Almost a year had passed since Edward left me, and I hadn't heard a word from him since. I expected it to be like this, since he said it would be as if he never existed. Although, I may had expected it, but I found myself unable to accept it.

Everybody said that I looked better now. Ha… that wasn't really much of an achievement; any state would be better than that of a zombie. I owed my newfound 'happiness' to my best friend, Jacob Black.

He was a life saver… in more ways than one. It wasn't just my mental sanity that I owed to him, but also the thousands of times that he saved me from my enemies.

Just a few weeks ago, Jacob and his pack freed me from Victoria. Unfortunately, there was no way that he could free me from my thoughts, but being near him made them easier to live with, easier to endure. Without him, my thoughts tended to focus on my time with Edward.

After the cliff diving incident, where Jacob had saved me from an assured death, I was no longer able to hear Edward's voice. As soon as my father became aware of what I had done, including my thrill of riding motorcycles, he banned me from all things he considered dangerous. He also grounded me for a month; which was unnecessary; my guilt for making Charlie miserable and my inability to call forth my lover's voice made my need to be reckless diminish.

Since it wasn't possible to infuriate Edward by breaking my promise to be safe, I focused on doing things that I knew would annoy him. I did that by doing little things that I he wouldn't like, such as, cheating on my exams, cutting my hair, and getting a tattoo. Ok… so maybe I didn't get a tattoo, I went into the tattoo shop and started too, but I chickened out when I heard the needle. Doing these careless things made me feel like he was with me... as if he cared.

Of course, Jacob didn't know about my attempts to keep Edward near. I knew that he wouldn't understand, and that he would be pissed off. He usually was, when I did something he felt was stupid, related to my ex-boyfriend. Therefore, I continued to let him think that I was all right, to let him think that I was over Edward. It was better for our friendship. Jacob had made such an effort to try to make me feel good. The last thing I wanted to do is to disappoint him. I owed him so much and was forever in his debt.

I knew that Jacob wanted me. Many times he had stated that I was the right girl for him; but I knew he was wrong. I loved Jacob, he was the most important person in my life, and that was why we couldn't be together. I wanted the best for him. Someone, who could make him happy, someone, who could be with him fully. Someone, who wouldn't constantly compare him to her previous partner. Someone, who was honest with him. I didn't want to play games with his heart.

I often felt guilty about not telling Jacob how I really felt about Edward, how I invented methods to keep Edward near me. Other times, I knew that it was better for Jacob and my friendship. Actually, if I was completely honest with myself I was afraid that if I did tell Jacob the truth, he would give up on me and leave. So, I continued to withhold this piece of information and pretended that everything was fine again. The downside to my dishonesty was that Jacob had been waiting for me to be well again, so that he could have his chance. I wasn't sure what to do now, or how to handle the situation. I found these thoughts floating through my head as I made my way out of school.

I had almost reached at my truck when I heard my name being called. I recognized the voice as belonging to my new lab partner, Martin. He was a very sweet guy, and it was obvious that he had a crush on me. I may had something to do with that… Normally, my reaction to a boy's attempt to get my attention would be to act cold and dismissive, but with Martin, I fed the fire. He was my new project and completely unaware of it.

When the idea first came to my mind, I was ashamed; I wasn't that kind of girl. However, Martin was persistent, and he kept asking me out. He said the sweetest things, and I was starting to give in to my plan. It would be so bad, so not like me. I knew it would anger Edward and so I came to decision - Martin and I would be an item.

Naturally, it had nothing to do with his charm, his looks, not even his personality. Actually, it had nothing to do with him at all. Anyone would have been suitable. However, Martin was so persistent. In addition, he was new to school and didn't know anything about my past with Edward. He was the perfect subject. He wasn't too bright, wasn't into music or art, he wasn't wealthy and his only interest, besides myself, was sports. Edward would hate him.

This wasn't the first time, since Edward had left, that I had thought about going into a relationship. There was just no preferable nominee, until now. Mike was out of the question, he dated Jessica, and they were steady… most of the time, anyway. The other boys who were interested in me when I was fresh meat the last year, either were taken or had simply lost interest during my zombie phase.

Of course, Jacob was very interested in me, but he was clearly and undoubtedly out of the question. I would never do that to him. I wouldn't play with his emotions. His friendship was priceless to me. Jacob was the one who was holding me together, and he was my only worry when I was making my plan. I knew that he would not be happy about this, but I was determined to take this step.

It was perfect. I wouldn't be breaking my word to Charlie. Dating wasn't dangerous. I wouldn't be breaking my word to Edward. It wasn't reckless either, but it would make him mad that I was using someone. That was why I was doing it.

I hoped like hell he was watching over me. That was the real reason, why I was doing this. I was unwilling to accept that he would let me go forever. I knew that Alice would surely keep him updated on me. I knew that when she looked, she would see Martin at the moment I said yes to him.

Martin caught up with me at my truck. I turned to him and tried to do my best to encourage him, so I smiled at him wide. He responded with a similar grin, but unlike mine, his was genuine.

"Bella, you left so quickly," he panted out of air. Did he run all the way to talk to me? What could be so important that it couldn't wait until tomorrow? We had class together every day.

"Yeah, I have a date with a friend," I answered before I could think it over. I was headed La Push. Jake and I were supposed to spend the afternoon together. Like always. However, why did I call it a date, especially in front of Martin?

"A date?" his smile visibly fell at my hasty answer.

"Oh, nothing like a date…date. It's more like an… appointment, or not even that… it's just - " I found myself trying to explain my relationship with Jake. I wanted to make sure that Martin understood that it wasn't a date in a romantic way; on the other hand I felt bad saying that it wasn't. I could easily picture Jacob's disappointed face after he heard that. "Anyway, not something that cannot be delayed," I concluded.

"I'm glad about that, because I wanted to ask you out on a date… a cannot be delayed one," he joked.

I had been waiting for him to ask me out, but now that he was, I just wanted to say no. I didn't like this guy. Yes, he was good looking and athletic, he was on the soccer team. He was popular and every girls' dream, perfect boyfriend material. I had never imagined it would be this hard to pretend I was interested, but I was willing to make sacrifices. So I took a deep breath and said, "Sure, why not?"

Oh, Edward would be so pissed, and Jacob…well, I wasn't sure exactly how he was going to react.

On my drive to La Push I contemplated how I should announce the news to Jacob. My first idea was the direct approach, namely, as soon as I get there I stand in front of him and tell him that I have a date; and I could watch the heartbroken expression on his face. Or I could tell him that he should be happy, because he helped me feel better, and as a result I was going on a date; and then I could watch the heartbroken expression on his face. Maybe I should just keep my mouth shut and wait until he finds out on his own; and then watch the heartbroken expression on his face. No matter what, it seemed like, there was no way to avoid breaking Jacob's heart. I really should tell him face to face and not let him just find out, but I had no idea how.

As usual, Jacob was waiting for me at the door as soon as I arrived in front of his house. He was smiling at me, no, he was beaming, and I felt my heart sink knowing that I was going to cause him pain. However, I made up my mind and I was committed to my plan.

I hesitantly got out of the car and walked to his door, where he was standing, leaning to the doorway. His smile faded a bit with my every step. Gosh, why couldn't I hide my feelings better, and why did he know me so thoroughly? He could see something wasn't right. By the time I reached him, he was completely serious and the expression on his face was filled with worry.

"What's wrong?" he asked. When I was close enough he immediately reached for me and pulled me into a hug. I should have opposed. I needed to stand my ground and move along with plan A, tell him right away that I had a date. My body had other ideas, and just followed the normal routine. My arms circled around Jacob's waist and my head moved to rest on his chest. He held me close, and I knew, there was no way in hell I could say something to him that would result in not being held in his arms any more. Therefore, I just sighed and said, "Just… one of those days." So much for plan A.

The rest of the day went by as usual. Jacob was working on a friend's car quietly humming to himself in the process. I was sitting in the armchair the he had placed in one of the corners of his garage for me to relax and be with him on these quiet afternoons. I enjoyed these moments. Jacob and I just hanging out - yet still doing our own stuff. I usually read a magazine or a book, or we listened to music while he tinkered away on something. Sometimes we didn't even speak to each other the whole time, we just enjoyed each other's company.

Today I was too anxious and felt too guilty to be so nonchalant. I was trying to read, but I couldn't comprehend a word. In my mind, I told him about my date numerous times and in various forms, but I wasn't able to actually say the words out loud. It was all because in my head all of scenarios ended with him Jacob sending me away… forever.

So, instead of telling Jake about my date I just watched him work. He wasn't suspecting a thing. He whistled softly while scrubbing some unknown part of the vehicle with a cloth. He was as he always was, or at least every time I saw him. Happy. I never wanted to be the one to cause him pain. He was just so… innocent. Of course, of course, I know, he was very far from innocent. He was a werewolf for goodness sake; he could and did tear apart vampires using his teeth and claws. It wasn't that he was naïve, but the way he looked at life - the way he always found the good in everything, how he could laugh at every situation and made me laugh… he was so intact, so far from everything bad in this world. I didn't want to make him unhappy. He was just so good.

In that moment, part of me also realized what the real reason was that I didn't choose Jacob to be my partner in crime. Secretly, I was afraid that Edward would approve of Jacob as my boyfriend. Yes, he was a werewolf, a vampire's arch nemesis. Nevertheless, I knew that if Edward had ever cared about even a little and if he truly wanted me to be happy without him, he would approve of Jacob, simply because Jacob loved me.

Jacob was smart, intelligent, funny and handsome. He would be suitable for me in wit and in looks. More importantly, he was capable and more than willing to protect and take care of me. Me being with Jacob wouldn't bother Edward that much, however, me being with Martin would bother him, since I had no feelings for him at all. That was exactly how I had planned.

Jacob's voice pulled me out of my reverie. Although, I didn't hear the words he said.

"Sorry, what did you say?" I asked after I drifted back to reality.

"Just wanted to know what you're reading?"

"Ohh… just a chick magazine," I answered. In all honesty, I had to check the front page first, just to be sure. I just picked it up from a stack I found on one of the shelves in the garage.

"Really?" he asked incredulously, with raised eyebrows.

"Yeah, what's so strange about that? I am a chick, you know."

He snorted and went back to cleaning the don't-know-what, but I heard him say, "No, you're not."

His comment offended me. True, I wanted him to treat me like a friend or sibling, but that doesn't mean I didn't want him to see me as a female.

"What are you implying?" I hissed.

"Nothing. I am just stating a fact, that - "

"That I am completely unladylike?" I butted in. This was what I had feared. I knew that after Edward left I cared less about my general attire than I had even before I met him. I still showered and kept up with my hygiene, but I hadn't been to a hairdresser or manicurist since Alice last dragged me to one. Since I completely lost interest in the love department, I just figured, that there was no need for me to try to look attractive. Anyway, Jacob was the only guy who was around me, and I thought I looked good enough to hang out with him in his greasy, dirty garage. Up until this point… now I felt grungy. I yanked off the blanket that I was using to cover myself and jumped up from my chair. I was determined to leave. I was going straight home… or maybe to a hairdresser.

Jacob sighed and dropped the cloth he was holding. He caught my arm as I tried to leave. He was holding me gently so as not to hurt me, but strong enough that there was no way I could escape.

"Will you hear me out?" he asked. Speaking to me as if I were a child stomping her foot and throwing a tantrum.

"Do I have another choice?" I asked my eyes focused on an invisible spot on the ground.

With his left hand still on my arm, he lifted my chin with his right hand so that I was forced to look into his eyes. I wasn't the emotional type, more like the suffer in silence type. The fact that he could think these kinds of things about me made me want to cry. That surprised me, because I thought I didn't care about the kind of impression I made on him, at least not were my looks were concerned… I mean what did that matter, if all I wanted was his friendship.

So, I inhaled and prepared myself for the hurtful words, except he didn't say what I expected.

"You are no chick, because they are the kind of girls who care only about themselves and their looks. Bells, you are more than that. You are smart, funny, you are my best friend and you are the most beautiful girl I know. That was what I meant."

I was looking into his eyes the whole time he spoke and I could see he really meant it. The tears I wanted to suppress slowly ran down my cheek. These were not bitter tears, not anymore. They were partly tears of joy for what he said, and partly tears of sorrow for what I was about to say.

We were staring into each other's eyes for several moments and I knew I was in trouble. His left hand moved up on my arm and now it was gently squeezing my right shoulder. His other hand now cupped my cheek as he softly pulled my face closer to his. His expression was very tense, as if afraid if he moved to fast, he would startle me. He was so wrong. I was already frightened. Mainly because - god help me – I really wanted to kiss him. I glanced at his lips and found myself licking my own, which made him smile. I looked into his eyes and could see hope. Hope that this would be the moment for us… and I panicked.

"I'm going on a date tomorrow!" I blurted out. So much for any sensible plan… crap.