She trusted Finn, really she did, but, serenade aside, Rachel couldn't help but feel threatened by the fact that her boyfriend had regained his position on the football team and was thus the object of many girl's attention. Especially not when he was happily chatting away with several cheerios after practice, while she was waiting for him on the stands.
The insecure little voice in her head, the one that always pestered her about interpersonal relationships, asked her how long she thought it would be before her left her for one of the pom pom waving girls. Hell, he'd probably end up back with Quinn, despite having turned her down when Rachel asked her to test the waters. It just seemed inevitable.
"You look like someone ran over your ferret."
Blinking, Rachel looked down at the field just below where she was sitting. Noah, sweaty and dirty from a hard practice, was peering up at her, helmet tucked under one arm. "Excuse me?" she asked, wondering if she'd heard him correctly. "Why are you inquiring about my pet?"
He snorted and shook his head. "I wasn't. I just meant you look…depressed. Kinda sad."
She didn't know why, but she was grateful that someone noticed. And it wasn't like she had anyone to discuss her relationship fears and doubts with. Sometimes, she wished she had a close friend, but somehow that always seemed to allude her.
"Perhaps I am a bit out of sorts. I was just feeling a bit doubtful about the strength of my relationship with Finn, now that he's back on the football team."
Almost as soon as she said those words, she regretted it, fearful that they would be used to mock her. Instead, Noah just looked across the field and shrugged, "Don't worry about it. He's just talking to them."
"I know," she sighed, then continued, "I was just more at ease when we were on more equal footing. He disliked my Britney inspired look so I went back to my old clothes. I don't see why he couldn't do the same for me."
"Okay, point one: The Britney look, not so different from your normal one. Point two: Being on the team is part of who Finn is. Even when we suck, we're a part of something. It makes you feel good, safe."
"But why aren't I enough to make him feel good?"
"Wow," Noah said, giving her a clearly amused look. "You do know that sounds even more self centered than your usual me!me!me! view of the world, right?"
"I know!" she replied unhappily, looking down at her hands. "I just…I wish he'd chosen me. I asked and, clearly, I'm not enough."
There was a moment of silence and Rachel was sure Noah was looking at her with something akin to scorn for expressing that opinion. When she gathered her nerve and looked up, she was surprised to see a fairly soft expression on his face.
"I chose you," he said softly, then quirked a smile at her. "He didn't, but we both know Finn's not the sharpest tool in the shed."
That actually made Rachel laugh is surprise. "Noah!" she admonished him gently. The she sobered and looked at him thoughtfully. "I never asked…but why did you choose me?"
He shrugged, looking vaguely uncomfortable, but he replied, "You're worth choosing…but if you tell anyone I said that I will deny it."
"Of course," she agreed, but kept smiling, as she felt in much better spirits than she had in days.
He nodded brusquely. "Well, later," he said, turning to head off to the showers. He paused after a step and said, "Just so you know, this look," he waved a finger at her, indicating her skirt and knee socks, "So much hotter that the Britney look. Just my opinion."
With that he headed off to the locker room, leaving Rachel sitting on the bleachers smiling. Nearly ten minutes later, when Finn finally extracted himself from the huddle of cheerleaders, she was still smiling. He thought he was the reason for her happiness and she didn't have the heart to tell him, no, he really wasn't.