His hand reached up to cup her cheek and for a moment he was wary of catching the hoop of her earring. He scrunched his eyes in concentration again as she took control with a laugh into his mouth and teased it open. The feel of her as she deepened the kiss allowed Finn to lose the thoughts that had been rebounding round and round in his head all day. It felt good to just get lost in somebody again. It was something.
Olivia pulled away with a coy smile, ran the back of her hand across his cheek and shifted back towards her seat on the couch downstairs as the next song played on the record player. He watched as she sipped at her wine glass, they didn't have much of the stuff in the house and what was in the fridge had been mainly used by his dad for cooking. She seemed alright with it though. He looked at her and a feeling of frustration simmered in his chest. It wasn't the same. He didn't know what he expected, not fireworks or anything like that but he thought he'd feel more. It was nice; it was, no word of a lie but he just thought-he didn't really know what he was thinking anymore to be honest. It wasn't like they didn't get on or was a laugh when she wanted, got on with his mates and knew what she wanted and what she was doing and he liked being with her really, he did. She was older, one of Lizard's sister's friends or summat, he couldn't remember, but he did remember seeing her about at their games the other summer. Apparently she had a thing for footballers and asked about him ages ago. He hadn't planned it, he said he'd go out with her for a bit as a favour to Lizard so his sister's mates would stop hounding them at matches. It was just a few dates, nothing serious. She was fit and for most guys that should have been enough. Any other bloke would have been over the moon at pulling an older woman, wasn't it supposed to be every one of his mate's dreams? Everyone expected him to and maybe he owed it to himself to give it more of a go. A vague memory of a load of scattered photo albums and PJ Harvey passed through him. He'd been sitting in exactly the same place. At least this time he wouldn't fuck it up by getting drunk. Finn flicked his way through the stack of records he'd brought down from his room for something else to put on when he was brought out of it by the sound of her voice.
'Who's Rae?' Olivia asked as she tilted her head to the side to read the handwriting on one of the tapes she'd taken out of the box before looking up at Finn expectantly, her voice curious.
'She's, er' Finn reached across to take it from her, took it in his hands and gave it a rueful glance before getting up to put it back on the pile beside his records. He couldn't bring himself to say that they'd gone out. It was more than that, and then it wasn't. It shouldn't have been that big of a deal to mention. Everyone's got exes, Rae's words felt like a bruise.
'She's a mate,' he turned his head back towards her, 'she's erm,' he messed with his fringe, feeling flustered, 'she's really into music. There were this lad's trip to Knebworth, she was supposed to go but,' he shrugged not really wanting to have this conversation. 'So I just put some tunes together that they played, y'know so she wouldn't miss out as much.' He chewed the corner of his lip, knowing that it looked bad, 'it was just a daft thing I made ages ago.'
'Mhmm, you must be really good mates then.' Not a question, a statement. Finn felt himself tense. Olivia's eyes stared into his with a small smirk. She did that a lot, like a game to see who broke away first. She knew how to make him squirm and she used it to full effect that evening.
He was once again the one to look down first. Yeah, see the thing is I made it for my ex-girlfriend. There's a load of tapes I've made and I still haven't chucked them out or taped over them because she keeps going round and round in my head because for some stupid reason I can't stop thinking about her full stop; that would go down well. Nice one Finn, you knobhead. 'She's-she's sound. You'd probably get on, she's good with jokes and all that, you'd like her.'
She took a lingering drink. 'Sounds like it, she sounds nice.' Olivia didn't look at him as she said it. He wasn't convinced that would be the end of it but she went back to looking through the box of his records and got bored and started to examine some of his dad's stuff. He'd have told her that there wasn't much decent stuff in there but she seemed interested in a few so he left her to it for a bit.
Olivia turned back to give him a look as she found the rest of the tapes and he swore under his breath. Finn was just glad that she hadn't tried to pry. He didn't know what he'd have said if she did.
He should just bin the sodding things. They were useless now. He hadn't seen her in weeks, his own fault mostly. Chloe didn't see much of her either, or Izzy. Just Arch and he hadn't said much. Just this Liam, whoever he was. He wasn't bothered by it, wasn't his business. He'd heard her tell Chloe there was nothing going on back at the pub the other day. She'd told him as much about three minutes before she nearly knocked his teeth out, even with gloves. He wasn't messing about then, she really did have a decent punch so he supposed he didn't have to worry as much if Liam or those three twats from the chippy tried anything. That last thought snapped him out of it, it wasn't any of his business what she did or who she did it with anymore. It was nothing to him, no, that was a lie, it did bother him. He just wished it didn't.
There was something off about him though, that Liam bloke. Finn didn't really pay that much attention at college but he was a bit weird. He was supposed to have set the alarm off the first week of class, supposed to be a loner who wandered about on his own most of the time anyway. He just knew people weren't fussed from the odd things he heard when people sat near him at breaks. He didn't know the guy so he hadn't really given it that much thought. He just didn't get why Rae hung about with him so much, he didn't see it.
Rae said there was nothing going on. He'd just have to take it as that, but it didn't make it any better. He still had to hear it second hand that Amy Malone was looking to give her a beating for wandering off with him. He really didn't like him. There was no point in all of it going over and over in his head as much. She'd still moved on and he had to try and do the same. Not like he had the choice, she hadn't given him any. Why was he even still thinking about this stuff?
He was still thinking about her long after she'd stopped thinking about him. Finn snapped out of it, sighed and sat up with his back to the couch. 'I'd introduce ya but I haven't seen her about for a bit, you can remind me next time we're all at the pub.'
'Aren't you heading round there tonight?'
'Yeah,' his voice died in his throat. He didn't want to say that it was just meant to be the five, or six if Rae made an appearance. Outside places like the Swan or the pitch it was fine but the pub was a bit different, it was just theirs really. He felt like a bit of a git for it, he should make more of an effort. Izzy liked her and he knew Archie and Chop wouldn't be all that bothered either way if she sat with them. 'Yeah, fancy it?'
It would probably be alright he thought. Once they'd sat down and ordered in the round it'd start to feel normal. Finn nudged his way through the chipped green door of The Swan and scanned to crowd for familiar faces. He could see Archie getting animated and his eyes snapped to her, she was right there. The jolt raced from his chest down his arms at the sight of Rae with her back to him. Olivia clutched her hand in his and pulled them to the table.
It was busier but they'd all managed to get their normal table for the night and he nodded at Chop who got up to greet him. He waited till Olivia was sat down at his side of the table to take off his jacket and ask what they were all having and busied himself with getting everybody's orders in. Anything to avoid the sight of the shiny dark hair in the side of his eye line. Chloe rattled off what she wanted but his attention snapped to Olivia who was smiling at Rae.
'You must be Rae. I've heard so much about you.'