A Wizard's Thoughts
by Glaivester
Disclaimer: It belongs to Warner Bros. and J. Michael Straczynski.
[A/N Some of the events herein come from The Passing of the Technomages trilogy by Jeanne Cavelos].
Well, well.
How amusing. How utterly and completely amusing.
Why, or why, did Gideon show me that movie?
Harry Potter? Harry Potter? Oh, so that is what being a wizard is like? Really?
Well, your parents die, there is no doubt about that. Oh yes. But there is no evil wizard behind it. No, they die because they killed each other. They hated each other and they damned well tried to use me as a weapon. One of them gave me a flipping weapon to use to kill the other, and of course I didn't know about it. And as a result I killed one of my best friends. A little girl. And I always thought it was an accident. But no, my parents killed each other.
Just one of the many startling and amusing revelation that have plagued me these last few years.
Oh, wizardry is all about doing wondrous things, and kindly old men, and there is always the school's leaders to fall back on. In reality, the head wizards give you a mission and then banish you because of it. And you find out that it's not just a few bad apples. Oh, no, wizards are actually all created expressly to do evil. To start wars, and to destroy planets, etc. etc.
I have killed many friends, or those I thought to be friends, and buried many more friends who were killed by others. Blaylock, Elric, Isabelle.
And it turns out that maybe I AM Harry Potter in a sense. The chosen one. The one who gets to the meaning of it all. The one who finally brings balance by discovering the ultimate oneness with the tech. I discover how we can contact the "magic" directly, not having to utter spells, whether they be shapes, or equations, or knitting.
And what good does it do me? Oh, sorry, only the Shadows can grow the tech. They're gone and so no new technomages. It's been a good run. Sorry you had to die out.
And it's not enough that our days are limited. We are killing each other off.
Real wizardry is a lot more dark than anyone can imagine. Anyone who hasn't experienced it firsthand.
Why did Gideon have to show this? Why does he insist on doing things that dredge up memories of my parents? Of Isabelle?
Sometimes, sometimes, I just want to end it all.
But too many are counting on me. Counting on me to help them save humanity.
Well, Isabelle, if there is something after death, I hope you are happy now. For I fear I will never be, and my only comfort is that somewhere, somehow, you exist. Your radiant smile somehow someway is still out there.
If I didn't somewhere in the recesses of my heart think that - I don't think I could go on.