Hello readers. This is a sad little story that more or less is something that a good friend of mine went through. I would urge anyone who reads this and is in a relationship to take heed; the smallest of details can make the biggest differences.
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Astrid watched the black speck disappear into the clouds and turned away from the docks with a sigh. Hiccup was off again on another search for dragon nests and islands. She was in for another long spell with a cold, lonely bed and a constant nagging worry that he would get himself killed. Her future husband was a dragon lover, in every way, and she would never want to get in the way of that. Just...sometimes she wished he would stay home for longer and stay away for shorter periods of time. She wished that she was the center of his world. She wished that she wasn't the one who had to wait.
She walked silently up the path in the early morning sun to her dark home. Having moved into Stoicks old home with Hiccup, Astrid wished that it represented more for her. Just like Stoick had lived alone in it for so long, she felt like she now did. With how often he was gone...she felt like the lonely chief. Not that she had any real responsibilities of that nature.
For the time being, until Hiccup officially passes the trials set out by Elder Gothi, Spitelout had taken the chieftainship, with clear understanding that Snotlout had not claim. Not that the large man was at all interested anymore. The old rivalry between he and Hiccup was long gone. Since the boy had clearly shown everyone he was more than ready to be chief during the brief war against Drago. The man was steadfastly supportive of Hiccup and his travels though, and even more surprising, said he was more than willing to be chief until Hiccup wanted to ascend. Astrid spent much of her time with him, both learning the ins and outs of being the chiefs wife, as well as learning how being chief worked.
Valka had settled in to life in the village easily and was Spitelouts advisor on things alongside Astrid. It gave the village a serious cooperative, community driven feel. Even she had to admit that things ran fairly smoothly. Just...not for her. She was getting lonely all the time now, a feeling she hated. The only thing that broke it for her was the times when Hiccup arrived home, ravenous for her and not sparing a moment in foisting her off to their home for days of being alone.
It was what kept her going, but she was getting tired of it. Yes, she got several days of love and companionship, but then it would be weeks of nothing as he flew off into the sunset. She thought that when she agreed to marry him she could live with it. She was trying. Gods, she was trying. But it was hard. She walked inside and sat down in the large chair at the table, the furs covering it offering her heat, but very little in terms of comfort. Even her body, relaxed and pleasantly sore from the previous night of lovemaking, was already growing cold with the thoughts of weeks without touch. On the table sat a folded note, something that Hiccup had asked her to read when she came home. She glared at it, having read several beforehand. Excuses.
She took the letter and folded it up more before shoving it into the chest she kept next to the door. She wasn't interesting in his constant rationale for leaving her. His whole 'the dragons need me to help them' and the 'I need to go. This is my destiny' explanations and platitudes. It was all a waste on her ears now. When they were younger, sure she was more than willing to let him pursue those things. Now...she felt that his responsibility was here, on Berk. Here, in their home. With her.
She ate a quick breakfast of cold bread and salted jerky before leaving the home again and heading for the Great Hall. She knew that there were several meetings today to go over before the winter set in. They were planning carefully now, even though the dragons opened avenues of survival previously unheeded. They could now fly south to warmer areas so they could trade for the things they needed. Trading dragon scales also gave them an almost never ending source of wealth, because people in the south did not have as many dragons, and therefore the hard scales were always in demand.
As she walked, she noted that someone stepped onto the same path as she up ahead. He waited until she was alongside him before walking with her. "Good morning." He said simply.
She smiled gently. "Good morning Eret. How are things?"
He shrugged. "Oh...not too bad I guess. Still getting used to this whole...law abiding, contributing member of the village."
Astrid chuckled at him. "It'll take some time, but I think you'll find this environment less stressful."
Eret scoffed. "Actually, I find this a bit more stressful right now. When I was with Drago, I knew my place, and I knew my job. Here I'm sort of...hanging in air."
"Behave yourself, or myself and Stormfly will actually make you hang in the air. Then drop you."
He laughed at her threat, and she joined in. In that moment, she felt something she had been missing. The easy communication and verbal sparring with a friend. It was nice to just be able to talk, and laugh about it without the underlying knowledge of impending change. It was...nice.
"Where you headed today?" He asked after a few moments comfortable silence. Astrid pointed at the looming building ahead of them.
"The Great Hall. Big meetings today regarding supplies for the winter. What about you?" She replied, looking over at the large man. She had never really given it much thought, but Eret was handsome. A little...gruff, surely, but they were all vikings. Gruffness was as common as chin hair. He was built like many vikings, but with a little difference in that while most vikings had large barrel chests, his was...lean. He was thinner, but still thick and muscled. His wore no beard, which in itself made him unique. His hair was clearly cared for and quite smooth. It made her wonder.
What was being with a man like him like? Not like Hiccup...all skin and bones and lanky, wiry arms. Granted...Hiccup was particularly blessed where it counted in terms of sex, but other than that he was...him. That was the only way that she could describe the man without telling some mistruth. He wasn't a viking in physical appearance, that was the truth. He was so much more than that. He was the man who brought the War to and end. He was the man who brought the dragons to Berk. He was the man to stop Drago. He was the man.
He had not been idle. Many of his trips had him coming back with scars and injuries. He trained endlessly with Gobber and other warriors of the tribe. He was becoming the viking that could be chief and people could be proud of. Even she had spared a few times with him and found that he was becoming quite formidable. One or two of his trips were to other islands to learn from other tribes about ways or fighting. He spent a month with the Bog Burglars learned how to be speedy and tricky. All this resulted in the other tribes coming to respect him as well. He was trying to be the man who united them. He was becoming the man for them as well.
And yet...she found that she was growing tired of him being the man. Being the one that everyone wanted a piece of. The man that would leave at a moments notice if he got messages about dragons on other islands. She was growing tired of always being the one to suffer the consequences of his legacy. She eyed Eret some more, a small smile coming to her face at how...not the man he was. How relaxed he was as walked next to her, not having people come running for everything under the sun.
Then she glanced away, a slight feeling of guilt surging up at her thoughts. She shook her head, glaring at the ground ahead. She wasn't like that. She was strong, and strength meant dealing with adversity.
Weeks passed. She kept an eye on the horizon for Hiccup's return. Nothing came back, and she was growing more and more concerned. Concerned for his return. If she told anyone what her concerns were though, she would be ostracized and disgraced. She kept an eye on the horizon, even as she moaned and bucked, the man above her sweating and shining and grunting and being everything except the man she was engaged to.
Over time, as Hiccup remained away, Astrid had built some strange relationship with Eret, son of Eret. The ease at which she could confide in him, combined with the ability of the man to make her feel so comfortable and better about literally everything had led to this. Led to her inviting him into her bed. Led to her replacing the physical absence of Hiccup with another, even though she emotionally felt committed to him.
These trysts began after a particularly intense night of drinking. Astrid had received a letter, from Hiccup by Terror that day. She thought that the letter would make her feel better. It didn't. It only read:
I will be home as soon as I can. I love you.
It was everything she didn't want to be real. She didn't want him to be home soon. She wanted him home now, and mainly because she had already been having feelings and thoughts that a promised woman should not be having. Eret and she had shared some close experiences recently, and some of them quite nearly turned into things that they shouldn't. Until this night. She was so angry with him, so lonely and so frustrated. Eret offered her something she didn't have, and he offered it to her free of commitment. Once she got him home, to the bed she shared with Hiccup whenever he decided to grace her with his presence, it turned into angry, frustration releasing sex. She rationalized that she just needed a release, and she would be done with it all.
Except it didn't stop. She invited the man again, and this time, it wasn't because she was angry or frustrated. She had an itch, and he had scratched it, and it left her wanting more. It wasn't just sex either. It was emotional partnership. He listened to her problems. He made her feel like she could just speak with him and everything would be alright. He was filling the void where Hiccup should have been. She continuously pushed away the guilt she should feel over it all. She continued to blame Hiccup. It was his fault for staying away. His fault for making her feel unwanted.
She wasn't sure if other people knew about it all, but if they did, nobody said anything. She was careful about it all. She only allowed him in after dark, when nobody would see him coming from the forests. She kept all of their interactions normal during the day. Granted, the secrecy was a bit irritating, but the benefits far outweighed the trials and tribulations. It was almost an everyday thing now. And the things that happened in her and Hiccup's bedroom...taboo and secret and horrible and lovely and amazing all at the same time.
When the day came that she heard someone yelling about Hiccup returning, her first thoughts were of happiness. He was finally back! After eight long weeks, he was back! She sprinted, along with half of Berk to see the hero return. He came looking quite grizzled, having not shaved in some time apparently. A thick layer of hair covered his face, and it made him look far more like a man than she remembered. He carried several large bundles with him, all wrapped up in furs and slung from Toothless' saddle.
He greeted everyone with a wave and a call, while others removed all the packages from his saddle. When his eyes finally met hers, she glowed at how happy he was to see her. He leapt from the dragon's back and ran up to her, scooping her up in his arms and spinning her around. It was a testament to how strong he'd become in the time since...well, since he wasn't strong. He still wasn't nearly as thick as say Gobber or Spitelout...or Eret, but he was certainly powerful.
He pressed a kiss to her lips. "It's good to see you again," He whispered. "I love you."
She wanted to say it back to him, but as soon it hit her mouth, the words died away. She looked into his expectant eyes and found that she couldn't say it. She couldn't say the words to him. She opted to simply hug him close, tears starting to emerge at the corners of her eyes. She was glad to have him back but...she couldn't utter those words just yet. She couldn't until she allowed the rising feeling of guilt to go away. The guilt that she had laid with another while she was supposed to be Hiccups and his alone.
That night was the same as other nights when he got home. Passionate, firey and full of love. She forgot how she had rolled in this bed with another man only hours before Hiccup arrived home. She was able to push it to the back of her mind as she fulfilled her desires with Hiccup in full. They stayed home for three full days before emerging. Astrid walked to the Great Hall with him, glowing from those days of reunification. It was only when she happened to catch the eye of Eret, leaning against the corner of a building, that she was reminded of her transgressions.
On top of all that, the look in the man's eyes gave her pause. He looked like a wolf glaring at prey, and she remembered that while he had initially offered himself free of commitment...that may have changed in the weeks that they joined in carnal pleasure. She just hoped that it wouldn't come to light.
The yell echoed into the hall, and Astrid's stomach and heart fell when she heard it. It had only been a week since Hiccup returned, and her hopes had been all but crushed as Eret stood in the middle of the banquet hall, his eyes fiery and his stance firm. "I challenge you for Astrid!" He yelled again. HIccup glared at the man, his clean shaven face betraying no thoughts or emotions. Everyone in the hall looked quite stunned, all except...Elder Gothi. Astrid watched the older woman carefully, noting the sad look in her eyes.
Astrid had gone to see her recently. About morning sickness. A sign that every woman knew and understood. Astrid had gone to the Elder privately about it, and the woman had told her that she was most likely pregnant. Astrid knew the timing of it all; she could easily say that it was Hiccup's from before he left, but a sick feeling in her stomach said that it wasn't the future chiefs child.
"What has gotten into you?" Hiccup asked finally. "Since I arrived back, you have done nothing but glare and grumble in my direction."
Eret stuck his chin out in challenge. "Nothing has gotten into me. I want Astrid. I'm formally challenging you for her hand." His voice was firm and unwavering. Astrid's eyes were wide when he met her gaze. She saw the anger there. She saw the want. Even if he had set out without commitment...she had let this go too far.
"She is not some prize to be won, Eret. Astrid chooses who she wants. She chose me. When I become Chief, she will be my wife because that is what she chose."
Eret's grin turned feral, and Astrid moved to stop him, but she wasn't fast enough and the words were out of his mouth. "It certainly wasn't you she chose to warm her bed for these past weeks, Chief." He spat the words out, and the silence in the hall spread like a disease straight from Hel.
Astrid's stomach spun and twisted as more and more members of the tribe turned their eyes on her. Even the Elder, eyes quite wide with the knowledge that she had, looked like she had seen the ghost of Thor in the room. Hiccup had not turned to look at her though, his eyes still firm on Eret.
"What did you say?" He asked between gritted teeth.
Eret let out a quick chortle. "While you were off on your adventures, Astrid was left here, abandoned and alone. So...she sought my warmth. I want her, as she wanted me."
This time, Hiccup turned his eyes to her, and even the strongest moment in her life could not have prepared her for the hurt and betrayal that she saw there. "Is...is that true?" Every excuse she ever imagined she could use fell away as she felt her guilt and anguish turn to burning anger.
"You were gone! Always! Always leaving to pursue your des-"
"I left for you!" He roared, shocking her into a feared silence as she saw his kind face twist. "I left to make something that was worthy of you! I told you what I was doing!"
She fired back. "When!? When did you say anything to me about what you were doing?" She screamed, matching his eyes and standing firm. The tribe was quiet, not anyone saying a thing or even moving.
"In the letter I left you! I told you I was flying to Byzantium to find a dragon! A dragon of legend! A dragon with a hide of gold!" He bellowed back. "I left so I could give you something that truly represented what you meant to me! Something one of a kind, something that even the gods would be hard pressed to surpass!"
He reached beside himself and grabbed one of the bundles that he'd brought home. He flung it, and the furs fell away to reveal a cloak, made of scales that were pure gold. He did the same with the other three, all coming to fall in front of him in a pile of golden scales clothing.
"This is what I went to find. I spent weeks gathering shed scales and stitching them together to create this for you," He spat the final word out. "And you didn't bother to even read what I left you and...then you...you laid with him." He turned a venomous gaze on Eret.
"And you. I spared you. I spared you when I could have easily left you to die." He growled. He stepped down onto the floor of the hall, shedding the fur cloak he wore around the village. "I accept your challenge. Single combat. To the death."
The gasps around the hall were accentuated by Astrid's anguished cry. "No! Spitelout, you canno-"
"Quiet, girl," Spitelout rumbled, glaring hatred at her. "Hiccup will be Chief and he has spoken. Single combat. To the death." She abandoned that avenue of pleading and immediately turned to the man whom she had betrayed.
"Hiccup, please! You aren't violent! Don't do this!"
He didn't even turn to look at her, but his words were clearly aimed her way. "You made your decision, Astrid. I am making mine." With that, he drew a long, straight sword from his belt. With a flick, the sword alighted, the burning blade shining in the dimly lit hall.
Eret glared at Hiccup, defiant in the face of such a display. "I don't want to kill you, Hiccup. All I want is Astrid."
Hiccup only laughed. It was a sour sounding thing. "You can have her. If you kill me." He declared.
Astrid scrambled in her mind. She didn't want this to happen! "Please Hiccup! It was a mistake! I was wrong! I promise you!"
He turned to look up at her. Again, the hurt in his eyes was palpable. "Promises? Trust? I'm sorry Astrid." He turned away from her and placed his other hand on his sword. "It's too late now."
Astrid sat in her home, her hands twining the yarn through her needles and into the cloak she was making. Her son would need it when he went on his first hunting trip soon. Being up in the air with the dragons got cold, and he would love the extra warmth. The house was nice and warm now as well, so her fingers were not so cold that she would have issues with the stitches. It wasn't a large home, big enough for her and her son to live comfortably. Hiccup was kind enough to grant her that.
It was almost ten years ago now that he killed Eret in single combat. Ten years since she broke his heart. It had been a tough time. Although he was adamant that he would never forgive her, she knew that Hiccup was not cruel. He did not exile her from Berk, as the law stated her offenses deserved. He did not have the Elder craft a potion that would kill her baby, after he finished raging at her for everything all over again.
He allowed her to remain on the island. He absolved her of her crimes, at least from a legal standpoint. He did forbid her from any sort of marriage, in any sense. All things considered, it was a light punishment. Her son would carry on the Hofferson line, as she refused to allow him to take his fathers name.
A thudding noise came up and Astrid glanced to the door to see her son, Aftand, come slamming through. "Mom! I need help!"
"With what, dear?" She asked calmly.
He gestured out the door to what she assumed would be some scene of destruction. "I was just minding my own business, and then a house caught on fire! Ruffnut and Tuffnut are really angry and waiting outside!" He yelled.
Astrid rose from her seat with a sigh. "Sit down, Aftand. Do not come outside until I come back." She ordered, grabbing her axe and strapping it to her back. Her boy sat down with a huff, his face red from running. Astrid went outside of her home and, just as her son had said, Ruffnut and Tuffnut stood there with a crowd surrounding them.
"What did he do?" She asked with a calm edge to her voice.
Tuffnut pointed at a plume of smoke. "Lit our storehouse on fire."
Astrid shrugged. "It looks like you put it out already. What's the problem?"
Ruffnut snarled at her. "Your little bastard is doing all this damage for nothing. The kid never learns! Bring him out here so we can teach him a real lesson." The crowd around her cheered with varying levels of agreement. Astrid glared at all of them, with no real ground to stand on except what was below her feet.
"I'm sure it was an accident." She offered.
"He made a fire, with kindling, and even used a torch to set it on fire." Fishlegs interjected. "We found it at the corner of the warehouse. He's out of control, Astrid."
Astrid shook her head. "He's a kid! He's going to do some stupid shit!"
"Well, then we need to punish him, because you wo-"
"Everybody get back to work." The rough, deep voice interrupted them, and much the the crowd parted to allow the Chief to walk through. Hiccup had grown yet taller over the years, and broader. He was still slim compared to most vikings, but everybody knew one thing. He was the deadliest man on the island now. Nobody could compare to him on the ground or in the air. Toothless was nowhere to be seen, but a single whistle and the alpha dragon would be in the air in a second, blue fire roaring from his maw.
"Hiccup, the boy is out of-"
"What did I say?" He growled. Without another hesitation, the people dispersed. Hiccup was just like his father in many respects. Tough, but fair in the best way, and strong willed. His broad shoulders were home to a cape made of Night Fury scales, and he wore a flight suit constantly now. He needed to be airborne at any moment, and he could be. He was respected by his people, feared by his enemies, and most of all, true to his morals.
When everyone was gone, Hiccup's gravelly voice sounded out. "Control him, Astrid."
"For all the destruction he causes, he might actually be your son." She said back to him, clearly calling back to his youngest years, causing all sorts of mayhem during the dragon raids.
He didn't even react to it. For years she had prodded him, trying to get him to wonder if Aftand was really his son after all. She had taken glee at getting under his skin about it. She couldn't anymore. "He better clean up his act, Astrid. Control him. Or I will." He turned and walked off without another word or glance. You wouldn't even know he had a metal foot if he didn't take his boot off.
Astrid watched him go, again, feeling alone. It was just her and Aftand now. Most of the village shunned both her and her son. They were ostracized and ridiculed. Hiccup put a stop to it most of the time, solely because he couldn't turn his back on his morals. Wouldn't allow them to be rid of her and the boy. Astrid felt the sting of tears at her eyes, watching him walk away from her. It was the greatest punishment of all. She had him, and gave him up because she refused to be the one who had to wait. She refused to be patient. And now...she got watch him from afar, every day, being reminded of what she threw away. She had long regretted her mistake. Long wished that she had just been patient. That she had kept faith in him.
Too late now.
XXX
Again, sad little story. I would appreciate any criticism or feedback. Thanks.