Hogwarts had really gone all-out with the Halloween decorations this year - but then again, Lily thought, they always did. Intricately carved pumpkins were lined up along the teachers' table so that the students felt they were being watched by not just the teachers, watching sternly for any signs of unfair trickery going on, but by at least twelve frankly quite terrifying pumpkin heads. Lily wondered if someone had actually sat and carved them themselves, or if there was a spell for that kind of thing. There was also at least double the number of candles hanging from the enchanted ceiling, and the tables looked as if they ought to be sagging under the weight of a hundred different halloween-themed foods; pumpkin pies, toffee apples, bright green cauldron cakes, dark chocolate ice cream with strawberry sauce 'blood'… it was magnificent.

The problem was that Lily didn't feel very much like joining in with the festivities. The day had been awful so far; while everyone had been discussing their costumes for the feast, Lily had discovered that her choice of outfit - a little black dress with a cat-eared headband - had been ripped somehow (she had her suspicions, all of which revolved around Maureen's dreadful cat, who Lily liked to call Cruella). Then they had been given a surprise key dates test in History of Magic which she was sure she had messed up, and to top it all off, James seemed to be ignoring her.

She tried to convince herself that it didn't matter. He was so annoying… she should be celebrating the fact that he was leaving her alone. And yet she couldn't help but miss the insults flying back and forth between them, the way he smiled with one half of his mouth when he called her Evans, the feeling of her heart thudding against her ribcage when he turned and almost caught her looking at him in lessons…. dammit, Lily couldn't help but miss him.

"Nice outfit, Lily," Remus said as he dropped into the seat beside her at the Gryffindor table. She had managed a quick stitching charm to fix the rip in the black dress and had covered the resulting untidiness with a black cardigan, meaning that she was able to go as a cat after all.

She smiled at him briefly. "Thanks." She returned her gaze to the pumpkin pie on her plate, pretending not to notice when James and Sirius took the seats opposite Remus. Would James notice her dress? She felt a nervous, fluttery feeling in her stomach, waiting for the anticipated witty comment to be aimed in her direction.

None came. She allowed herself a fleeting glance in his direction; he was wearing antlers and a thick brown jumper, and talking to Peter, who was sat on the other side of Remus. He didn't look at her at all. Her heart sank. Had he finally given up on her? Had he taken all her insults and refusals too seriously? Was it too late?

"Lily?"

She dragged her gaze back to Remus, who was looking at her expectantly. "Mmm?"

"I said, what do you think of our outfits?"

For the first time, she registered what the four of them were wearing; James was wearing the aforementioned antlers, Sirius had expertly mussed-up hair and painted-on whiskers, Peter had what appeared to be mouse ears and Remus — Remus had painted on long, thin fangs and was now waggling his fingers at her to show her his lengthened nails.

"You're…. animals?" she asked, a little confused.

Remus smiled, and there was something in his eyes she didn't fully comprehend, but it was Sirius who answered from across the table. "Of course. I considered dressing up as a witch but I figured that was too mainstream," he said, smirking.

"You mean too easy," James interjected, nudging Sirius' arm so that he nearly spilt his drink. Her eyes flickered to James, who still wasn't even looking at her. She swallowed hard.

"Did no-one tell you it's the wrong holiday for Rudolph?" Lily asked James, her voice coming out a lot more hostile than she intended.

His head snapped up, his eyes meeting hers properly for the first time. "What in the name of Merlin is Rudolph?" he asked evenly, eyebrows hitching upwards.

"Oh, come on, you must know Rudolph." For some reason, James' continued confusion only angered her further. "The red-nosed reindeer?" she prompted impatiently. "Had a very shiny nose?"

James stared at her, looking half as though he wanted to open his mouth and argue with her on a subject he knew nothing about, and half as though he wanted to burst out laughing. The decision was made when Sirius started laughing beside him, and James joined in with his stupid, annoying, beautiful lips stretching widely across his face.

Lily gave him her most fierce evils. "You have essentially come to a Halloween feast dressed up as a Christmas reindeer," she told him as coolly as she could manage, "So I wouldn't be laughing if I was you."

James stopped laughing. His lips went into a thin, flat line. "Yeah, I'm sure you wouldn't."

"And what's that supposed to mean?" Lily vaguely felt Remus' hand on her arm, heard Peter muttering something along the lines of 'not again', but she saw nothing but James.

"It's supposed to mean nothing. Cool it, Evans," James said with forced nonchalance, beginning to turn away from her. That did it. Suddenly, Lily was on her feet. James Potter, James really-cute-in-antlers Potter thought he could make a comment like that and then just turn away from her after ignoring her all day?

"Well, it clearly means something," she persisted, her voice growing steadily louder. "And you've been ignoring me all day, so tell me, what exactly am I supposed to have done?"

James was quiet for a moment; his face turned away from her, all she could see was the outline of his tensed jaw and his hand on the table, curled into a tight fist. Then, in one fluid movement, he too was on his feet and looking right at her, eyes boring into hers.

"You haven't done anything." His voice shook. "That's just it, you haven't done anything."

Lily felt heat rise to her cheeks. She knew she was blushing, knew her cheeks were as red as Rudolph's sodding nose, and yet for once she didn't care. "Oh yeah?" she countered angrily, "Then what's your problem?"

"You want to know what my problem is?" James snapped, his eyes narrowed now. "You want to know why I know you wouldn't be laughing if you were me?"

"That's what I just asked!" Lily was yelling now, and James flinched as if she'd hurt him. She felt a flicker of guilt and embarrassment at losing her cool so completely like this in the middle of the Great Hall, but she was too angry and hurt to care.

He looked down, away from her, and there was a long silence. It seemed like most of the Gryffindor table was holding their breaths.

"For Merlin's sake, you could at least look at me," Lily yelled, but her voice wobbled at the end and she sounded more like a wounded animal than a threatening one.

"I don't want to." The reply was so soft that at first she thought she'd imagined it. But then James looked up once more, hazel eyes wide and open and honest, and repeated it without her needing to ask. "I don't want to."

Lily felt as though someone had wrenched out her insides. Empty. Stunned. "What?" she asked, a beat later than she intended. She had to work to reinsert the venom into her voice, to make it seem like she wasn't hurt. "What? Why?"

"BECAUSE I SODDING LOVE YOU," James yelled, startling Sirius so much that he upturned his flask of pumpkin juice. "OKAY? Every time I look at you I remember that I love you but I'm clearly not good enough for you, so you know what? I give up, Evans. I give up." The last sentence was muttered and sounded so hopeless, so defeated, that Lily just stared at him as he turned on his heel and hurried past the rows of gawking students and out of the Great Hall.

Lily remained stood up even when a distressed Remus tried to pull her back down into her seat. Sirius was muttering something to do with owing McGonagall two galleons but Lily barely registered his complaints. James Potter loved her. James Potter loved her.

"Excuse me," she muttered distractedly, before stepping over the bench and heading for the doors which had just swung shut behind her very own Halloween surprise.