Disclaimer: I don't own Splinter Cell or, sadly, Steve and Bob either. (The real Steve and Bob do, who ever they are.)

Summary: Steve and Bob, the official unofficial splinter cells take on a mission to finally become official. It's not really finished and it's probably really never gonna be but it's funny anyway. Forgive the lack of setting and storybase accuracy (Fisher having top secret artillery in his basement). It was just ment as a crack RP fic for the funnsies.

Note: This is in RP (role-play) format so the POV switches between Steve and Bob with each paragraph.  I am working on converting this to story format so until then enjoy.

Becoming Official

"So Bob, you ready for our mission today?" Steve says nudging Bob awake.

"zzzzzzzzzzzz hmm? What mission?" Yawns.

"Were you even listening during the briefing? We're supposed to infiltrate Fisher's home and take him hostage. We suceed in this mission and the 'unofficial' is dropped off our title."

Bob yawns. "I refuse to listen and besides you're the brains, I'm the bronze, am I'm right?" Shakes his fist in the air. "Prepare yourself Fisher! We will be official!"

"Just don't go all 'Thor-axe' on him. We're not here to kill him, although it would be kinda fun to tranqualize him." Snickers at the thought.

"Aww I don't get to stab stab slit? But then how the hell are we supposed to be official splinter cells if he's still in the picture? We'll be unofficial for the rest of our lives."

"If we cut the main character out of the picture what do you think the fans would think of us? They'd cut us out of the story all together!"

"Not if we cosplay and with hold Fisher's duties, then the fans would never find out. Or…keep him alive and use him as an unofficial while we switch off and do official solo missions."

"I'm sure he'd kill us. He already wants to kill me as it is. So yeah, if I get captured, don't expect me to come back alive."

Bob looked confused. "Why does he wanna kill you?"

Steve nervously cleared his throat. "Uh……I kinda slept with Sarah and never called her back. I guess she wanted more than just a one night stand, so she was pretty upset. Sam didn't hesitate to give me an earfull during one of our missions."

Bob couldn't help but laugh outrageosly. "So you don't just pork donkeys! Yeah your in trouble, but don't worry I'll just go 'Thor-axe' then."

"No, no killing him. I will accept my fate and just a reminder, don't sleep with his daughter. Anyway, we have a mission to do and we don't have Lambert's help this time. Fortunately if we're captured by the enemy (Fisher) we won't get a protocal six."*

"But if you die and I kill him then……ahahahaha! I'd be the only splinter cell left and then I would become the new 'Sam Fisher'!"

"Oh dear God……the world would be doomed." Steve squeezed the bridge of his nose with his fingers. "Anyway, hand me an EMF bullet," he said reaching the basement window and pulling out the SC-20K launcher.

Bob hands a bullet to his partner. "What's that supposed to mean? I can save the world while whiping out all the bad guys. The more bodies gone, the less trouble for the world……oh oh, it'll be like Death Note! I'll be the new Kira!"

Steve shot out the alarm and started putting layers of packaging tape on a large area of the window. "You don't think before you act. You'd be dead by you're first misson."

"No, they woulf be dead with my 'Thor-axe' skillz!" Bob was becoming impatiant and broke through the window loudly before Steve could finish and jumped through the newly made hole.

Steve sighed following his obnoxious partner through the window. "I swear, you better hope to Buddah that he's a heavy sleeper."

Bob looked around the dark room through his NV goggles. "Oh oh, can I take some of these gadgets? I wanna play with 'em!" He was now fiddling around with some IR/NV/EMF** goggles he found giggling like a kid in a toystore.

"You already have some! They're on you're face you tard! Oh crap!" Steve noticed that both Fisher's SC-20K rifle and M9 pistol were missing.

"But I want more," Bob said while playing with the so called missing artillery. "Look at these things! They look so fun for a nice big boom! Or to stab stab slice away at enemies!"

"Put those down we have a job to do!" Steve turned around and peeked through his optic cable into the next room. "Aww shit! When the hell did Fisher get a dog?!"

*To be continued………………..maybe*

*Protocal six was mentioned in one of the Splinter Cell novels where in the event a splinter cell agent is captured an enemy, they are therefore erased from American society and any records of their existance made non-existant.

**IR=infra-red NV=night vision EMF=electro-magnetic field