And I'll forget the world that I knew
But I swear I won't forget you
Oh, if my voice could reach
Back through the past
I'd whisper in your ear
Oh darling, I wish you were here
-Vanilla Tonight, Owl City
.
.
.
To: ZoeyBGurl
From: PCAChase
Time: 03:27 am EDT
Date: July 14, 2008
Yeah, I'm aware, Zoey.
It's nearly three thirty in the morning. And my mom would honestly kill me for being up this late but sleep won't come and I think I'm becoming more nocturnal than usual.
All those essay-induced all-nighters are to blame, really.
And I swear, if I sparkle, I'll kill myself.
Nora's so mad about the whole Twilight movie coming out in September that she has this whole rant why the Twilight Franchise will have Bram Stoker rolling around in his grave. Can't say I disagree with her since I'm helping her actually write this insanely long, Anti-Twilight manifesto out. Nora's dislike for that series is THAT serious. Just don't ask her to delve into why she does.
Chester's asleep at the foot of my bed and he must be dreaming about something good because he's kicking his paws like a cat does when it sees yarn while lying belly-up.
God, you know your sleeping patterns are just terrible when your dog can sleep soundly and you can't. I kinda want to wake Nora up but last time I did that, she almost kicked in the face. The girl kicks in her sleep. I guess I just want to wake her up because in my twisted logic, I just want her to share my sleeplessness with me. She's my twin sister and we've shared everything our entire lives –
The lack of sleep is getting to me and causing me to be incoherent.
I hope you can accept having an insomniac for a boyfriend :)
Love,
Chase
PS. It's three thirty in the morning Boston time, and I miss you. A lot.
"I have yet to meet this lady love of yours. After all, playing an international game of Tag is deep."
Chase turns to his twin sister, sleepy-eyed and slightly amused. "Be nice to her."
"How can I not be nice to a girl who bruises you? And makes you fall for her," she smiles knowingly because she can read him like a book with notes in the margins and colorful post-it notes sticking out of the pages. "Hmm, I have to actually sit down and talk to her."
"Oh, boy," Chase says, with mock anxiety. "That worries me."
Nora's curled up on the patio chair underneath a Boston summer sunset.
"I'm being a good sister. Hey, as long your happy, I don't have to kill anybody and land in jail for a life sentence because they will charge with first-degree murder and I'll just confess to skip the whole trial part. It's not going to be necessary if I were to land in this situation."
He turns his green eyes to her and his eyebrows furrow together.
"Wait, wait," he tries to summarize Nora's weirdness. "Basically, you'd kill someone for me based on the sole fact that my happiness hinges on that one person and I ended up being miserable because of them?"
She shrugs like it's common knowledge. "Yeah – pretty much. You should know I'd kill for you. Literally."
"I missed this, y'know."
"Yeah, well, I missed you," Nora admits, her eyes serious. "I'm glad Zoey's your girl now, but you pull a stunt like this again and I'll really damage you, bro. I mean it," her tone is softer. "People always did say twins were sorta special and has this kind of connection. I just really, really missed you. I can accept that we're across the country most of the year, but it was hard for me to really digest the fact that you were across the freaking Atlantic. You tripped out a lot of people."
"Hey, hey," Chase assures, scooting over. "It worked out in the long run, didn't it? She's my girlfriend, and I'm home with you. Right now," he grins that boyish grin of his. "I'll leave the impulsiveness to you from now on. Scout's honour."
She smiles back and a laugh bursts out of her, while she shoves at his shoulder lightly.
"You'd better, you goof. I love you, Chase."
He lets her, resting her head on his shoulder because he's just comfortable and tired.
"I love you too, Nora."
There's a comfortable, warm silence and then Chester walks in through his doggy door and lies down on the patio deck.
To: PCAChase
From: ZoeyBGurl
Time: 02:53 pm CDT
July 19, 2008
Hey Chase :)
I'm so sorry I didn't get back to you sooner. My laptop charger died out right after I read your e-mail. And then the laptop itself died, so I had to take my grandfather's truck and basically drive into town so they could replace it. It's nice that I actually got to drive around in his truck since he's not around anymore and my grandmother is just lonely. She doesn't like to say so, though. But my grandfather's truck still smells like him, and God, I just really miss him, y'know? It's been six months now.
As for my new charger, the warranty sure comes in handy this time. So, I'm going to get the new one tomorrow and pray technology doesn't hate me. I'm using my grandma's much nicer, and much faster laptop to e-mail you. My dad got her got her this for Christmas but she says that the whole technology thing for her isn't productive.
Oh, and on top of that, Dustin's with my parents in London while my dad prepares to transfer back to California and get a house that is a tad closer to PCA – you know, like if I were to stand on my deck at the house, I would be able to see the top of the school. Yep, THAT close. But my brother's been in London and it's the first summer we've ever been apart. So, I'm allowed to wig out, alright?
No, I'm NOT being neurotic. Seriously, suggest that I am, and I'll pelt you with more than just grapes :P I just miss him, but I'm having an amazing time here. I lived here in Shreveport until I was about ten before we moved to California.
Oh, I know about your nocturnal tendencies, Chase. No, don't do it! I'd rather you sparkle than die. I'd be sad and cry because I'd miss you, silly.
That's interesting – an Anti-Twilight manifesto? And you and your sister are helping to create this. I think that's way cool. But you know how Lola is about Taylor Launter, even though she's dating Vince Blake (side note: we talked that in Hawaii but by the look on your face you clearly didn't get it. I'll explain in more detail). It's sad.
She's all, "Lola Launter-Martinez. That's catchy."
Actually, in her head she's Lola Martinez-Launter-Depp-Bloom. I'm not kidding.
If there's something Anti-Twilight and she finds out you're the accomplice, Lola won't forgive you. You're in trouble now, mister. Ha. I'm teeelllin'
HAHA! That's adorable. Give Chester a belly rub for me. I think all dogs are cute but I have this incredible soft spot for golden retrievers.
Tell Nora I said hey. I only talked to her once, I think. But I'd love to meet her one day :) I read that most twins have like polar personalities but if she's related to you, then she's probably awesome.
I will most def. accept having an insomniac as my boyfriend as long as it's you.
Love,
Zoey
PS. It's three in the afternoon Shreveport time and I miss you just as much :) I attached a song to this. So, click the link.
People say all this stuff about getting butterflies and walking on Cloud Nine.
Maybe it's true and maybe she's sorta in love but she's only seventeen and it's just kind of a new thing for her to process. She cups her small hands around the beige mug, relishing in the gentle early morning feeling of chamomile tea on her tongue.
Everything is just so home-grown here, and Zoey smiles as Tilley the Tabby Cat waltzes in, and rubs against her leg, purring slightly.
"Morning, Tilley," she greets, smiling sleepily. She lightly scratches the feline behind her ear while she catches the figure of her grandmother, padding down the stairs into the kitchen area, past the living room area. "Morning, Grandma."
"Morning, dear," Linda Brooks replies and presses a kiss on her granddaughter's forehead. "Did'ja sleep well?"
"Yeah. I did. Just woke up to use the bathroom and couldn't go to sleep anymore. I hope it's fine that I came down here to make some tea."
The older woman laughs heartily when wisps of blonde hair peppered gray frames her heart-shaped face.
"Now, why would you even ask me? Of course, it's fine. So," Linda says. "What's on your mind?"
What?
There's nothing on her mind, really. Just a mix of things she likes to think about and –
"Ohh," her grandmother with questioning eyebrows and a smile that seems to know. "It's a boy."
She almost sputters out the last tea and blinks.
"Grandma, I – "
"Come on now. Zoey Anne Brooks, don't you lie to me," Linda warns, her Southern accent prominent. "It's the nice Chase boy you told me about, isn't it?" and that she laughs, voice turning wistful. "You fall for your best friend terribly and suddenly you can't stop thinking about 'em."
Zoey glances downward, and then brings her gaze back, her cheeks are tinged pink.
"I guess, that's how I feel," Zoey admits, shrugging and then shifts in her seat. "But I just realized I liked him and we're dating now. I don't want to mess this up, Grandma. I'm kinda scared."
Hawaii's nice. Working as a cabana is fun and maybe, she'll wear a flower or two in her hair –
And oh dear God, that necklace issue – Grandma always knows what to say.
Linda smiles, gently and brushes the dirty blond bangs from her eyes.
"Don't think about that. Just think about the present and live in the moment. Your granddaddy was the sweetest man I ever knew—aside from my daddy, of course. But," Linda sighs and smiles fondly as if remembering forty-three years of togetherness in that one minute. "Your grandfather was the most caring, kindest, genuine man I ever met. I was about your age when I met him. And boy, did he have moves back in the day."
Zoey laughs, amused, "You're kidding!"
"No, baby," Linda shakes her head, resting her elbow on the countertop. "He could dance from here to Baton Rouge to New Orleans if I let him. He gave me three boys – your daddy was my second one. Smack dab in the middle. The first thing Paul said to me when Robbie was born, 'Oh Lord, the boy has my ears!' You have them now, dear. But my point is that Chase seems like a nice boy, and you care about him a lot, don't you?"
"Yeah," she nods because she does care for him and she likes to remember Hawaii. "I do."
"So," her grandmother advises. "You're supposed to get butterflies in your stomach when he crosses your mind. Don't feel weird about it."
Sometimes, she smiles when there's really nothing to smile about.
Other times, she'll find herself listening to The Beatles more because they're his favourite group ever. When she drives, Zoey slightly sings along to I Wanna Hold Your Hand. There's probably no symbolism in that, right?
Most of the time, she remembers the feeling of his lips against hers and gets butterflies.
"Thanks, Grandma," Zoey says, sincerely and hugs her. Linda smiles, pressing another kiss in her hair this time. "I'm sorry I don't visit you more."
"You're welcome. And that's okay—doesn't make me love you any less."
Tilley curls up on the couch in a ball of fur and meows.
To: ZoeyBGurl
From: PCAChase
Time: 01:04 pm EDT
July 24, 2008
Shreveport seems like an awesome place and since your town is obviously close to New Orleans, I'm guessing you're a hardcore Saints fan? Yeah, football still makes me cringe (code for: explain how the heck Vince Blake turned out nice because if I try to think about it, my head will spontaneously combust).
And Logan and Quinn – dating? What is up with that? Again, please explain that to me.
But aside from that side note, you must tell me all about it once September comes around – over a bowl of green grapes and Blix. Lol, the question is: will said fruit be used food for eating purposes or ammo?
Ah, and Nora got your "Hey", and replies with – and this is straight from her mouth – "You're hot for a blonde. If I were gay and the type of person who liked to crush hearts beyond repair, I'd do you." The girl's not normal and maybe, I actually shared womb space with an alien masquerading as my twin sister. But yeah, that's Nora-speak for "Thanks for the greeting – right back 'atcha."
Hey, at least she was right about the hot blonde part :)
You don't have to tell me about technology and stuff breaking down. Our satellite dish went berserk and my parents' lawyer-doctor rivalry is out full force, and Nora and I play oblivious. It's tiring sometimes and frustrating because there's a Red Sox game on tonight and we have to depend on highlights. Lame. So, yeah, technology is wreaking havoc in our house so it blows right now.
Um, wow. You're so strong, Zoey. That's how one of the things I love about you. I'm not even saying that as your boyfriend. I'm being a person. God, I'm still getting it—you know, the whole dead grandparent thing. It's been a while but you know, I have my days. Some days, I have my bad moments. Then I have these moments with Nora where we just like to reminiscence and remember her. And I have days where I'm at that place where I can accept it. But you drove your grandfather's truck around after just six months?
Wow, you have any of more of that strength to pass around? I know you do, please share :)
My grandmother essentially raised me and my sister because my parents were at work so much. I mean, my dad lost his own mom so yeah, it's hard. I'm just sorry I had to be in England when your grandfather died and I couldn't be there.
Trust me, though, it gets easier. I promise.
Okay, now that the metaphorical grey clouds of our discontent has gone away (sorry, the writer in me had to do that), I'm all about the good stuff now.
So, this is actually your first summer apart from Dustin. Well, good for him.
If I'm right, he'll be a freshman in the ninth grade this year. Nice.
Pfft, what? You wig out about your kid brother in a whole different country from you? That possibility didn't even strike me. You're accepting him growing up and that's what makes you a good sister.
Hmm, what else?
Our manifesto is going great. I guess, I'm going to have to endure Lola's wrath when she reads me and Nora's manifesto. You know what the title is? It's going to be called, "Why Bram Stoker Will Haunt the Shit Out of Stephenie Meyer". Besides, she STILL owes me pie. And that shirt I got her while I was in England should pacify her.
Nora's at work right now at the music store and it's my day off – I work at a coffee shop, go figure. And I smell like Folgers, I think. Maybe that's why I'm all nocturnal, but you know. That's not it. It's just not. The caffeine has nothing to do with it. But yeah, it's my day off today.
I'll give that Chester the belly rub for you when he comes back from wherever he is.
He has this tendency to leave in the morning and come back when it's around dinnertime. Weird. But he's off exploring. He's a dog, so maybe it's not that weird.
Haha. Glad to know that you're accepting of me as an insomniac.
Even though my dad has to diagnose me.
Still, I miss you.
You've been on my mind a lot lately. Well, you always are—but it's stronger today.
-Chase
PS. I Wanna Hold Your Hand by the Beatles? Jeez, Zoe. You know me so well. Sending you a song back.
"What goes on, 'rents?" Nora's voice comes through the answering machine. "The music store is closing early since Jo has a date. And now I'm watching my brother be a good little coffee boy."
Chase laughs in the background. "Don't patronize me."
"You love it. Go back to work, Captain Folgers," she rebuts with that raspy laugh. "Yeah, anyway—Chase and I are gonna get physical at the gym after his shift is over because sweating is good for the soul. We most likely won't be home for dinner, so don't wait up for us. Seriously, don't. Love you and all that jazz."
.
.
.
"You did—what?"
"I called the cable company, David. They'll be sending someone in a couple of days."
"That's right, Sharon. Call the cable company and have them charge us for doing nothing."
"The kids aren't home," Sharon reminds her husband by climbing onto his lap. "Try not to be mad about the whole dish thing and," she snakes her arm around his neck and gives him a kiss. " – let's take advantage of it."
David breaks the kiss and yes, some sex is nice after that horrible colonoscopy today –
But wait, wait. He turns away when she leans in for another kiss.
"What?" Sharon questions, blue eyes showing confusion along with the rest of her features.
"Stroke my ego a little."
"Why?"
"Because," David replies, matter-of-factly. "You've dented my ego by not letting me fix the satellite dish myself and be the bringer of Red Sox games."
Sharon giggles, stroking her husband's cheek. "Forgive me for protecting my husband from breaking his back in the name of sports. I'm not up for raising two kids by myself, Dave. I love you."
David sighs. "The fact that I'm really turned on and want to take you on the kitchen table is interfering with my being mad at you."
"Good," she smiles, planting little kisses from his jawline to his neck. She lightly nips at his earlobe. "If I stroke more than just your ego, will you forgive me?"
She shrieks and sort of laughs when David carries her upstairs, two steps at a time.
To: PCAChase
From: ZoeyBGurl
Time: 10:31 am CDT
July 27, 2008
Hey Chase,
I'm going to answer your e-mail in list form because I have to be out the door. Like now. I'm having Sunday lunch with my cousins, Andrea and Jenna, after church with my grandma. It's been a while and I just miss it. I doubt anyone will remember me but we'll see.
I managed to get a hold of Lola and Quinn. Lola was at her family reunion in New York City and Quinn was a tad harder because well, Logan decided to surprise her in Seattle. As for them dating, that's not something I can explain to you over e-mail. Same goes for Vince Blake, but I swear to you, he's a nice guy and super charitable. Only he had the nerve to actually donate blood for the Red Cross. So, yeah…you'll see in September. Vince is cool and treats Lola like a gentleman.
Okay. List form time.
1) Grapes as food or ammo? Definitely ammo. I play softball so you better watch out, Matthews. ;) We can eat later.
2) I laughed at the way Nora greeted me. I laughed. Hard. But yeah, tell her thanks for the laugh. I was feeling particularly out of it that day so that really made my day.
3) Aw, I'm touched. And trust me, I'm not that strong, Chase. Driving his truck, though gives me closure. I try. And I know you couldn't be there. It didn't seem like it but as I told you in Hawaii, despite the fact that I was dating James, I thought of you. All the time.
4) Oh, you sarcastic boy, you. I totally know what you meant by that. I'm fine with Dustin not being around because he's with our parents. I still say I'm entitled to worry a little though. So there. I win.
5) So, the Anti-Twilight Manifesto is going that good, huh? Your writing's awesome so I know I'll be in for a good read. And with Nora's humour, yeah, I'm anticipating it. You'd better call Lola and convince her. Maybe that shirt will help her simmer. Oh, about that pie—you're not getting it. I'm her roomie. I know you're not getting it. But by the way, I love that sparkly Union Jack tote bag you got me. Wearing it right now on my shoulder as I type this.
6) Tell Chester what's up for me. And Tilley says hey. She's happy and fed and using her scratching post now while playing with cat-nip. Animals, gotta love 'em.
7) Always, haha. But you're working at a coffee store? Wonder why somebody's not sleeping. Hmm?
8) I miss you too, dork. Bushy hair and all. I'm still calling you Fuzzyhead, okay?
Gotta run while I find the car keys.
Grandma just walked in and needs me to help her with her earring.
Love,
Zoey.
PS. Hanging By A Moment by Lifehouse? I'm blasting this on the drive. Not exactly gospel and church-ish but it's from you :) I'll take it.
Sunday lunch in a small town like Shreveport is something.
And like small towns, everyone notices everybody else.
There are familiar waves of hello and goodbye, smiles that age gracefully with this home-grown Louisiana nostalgia.
"Well, well – look who walked in from fancy-shmancy California," Zoey remembers this place and god, the food smells good. Arlene's smile is the same and her colourful clothing is slightly brighter than she remembers in her ten-year-old mind. But Strawn's Eat Shop Too is just as she remembers – staying the same always. "Come here and hug me, darlin'"
Zoey laughs, a grin stretching from ear to ear because she's home.
She catches the scent of freshly cooked gumbo in the air.
"Of course, Arlene."
Arlene pulls away, and holding her at arm's-length. "Wow, look how grown you are now! And you drive now," the older woman's laughter is hearty and almost bursts out of her. "Hmm, the first time I saw you, Miss Zoey, you were a shy little girl clingin' onto your daddy's leg and your brother was just a little babbler," she stops reminiscing and blinks. "Speaking of Dustin, where's my favourite eater?"
"Oh, he's in England with my parents."
Arlene frowns slightly and then brightens up. "Oh, alright. But when you have the time, tell that boy get his butt over here sometime," she smiles fondly. "I miss him dearly."
"I'll tell him," the blonde says, with a nod and a smile.
And then her stomach grumbles underneath her yellow tank top.
"Oh, good lord!" Arlene exclaims, gesturing over to the lounge. "Let's get some food in you! Andrea and Jenna have been waiting for you."
"Awesome."
"Alrighty," Arlene says, grabbing a menu. Her smile is radiant and almost reaches her warm brown eyes. "Follow me, Zoey."
.
.
.
Linda Brooks sighs, and she realizes that life is really passing her by.
The empty nest stage is really happening and god, she misses her boys. She's flipping through a book with Tilley perched in her lap, evidently purring because she's happy.
The phone rings and Linda stretches over to answer the cordless and it's a number Linda can't decipher.
"Hello?"
"Hey Mom!" Robert says. "I know – it's nine at night over here but I just had to call and see how you're doing."
She almost wants to cry because her boy sounds like his father. And god, Paul –
"I missed you too, baby," she replies, with an inaudible sniffle. "I was just thinking about you and your brothers. When are you getting here so I can see you and Dianne," she grins. " – and how my Dustin isn't so little anymore?"
Robert's laughing, deep and jovial.
"Well," he pauses, sounding like he's thinking it over. "I'm working out the kinks with the move and my job transfer, but it's a done deal. We'll be back in Shreveport in the third week of August. But I gotta get Zoey and Dustin to California for school like in the last week in time for September."
"Sweetie, be honest – you lost me after you said you'd be back."
"Obviously, we miss you too. So, how's Zoey doing?"
Linda's so proud of her grandbaby. "God, you raised a mature woman. She's not a little girl anymore, no matter how much I'd like for her to sprout little pig tails."
"Oh, don't rain on my parade. God, she's seventeen now and driving. Can I talk to her?"
"No."
"Why?"
"Because she's having lunch with Drea and Jen at Arlene's place a mile up from the church. She insisted I come with her so I wouldn't be alone, but I told her to go on. She changed and was out of here like white lightning," Linda snaps her finger for emphasis. "So, call her later. She's been using your daddy's truck like nobody's business these days."
A beat.
"Mom," Robert breaks the silence and her heart may be breaking a little. "I've been thinking about Dad a lot. It's just…god, I miss him. I don't like having Dianne and Dustin worry so I keep it in, but it's just hard, you know?"
"So, do I," Linda replies and glances at a black and white photo of her and Paul's wedding picture forty-three years young – a time when things are simple and just easier. It's easy when she imagines segregation and the Kennedy assassination just doesn't happen. "Terribly."
.
.
.
"Damn, girl!" Andrea exclaims, eyeing her younger cousin by three years. She's twenty. "You got hot."
Jenna rolls her eyes, a smile breaking through her indifferent look while she tucks a look of ash brown hair behind her left ear with the stud going through her cartilage.
"Yeah, what she said," Jenna says, with a slight deadpan. "There must be something in the water in California because you're all curvy now. And dear Lord, you've joined the road."
She chuckles, spearing a leaf of lettuce with her salad fork.
"You know," Zoey shrugs with nonchalance. "I work out and actually behave myself when it comes to calories. And yeah, I did – I got my permit later."
Andrea glances at Jenna, feeling validated.
"See? Now, are you gonna stop hassling me because I'm careful with calories? There's no need to dangle your freakishly fast metabolism in everyone's face. Zoey's just as cautious as I am, and you don't get a sick thrill out of terrorizing her. She's our cousin too," Andrea smiles at Zoey, apologetically. "You know I love you. No offense intended."
"Okay, I get it Drea."
God, she's been away from Shreveport for too long. But Zoey has the feeling a family reunion will be around the corner. This is just the preview. Andrea is the oldest daughter of her uncle Alex, and Jenna is the second child of her dad's oldest brother, Henry. And they've always had this dynamic – half-contentious and half-mocking while Zoey's been the sane middle one. It feels like her California boarding school follows her to the Louisiana bayou sometimes.
Jenna smirks and Zoey is suddenly reminded of Logan – what?
"No," the twenty-two year old broadcasting intern replies with the typical sarcastic streak Zoey would swear her cousin is born with, while twirling pasta on her fork. "What kind of cousin would I be if I didn't? For you to even suggest that I subject Zoey to the same treatment is just wrong."
"Aw, I feel special," Zoey giggles, chewing on a piece of fresh tomato. Jenna smiles at her.
"Don't encourage her," says Andrea with narrowed eyes at Jenna. "I'm still looking into whether Aunt Melissa cheated on Uncle Henry with Satan, himself. That would explain so much."
Jenna smiles and shows Andrea a middle finger. Andrea sticks her tongue out and makes a face.
"Girls, can you guys try to be nice to each other?"
"No."
"Absolutely not," Jenna snaps, popping a golden French fry in her mouth. "It wouldn't be the Brooks family if Drea and I were nice to each other."
It must certainly won't but Zoey's glad to be home, regardless.
To: ZoeyBGurl
From: NoraTheFunkyMonkey
Time: 07:16 am EDT
July 30, 2008
You were expecting my brother, weren't you? Well, you'll have to settle for just me.
I'm not a morning person and the sad excuse for coffee the hospital makes just agitated me even more. I just came home because I've been up since eleven last night because Chase is at the hospital. He had an appendectomy done last night and when I was about to leave (our parents made me leave), he woke up and told me in not so many words to e-mail you.
He's in and out – I don't know. It could be the sedatives the doctors gave to relax him. But my parents are there so I'm just going to make a quick breakfast, feed Chester, and grab his (uh, Chase not Chester because that would be effed) guitar for when Chase wakes up. Hospitals generally make me uneasy, but now, they make me anxious. You know why – Chase most likely told you.
My dad didn't operate on him because well, he was more parent than doctor but from what I know, he'll spend a couple nights at the hospital just to see if the incision is healing properly and infection doesn't sneak up on him. My dad was in the OR and told me and my mom, they used a tube and a small camera thingy (I didn't care for the medical jargon) to do the operation, meaning he should heal and recover quickly. His appendix didn't rupture so Chase should be good as new and sporting a new, smaller scar for school.
I just thought you should know. You emailed him two or three days ago, I believe. I didn't open it, but I'll tell him. You're my brother's girlfriend, and he'd kill me if you didn't know right away.
As I said before, he'll be home in two days so try calling then.
Long distance charges…what?
-Nora
David Matthews feels weird without his white lab coat and he's just on edge.
Every day, he works at this hospital and watches the cycle of life come full circle right front in him – delivering babies that take that loud first breath right down to that moment when he's not supposed to let his emotions get the best of him when he gives that final verdict. That's when David realizes that he can only stabilize a patient for so long before he gets that code blue, and it ends with a flat green line across that monitor.
"Stop," he'd say while he hands the defibrillator pads to the nurse. And that noise is just never-ending. "Call time of death and I'll notify the family shortly."
He's tired and Sharon with Chase while he sleeps when he crosses paths with one of his co-workers, Dr. Jeanine Gilmour, the doctor that operates on his son because he's not in the frame mind to do it himself.
"Oh," she smiles, carrying a clipboard and a crisp white lab coat in her arms. "David, hi."
"Hi," he says, curtly and then pauses. "Uh, I'm sorry about last night. I let my emotions get the best of me and I shouldn't have done that. It's just that I'm a parent and it was sudden – "
Jeanine blinks her hazel eyes. "David, you're rambling. Appendicitis is sudden, I understand."
He's supposed to know, though. He's supposed to have some kind of medical foresight on this.
That's how it works – he handles the medical stuff, Sharon handles the mothering, disciplinary stuff and his mother, handles everything he knows he and Sharon just can't.
"I just feel like I should have seen it coming."
"David," the woman frowns, and rolls her eyes. "You're a doctor, not psychic. I have a husband and three kids at home myself, you know. I get the whole parenting thing. No parent want to see their child hurt and then you wish all the pain they feel could be transferred to you."
He grins for the first time in a day and a half.
"Exactly. Hey, do you mind if I take a look at his chart?"
The other doctor hands him his lab coat and Chase's medical chart, charting his progress so far.
"Go for it," she presses, and he's slipping the white coat on and taking the clipboard. It all clicks into place, and it feels right. "Chase is responding extremely too well the intravenous stuff we gave him to recover. He's asleep as I told your wife but the painkillers are also working so that he won't wake up with blinding pain," Jeanine continues. "And we opted for the laparoscopic method – less complications that way and everything right down to the discharge time. You know the rest."
The pager in her pocket beeps, and she glances down at it.
"Oh, I'm needed on the third floor."
"Cancer ward?"
"Yeah," Jeanine replies, with a nod and crosses her fingers. "Hopefully, Anna's chemotherapy will stick the second time around and she'll go into remission again."
David remembers the vibrant eight-year-old with the pretty face and sweet disposition but she's losing her hair piece by piece, and every day wearing different coloured headscarves is almost habitual. It makes him thinking of his kids at that age when everything is simpler and just easier to please.
"I know it's not my case, but you can suggest someone donate bone marrow."
"David, I had that noted on her file, but anyone asks you, I told you about the bone marrow."
"Okay."
He sighs, and heads for the elevator.
The coffee's terrible at the hospital cafeteria, but he can't complain too much.
.
.
.
There's no make-up and she takes one of those makeshift showers that make her cringe because she's a tad germaphobic. The only thing remotely clean is her mouth – oh God, yes… she's minty fresh even though the mouthwash burns her cheeks and sets her tongue on her fire.
Nora ties her mid-length black hair into a messy bum that will have to do and turns her fingers into a makeshift comb when she runs them through the fringed bangs. Straightening out the generic grey tank top and denim short shorts she settles for, Nora grabs the biggest purse she has – the black TNA one as a holiday gift – and stuffs all of the essentials: her make-up bag, car keys, composition paper because she's always carrying a tune…or six in her head, a copy of War and Peace for Chase because he's not done reading, her dream sketchpad with her coloured pencils –
Yeah, that's it. And Chase's black and white guitar safely in its case.
Now, she's done.
Chester's fed and out the doggy door to have another one of his adventures – check.
The sliding back door and the front door safely locked – check.
Her black flip-flops tap against her parent's asphalt driveway when she opens the trunk of her door, carefully placing her brother's guitar and slamming the door closed.
Nora sighs, and gets into her car.
Her hands are shaking, knuckles turning white from gripping the steering wheel.
She doesn't want to drive to the hospital because it's early and there's no goddamn make-up on her face. Nora's not going to drive to the hospitals because it's too white and the strong smell of rubbing alcohol is pungent and imprinted in her brain. Hospitals become the haven for diseases and illness until they sneak up on people, ravage their bodies and just kill them when it's the end.
"Nothing compares to a quiet evening alone – "
Her heart is jumping, and she's breathing deeply to suppress that pain she gets sometimes when she thinks about that time (ohgodcancer) and that instant (bitttersweetsixteen).
Nora taps the answer option on her PearPhone, and leans back resting her head against the driver's seat's headrest.
"Hello?"
"Nora, honey – you've been gone for two hours," Sharon points out, and Nora resists the urge to roll her eyes partly because her mother's concerned is heard clearly and through the sleepy, irritated, gonna-kill-somebody fog, she's even a tad appreciative. "Um, where are you getting here?"
"Soon," she says, all upbeat like that sad excuse of strong coffee actually works. "I'll be there soon, Mom."
"Okay – and oh, before I forget," Sharon adds. "Chase just woke up and he's okay. Your dad's checking him out because," she laughs, softly. " – you know how meticulous your dad is, but he'll be fine. Your brother is up and talking and of course, the first thing he did was ask about you."
Protecting her brother is all she knows how to do, really.
It's almost instinctual kind of thing.
She smiles more genuinely and wipes the tears away from her cheeks. "I'll be there."
"See you soon," Sharon says, and lowers her tone to that soft, warm mothering one. "You're a trooper – keeping watch over your brother while we all slept. You're a good sister and I love you."
"Love you too. Bye."
Chase is the only reason Nora's starting her car and driving down a Boston freeway back to the hospital.
For now, the other reasons aren't plausible.
.
.
.
"Hey."
"Hey – where's Mom?"
"Went downstairs to get me something to eat."
"Soup?"
"Yeah – pretty much," he shrugs, and winces slightly when he takes a breath in and he's that smiles boyish grin and Nora realizes her brother's going to be okay. "It's a step up from not being able to eat at all since."
Nora sees him and Chase brightens up in one of his weird shirts and pajama bottoms. He's smiling at her and she's getting flushed – and thank God he's okay regardless of the IV in his arm and the stitches in his side. He's speaking and cautiously laughing about everything that matters and the stuff holds no value at all.
"Ow," Chase winces through his smile. "I almost forgot laughing right now kinda hurts."
"Sorry."
"It's the good kind of pain."
"Oddly enough," says Nora with resolute conviction and a ruffle of his bushy hair. "That puts me at ease. You're stronger than you look, kid."
He's gonna be okay.
A/N: Oh, dear God – this has been a journey. Fifteen pages on Word. I was going to continue but it was getting too long, so I split it. But be warned that the second and last part is going to be just as long because it's going to be eventful. While this is about Chase and Zoey and how they miss each other after Hawaii and spending some of their summer there, this story does get into their family life. Chase in Boston, Zoey in Louisiana and it's her first summer without her parents and brother, mind you. So be prepared for that. Part 2 is set in August and because August is before September, everyone from PCA while making appearances. I might try to spring a Stacy Dillsen appearance in there somewhere since Stacy lives in Swampscott and Chase in Boston (obviously). I looked it up (because all the cool kids do research for fanfiction) and they're in the same state. YES! Plus more Nora and her lovelife seeping into her job at the music. That's all I can say.
Review. Leave feedback and all that jazz. I missed you guys but I'm back now.
-Erika
PS. Yup. I'm in the Olympic mood after watching Canada destroy the Norwegians 8-0 and then kill the Swiss in Women's Curling. GO TEAM CANADA!
PPS. Remember kids, Quogan Day is next week – so work hard on those pieces. I'm outlining mine before bed and then I'll get started tomorrow and try to start typing that Billy/Victoria oneshot Thursday. Fingers crossed.