„No, don't do that. Don't. Don't..." The Doctor stared at a point on the floor, apparently lost in his own thoughts. Donna could only imagine what he's been through on his fateful cruise. He had told her about the creature stealing the words of the passengers, making them repeat all that has been said. But Donna had a feeling that he hadn't told her everything. She had never seen him this shaken before.
"So, what do we do now? Back to the TARDIS?" she asked. "Yeah...probably a good idea..." They walked out of the spa, the Doctor's eyes still on the floor, his hands in the pockets of his coat. Donna walked a few steps behind, eying him with concern. As the Doctor reached into his coat to pull out the TARDIS' keys and open the door of the big blue box, she could clearly see that his hands were shaking.
Inside, he didn't even bother to take off his coat. Instead, he walked straight past the console, stopping in the small hallway that led further into the TARDIS. "Doctor, are you alright?" "Yeah...I just have to...I'll...I'll be right back." Donna had closed the door and was now standing in the console room, still in her bathing robe. She watched as the Doctor made his way through the corridor, turning left and out of her sight. "Doctor...?" Something was definitely not right. He had never reacted in such a way before. Usually he would put on a smile, even when they both knew it was fake, and send them flying to another galaxy. Distract himself with other people's problems, or with other people in general. But now he seemed to literally flee from contact...
Donna decided to give the Doctor some time to settle and do whatever he had to do, but she would confront him about the incident on the spaceship later. She went to her wardrobe, dressed herself in comfy jersey pants and a T-Shirt and threw the bathing robe in the laundry. In her way back to the console room, she pulled her hair up into a messy ponytail.
She expected the Doctor to be there, working on the console like he always did when something was on his mind, but he was nowhere to be seen. "Doctor?" No answer. Suddenly Donna felt a light pull on her consciousness: The TARDIS tried to tell her something she supposed. "Hey ol' girl, what is it?" She had become accustomed to the thought that the ship was alive and had a consciousness of its own. As an answer she got a low humming sound, seemingly coming out of the corridor. Donna decided to follow the TARDIS' call, looking left and right for any sign of the doctor. At the end of the corridor she turned left, ending at a big wooden door, which looked very old and not "normal" compared to the rest of the ship. She opened the creaking door to find herself in a big, wonderful library. Donna instantly thought 'bigger on the inside', as the library didn't seem to fit in the dimensions of the room. Bookshelves from the floor to the ceiling filled with all kinds of literature in different languages lined the walls. In the middle of the room stood a big table with book stacks on it, and in the far left corner stood a comfortable looking sofa to which Donna had paid no attention at first, overwhelmed by the masses of books. But as she drew her eyes away from the shelves, she noticed a figure crumbled down onto the sofa, head in his hands.
"Doctor?" Donna slowly approached her friend. His snapped up, eyes wide and red, as if he had been crying. "Donna, I...", he cleared his throat and ruffled through his hair, "...I didn't expect you here. Is everything ok?" Donna didn't believe her ears. HE asked HER if everything was ok? He looked like he had been overrun by a truck. She sat down beside him on the sofa, noticing him subtly sliding away from her. "You tell me." Donna looked him the eyes; eyes that seemed scared, hurt. But one moment later he looked away again and slid a hand over his face, frowning. "Yeah..." He cleared his throat. "I'm ok. We should probably get going." He made a move to stand up, but Donna put a hand on his shoulder, successfully keeping him down." Doctor. I can see that something is bothering you. And don't try lying to me. I can see it in your eyes."
She felt him shiver underneath her hand, but he did not look at her. "I know that you don't like talking about your feelings, but sometimes it helps. Talking with a friend. What happened on that ship, Doctor?"
He just sat there, shaking, his eyes firmly set on the bookshelves across the room. A lonely tear escaped his eyes and Donna took his trembling hand in hers, slowly rubbing circles with her thumb. He could not bear to look Donna in the eyes, too embarrassed of his weakness. But she was right, maybe it would be a good idea to talk about this. Maybe this way he could escape his nightmares, or make them less bad at last; because they were sure to come once his head would hit the pillow. The Doctor took a deep breath and squeezed Donna's hand. Still not looking at her, he began to talk. Slowly, quietly, so that Donna ha to lean in to understand his words.
"After the creature had taken Mrs. Silvestry's voice, the other passengers began to panic, making wild speculations about how to deal with the situation. They went so far as suggesting to throw her out into the x-tonic sunlight. I could not believe them; they were suggesting to kill a brand new life form, just because they were afraid. I know that humans tend to act irrational when facing the unknown, but still… I tried to intervene, to call upon their reason, but to no good. When we realized that the creature in Mrs. Silvestry was learning, starting to speak simultaneously with us, I decided it would be best for me to stay behind. I did not want her to adapt any of my Time Lord features, as I was considering that to be the next stage of her 'evolution'. But try to make that clear to a bunch of mortified humans, who were already suspicious towards you. Usually I'm good with words, but this time everything I said was turned against me. Eventually they decided I had to be on the creature's side, because I was not like them. They didn't understand..."
Donna could imagine what the people had been thinking: There was an 'alien' on their ship and suddenly one of them revealed himself as 'not like them', as 'special'. They put one and one together.
"But I wanted to help. And suddenly the creature stopped repeating everyone's voice but mine. I thought it would recognize my difference, that I was the cleverest person in the room. That I could help with whatever it wanted from us. I got curious, started to ask questions and the creature repeated every word. At the exact same time I said it. And then it was ahead of me."
"How 'ahead of you'?! Like it knew what you would say?" "Like I was the one who was repeating."
The Doctor took a shaky breath and when he continued, Donna could hear suppressed tears in his voice, which was just barely a whisper now. "It was in my head Donna. I could feel it clawing on my mind. I could not move, I could not speak, I could not breathe. But I could feel and hear everything around me. I could hear the others talking, how they thought the creature had left Mrs. Silvestry and that it was now in me. How they decided to deal with the problem…" He was shaking violently again, Donna's hand around his trembling, too. A lonely tear ran down his cheek, and then another, and another, until he was sniffling and closing his eyes hard to stop them from falling. Donna decided at this point, that she could not just watch him suffer. She let go of his hand and pulled him into a tight embrace. At first he stiffened, but as Donna started to rub slow circles on his back and comb with her hand through his hair, he relaxed.
"What did they do to you, Spaceman?"
At first Donna wasn't sure whether she would get an answer, but after a few deep breaths the doctor spoke quietly again, still trembling. "I couldn't move, so they took hold of me and dragged me to the door. I tried to resist, but that's hard to do when your whole body is unresponsive…"
Donna couldn't trust her ears. "They wanted to throw you out?!" The Doctor shrank back in her arms when she rose her voice.
"Sorry…But I can't believe that! I should have punched them right where they stood!" Donna thought she could feel the corners of the Doctor's mouth twitch at that.
"And then the hostess found out who the thing really was and saved you all?" That part had they told her at the leisure palace. The Doctor nodded, head still buried in Donna's shoulder.
He could see the scene in front of his mind's eye: How he was being dragged to the door, how the hostess took hold of Mrs. Silvestry and pushed the airlock button, how they were both sucked into the deadly sun and how he was released. He still didn't know her name…
Donna could hear the Doctor's breathing quicken and his shoulders were shaking as he quietly started to sob into her shoulder again.
"Hey…Shhh…Timeboy…" She was stroking his back now, trying to comfort her friend.
"Donna…I-I thought I was going to d-die…" His voice was nothing more than a whisper, cracking from tears.
"Shh…you're here. You're save now. No one's gonna hurt you." Donna continued to rub circles on his back. They sat there a while, Donna occasionally repeating her soothing words and the doctor sniffing in her arms. She had never thought she would do something like this. Had someone told her she would one day be comforting an emotionally wrecked Time Lord, she would have laughed. This whole scene was so unlikely for him. The hundreds-of-years-old Time Lord, the oncoming storm, the man who was always alright, finally broke down. Not that Donna would wish anyone to go through the things the Doctor had faced, but maybe it was good for him to let go for a moment; to lower his walls. To let someone in.
She felt him move in her arms and let go, allowing him to sit up and rub his eyes. They were red and puffy, and even his nose was running a bit. He looked much younger, nearly tiny on the big sofa.
"…I'm sorry Donna." His voice was raw from crying and he cleared his throat as he stood up slowly. Donna rose, too, confused by the Doctor's sudden action. She felt as if he was pushing her away again. The Doctor ran his hands over his face, a gesture he used when he was thinking rapidly and was overwhelmed with a situation.
"Hey…" Donna approached him slowly, laying a hand on his shoulder. "That what friends are for, dumbo. No need to be sorry." She smiled, but noticed the little flinch when her hand touched his shoulder. "I think maybe you should go to bed. I know you don't sleep that much, but you look like a zombie. No offence."
The Doctor ruffled his hair, a ghost of a smile on his lips, which never reached his eyes. "Yeah, maybe you're right, I should get some rest. Goodnight Donna." He turned on the spot and left the library, headed for his bedroom.
Donna just stood there a few seconds, processing the Doctor's behavior. First pretending he was alright and pushing her away, then breaking down in front of her, then pushing her away again. As if he was afraid. Well, she has been an expert in convincing people that she was alright her whole life, so Donna wasn't buying his act. But she also knew that if she would go after him now, he would only push her away further. He had let her in once, and probably won't do it again soon. She was better off leaving him alone now than pushing her luck too far. That was experience speaking.
So instead she headed for the TARDIS' kitchen. If she couldn't do anything more for him now, she would make sure that the next day would be better. She was determined to show him that she cared, that she was his best mate and she would do anything to not let him lose his trust in her or humanity.
The Doctor woke up in the middle of the night, jolting awake from a nightmare. He had to concentrate to stop his too fast breathing and held the covers in an iron grip. He had dreamed his friends on earth would decide that he was an 'alien invader', a threat to them and wanted him to be executed. He had been standing completely unable to move or to speak as the angry mob attacked…
The Doctors grip around the covers loosened as he started to calm down. 'It was only a dream', he tried to remind himself. But nevertheless found a single tear its way down his cheek. By Rassilon, he was such a child. When he was lying down and trying to sleep again, he could hear noises from down the corridor. Great, now he was keeping Donna awake with his problems. She was the one who needed sleep more than him. No that his sleep would be any relaxing this night, anyway….
On the next morning, Donna was the first one awake in the TARDIS, which was quite odd considering the fact that the Doctor hardly ever slept. Or slept long for that matter. But Donna had seen him trashing in his sleep last night and had decided, that it may be not that bad to let him sleep when he did.
She sneaked into the kitchen, careful to be quiet, and set the table for breakfast. She had spent last night preparing a surprise for her friend, hoping that it would make him feel better.
Donna had just finished setting everything up and was preparing their tea, when the Doctor came in: eyes still puffy and not looking as if he did get a good night's sleep.
"Mornin' Donna…" He sounded as if he had a hangover. "Good morning Doctor! Sit down, tea's read in a minute."
But he did not move, shifting his gaze between the floor and Donna. "I'm sorry I kept you awake last night. I know you need your sleep, you're not like me…" He trailed off, fiddling with the sleeve of his pajama. When he finally looked up, his eyes met Donna's and she set down the kettle she was holding.
"Ok Marsboy, listen up. Yes, I was awake last night, and yes, it was because of you. But not because you were disturbing my sleep. And now sit down or the tea gets cold."
"I'm sorry." The Doctor turned towards the table and just wanted to sit down, when he noticed the freshly baked banana bread and the frosted cake, with a little marzipan banana on top, on the table.
"Donna, what…?" She turned, filled his teacup and set down the pot. "Well, I thought you'd like banana, 'cause you always speak about it. And now eat skinny boy, I haven't stood in the kitchen all night for you to stare at it like an alien." At that the Doctor looked up. "But…" "No'but'. Eat."
He hesitantly took a slice of the cake and Donna noticed how he put the marzipan banana from the middle on top of his piece. She smiled at that.
He took a first bite and his eyes grew wide. "Wow, Donna, that's brilliant! I didn't know you could bake. You always get to amaze me."
"Well, I had to learn something from my mother, didn't I?" Donna laughed. The Doctor put down his fork and looked her in the eyes. "Thank you, Donna." He smiled and Donna thought she could see tears in his eyes.
"Hey, that's what best mates are for, isn't it? Besides, you have frosting all over your face, dumbo." She gave him a napkin and he wiped his mouth, a bit embarrassed.
Donna knew that midnight couldn't be forgotten over a piece of cake, but it was a first step in the right direction. She was determined to help the Doctor out of this, because that's what best mates are for…