Those Walls You Built
AN: Anyway, I got thinking about how Finn and Rachel were neglected in the back9 considering they had heavy issues to handle in their lives and the writers deprived us of much needed friendship that makes their duo that much more dynamic. I also despised how the writers neglected Rachel's feeling on the aftermath of the Shelby drama so here's my filler into how she would open up to Finn over their summer. Hope you like it!
They've always been able to talk, about the baby drama, about their feeling for eachother through a painfully strained friendship that was never really just that. But she's never really opened up to him, she's just listened to him whine and moan about all his problems. Now he feels like a crappy boyfriend and a shoddy friend but letting her shut him out.
So did he just imagine the last year or has it all been blocked out by the fact she's barely said anything remotely meaningful the last few weeks they've been together. It's all giggles at his lame jokes and her dodging the question when he asks about how she's handling things with her mother adopting Beth. She's slipping away from him and he feels like the string they share between them is thinning down to the extent it's about to rip apart. They've been sitting cosily on her sofa watching some melodramatic musical, her eyes glued to the screen as he peers into her, trying to read the thoughts she wouldn't voice.
It's been 2 agonising months of just blissful coupledom with licking ice-cream off the others' face and kissing and making out in the park, the cinema, her room, his sofa. She's barely spoken about her pain, and he feels like a hammer is hitting his head right now as he drenching in the guilt not being there for her when she needed him. Did he dream that they sang their hearts out, a love song to the journey of their tumultuous complicated relationship and he'd said he loved her like breathing after holding a long breath? Did she forget or is she just broken?
He can't tell anymore because her face cracks into the biggest smile only to moments later break into invisible cracks in a well crafted mask she paints for him, he catches the facade peeling away when she thinks he's not looking and it breaks something in him so see her so detached. Then it happens, they've just finished watching Funny Girl for what seems like the billionth time and she's curled into his lap, his arms holding her close to him, steadying her when she bursts into tears, frantically sobbing into his chest. Her face is buried into the crook of his neck as he strokes her hair, willing hr to look at him and tell her what upset her. She composes herself almost too comically and says the bittersweet ending hit her, and he knows then she's lying. It's her mum.
She's been running around like a maniac all excited about their 3 month anniversary, he's kind of disappointed cos she still hasn't uttered those 3 magical words from her perfectly plump pink lips and he continues to whisper them in her ear as they say goodnight every night. No result. She's standing on his doorstep, her hair flying about against the gust of the cool summer breeze as he leans down to kiss her cheek when she looks at him all offended. What did he do now? Then she places her hands on her hips and calls him by his full name, Finn Joshua Hudson. And he knows he's in trouble. He resists the urge to curse when she barges past him into the empty house; his parents have gone for the weekend so it's just him. He doesn't what's gotten into her but she just wanders into the passage, all stout and furious. Finally the deafening silence breaks when she whines into the hollow darkness.
'You didn't say it!'
Now he's confused. He closes the door behind them and sees a remnant of tears fall from her pretty eyes as she looks to the ground.
'You've stopped haven't you?'
Stopped what? He honestly doesn't know what he's done, he's exhausted and all he wants to do in slip under the covers and have a dirty hot dream about him and her doing the deed.
Now her face is all wet and she's starting to sniff quietly in the corner of the kitchen, facing away from him. He's seen this before, her random mood swings, he figures it's cos the year's been hard on her and bottling it all up so much.
He walks up behind her and wraps his arms around her waist, kissing her silky smooth hair as she wipes away the tears soaking her blushing face.
'What's wrong?'
She's crying hysterically now as he holds her tighter, hugging her against him. He can't form the words from her hiccups and sniffing and sobs.
'You-you-d-don't lo-ve- m-anymore.'
He starts to laugh at how adorable her slur is as she turns around to start pun ding his t-shirt clad chest with puny fist punches. Ow, that hurts. And he can't help it, he burst into a full belly laugh as he edges away from his hold and folds her arms beneath her chest, the cut of her peaking out the curve of her breasts as she knits her eyebrows annoyed. Drama queen.
He chuckles and he pulls her closer, his chin resting on the top of her head.
'You're so silly.'
Her hands circle his waist as she buries her head into his chest, his hands rubbing soothing circles on her back as he tells her repeatedly, he loves her and he'll never stop. She stays over that night, clutching to his hip as he snores into a heavy dream about her in roller-skates and a short short skirt flying up in the windy air. He wakes up in the middle of the night to find her spot in the bed empty, the warmth of her body gone from his embrace to be replaced with the cool breeze of the wind coming from his bedroom window.
He hears some clanging and some teeny tiny footsteps as he creaks down the stairs, peeking in at her making some cocoa and trying to be super quiet but failing as she knocks stuff over in the pantry.
He's got this crooked smile peering from his sleepy face as he watches her completely unnoticed by the doorframe. He's rubbing his face trying to wipe away the sleep as she blows into the giant cup trying to cool the liquid. He doesn't think she could be any cuter if she tried.
Then she screams, like a banshee, bumping into his creeping figure as he dodges her slaps laughing into the night about how she scares so easily.
'That is not funny!' He mimics her with full of hand effect, her screechy scream as bounces all over the place mocking her.
'Mean! Mean! Mean!' She's smacking his arms with the coaster as he laughs harder.
'You love me, scared cat.' Then comes the silence. Crap, he shouldn't have said that.
She shrinks into his oversized shorts and wife beater as the silence looms over them. Then she whispers two words as he gulps.
'I do.'
Her tired eyes are peeing into the chocolate in her mug as he replays the words.
'I do love you.'
He's staring at her intently, like she just appeared out of his wildest dreams and she says it again. He's been waiting to hear it for months and it comes out of the blue.
'I love you too.'
He breaks out into the largest grin, the sleepy layer of fatigue in his face cracking with an overwhelming happiness as he takes the cup from her tiny hands and rests it on the counter, lifting her cup and spinning her around as she squeals.
Her head is on the crook of his neck and they're still standing there, her body hugged into his giant frame as her arms circle his neck. He feels wetness all of a sudden on his neck.
'I miss my mum.' Her arms tighten around his neck as he holds her for the longest time. It's 3am and they're standing in their warm embrace by the doorway of the kitchen. Finally.
They're lying in his cramped single bed, her tiny frame flush against his own as he engulfs her in a tight embrace, stroking her face with the pad of his thumb as they gaze at the other.
'Talk to me.' He pleads and the shiny tracks of her face dry away with the stroke of his long fingers as she shakes her head. 'Please'. He's begging with the gentles warmth of his cinnamon eyes as her nostrils flare, ready for another waterfall of hot salty tears.
'She didn't want me,' she says, bowing her head down as he fingers her silky chestnut hair and she clutches onto the neck of his shirt, gripping the fabric with her hand.
It's hiccups and heartache as wets his shirt, the quiet wild of the night disturbed by her bellowing sobs knocking her petite body as he rubs her back until she falls asleep.
He's still awake as she snoozes his chest, the wind from the window blowing past his face as he stares at the ceiling, the steady rhythm of her breath calming him as she sleeps.
He hates that woman. How can you just walk into your own daughters' life and then just desert her for a brand new baby? It's like trading into a grown doll for a pony cos she's shiny and new. He grits his teeth and his jaw clenches as he thinks harder. He has a mind to storm into Akron and give the hourglass size version of Rachel a piece of his mind. His hands fist into balls at the sides her slim waist as he gazes down at her. She seems lighter somehow, like the weight she's carrying on her shoulders have finally been released and her shallow breathes help the rise and fall of her chest as he kisses her temple. It's over, the pain gone.
She finally let him in and he can't help but be blissfully happy, the swell of his heart fluttering as she snuggles closer to him. He broke down the walls she built and let him in.