When I fell asleep that first night, all I could think about were those sixty seconds. Sixty seconds that destroyed who I was and who I wanted to be. Sixty seconds that ripped my heart to shreds, molecule by molecule. Sixty seconds was all it took to confirm that I would never be the same again.
Those sixty seconds had lasted longer than was possible. They had lasted ninety years, perhaps. I relived everything from the point of my birth to April 12th, 1912. Every mistake I had made, every triumph I had accomplished, every time I had bested Mother and she did not know, every smile I'd made and all the laughter I'd heard, every boring party and stiff birthday, every angry thought I'd ever had. I remembered all of the precious years with my father until he was taken away from me and I was left to the suppression that my mother represented.
The happiest days of my life came next- the three days that changed me in the best way possible, made me soar like an eagle. In three excruciatingly short days, I had fallen in love with a man who had pulled out my best qualities and magnified them, totally obliterating the bad ones before I saw him for the final time. I recalled with perfect detail every kiss and every tender touch, each time he had made me blush or I him, every cruel word I had said to him and the disappointed, heartbroken look that had been like a slap in the face to me when I rejected him. More than anything I remembered the feelings of absolute wonder and rightness, of love and belonging. All of these feelings I associated with his happy, carefree face and his gorgeous eyes.
And in those sixty seconds I experienced our future. Had the ship not sunk and had I gotten off it with him, like I said I would. I went to Santa Monica with him and we went to the pier. We rode horses in the surf (I felt so free…) and he drew me sitting in the sand, happier perhaps then I'd ever been. We went to his hometown and lived in a small house together. We got married in a beautiful setting and at that point, I let go of my old life completely. We lived in bliss for several years before I had my first child. It was the tiniest, most beautiful little girl on the face of the planet. She looked so like Jack, except her hair had red in it. We named her Josephine. Later, we had a boy who reminded me greatly of my father. It was wonderful to remember him so nicely everyday, every time I looked into the face of my child.
Eventually, Jack and I grew old and Josephine presented us with our first grandchild. The pattern of eternal, wonderful happiness continued up until what I imagined to be my death, with my Jack at my side.
It was then that I snapped back to reality, just in time to see my dead love disappear into the murk.
I believe now that it was he, my wonderful Jack, who sent me the gift of how my life would have been, had fate not torn us cruelly apart. He sent it to me, I think, as a message of hope, that I had to be strong and would someday see him again.
But for now, until that day comes, all I have is my memories of those sixty seconds.
A/N-
Well, how's that for an angsty little one-shot? I was in a bad mood, so...
Anyway, I'll shut up now and let you all ponder sixty seconds of what could have been!!!