hi guys! i know you must hate me for leaveing everyone hanging on my other stories, but i have a new one for you! ive been stuck on this one for awhile, and honestly im not sure if i should keep it up, it gets kinda crazy... anyway, i hope you guys like and thanks fro checkin in! ~ CillaBear
he was beautiful.
i stared down at my little brother with fasination, why couldnt i look like him?
because you were born a fuck up. Allie said.
i'd have to agree, dont you think its kinda creepy staring and watching your brother sleep? Justin implied.
i ignored them, i didnt fear them waking him up either, 'cause they were in my head. i just continued to watch Mikey.
he had shifted, mummbling "No, come back, please?" before falling silent yet again. i was a tad jealous of that too, why was i the only one who heard voices?
before you ask why im in here, NO, I AM NOT IN LOVE WITH MY LITTLE BROTHER NOR DO I WANT TO BE. he was just my best friend, my only friend besides the devil's rejects in my head.
Hey! we heard that! Allie snapped but i ignored her again.
i looked at the digital clock next to his bed, it was only 237. poor Mikey, he must have been exausted if he fell asleep this early on a friday. "Dont go! i love you!" i heard Mikey mummble, still sleeping.
i smirked, must be some girl i didnt know about just yet. i stepped back, leaving him to his dreams, and sunk down in the darkest corner. i pulled out a blade and tugged down my pajama pants.
oh c'mon! do you really think im stupid enough to cut on my arms? where someone could see? hell no! i cut on my thighs, where i know no one would ever look.
i pressed the blade to the tender skin and sliced slowly. blood leaked out, and i imagined the thick drips hitting the floor, damnit, i would have to clean those.
i cherished the burning sting, cherished the crimson liquid also known as my blood, i cherished the peace it gave me. i just wanted to make sure i was alive, that i wasnt hollow, that this was real. my blood, at least, was beautiful, my only perfection.
perfect.
i hated that word, esspecially after that sonofabitch did what he did. i could feel myself slipping into a flashback.
i was in the bathroom, it was maybe 3 in the morning. i was so tired, and my friend was still asleep. suddenly, the front door opened and a very very intoxicaded man stumbled through. i didnt want him to see me, my friend and i knew how crazy he could get when he was drunk. so i slipped into the tub and pulled the curtain closed. to my horror, he stumbled into the bathroom. i stayed quiet, i didnt want him to hear me. he took his piss, but i guessed he turned too fast cuz he fell into the tub. shit! he got up faster than i thought he could and looked at me a sick smile working its way onto his face. "I knew i smelt a purddy boy." he said and took his belt off. "S-stay away from me!" i managed to choke out. but he pinned me in the bathtub and i could feel his hard dick "Imma take gud care a you." he whispered in my ear.
"Gee?" i heard Mikey ask, so i yanked my PJ's back up, greatful that they were black. i said nothing, scared to let him know i was there.
"Gee? is that you?" he got up and was inching towards the light.
Fuck!
i didnt want him to see the blood on the floor! so i quickly said "Yes, im here! im sorry, i just-"
"Damnit Gee you scared the shit outta me!" he said, his hand flying to his heart.
my eyes filled with tears.
of course i scared him, i scared everyone. no one really knew about the voices except Mikey, and everyone else just called me crazy, fearing me for some unknown reason.
"I-im sorry Mikey, i just... i'll go." i said an got up, making sure to expertly wipe the floor with my thigh unsuspectingly, cleaning the blood.
"No! Stay, i just didnt know you were in here." he said, hearring the tears in my voice. we were quiet for a while till i built up the courage to speak "You were talking in your sleep..."
he chuckled nervously and said "Oh yeah? wad i say?"
i smiled and put my hand to my head like a girl did when they were thinkin of some hunk "Oh baby! dont leave me! i need you in my life, oh my love!" i said like an lil ol' southern belle.
he inhaled sharply, obviously shocked. "D-did i really say that?" he asked, much more awake now.
i giggled "No, but it only proves my theory right."
"What theory?"
"You have a crush!"
"No i dont!"
"C'mon Mikes, who is she?"
"I-I dont know what your talking about..."
that made me kinda sad, so i smiled and said, "Its ok, you dont have to tell me..." he sighed and turned on the light.
i froze, please please please dont let him to ask me to sit next to him.
but of course my luck was never with me on the right moments, so he patted the seat next to him. his sheets were white, i knew the blood hadnt dried yet, but how could i try to shrug it off?
so i walked very very slowly and sat next to him, fuck! i knew the blood soaked into the sheets!
"she is really nice and i really close to her, shes my best friend." ouch, that stung. i thought i was his best friend...
"Whats her name?" i asked before he noticed the hurt on my face.
"Uh... M-Michaela?" he whispered uncertainly
"No really, whats her name?"
"Im serious." he said, not looking at me, blushing a delicate pink.
i decided not to push it. "So whats she like?"
"Shes beautiful Gee. i love her, everything about him is perfect, im so close to him, but i know he doesnt feel the same way, so im just settling with just being his best friend, 'sides, its a forbidden love..."
"You realize your kept saying 'him'"? i said he stared at the floor horrified, but didnt deny it.
"Bro... are you Bi?"
"Something like that, yeah."
"So your gay?"
he just shrugged.
I smiled and hugged him "Me too." i said as i pulled away.
"R-Really?" he sound hopeful.
"Yeah, i thought you knew..." i said, i didnt wear eyeliner to be emo, i didnt like skinny jeans just because they make me stand out, and i sure at hell didnt stare at dudes cuz i was straight.
he giggled and hesitently held my hand.
i squeezed and smiled at him.
"So... do you like anyone?" he somewhat asked
"Y-Yeah..."
"Who?"
"I dont want to tell you."
something sparked into his eyes "Do i know him?"
i nodded
"Like, how well?"
"Very well."
"Is he hot?" i nodded again with a smile, noticing how his hand started to shake.
"Is he like... into you?"
"I dont know... i wish i knew."
"Im sure you will find out..." he whispered so low i wasnt sure he said it.
we were quiet for awhile when he asked "Whats that?" i looked in the direction he was and saw the crimson stain on the sheets.
FUCK!
"Did you pop some chick?" i asked nervously.
"Dude, i just told you i was gay."
"Oh right..."
he looked at me and said "Pants. Off. Now."
"Mikey, i-"
"Now!"
"No! please!" i was crying now. he pushed me down and he yanked them down, revealing all my lacerations, some deep, showing how i had split some muscle, and some were a bit deeper than scratches.
"Gee..." he whispered, touching the still dripping blood.
i was crying so hard now. i was so mad at him, but at the moment i hated myself even more. i felt like slicing my throat open. i hated myself so much i just wished God would put me out of my misery, for once just take mercy on me.
suddenly i felt lips on my thigh. my eyes shot open. Mikey was kissing the self inflicted wounds. he kissed all the deep ones, then placed his forehead on my knee. "Please dont do this Gee, i love you and dont want you to hurt! please?"
that made me want to cry harder.
why would he do this? take away my only escape? my only happiness in this fucked up place called earth?
"I-I cant! i need it!" i wailed,
"No you dont Gee! you have me! you can use me as a distraction, i'll do anything for you..." he was crying now too.
fuck! no, i need to cut, i needed to see the blood at least once every other day.
"I'll do anything Gee."
"Mikey! i-i-i neeeeeed it! please! d-dont take it from me! its my only happiness!"
"I dont make you happy Gee?"
"Of course you do, but-"
"Would you like me to make you feel better right now?" he asked in a weird voice. his nose started tracing up and down the inside of my thigh.
i didnt like it...
at all.