been hoping for, "I want to come home Rob.." she caught herself but was unable to say Daniel, "honey" she said.
He stroked her fingers and moved closer to her, peering into her face, she watched the movement of his hand as he raised it to gently tangle it in her damp hair,
"we miss you".
We? her face must have shown her confusion as he, pressed gently "Roland & I we miss you".
"Of course" she replied, keeping her voice steady "I miss him so much," inside she felt relief that Roland was safe with his father and anger to whoever had dared to bring the child into this twisted game.
"I'm sorry, for all this pain, everything I've put you both through but things are clearer now" she hoped her voice held sincerity, she pressed on "please, when can I come home? almost pleading now. She really needed to get the hell out of here.
Robin was sighing "oh Regina, its not that easy, you've said these things before but then" he answered
"then again with the crazy huh" she replied. God how long had she been in here or how long did he think she had been in here?
" Yes" he murmured, he looked tired, the strain showing in his eyes, tension in his shoulders.
Regina grasped his hand, feeling his rough hands in hers she stroked the outside of his thumb and leaned him towards him, "I promise, I really do feel better and am truly sorry"
He shook his head gently at this "it's not your fault, you've been unwell"
"Been?" she tried.
Robin looked away and then back at her, his gaze intense "you do seem better than I've seen you in a while, maybe I could talk to the doctor, try for a review, maybe a day out or home for the day.
"Or weekend" she faked a eager smile, "Maybe" he smiled at her. "we have to take it slowly, you know that right?" he hesitated, "Its been confusing for Roland, he knows his mummy is poorly but he is too young to understand what that means, you understand"
"Of course" she quickly agreed.
Once again swallowing her anger, partly towards herself for what she was about to do, she turned towards Robin, "honey" she whispered "I miss you".
He wrapped his arms around her so suddenly she was shocked, he pulled her into him, tucking her head into his chest, as he did she she caught the lingering scent of the outdoors on his clothes. She caught her breath as he ran his hands down her shoulders in a tender caress, "are you really back, my queen?" he wondered.
She felt herself tense at his choice of words, he must of felt it to as he pulled back from her,looking at her face "I'm sorry how stupid of me to say that" he apologised.
"why?" she queried curious.
He fumbled over his words "so silly of me, it was always our little joke but then you started having those dreams" he took a deep breath.
As she watched him struggle with this fake past, guilt sat heavy in her stomach, she had taken such pleasure in her curse, watching her enemies struggle, forced into lives they didn't want just as she had been when she married the King but here and now, on the other side of the fence it didn't feel quite so glorious.
Robin was speaking again, "You were so sure that our life together wasn't real, the obsession with fairy tales and believing that Roland, that Roland... he stopped, unable or unwilling to continue. "you remember our wedding?"
Shit, a test "of course, honey" she replied automatically. Stalling for time, she placed her head back on his chest, but he wouldn't be so easily distracted and insisted "tell me" deciding to take a chance, knowing his past a little, his mostly outdoor life, she gambled "well, I'm glad you talked me out of the big wedding although, I must confess my dress cost more than I told you" she waited unconsciously holding her breath.
He tightened his arms around her, squeezing her, she could hear the raw emotion in his voice when as he spoke "oh really, just how much"?
Without thinking, she brought her head up and smiled at him, "well that's a secret"
She was unprepared when he kissed her gently, he pressed his lips against hers and softly kissed her, hands either side of her head, he gently increased the pressure on her lips, opening her mouth with his, she found herself leaning into the kiss and kissing back. God what was wrong with her.
He moved his hands from her hair to her shoulders, and she found herself curling her hands around his neck, he deepened the kiss.
This needs to stop now she thought but her body wasn't exactly cooperating with her head right now.
She pulled back, pushing away from him, trying to catch her breath, this wasn't exactly what she had planned, she felt out of felt Robin pulling her back into him, tilting her head back to his, he captured her lips once again with his but this time, he kissed with more passion, she felt her stomach drop, body betraying her.
He broke the kiss this time, raising his hand to stroke her face.
That's when she saw it.
The lion tattoo on his wrist.
She felt the laughter bubble up inside her and she knew she couldn't contain it and it leaked out, her laughter sounded strange in her ears and the worried look on Robin's face just made her laugh harder, she tried to stop.
Robin was trying to hush her, running his hands up and down her arms in a soothing gesture, he kept glancing nervously at the door, urging her to please stop laughing but she couldn't stop.
She hadn't seen the tattoo before or had she? No, she was pretty sure she'd remember that.
The nurse rushed into the room, needle in her hand, Regina barely felt the sting as the needle went into her arm, she could feel the drugs taking effect, dragging her down, into the darkness, the inky black lonely darkness.
Six months ago - Enchanted Forest
Regina and Snow sat side by side on a semi rotten log next to the fire, both avoiding eye contact, both staring into the flames.
Snow broke the silence first, "so what now"?
Regina took her meaning immediately, she spoke calmly in a measured voice, "am I going to kill you?, I think that time has past because I always seem to lose, she chuckled softly, lost in her memories, "it seems to me" she continued "that every action I have taken against you, results in causing me pain and loss, you took everything from me, my love, my freedom, my kingdom, my mother and now we have both lost everything yet again, yet you retain your stupid never-ending optimism, it's infuriating"
"Don't you dare sit there and wallow in self pity Regina, you caused your own suffering and no amount of self justifying will change that" Snow interrupted angrily.
"Do you really think that you would have had your happy ending if your father had been alive?" Regina she sighed, "your fate would have been the same as mine, an arranged marriage, ironically your father's death led you to your Prince."
She sneered unable to stop herself, the bitterness was strong this evening and although she didn't really feel hatred like before towards the woman sat by her side she couldn't stop the words rolling off her tongue.
"My father would never have arranged a marriage for me, he didn't believe in them, he married for love."
"He didn't marry me for love, now did he? No Snow, your future was set, you were due to met your intended very soon, in fact it had been arranged before when you were 15, but Johanna and I talked him out of it, obviously he listened to her more than me but there you have it." "So I did you a favor" she laughed sadly. There now she knows some of the truth she thought bitterly.
"I don't believe you" Snow said shocked.
"Why would I lie?"
"My father would not have" Snow started.
Stupid girl, did she really not know how Kingdoms were run? Was she still so naive. "your father was a king," she told her "you forget dear, the roles of women in our realm."
"You make him sound cruel, he was not a cruel man" Snow said quietly.
"No, not internationally cruel" only to me she thought "but like I say, he was a king, a king is expected to have a wife, he married me to play that role and tend to your needs, his precious daughter, not allowed to leave the castle unless with you or him, no freedom, no life of my own. I expected at least that I would have a child but no, even in that he denied me. If it was a boy, he would have a greater claim to the throne" how that still stung, she was second best and any child would be too, she was glad now there had been no children, that Leopold had insisted on sorting that little issue for her, what torment to put an innocent child through, Henry had proved to her, her love was not enough.
Snow was talking,"Over me" she caught the words.
"Yes over you" Regina continued, not really listening, her words spilling out unable to stop them, all this time, this poison in her veins , "I heard the gossip from the court, they all thought it must be me, something wrong with me and what a poor choice he had made but that wasn't true at all"
"You had separate rooms I just assumed that" Snow trailed off
"What? that the king didn't visit his wife after dark, I was his wife Snow". Bitterness entered her voice.
"He was my father, no matter how you felt he wronged you, you had no right to take his life" Snow said.
"He sealed his own fate dear" Regina muttered darkly. "You think my curse was so terrible but oh it could have been so much worse, just give them", she nodded over at the group, "a few days and they will be wishing for their warm beds, hot showers and coffee lattes"
"You cursed us all and took away my daughter" Snow cried.
"That was your choice dear, you sent her away, she could have stayed with you, granted she would have been a new born forever"
" Oh and you would have just let me keep her?" Snow said, bitterness creeping into her own voice.
Regina laughed "perhaps, caring for a new born baby forever would have been a perfect curse for you".
Silence
Regina spoke as again, quietly "I've let Daniel go, I can let your part in it go, you were a child and my mother, well my mother was...I can understand why she had to...be stopped but I cannot forgive you yet for the way she died. You see when you handed me her heart in that box, I thought, I thought you wanted to help me" she wiped a tear away.
Snow, now visibly crying, "I'm so sorry it was a terrible thing to do, I regret it."
"I know" she said softly and she knew Snow did, without doubt regret it "but what now?" Regina pondered the question again out loud she voiced her thoughts, "I have the opportunity, the motives and no one to stop me from killing you let and yet," she soften, "my heart it won't let me".
Reaching inside her chest she pulled out her own heart, wanting to see it, did it look different? it felt different.
Startled Snow recoiled in horror, she studied the heart she held her hand, "I feel different" she whispered, "I think the hole is gone."
Snow looked at the beating heart in Regina's hand, it was dark and hard but there was a largish glowing red spot in the centre.
Lost in her own thoughts, Regina sat staring at her heart. Snow broke the silence.
"Maybe we can agree to leave the past in the past" she offered
"We will never be friends" Regina said.
"I know" agreed Snow "but we don't have to be strangers to one another either, won't you be lonely up there all on your own?" Snow asked jerking her head towards the castle, "it's not good for you to be all alone Regina, it's not good for anyone".