uuuUUuuugh I'm probably going to hate myself for posting this, but I can't help it. I posted it a long time ago on my livejournal account as a nanowrimo entry, and I managed to write two chapters at the time… this is the first chapter, and the second I lost…Don't ask how because I honestly don't know. And I decided to pull this back up, edit it, and I've been thinking further about the plot and such…so I decided to go ahead and post this! Plus I haven't updated yaoi high so I felt bad. xD
Consider this as a, uh, belated Christmas, new years, and valentine fic…? xDD
PS: I edited as much as I could… so if there's any glaring errors let me know! Thanks.
Soundtrack:stare at the sun (ACOUSTIC version) –thrice
I sit here clutching useless lists,
keys for doors that don't exist
I crack my teeth on pearls
I tear into the history
Show me what it means to me in this world
Yeah, in this world
He was always the black sheep amongst a herd of white, always singled out to be the unnoticed one, or the hated one.
The monster.
(Little demon, what big eyes you have.)
Their eyes were always full of hate and murder. He was cursed and hated and an outcast. No one to love him. No one to need him. No one to want him.
Alone, alone. Always – always – alone.
Forgotten.
(Little demon, what big teeth you have.)
No one to miss him, to remember him – if he died, would anyone notice? No. He'd be another lost soul, just another body buried under six feet of dirt, dung and worms. Another nameless gravestone, bare of flowers, of grieving, of reminiscing.
There'd be no one to say a prayer for him.
No one at his funeral.
(Little demon, what big ears you have.)
It was foolishly optimistic of him, but he hoped someday he would be loved and not seen as a monster, as the demon child. He wanted to belong. He wanted something he never felt before. He wanted… what everyone else had.
(Little demon, little demon… your eyes are much too blue…)
He wanted to know someone would be sad if he died, would attend his funeral if he died, would leave a flower at his grave if he died.
(Little demon… such a sweet little monster you are.)
He was condemned.
Alone.
Heavenless.
Damned.
Forever.
he was kicked out of heaven,
but he went to church and
prayed.
He was born in Heaven where he lived amongst the angels and the gods and souls.
But he was different and therefore shunned.
He remembered the day he was kicked from Heaven. He could never forget the sensation of falling and falling and falling… It seemed to go on forever…
"We shall pass judgment on you."
Judgment day.
"You, child, are full of sin and corruption. We cannot have you here in our Sanctuary. From today hence, you are banned from Heaven."
And like the anvil in court, judgment was passed, and he was falling from Heaven and the wind was ripping his wings apart – burning white feathers black and blood.
He didn't remember the landing.
He just remembered the fall; theneverending
f
a
l
l
.
.
.
He was reborn again.
And people hated him, still.
He was the cursed child, the one who brought bad luck wherever he went.
No one wanted him. He was cursed, cursed, cursed…
(begone,demon.)
But he went to church, and he prayed.
Please,le
tmef
lyagain;
givem
ewin
gs
t
o
soar.
this heart, it beats
I. who's your god?
l(a
le
af
fa
ll
s)
one
l
iness
(e.e. cummings)
October 10, xx12
There was silence. There wasn't much to be said – to be heard – as Konoha lay in ruins. Konoha, the Heart of Fire Country, was brought down, reduced to nothing but ashes, debris and blood.
And darkness.
The silence was heavy and thick, such as the silence before an impending storm. Dark clouds had long since blocked out the stars from the Heavens, reflecting the ashes and bloodshed. It was almost hard to believe that, less than twenty-four hours ago, there used to be a lively, thriving village standing and people laughing and living.To think the very backbone of Fire Country could be brought down in just one night…
It wasn't that they lost. Oh no, they were victorious, but at a cost of many lives – and knowing that, as the Leader of Konoha lay dying, weighed heavily in his heart. Blue eyes, eyes as blue as the sky on a stormy day, surveyed his precious village with regret. He knew, overtime, that his village would mend. It would rebuild itself, gradually, and perhaps resume its former glory. But he wouldn't be alive to witness its rebirth.
A drop of water hit his forehead. His shoulder. His head. And then it poured incessantly and what other flames were ablaze went out and smoke singed the dampened, dreary air. For a while he just stood upon a pile of debris, unmoving, that is until a wail startled him from his subconscious.
The blond man turned his sad, sad eyes to the baby boy in his arms. Even as the infant cried, cheeks scarred, the man thought the baby was the most beautiful baby he ever saw.
"My son…" he murmured brokenly, gruffly. Like his village, he would never see his son grow up, and he would have to leave him with his burden.
And he was sorry; from the depths of his soul he was sorry.
"You must carry my burden. I can only wish I could be there to help you carry it… I wish I could get to know you and be there to help you grow, but I cannot. I love you already, Naruto, and even as you get older, I hope you will think I have always loved you. I loved you as you grew in your mother's womb. I have loved you since I learned word of your existence. And I will continue to love you even in death. You are myson…"
He couldn't stop his tears as he crumbled to his knees, hugging his child to his chest to protect the crying baby from the rain, from the cold, from reality. He was leaving his baby even though he was just born, but it couldn't be helped. Death didn't hold back for anyone. "I am sorry, Naruto."
(a leaf falls. . . . )
October 6, xx29
Konoha seventeen yearslater was merely a shadow of its former glory. Ever since the war Konoha had suffered financially and were only capable of repairing buildings to the point that they were sturdy, but other than that, the government and the people suffered horribly. A lot of people were left homeless after the war seventeen years ago, and Konoha was left in dumps and slums.
But Konoha was the average village in Fire Country. About 95 percent of the population was living in poverty. Half of the 95 percent had low paying jobs that barely supported families, and the rest were living on the streets, in orphanages, in shelters - in wherever they couldlive. The government didn't have any money to give to Konoha, or a majority of Fire Country cities, to fix their streets and buildings. And even if they did, the political figures were so corrupt they put the money towards other – useless – things. Only a handful of people in their world had the luxury of being rich, of living in a nice, large home, of enjoying what extravagance the world could offer to them and them only since they could afford it. It wasn't an understatement either.
Konoha, like the rest of Fire Country, had a corrupt system, a corrupt law enforcement, a corrupt government that didn't care about its people. Police patrolled the streets like they owned the place and abused the citizens. The citizens didn't offer any respect to the police in return so it was almost often that fights broke out between law enforcers and the people. It was also often that someone died per day, the bulk of them from starvation, suicide, or from being beaten to death. It was survival of the fittest. You had to be strong to survive. And sometimes you had to fight, and do things you otherwise normally wouldn't do maybe if times weren't so hard. But desperate times called for desperate measures and everyonewas desperate.
There wasn't anyone you could trust. The people who called you their 'friends' ended up turning their backs to you and running off as soon as they stole whatever money or food you might have saved up. They'd leave you to rot in your own dung if they had the chance to and not look back, not even once. Even families had issues with trust among their own blood relatives. It was amazing what hunger and desperation could do to people who were probably once humane and rational before the war destroyed them. When given the chance to, humans turned barbaric, ravenous, animalistic, anarchistic, destructive…
No one wanted to talk about the war seventeen years ago. It was a topic that remained disclosed and not discussed. For those who survived October 10th, xx12, it left a permanent scar in their hearts – in Konoha. Not only did they lose their beloved leader, but their village was left in shambles and was stillsuffering from the aftermath. Sometimes the people wondered if things would have been different if their leader survived? Perhaps if he were still alive, the village council would still care about its people? Perhaps he would have been strong enough to fight off the Fire government from taking over Konoha completely?
"Daddy my tummy hurts…why can't we eat?" a little girl asked her father, and the boy leaning against the wall was startled from his musings as he glanced at them curiously.
"An army and their demon came and attacked our home. All of our money went into fixing our home, so now it is hard to get food," her father explained wearily. He picked her up, the daughter looking wearied and fatigued from starvation and he carried her on. The little child stifled small sniffles in her father's neck. The father seemed to realize someone was staring at them and looked at the boy – young man? – leaning on the wall. His eyes narrowed and something dark flashed in them.
The observer quickly looked away, blue eyes darkening to an almost midnight hue. The father hurried off with his daughter and the young man was left alone again to his thoughts. He recognized the look that the man gave him. He received that look from the older generation: hate. Monster,their eyes jeered silently, mockingly, hatefully. It was pure, unadulterated loathing in their eyes whenever the villagers saw him. Why? All because he was born on the day the war ended, the day their precious leader died, the day it all went downhill for Konoha. Uzumaki Naruto was a cursed child as far as the villagers were concerned. Not to mention he brought bad luck with him wherever he went – at least, that's what he was told, and what he believed.
Uzumaki Naruto was a seventeen-year-old, blond, blue-eyed boy, scarred cheeks, orphaned since birth, and… not necessarily alone. He had one friend, unlike the other orphans – the other villagers – who didn't trust anyone. He trusted this friend who was too sick to take care of himself. They met when Naruto was twelve and the boy was eight. The boy had been healthier then and the two were inseparable – always causing mischief in Konoha. The villagers hated the boy too because of his association with Naruto, but he never said anything, nor did he care. He always stood up for Naruto, if anything, and Naruto always returned the favor.
He surveyed the vendor across the street as a woman paid with what scraps of change she had to buy three loaves of bread. He watched as the woman tucked the loaves in her basket and carried on home, holding her basket protectively against her chest to make sure no thieves or wandering hands snatched her food. Naruto averted his gaze back to the merchant as the fat man busied counting the gold coins and pocketed them. Naruto stuffed his hands in his pockets and waited, this time watching the thinning crowd. Eventually his head perked up when seeing a twelve-year-old boy walk up to the vendor, coughing.
"Sir, please, may I have a piece of bread?" the boy asked, his voice raspy. He was wearing a scarf around his neck and goggles on his head, pushing back his dark locks so they spiked. The jacket he wore was a little too big and a little too torn, hiding the boy's small, skinny frame.
"Do you have money?" the vendor asked snidely. When he got no response, the man snorted. "No money, no food. Ain't nothin' free in this world, don'cha know?"
"Please… I'm starving…" the boy pleaded, looking desperate.
Naruto detached himself from the wall and walked with a small crowd of people. While the vendor was distracted with the boy, he discreetly slipped a loaf of bread into the inner pocket of his coat and continued on with the crowd. He parted from the crowd a few alleys down and slipped into a familiar one. Once he was deep inside the alley that the street disappeared from view completely, Naruto pulled himself up on to the ladders of a fire escape and climbed up until he was on a walkway. He walked up several flights of stairs and stopped at the fifth floor with an orange ribbon sticking out from the window. He pried the window open and climbed into the apartment room.
The building itself had been shut down after the war – said to be inappropriate for people to live in due to poor conditions. But Naruto came upon the room a couple years ago that seemed decent enough to at least sleep in and hide. The apartment already had furniture, and when he had found it, the place just needed dusting down. The floorboards were old and black, and the place itself pretty gloomy and gray, but it was livable, and that was all that mattered.
Two minutes later found Naruto crouching in front of the fire place, adjusting the blocks of wood beneath the pot. He tried lighting the fire using flint, but soon gave up on that and tossed the stones aside. Naruto stared at the unlit fireplace for some moments (three seconds) before clasping his hands together and forming several hand signs and muttering something. Fire blew from his mouth in a small gust before it wrapped and entwined with the wooden blocks, igniting them. It wasn't long before a hearty fire was cackling in the hearth, licking away at the bottom of the pot to warm it up.
He started to push himself up when a voice made him jump up, startled.
"A simple fire jutsu, huh?"
At first he thought it was Konohamaru returning, but as he got his heart to calm down from the surprise and turned to look at the owner of the voice, he realized said owner's voice wasmuchtoo deep to be that of a twelve-year-old boy's. Not to mention said owner was much too tall and too much of an adult to be considered a twelve-year-old boy. The intruder's appearance looked in his older teens, or perhaps early twenties – Naruto wasn't sure. He was pale and the dim lighting of the apartment did little to improve his complexion. His eyes were inky black, like onyx and just as cold and hard as onyx stones. Raven locks were spiked at the back of his head, with longer strands hanging over his eyes and framing his face. There was something regal about his appearance, but then again it probably had to do with his much too extravagant clothing that made him look out of place in Naruto's shabby apartment.
"How did you get in here?" Naruto asked cautiously, eyes narrowed.
"Hn," the stranger merely hummed, his voice a deep drawl. "Jutsus were banned amongst ordinary citizens, no?"
That was true. After the war that destroyed Konoha's very foundations, Konoha, like other villages, were "limited" in their use of jutsusand who was allowed to use them. Before seventeen years ago, Konoha citizens had the option of attending an academy to become a shinobi(for those with the abilities to access their chakra, that is),but after the attack seventeen years ago destroyed the majority of Konoha's shinobi,Konoha became another ordinary village where the only shinobiaround were apart of the law enforcement, or the elite ANBU that protected the rich. As such, there were no longer any schools to harbor budding shinobi,and the use of jutsuswere forbidden to ordinary citizens to perform. Becoming a shinobiwas a selective process. It was usually when one was born as an infant that it was determined whether they would become a shinobior not. There were rare cases where infants with the ability to access their chakra were overlooked. When they got older, if ANBU found out about their hidden talent, the person usually just…disappeared. It wasn't known if they became shinobior ANBU themselves, or if they were disposed of.
"It's just a simple technique that I came across in a book," Naruto retorted, thinking this guy was either a shinobi, or an ANBU. One could never be sure sometimes, especially when they weren't in uniform. Honestly Naruto would not have learned it if he hadn't stumbled upon an old library during one of his wanderings, along with several books about shinobihistory and techniques.
"I really don't care about how you know a simple fire jutsu," the stranger said, still leaning against the frame of the door that led to the bedroom with the opened window and orange ribbon. Granted his voice was deep and smooth, but there was something monotone about his voice – a bored drawl that made Naruto get the impression that this guy didn't like putting effort towards speaking. He detached himself from the wall and stared Naruto dead-on, weary blues staring into blank obsidians. "I want you to come with me."
"I knew it! You're a shinobi!"Naruto suddenly blurted out accusatorily. "I just did a smallthing! I ain't goin' to prison for that!"
"I'm not going to take you to prison, idiot," he interrupted, face twisted in irritation.
"God you're all the sa—You're not?" Naruto blinked at him in confusion.
"No." Sigh. "Your birthday is coming up, no?"
"Uh, yeah…" The blond stared dumbly at him. "But how did you know that?"
"That is trivial right now and can be answered later. You have to come with me."
"But why –"
"Trivial."
"Trivial my ass –"
"Listen, dobe, people are going to be coming after you, so it would be in your best interest to come with me."
The blond blinked at this before guffawing. "You're just trying to scare me, right? Well it's working because you're creeping me out. I don't know if this is some lame tactic you cooked up to get me in jail peacefully for doing a small jutsu but like hell I'm falling for it! Honestly ya think you'd think of somethin' a little wittier than 'people are going to be coming after you.'" Naruto made a face at that and stuck his tongue out. "So you either fight me and force me to go prison, or you can just take your pansy-ass out of my home right now –"
The stranger sighed, looking for all the world like hewas the one suffering. "Hn. I knew it would come to this," he muttered to himself. He locked his gaze firmly with that of Naruto's and the teen faltered in his rambling. There was something about his eyes… "Do not say I didn't warn you, Naruto."
"Eh? How did you know my –" but before Naruto could possibly demand anything further from the intruder, he heard a raucous as someone loudly climbed from the fire escape and to the bedroom, hollering.
"OOIII. NARUTO-NIIII! –" Several hacks and coughs followed the exclamation. "—WAY TO LEAVE ME – cough, cough –BACK THERE!"
"Konohamaru!" Naruto exclaimed, quickly hurrying into the room and shoving passed the stranger. He saw the dark-haired, twelve year old boy leap on to the bed and almost trip over his scarf in the process. "Enough about that, but there's a strange freak in here saying –" He turned to point an accusing finger at the 'strange freak' when he realized said 'strange freak' was gone. "Eh?"
He stuck his head out of the room to see the living room and attached kitchenette was vacant of any other persons. "What the hell? Where did he go?"
"I swearKonohamaru, there was someone here earlier!" Naruto insisted thirty minutes later after their food had finished cooking and the two boys were sitting in front of the fireplace, eating their soup and bread (Konohamaru had managed to snag another loaf after distracting the vendor earlier).
"You were probably dreaming," the twelve-year-old boy insisted instead, clearly not believing the older boy based on the incredulous stare he was sending the blond. "If he washere, then how come I didn't see him? The only way he could have left was through the window…"
"I don't know…" Naruto pouted, staring into his empty bowl. "But he was there okay? And he was probably a shinobito have vanished like that!"
"Probably," Konohamaru agreed, before coughing.
Naruto instantly looked worried. "You should probably go rest. It's been a long day."
"But I'm not even tired!" the boy said, puffing out his chest. He deflated when he broke into another coughing fit, his hand coming up to cover his mouth. When he pulled his hand away there were flecks of blood splattered on his palm. Konohamaru paled considerably (which was a lot considering he was already pale).
"Oh Gods," Naruto breathed, snatching Konohamaru's wrist before he could hide his hand. "We needto get you to a doctor. You're just going to keep getting worse –"
"I'm fine,"Konohamaru insisted, trying to pull his hand free. "I don't need a damn doctor –"
"Why do you have to be so damn stubborn?"
"And you're not?"
"I'm taking you to the hospital!"
"I don't wanna go there!"
"We're going whether you like it or not!"
"You can't make me!"
Naruto looked smug while Konohamaru lagged behind, evidently mulling over his inevitable fate. The blond was marching him into the hospital by his scarf that, if Konohamaru stopped at any moment, would strangle him. The boy was thinking of doing just that just to spite his brother-like figure, but then again, Konohamaru didn't feel like dying by strangulation. He'd rather much die a painless death, thank you very much, particularly one of old age. But he wouldn't live to an old age if he kept being so stubborn,as Naruto liked to point out every so often on their trip to the hospital.
The hospital wasn't in the best shape, like the rest of the village. There was something dark and dingy about the building that made it look more like an asylum than a hospital. Even the doctors and nurses who worked in there weren't the most caring and upbeat of people. The people in the waiting room looked sickly and as if they would rather be somewhere else as a doctor would come every now and then to call a patient's name in a monotone drawl. Naruto and Konohamaru exchanged looks, not liking the chilly atmosphere of the hospital one bit. But Konohamaru started to cough and Naruto steeled his determination and marched them both up to the front desk.
"He needs to be seen by a doctor," Naruto said as he gestured to Konohamaru. "He was coughing blood earlier! And he's really sick!"
"Huh." The nurse barely cast a bored glance at the pale boy. She maneuvered in her chair in order to pick up a clipboard and pen, prepared to write something down. "Does he have health insurance?"
"Health wha -?" Naruto scrunched his face in confusion. "I don't know but –"
"No health insurance, no check up." The woman set the clipboard down and Naruto's eyes widened at that.
It sounded mockingly familiar.
"No money, no food. Ain't nothin' free in this world, don'cha know?"
"What do you mean no check up?" Naruto bit out through clenched teeth, slamming his hand harshly down on the counter as he glared at the woman. "Konohamaru is sick.Last I checked this was a hospital,and hospitals are supposed to take care of the ill."
"Hmm… and in order to pay for the hospital bill, one needs health insurance, which he evidently does not have, so his illness is of no concern to ours."
"What kind of hospital is this?" Naruto bellowed, enraged beyond belief. Everyone was staring at him but he couldn't care less. He was shaking with outrage at the injustice. How could ahospitaljust turn away a sick boy like that? It wasn't right. None of this was right! "You're going to turn a sick boy away just because he doesn't have health insurance or money?"
"Exactly. Now please remove yourself from the premise before I call security."
"No! I refuse! I refuse to go anywhere until Konohamaru is seen by a doctor and treated properly!"
"Do you have moneyto pay for him, then?" the nurse snapped impatiently.
"Er, no, but –"
"Then pleaseremove yourself or I willcall security."
"Naruto-nii—" Konohamaru grabbed the sleeve of Naruto's jacket and tugged. "Let's just go."
"No!" Naruto glared fiercely. What was wrongwith this hospital – with this world? Never had he ever heard about needing health insurance to be treated at the hospital. The government funded hospitals, gave money to hospitals to allow them to treat people but… now… Now this? "Treat him!" Naruto insisted vehemently.
"It used to be different, you know," someone said, and the blond and the brunette turned around to face an elder man, looking around his mid-sixties. There was a blank, hollowness in his eyes that made Naruto feel cold. "Before seventeen years ago, coming to the hospital cost nothing. The money shinobireceived on missions went towards the shinobi,and to government-funded things like hospitals. But then… everything fell apart after the war, and Western Civilization started affecting our world, bringing their Holy books and their health insurance…" His frail frame shook with a haggard cough. "That demon brought a curse upon our world." His empty eyes locked on Naruto as his lips curled in a sneer. "That demon brought a filthy child of cursed luck. Our village has done nothing to deserve whatever you have done to anger the Gods."
Naruto's eyes widened at the man's angered statements and accusatory tone. He had gotten used to the hateful jibes of the villagers, but there was something particular about what thisman said that struck a chord in Naruto.
"…whatever you have done to anger the Gods…"
The blond's gaze hardened as he stated with such ferocity, "There are noGods."
"You have brought the Gods' wrath upon us. You,"the old man continued, pointing a bony finger at Naruto as he prodded the teen none-too-gently on the shoulder, "have damned us all."
"Leave him alone!" Konohamaru suddenly yelled, having had enough of the man's insults. He stood in front of Naruto with his chin raised determinedly. "You don't know what you are talking about, you crazy old coot!"
"You are going to the underworld with the demon child," the old man snapped.
"Then so be it!" Konohamaru snapped back, his cheeks flushed in anger. "I'd gladly go to Hell to get away from loonies like you!Naruto-nii didn't even do anything! He just so happened to be born on October 10th, so freakingwhat? It could have happened to anyone and yet you all hate him for no reason! You're allmad!"
"Get out of here now!" the nurse at the counter suddenly demanded, her tone sharp and eyes livid as she stood up in her seat, a complete 180 compared to her earlier disinterested attitude.
"Gladly," Konohamaru growled, this time being the one to grab Naruto's hand and march him out of the hospital. The two ignored the hateful stares of the people in the hospital as they left. Outside it had started to rain. The two boys stopped beneath the overhanging ceiling, both lost in their own thoughts about what just happened. The twelve-year-old boy turned sad eyes to the older boy. "Naruto-nii –"
"Let's just go home, Konohamaru," Naruto said, his expression carefully unreadable. "It was wrong of me to bring you there." He took a step towards the rain when the boy's voice stopped him.
"You don't… believe what they say about you, do you?"
Naruto didn't answer right away. He turned his face heavenwards, as if contemplating something, before he looked at Konohamaru over his shoulder with a smile, his eyes squinted in their trademark, foxy manner. There was something broken about the way he smiled. It made Konohamaru sad. "Come on, Konohamaru. The quicker we get home, the quicker we can get you in front of the fire and a blanket so you don't get sick even more."
Konohamaru nodded and the two pulled on their respective hoods and trekked out into the pouring rain, Naruto lost in his thoughts about what Konohamaru had asked him. If he was being honest with himself, he didn't care what the villagers said about him. He had long since accepted their hateful insults and angry comments. He was more worried about Konohamaru thinking one day – what if the villagers are right?He was scared of losing Konohamaru, scared forKonohamaru. His doubts of the boy changing his mind one day weren't as strong as the villagers hurting Konohamaru. He was worried for him, worried that the villagers would start attacking himtoo.
Because the thing is, Konohamaru didn't deserve the same fate as Naruto did. Sure Naruto never really did anything to make the villagers unhappy (besides being born), but that didn't mean he wished the same fate for someone else. Maybe I did something in another life to anger the Gods?Naruto mused humorlessly as he bowed his head against the rain.
It wasn't pouring hard, but the light drizzle was enough to dampen the earth and muddy the grounds. A few stragglers were hurrying to find shelter as Naruto and Konohamaru hurried back to their 'home' – if they could call it that. It was the closest thing they couldcall home, that they've ever had to a home. What the two boys had in common was that their parents died when they were born, so neither knew what it was like to have a parental figure and a proper home. But another ting that had drawn them together at first was their loud obnoxiousness and their habit of getting into trouble. They were both pranksters by nature and always caused as much havoc in the dull village of Konoha as they possibly could.
The two had first met when Konohamaru tried stealing food from a vendor. It didn't go that well considering the vendor saw and took off after him. If Naruto hadn't intervened and distracted the vendor than who knows what would have happened to Konohamaru? (Well, they both knew, but neither wanted to think about it. Konohamaru didn't like to imagine having his hands sliced off, thank you very much.) Since then they were always together, helping each other to survive, growing up together like brothers.
That was why Naruto always swore to protect Konohamaru as much as he could. He wanted to make sure Konohamaru lived to see a better day. He wanted to make sure Konohamaru grew up old and healthy. He didn't want Konohamaru to remain sick and suffer. Konohamaru was like a little brother to him, and as far as seventeen-year-old Naruto was concerned, the boy was the only thing Naruto had that kept him anchored to the world, to Konoha.
That was why October 6th, as far as Naruto was concerned, was the day he no longer remained attached to Konoha.
He was never a very cautious person, but perhaps if he had been a little more cautious he could have saved Konohamaru…
I see the parts but not the whole
I study saints and scholars both
No perfect plan unfurls
Do I trust my heart or just my mind
Why is truth so hard to find in this world
Yeah in this world
"Ne, Naruto-nii, I'll race you back home!"
"Tch,prepare to eat my dust!" Naruto declared as he puffed out his chest.
"You mean mydust?" Konohamaru hollered, having already ran ahead.
The blond blinked and spluttered indignantly before taking off after the younger boy. "Oi-i! You cheated!"
They were racing through the rain and through the village, laughing like two young boys – being what they were, what they are. Water kicked up and drenched the hem of their pants and shoes as they jumped in puddles. It wasn't long before Naruto caught up to Konohamaru and was darting ahead, leaving the brunette to verbally protest as Naruto stuck his tongue out at the younger boy from over his shoulder. Eventually it turned into Konohamaru-trying-to-catch-Naruto as the blond dodged the brunette's attempts to snatch at him.
They had to stop their little chase when Konohamaru had to stop due to another coughing fit. Naruto wouldn't let him run after that and insisted the boy clamber on to his back to Naruto could just carry him home. After much protest the younger boy eventually gave in and climbed on to Naruto's pick. Naruto made sure Konohamaru was secure on his back before he carried on, on purposely bouncing in his steps so Konohamaru bounced on his back.
"Naruto-nii! Quit that!" the boy complained, to which Naruto grinned toothily.
"You need to lose some weight.You're so heavy!" He made a show of acting like carrying Konohamaru was a huge burden. It earned him a smack upside the head by the pouting child. "Ow, hey!"
"You deserved that! Calling me a fatty! You're the one with the belly!"
"I do nothave a belly!"
"You do to!"
"Do not!"
"Do to!"
"Do not!"
"Do to!"
And so it went.
Their laughter died down when they spotted a group of men walking in their direction so the two boys quieted down. They kept their heads down as they walked, being mindful to keep their eyes down as to avoid the loud men who were conversing none-too-quietly amongst themselves. They were wearing the typical shinobiuniform and the hitai-ate's identified them as Leaf shinobi.Their flustered cheeks and bottle of sake one of the men was waving around indicated their drunken states. Naruto hurried in his steps, still trying to remain discreet as he crossed paths with them. He was about to let out a relieved breath when, after taking three steps passed the men, one of them spoke up –
"Oi, oi, what're ya two kids doin' out past curfew?"
"Just headed back home," Naruto said, still keeping his gaze down, "from the hospital. My little brother is sick." He plowed onward but was forced to stop when he was addressed once more.
"Oi we ain't done with ya yet."
Naruto grit his teeth but stood his ground. He could feel Konohamaru tense as his grip around Naruto's neck tightened, not to the point of suffocation, but noticeable enough. He could also feel the younger boy shaking, no doubt cold from the rain and chilly atmosphere. Konohamaru sneezed.
"You know what punishment is for being out past curfew?"
"It's only been five minutes past," Naruto couldn't help but mutter after throwing a glance at the large town clock.
"What was that?"
"Isn't the first time getting caught a warning?" Naruto spoke up clearer.
"Hm, yes. There won't be a warning next time, you realize that?" the same man slurred as he stalked around Naruto and Konohamaru, eyeing them both. He took a swig out of his bottle and stopped right in front of the boys. He frowned when he realized Naruto was purposefully looking away and averting eye contact. "Look at me boy when I am speaking to you!"
When Naruto still didn't look, the man roughly shook the boy by the shoulders. "I said lookat me!"
Naruto lifted his head and glared.
"Aah," the shinobimale looked pleasantly surprised. "Well if it isn't the little demon brat. This certainly changes things…"
"You gave us our warning, we should head home now. Like I said, Konohamaru is sick," Naruto said stiffly, trying to keep his cool.
"No, no, no, a warning simplywon't do." The man stood up straighter, a smirk curling at his lips. "No… it really won't. I've been told youare prone to running around past curfew and we cannot allow that to carry on, can we?" He exchanged glances with the other shinobimen.
"But I've never -!" Naruto flared up indignantly.
"Mizuki – " one of the other Chuunin-ranked shinobistepped forward just as the silver-haired male grabbed the collar of Naruto's jacket and jerked him forward sharply, forcing him to drop Konohamaru.
Out of all the shinobi,Naruto hated this man – Mizuki – the most. If there was one person in all the village who hated Naruto the most, it was Mizuki. He was always trying to get Naruto in trouble over every little thing and the blond could never understand what he did to this man to warrant his hatred.
"Listen here, demon," Mizuki spat, anger like no other glinting madly in his eyes, "you deserve a punishment worse than prison for all that you've done to this village."
"I didn't even do anything!" Naruto cried out, enraged. First the nurse, then the old man, and now this?Could his day get any worse?
"Don't lie," Mizuki hissed. "You destroyed our village!And then you waltz around like you belonghere! And you steal food with your filthy hands, pull your ridiculous pranks, cause havoc in our village… and you dareto show your face and say you didn't do anything?"
"How did I destroy this village?" Naruto yelled. He could feel the blood rushing to his face, turning it red, and his whole body was trembling in anger as Mizuki continued to grip his jacket in a vise grip. People always called him a demon-child,or a monster.But he always figured it was because he was born on October 10th, or because he pulled pranks, or because the villagers thought he was bad luck. But Mizuki always looked and talked to him as if hewas the demon that rampaged the village and brought an army with it to attack. How could that even be possible?"You're fucking insane!"
"Oh didn't you know?" Mizuki asked, feigning innocence, but there was madness in his eyes that mocked Naruto. He pulled the boy off of his feet and it was there that Naruto started to struggle, finding it harder to breathe with the collar of his jacket squeezing his throat. Konohamaru shot up and started to pound his fists against Mizuki's side.
'Let go of Naruto-nii!"
The silver-haired Chuunin ignored him as he grinned wolfishly at Naruto. "How can you not be aware of the monsterliving inside of you?" Mizuki murmured. Naruto's eyes widened in confusion. "You… youare the Kyuubi no Kitsune."
Confusion turned to horror.
"Mizuki!" one of the other shinobihissed, horrified. "We were sworn into silence about that!"
"Why? Why should we remain silent while the very demon that destroyed us is allowed to walk freely like it is humanor something?" He watched as Naruto's face mirrored different emotions ranging from disbelief, shock, confusion to horror and disbelief once more. "Haven't you always wondered why the village hates you? Why you just so happenedto be born on the day of the demon's downfall? Now you know."
"How is that… even possible…?" Naruto whispered. There was a faraway look in his eyes as his mind gradually registered what Mizuki said. "It can't be…"
"Naruto-nii! Don't believe him!" Konohamaru yelled as he picked up a palm-sized rock and flung it at Mizuki's head. It bounced off his scull and earned a cry from the silver-haired Chuunin. He dropped Naruto in the mud in favor of clutching his head.
"You fucking brats –"Mizuki hissed in pain.
Konohamaru ran to Naruto and helped him up, the blond wiping his hands on his wet pants, smearing mud. The two boys exchanged a look before they took off running without having to say anything. For the second time that day they ran, but this time all fun and games were gone. They'd be lying if they said they weren't scared. Mizuki was known to come after Naruto until he could no longer find the boy, and the fact that Konohamaru threw a rock at his head would no doubt provoke the man further.
True to what they thought, the group of four Chuunin took off after Naruto and Konohamaru after Mizuki barked at them to hurry up.It wouldn't be long before the shinobicaught up to them considering they were more skilled and stealthy than two boys. Naruto cursed beneath his breath as he looked around frantically while running in search of a short cut. He grabbed Konohamaru's arm and dragged him down a particular alley with a lot of turns and several more alleys attached. If you didn't know where you were going, you were bound to get lost due to its maze-like structure. Their hearts thudded loudly in their ears as they ran and ran, their feet pounding down stairs and water spraying around them.
The rainfall had increased since its earlier drizzle. Thunder rumbled in the rain clouds and once in a while lightning would clash in the sky.
Naruto continued to hold Konohamaru's arm as he guided and maneuvered them through the alleys, making sharp turns here and there in an effort to ditch the shinobi.When Naruto was sure they ditched the Chuunin, he slowed down to a stop and the two boys leaned against the wall to catch their breath – flustered from the run. Another boom of thunder rattled overhead, reminding them it was cold and they were wet and therefore chilled.
"Do you think… we…lost them?" Konohamaru asked breathlessly, a cough shaking his shoulders.
"I don't know…" Naruto murmured. "I don't hear them. Let's try heading back home."
Konohamaru nodded. They made their way down another vacant alley that would take them back to their 'home' with Naruto leading the way. The brunette glanced at the back of Naruto's head thoughtfully wondering what the older boy was thinking. "Naruto-nii?"
"Huh?" Naruto blinked and looked at Konohamaru from over his shoulder. It was obvious he had been lost in his own thoughts.
"You're not what they say you are," he said firmly that Naruto momentarily paused to stare at Konohamaru before continuing to walk. "You're not a monster. They don't know what they're talking about!"
Naruto scratched a scarred cheek and grinned at his friend. "Yeah… I mean, I think I'd know if there was a demon in me, right? It'd be kinda hard to miss."
"Exactly!" The awnings protected them from the pounding rain. They jumped from one awning and to another as they maneuvered through the maze-like structure. "And wasn't the Kyuubi like a huge nine-tailed demon fox? Ya think you'd know if there was a big fuzzy fur ball in you, right?"
"How would they fit it in me anyway?" Naruto joked along with Konohamaru, making a playful swipe at the brunette's head. Konohamaru ducked.
"Maybe they shrunk it?"
"Maybe!" Naruto chuckled as he rounded a corner. "Or maybe – oomf." He stumbled back at a sudden collision.
"I'm not letting you get away this time," Mizuki's familiar voice could be heard from somewhere behind Naruto. The blond realized he had collided with one of Mizuki's cellmates and he whipped around to see Mizuki himself holding a kunai to Konohamaru's throat. Naruto grit his teeth.
"Let him go!"
"Hm…" Mizuki grinned madly. "He deserves Hell just as much as you do, don't you think? Always hanging around you, letting himself be tainted by you, be seen with you. Tell me, Naruto,this little boy… isn't really your brother. But you referred to him as your little brother, no? You both… must be close… to consider him your brother." His grip of Konohamaru's hair tightened as he forced the boy's head back, baring his neck even more. He stroked the flat of the kunai across Konohamaru's throat. "He must be important to you."
"Let him go!" Naruto repeated, this time in a yell that mingled with the clash of lightning and thunder.
"Let me tell you something," Mizuki continued on as if he hadn't heard Naruto. "I'm sure for people like this boy, there is redemption. He'll realize before death that he was wrong to have been with you, that you are a monster. So long as he accepts that he made a mistake, there's room for him yet amongst God and His Heaven. But you… you…there is no room for you, Na-ru-to. I'm sure the Devil has waited long enough for you.You will suffer and rot in Hell with the other demons like yourself. You will get what you deserve… but this boy… this boy will be saved. His soul will be saved. I will make sure of it. Iwill save him."
"What are you talking about? I don't need any 'saving'!" Konohamaru retorted sarcastically. "The only 'saving' I need is from yousince you're holding a damn kunaito my jugular -!"
"Shh," Mizuki hushed as he took his hand from Konohamaru's hair and clasped it tightly over his mouth, effectively muting his ramblings. "God will forgive you. God will see that you have been misled by this demon child, and he will take you with open arms and he'll acceptyou still. Don't you see? God is forgiving. God is loving. God is everyone's savior… Maybe in Hell the demon will repent for his sins, and one day join God… like you."
"That is enough!" Naruto roared and lunged at them, but was held back by two pairs of arms. He struggled against the vice-like grips of the two Chuunins holding him back. "Let me go you fuckers! Don't you dare do anything to Konohamaru or I swearto whatever God there fucking is that I'll fucking killyou!"
"Konohamaru?" Mizuki mused. "Don't worry, Konohamaru. Everything will be okay." He brought the tip of the kunai from Konohamaru's throat to his chest, pointing the tip at his heart. The boy started to struggle violently at that point, yelling words that were only muffled by the shinobi'slarger hand. "Shh, it'll be over quickly."
Naruto knew the fear in Konohamaru's eyes reflected in his own. He never felt more desperate in all of his seventeen years of existence than as he did at that moment as he watched Mizuki press the kunai against Konohamaru's jacket. Naruto could see the tears in Konohamaru's eyes, the tears and the fear and the desperate, silent plea to be helped. Eventually Konohamaru managed to rip his mouth free of Mizuki's grasp, but the man merely wrapped his arm around his neck instead to keep him in place.
"STOP IT!" Naruto begged. "PLEASE!"
"I don't want to die!" Konohamaru cried, trying in vein to get free. His eyes widened in horror as Mizuki raised the kunai in preparation to lunge it at his throat. "I DON'T WANT TO DIE! NARUTO-NII, HELP ME. I DON'T WANT TO DIE!"
"See this as an honor," Mizuki growled. "You'll be joining God."
"STOP IT!"Naruto cried helplessly. His eyes felt hot as the tears stung and fell. His heart seemed to stop when Mizuki brought the kunai plunging down and Naruto's voice sounded hoarse even to his own years as he screamed. "NO!"
"NARUTO-NII - !"
Whatever else Konohamaru wanted to say, was going to scream, was cut off as the sharp blade ripped through flesh, piercing through his throat and esophagus. The sound of the pounding rain muted. There weren't flashes of lightning or booming of thunder. For Naruto, at that moment, there was just the frightened, pained expression twisted on Konohamaru's face as the life from him waned. He looked so scared… so scared of death and Naruto felt his own heart break from the aching, frightened look on his friend, his brother's face.
Blood squirted from the boy's throat and leaked from the corners of his mouth. He tried to say something, but could only make out gurgled noises as Mizuki ripped the kunai back out, effectively bearing Konohamaru's neck open. He slackened in Mizuki's arms as his body sagged and his eyelids started to drift closed. Naruto could see every detail clearly – could see the way the light in Konohamaru's eyes started to dim, could see the way his body shuddered with the effort to breathe, could see the tears falling down Konohamaru's dirtied cheeks. Eventually the effort to keep his head up was too much before it fell back, more blood squirting sickeningly from the gaping slash. Naruto watched as Mizuki dropped him to the muddied ground like trash, watched as the puddle Konohamaru fell into splashed, watched as the boy lay there unmoving, his blood seeping into the dirty, wet ground.
"You're not what they say you are. You're not a monster."
"I'd gladly go to Hell to get away from loonies likeyou! Naruto-nii didn't even do anything!"
It was as if someone put Naruto's life on pause before pressing the play button once more. The roaring sound of the rain came rushing back into his ears, as did the realization of what just happened.He blinked once. Twice. He wasn't sure if he was crying. It was hard to tell with all of the rain. But his eyes stung. He felt strangely… empty.
"All-powerful and merciful God, we commend to you," Mizuki recited as he wiped the bloodied kunai across his knee, "your servant. In your mercy and love, blot out all the sins he has committed through human weakness. In this world he has died: let him live with you forever."
"Kono…ha…maru…" The Chuunin holding him back released him, but Naruto hardly noticed.
"We ask this through Christ our Lord." Mizuki sheathed his kunai. "Amen."
For four years Konohamaru and Naruto had each other. Before that they were alone, but when they met they became the best of friends. Konohamaru always looked up to Naruto, and Naruto always cherished Konohamaru like he figured he would a little brother if he ever had one. That boy was the closest to a family Naruto ever had… and now he was gone. He was killed. And Naruto couldn't help him, didn't help him, was unable to help him. He failed Konohamaru, and because of that Konohamaru's death was an even bigger blow. Naruto clutched a hand over his heart and gripped his jacket, feeling nothing but an empty hollowness there that ached terribly. He knew it would continue to ache and there'd be no filling the void that Konohamaru filled.
He was alone again.
So… terribly… alone.
"You should be glad your friend is joining God," Mizuki said.
Naruto lifted his gaze to the man and stared.
"At least now his soul can be saved before your influence fully corrupts him."
"You…" Naruto choked out, his fists clenching and unclenching. Even though he felt numb, he started to feel angry. His anger only increased the more he remembered Konohamaru's frightened expression and the injustice of his death. "He didn't want to die," Naruto ground out shakily. "He didn'twant to die."
"He'll realize that what I did was for his benefit," Mizuki said staidly.
"What gives you the right…" Naruto seethed. He was trembling all over. He was so angry! "What gives you the right to determine what was right for Konohamaru?Konohamaru wanted to live! But you took his life away from him! It wasn't fair! He was still young!"
"And I savedhim!" Mizuki exclaimed, that mad glint back in his eyes.
"HOW IS KILLING HIM SUPPOSED TO SAVE HIM?" The boy exploded.
"He is with God now! His soul is saved!"
"FUCK YOUR GOD!"
"Don't you daretalk about Him in that way –" Mizuki glowered with a threatening step forward. "I'll do this world a favor and rid of your existence."
Naruto's normally bright, vivid eyes darkened considerably, reflecting the dark, raging storm overhead as he lowered his voice to an almost animalistic growl. "If I'm going down, I'm bringing you to Hell with me."
"God would never allow my soul to suffer –"
"SHUT THE HELL UP ABOUT YOUR GOD," Naruto screamed and lunged.
Something in Naruto snapped that night. All the pent up anger and frustration – all the injustice he ever felt – finally released and blew up in a way he never thought possible. He wouldn't remember right away what happened after he lunged at Mizuki, but he would eventually. But for a while all he would remember was everything turning red and the raging anger that pumped like poison through his veins.
(loneliness. . . . )
It took a while for Naruto to realize where he was, for him to be conscious of his surroundings. He didn't think about the fact that he couldn't remember howhe got there for the life of him, but rather he thought about the building in front of him, and that it was still raining. He blinked and stared some more. Church, he thought. He was standing in front of one of those Christian churches that the Western world brought into Konoha.
"We ask this through Christ our Lord. Amen."
Naruto lifted his head to the crying heavens as thunder rumbled darkly in the rain clouds. Why was he there…? He looked down at his hand and watched in morbid fascination as the dirt – and something red – washed from his flesh. His clothes, he realized, were stained with a darker, dirtier red and he belatedly realized he smelled like blood. Fresh blood. Blood that was clinging through his clothes and against his flesh, tainting and dirtying him further, making him feel filthy…
Screams. Blood. Flesh tearing. More blood-curling screams that the roaring thunder drowned away…
An image of Naruto thrusting the same hand he was looking at into someone's chest invaded his mind. He doubled over and fell to his knees as he vomited. A sob wretched from his throat, making him gag on his vomit as he threw up even more. He wasn't sure what was destroying him inside the most – Konohamaru's death, or what he did to those men…
The blood that washed from his clothes mingled with the concrete sidewalk in front of Konoha's First Baptist Church. It was a large church, and Naruto thought it looked rather haunting in the middle of a storm with its closed, large, oaken doors and colorful, stained glasses. During the day time the church was bright and colorful – approachable, even. But now it looked foreboding, and the people and angels depicted on the stain glasses looked… sad.
He wasn't sure what compelled him. Maybe it was because he was out in the rain for so long, wet and cold and so very tired, but Naruto pulled himself up, wiped his mouth on his drenched sleeve, and walked up the concrete steps one after another until he was standing in front of the large, oaken doors. He seized both of the golden handles of the doors and, with some effort, pulled the doors out so they spread open for him. He hesitated at the entrance. The church was empty as far as he could tell. A pipe organ played somewhere hidden, but the music itself was clear enough for Naruto to hear. He took a step forward and heard his shoe squelch against the red carpet, making him falter once more. With a deep breath he took another step before fully entering the church and walking down the aisle.
The crucifix drew Naruto's attention almost the first second he stepped into the church. His gaze lingered on the figure of Jesus'face for a few minutes, thinking how Jesus' face – even in death – looked sad. He didn't understand much about the Christian religion and their God and Jesus, but he heard Jesus' death brought about the redemption of humankind. Is that why you look so sad?Naruto wondered as he stopped in front of the altar. Because humankind has failed you and your death was for naught?
Naruto was what the villagers would call an atheist(among his other names like monster and demon-child). He didn't believe in God, in Jesus Christ, in Allah, Shangdi, Ek Onkar, the Buddha, Shiva, Jashin… It was ironic for him to be in a church. He never took to any religion seeing as how before the Western culture influenced Konoha, Konoha never hada religion. Because Konoha used to be a shinobivillage and shinobinever took up religion as a practice. But that all changed seventeen years ago and according to Mizuki, it was all Naruto's fault.
He took a seat in the third row, his body going slack as soon as he sat down. He didn't realize how tired he was until his legs were finally able to rest. "I don't know what I'm doing…" Naruto whispered to himself, since there was no one there with him. He was as alone as he was before Konohamaru came into his life. But this time the loneliness hurt more."If there is a God… a Jesus…any God… I just want to make sure Konohamaru will be fine." He let out a weary sigh as he pressed his palms to his eyes, his elbows propped on his thighs. "He didn't deserve to die."
Naruto was at a loss of what else to say. He never talked to himself or prayed since he didn't have a God he believed in to pray to. So… he just hoped. He hoped the best for Konohamaru's afterlife. He hoped for a better future. He hoped for things not always to be so dismal and lonely. He hoped and wanted for a lot of things, but it wasn't as if he had much before, so it was okay to want a little, right?
"I'm sorry I couldn't save you, Konohamaru." Naruto clasped his hands together and held them in front of his face, as if in a prayer. "I'm sorry. I'll become stronger so if there's anyone precious I want to protect next time I will have the strength to do so. I don't think I can take another failure like this again."
He felt so empty, and the church felt so warm… and he was so tired from crying…
Naruto laid down on the bench, drifting to unconsciousness with the thought that he would just rest his eyes for a minute. He was out before he could finish forming that thought.
I know that there's a point I've missed
A shrine or stone I haven't kissed
A scar that never graced my wrist
A mirror that hasn't met my fist
But I can't help feeling like I'm
Due for a miracle
I'm waiting for a sign (waiting for a sign)
I'll stare straight into the sun
And I won't close my eyes (and I won't close my eyes)
"Naruto…" the raven-haired stranger who had previously invaded Naruto's 'home' leaned against the side of the bench, his back to the sleeping blond as he kept his arms crossed over his chest. He sighed and detached himself from his leaned position to remove his jacket and cover the shivering boy with it. "You always become too attached." There was a deep, husky timbre to his voice that made his throat sound dry and hoarse. Irritation was laced with his tone, but his eyes… there was an intensity there, a look only one whose suffered and truly empathized, only one who agonized for countless years and loved and lost could ever give someone. It was a look lost lovers would give. A look a sinner who found salvation would have.
Due for a miracle
I'm waiting for a sign
I'll stare straight into the sun
And I won't close my eyes