Monster Chapter 1: All my love, a yami no matsuei fanfic

Hello my good readers. This is my first Tsusoka fic and an experiment for another Tsusoka fic, that I'll be posting later on when I have a chance. My Yu-Gi-Oh! story is on hiatus right now 'cause I don't have any ideas for it. I really love this pairing, but forgive if they're a little OOC. The story isn't that bad as the warning may seem but my next Yami no Matsuei will be more graphic in a psychological way.

TITTLE:Monster

ANIME: Yami no Matsuei (Descendants of Darkness)

PAIRING: Tsuzuki x Hisoka (Tsusoka)

SONG:AllmyLovebyt.A.T.u

DISCLAIMER: I don't own the characters nor the song, if I did I wouldn't be writing fanfiction.

WARNING:mentions of suicide, child abuse, mention of past rape but no details, a little BL at the end.

Love me for who I am

I'm yours

I'm a monster. No one needed to tell me that, what human has purple eyes? The whole village thought I was a monster. Name calling, teasing, bullying, and beatings were the only thing the towns folk ever showed me. They hated me, every single one of them, except… except my big sister Ruka. Ruka loved me especially my purple eyes.

Love me for who I am

I'm yours

In death people still hated me. All of my partners left me. They didn't know I was a monster, but for some reason or another they still hated me. They didn't have to come right out and say it, their eyes told me everything. But that boy with sad angry emerald eyes, who found out about that hidden monster deep inside of me, stayed. Through thick and thin. Hisoka loved me for the monster and the child I was.

I regret what I said

I was scared and upset

And I made a mistake

I accept all the blame

And I lied

Sorry, forgive me

Please

Before I realized Hisoka loved me I made a huge mistake. I loved him so much and I wanted to protect him no matter what. I thought the only way to protect him was for him to stay far away from me. I lied to him. I told him something I would regret later on doing, "I hate you".

Muraki had got his hands on him again. Hisoka was so shaken up; I was upset at myself for letting Muraki touch Hisoka again, and I was scared that Hisoka would blame. So I told him I didn't need a worthless partner like him, that he'd only get in my way. I truly believed that Hisoka would get hurt again if he continued being my partner.

After we stopped being partners, I found out Hisoka tried killing himself. I was shocked. Hisoka isn't the type of person to do something so stupid; had the actions of Muraki's doing got to him, or was it my hurtful lies? Either way if I had been there for him, if I didn't lie, if I had told him the truth about how I felt, Hisoka wouldn't be in the infirmary under Watari's care 24/7. I blame myself and even if Hisoka doesn't, I shall always place that blame on me. Would you forgive me, Hisoka? Please !

And I know I betrayed

Every fault that I made

And the pain that I caused

All the promises lost

Yes I lied

Sorry forgive me

How many promises did I make to Hisoka? How many of them did I break? I guess too many to remember. Hisoka was hurt by all those people who betrayed him when he was living and then I had to go cause him more pain. I hated that I lied to him. I mean I didn't intend to lie to him, but I broke my promise so that's just as bad as lying. Hisoka was right; even nice people with good intentions can hurt people in the end. All those broken promises are my fault, but my biggest mistake was not being able to protect Hisoka. I'm so sorry Hisoka, forgive me.

Won't you please just love me

And hold me

And tell me you forgive me

Love me and hold me

I'm sorry

Won't you please forgive

I know I've loved Hisoka ever since I laid eyes on him. Hisoka stayed with me but never got too close. I truly did love him; I didn't just lust after him, I wanted him to love me back. If I held him I wanted him to hold me back. Maybe that was a lot to ask of a boy who was deprived of love, would Hisoka forgive me for such a stupid request. To me loving and holding someone is wonderful, but to Hisoka it's probably stupid. I'm sorry Soka-chan, can you please forgive?

Love me for who I am

I'm yours

All my life I had never known the love of another. My mother called me a monster, she told me I was worthless. She would hit me with anything she could grab; she said she wasn't going to touch a filthy monster. My father didn't love me. He tried to make me into my dead sister. He said he would love me if I did everything he told me to do. My father hated that I wasn't the Hisokahe wanted and loved. All I wanted was my father to love me for who I was. I belonged to him and I didn't need my mother or the maids.

Love me for who I am

I'm yours

When I was younger I loved my father, of course he didn't love me back. When Muraki raped me that sleepless night under the red moon, I was terrified but I had finally been wanted by someone. I had hoped, maybe even a little, that he loved me; obviously he didn't. he only wanted to use me like my father. But… but finally in death someone cared about me even though he didn't have too. He didn't pity me. He knew about my powers but didn't hate me nor think I was a monster. He found out a lot about me and no matter what, Tsuzuki loved everything about me.

I regret what I said

I was scared and upset

And I've made a mistake

I accept all the blame

And I lied

Sorry, forgive me please

Having no contact with the outside world and being surrounded by people who hate and despise you, made me distrust everybody. I had no social skills which led to having a disadvantage in death, working with a partner was hard. I was scared to work with people and upset I got stuck with an idiot as a partner. Looking back I probably caused a lot of problems with the other shinigami especially when involving Muraki. When Tsuzuki got captured and hurt by Muraki, I blamed myself; if I had been stronger I could have protected him. Tsuzuki wanted to kill himself. What would bring him to the point of breaking? Why didn't I see it coming? No, I saw the sadness behind those fake smiles and the painful emotions he tried to keep from me. I wonder did I help any bit or just cause him more pain? I regret all those lies I told him. Tsuzuki was an idiot and he tried to get close to me. I was scared and upset so I called him names and hit him to protect myself. Oh how that was a mistake. I wanted to be loved but I was afraid so I distanced myself by being unsocial, mean, and cold. Tsuzuki-san please forgive me.

And I know I betrayed

Every fault that I made

And the pain that I caused

All the promises lost

Yes I lied

Sorry, forgive me

I was so stupid to think Tsuzuki and I would be together as partners forever. After Tsuzuki said those hurtful things I just had to run way. Tsuzuki-san said he didn't want to be partners anymore, but that we could still be friends. Even though I told him I would be his reasons for living, back in Kyoto; that was my promise to him, but leaving made me a liar. I betrayed not only him but also myself. My fault was leaving him my home. I couldn't be alone anymore. When did I become so dependant on Tsuzuki? Before I met him I wanted to be alone, independent of people. I loved Tsuzuki-san, no I still love him so why, why did I cause him so much pain? I only wanted to end my pain by taking my life. I'm sorry for everything Tsuzuki, forgive me.

Won't you please just love me

And hold me

And tell me you forgive me

Love me and hold me

I'm sorry

Won't you please forgive

When I woke up, I found myself in the infirmary. The light from above was blinding. My arm was stiff, for the reason that my partner was sleeping on it with his chocolate hair matted to his forehead and my left arm. Why was he here and why does it look like he was crying? Looking at him, I just wanted to wake him up and tell him 'I'm sorry!' I could feel he was worried about me. 'Tsuzuki, please love me and hold me. Tell me everything is going to be okay. Tell me you love me. Tell me you forgive my stupidity.

"Hisoka? You're awake!", Tsuzuki-san cried out, which startled me.

"Ts-Tsuzuki, Tsuzuki-san I'm sorry! I was stupid, I just didn't know what to do.", I started crying. I wanted to hug him but what if he hated me.

Tsuzuki wrapped his muscular arms around me and held me tight. The emotions of worry, happiness, relief, and guilt all swirled around me, as they radiated off Tsuzuki. "Shh, it's okay. I'm the one who should be apologizing. I lied when I said those things before. I wanted you to be safe and I thought he only way you'd be safe if you were away from me. I know your heart has been broken many times, but if you could, can you still forgive a person like me."

Tears kept falling down. This idiot, of course I could still forgive him. "Baka! I love you, I will always forgive you just please hold me.", I squeezes him tighter, if that was even possible by now: I didn't want to let him go in fear he would be disgusted and reject me. I mean I did just profess my love for him, who was another man.

"Hisoka, thank you. Don't worry I'll never let go", Tsuzuki smiled at me. " and I love you too." He said as he placed a light kiss on my forehead and wiped away my tears. All I could do was smile at him, while he smiled back.

I finally finished this. I've got faster at typing a little, I think. Anyways how was it? It wasn't too bad was it? I tried to do something dark, but like I said I have another Tsusoka story which is longer and darker (well in my opinion) but that won't be up until I finish typing it so it might take a while. I hoped you guys enjoyed it, I don't like bad things to happen to characters I love but everybody suffers sadly. Oh, as you might notice I kind of wrote more for Hisoka than Tsuzuki, that was not on purpose. I just can get more into Hisoka's position than I can with Tsuzuki. So please R&R! Also t.A.T.u is awesome and I'm not sure if I should add my other Tsusoka story with this one, cause the other one also has a t.A.T.u song but I want to make it a multi chapter story and this one is a one shot so let me know what you think.