A/N: Coming to you live from Ohayocon 2012, it's missbip0lar's unbeta'd one-shots (installment number one). This story is loosely based on my life. I have two friends (who will remain un-named). They are both bisexual boys and are both at Ohayocon with me. They have promised me real-life yaoi while at Ohayocon, and I became inspired to write a story based on them. So Naruto and Sasuke, in my story, are both a little OOC, as their characters are loosely based on my friends' personalities.

(For the record, the friend I'm dubbing Sasuke in this story, is super hot)

(Sorry I'm all hopped up on energy drinks! WHEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!)

WARNINGS: Yaoi smut, as always, OOCness. Slight Sakura/Suigetsu and Naruto/Karin (odd pairings, I know, but it makes sense for this story.)

Not Gay by missbip0lar

Sakura sat in front of her computer, chin resting on her hand, finishing up the latest chapter of the fanfiction she'd been religiously following the past few weeks, while her boyfriend sat on the floor in front of the couch playing Mortal Kombat on his Xbox. The front door suddenly flew open and in walked a very flustered Sasuke.

"Suigetsu," he sighed, "Sakura, you guys need to find me something to fuck. Quickly."

Sakura sighed and turned back to her computer. She knew Sasuke was going through a little bit of a dry spell, having already had a one-night-stand with all of Sakura and Suigetsu's friends, and even troliing the bars for random girls he would never see again.

"This would be a lot easier if you would just admit you like guys," Sakura quipped. "You've already fucked all my friends. In the ass."

"You just want everyone to be gay so you can stay in your yaoi fantasy world even when your eyes aren't glued to that computer screen," Sasuke remarked snidely. It was obvious to Sakura that Sasuke still didn't like her all that much, even after she'd stopped hitting on him and started dating his college roommate-slash-best friend.

"Actually, Sasuke," Suigetsu chimed in, pausing his video game to look at his friend, "I have to agree with Sakura on this one. Every girl you've been with since I met you has complained about you insisting on anal. Why not do it with someone who will really enjoy it? Like a guy?"

"Because I'm not. Gay," Sasuke said, balling his fists. "It's just a tighter hole. And it makes it easier for me to get off."

"Yeah," Suigetsu chuckled. "There's a word for that. I think it's… gay."

Before Sasuke had a chance to retaliate, they heard screeching tires and loud dubstep music from the street outside the apartment. Sakura squealed.

"Speaking of gay," Sasuke grumbled, "Sakura's other half is here."

"Naruto is not gay," Sakura corrected. "He's bisexual. And he has two girlfriends."

For the second time that night, their front door burst open, and Sakura's two best friends came bounding in. The blond and redhead squeezed Sakura and they all sat down on the couch. Naruto and Sakura had known each other since they were just kids, and Karin was the newest addition to the group, one of Suigetsu's friends. Karin and Naruto hadn't been dating that long, and it seemed like Karin was adjusting to a polyamorous relationship quite well.

"Got any smut for us to read today, darlin'?" Naruto asked innocently as he took his place next to his best friend.

"Not today guys," Sakura said, defeated. "I've been reading all day and haven't had the chance to write."

"So she's been stuck in Fanfiction-Land all day?" Karin asked Suigetsu.

"Of course," he replied matter-of-factly. "My only day off this week and she's been in that goddamn computer since she got up."

They heard a giggle from the next room over, and then a pitter-pattering of little feet as the youngest member of their group joined them. The toddler climbed in to Naruto's lap and planted a kiss right on his lips.

"Hi, Konohamaru!" Naruto exclaimed. "Has Mommy been on the computer all day again? I see you're still wearing your jammie-jams."

"Naru," Konohamaru said sweetly, "come play with trucks."

"Not right now, little dude," Naruto chuckled, setting the two-year-old back on the floor. "It's grown-up time."

"So back to my problem," Sasuke huffed as Konohamaru ran back to his bedroom.

"Oh, no," Sakura said, turning back to her computer. "My friends are officially off-limits until you fuck a guy."

"WHAT?" Sasuke bellowed.

"I agree," Suigetsu nodded quietly. "Now come over here, grab a controller, and fight me."

"Oh, you're going down," Sasuke smirked as he took his place on the floor beside Suigetsu.

"You know, Sasuke," Naruto interjected, "I am bi, and I know plenty of gay guys. If they're giving you this ultimatum, you may as well go through with it if you want to continue fucking Sakura's friends."

"Seriously," Sasuke warned, "shut the fuck up, dobe. You don't know what you're talking about, for one. And for two, I can find my own girls who are willing t put up with my kinks."

"Yeah," Suigetsu snorted. "That's been working so well for you the past month."

Sasuke landed a playful punch on Suigetsu's arm, and Suigetsu laughed.

"So why are we trying to get Sasuke to fuck a guy?" Karin wondered out loud.

"Because he refuses to put his dick anywhere near a pussy. Every girl he fucks, he fucks her in the ass." Sakura tried to contain a giggle as Karin's jaw dropped.

"Still?" She asked. "This has been going on for, what, almost ten years now, Sasuke? I really think it's time you bite the bullet and do a guy. Naruto would be willing."

"I am not fucking Naruto, or any other guy for that matter," Sasuke sighed. "This dry spell has gone on long enough. It's been a month since I've had a piece of ass. It's about time to resort to plan B."

"How can you honestly even think about getting a girl too drunk to function and then violate her ass?" Sakura asked, rubbing her temples. Sometimes Sasuke disgusted her with his lack of tact, but that was part of what was to love about Sasuke.

"So he's really only been having anal sex for the past ten years?" Naruto asked, incredulous. "With only girls? How is that even possible?"

"Look at the guy!" Sakura exclaimed. "With those looks, he can talk a girl in to anything."

"But, seriously, Sasuke," Naruto said concernedly, "it would make more sense for you to be using your gifts on guys."

"Shut. The fuck. Up." Sasuke said through gritted teeth.

-OoOoOoO-

Sasuke didn't necessarily mind Naruto. Sure, he was annoying, and persistent, but that was part of the appeal, in his eyes. If he had to be honest with himself, Naruto did have a certain charm about him; a certain sexual appeal that he'd never encountered in any other man. Maybe if the dobe wasn't so annoying, he'd actually let him be his first. No. He had to stop thinking like that. He was not gay. Uchihas were not gay.

He sighed, feeling the blond's eyes boring into his back. He tried to concentrate on the task at hand: kicking Suigetsu's ass at Mortal Kombat. He was winning, of course. Suigetsu didn't stand a chance in hell. He heard faint whispering from the trio on the couch, but thought nothing of it. Let them conspire about getting me with a guy, Sasuke thought. It wasn't going to happen. Like Suigetsu winning, there wasn't a chance in-

Sasuke froze as he felt hot breath on his right ear. A tongue traced along the ear, sending shivers all throughout Sasuke's body. He dropped the controller, temporarily forgetting the game. He reached his right hand back and grabbed the tufts of blond he knew he would find there. He tugged at the hair and Naruto's teeth caught Sasuke's ear lobe, once again sending shivers all throughout him. He let a small whimper escape his lips as Naruto's hand found its way up his chest to tweak a nipple. How did that fucker know his sweet spot?

"Holy fuck, no wonder I won," Suigetsu commented in awe, bringing Sasuke back to reality. He was pissed. He quickly stood.

"What the fuck was that?" Sasuke demanded as he glared at Naruto, who was now sitting exactly where he had been.

"Just showing you that a man's touch can be just as erotic as a woman's," Naruto grinned. "Nice hard-on, by the way."

Sasuke felt his face flush as he tried in vain to hide his erection.

"That wasn't fair!" Sasuke accused, stomping like Konohamaru might. "Sakura told you exactly what to do."

"Wait," Suigetsu cut in. "How does Sakura know what turns you on?"

"I was one of his first victims," Sakura said, turning back to her computer. "Like Karin said, this has been going on for years, and I was pretty obsessed with Sasuke. I would have done anything he asked of me."

"I keep forgetting that you guys knew each other before we hooked up," Suigetsu noted.

"And right now I wish I never would have met her," Sasuke snarled in Sakura's direction.

"Oh, lighten up!" Sakura giggled, not tearing her eyes away from the computer screen. "Don't get all pissy just because Naruto nibbled your ear exactly the way you like it."

"Hn."

"You think it was unfair?" Naruto asked suddenly, standing up and coming eye-to-eye with Sasuke." Ywenty bucks says I can give you a hard-on without nibbling your ear… Or touching your cock," he added as Sasuke opened his mouth to protest.

"Twenty bucks?" Sasuke asked, considering the offer. It was twenty bucks he was bound to lose, but it would definitely give him something to put in his spank bank for later use. And maybe he did want to know just what the blond was capable of.

"Scared?" Naruto taunted.

"Not hardly," Sasuke snorted in return. "I just think the wager is a little juvenile. How about this: first one with a raging boner owes the other 100 bucks."

"100 dollars?" Naruto gulped. "Not all of us are heirs to a Fortune 500 company, you know."

"Scared?" Sasuke teased back.

"A little," Naruto admitted. "I don't exactly have 100 bucks lying around."

"Not confident in your abilities?" Sasuke smirked.

Before he knew it, he was being pushed against the wall, Naruto's hands tangled in his hair. He covered Sasuke's mouth with his own and Sasuke didn't resist. Instead he opened his mouth to allow Naruto's tongue entrance. He barely stifled a moan as their tongues battled for dominance. Naruto tugged at Sasuke's hair, successfully breaking off the kiss. He grinned wickedly before attacking Sasuke's neck, marking him as his own. Sasuke turned his head to chance a glance at the girls, who were both wide-eyed and grinning from ear to ear.

Naruto's hands snaked up Sasuke's shirt, and he raked his nails down Sasuke's sides, earning him a shiver of appreciation from the raven. Sasuke managed to spin them around so Naruto was pinned against the wall now, and he kissed him fiercely, biting Naruto's bottom lip. Naruto groaned in to the kiss and spun them around once more, pinning Sasuke's hands above his head and biting his bottom lip in return. He pressed himself flush against Sasuke and smirked in to the kiss.

Sasuke felt his face heat up as soon as Naruto pressed in to him. Naruto broke off the kiss and chuckled.

"You owe me a hundred bucks, Uchiha," he purred, and thrust his hips upward sharply, earning a moan from the confused Uchiha. Sasuke felt Naruto's growing erection at the new friction, and Sasuke completely lost himself in Naruto's movements. He fisted the blond hair and pulled him in for another ferocious kiss, bucking his hips into Naruto's. Naruto groaned and continued to thrust.

"N-Naruto," Sasuke panted. "If you don't stop-Oh, God."

Sasuke's eyes rolled back into his head as he felt his orgasm wash over him. He was angry and embarrassed, and oddly… sated. He was panting heavily and Naruto leaned in to whisper in his ear.

"So how much do I get for making you come in your pants?" Naruto husked.

Trembling slightly, he reached into his back pocket and pulled out his wallet. He pulled a crisp 100 dollar bill out of his wallet and handed it to Naruto. He thought for a second, then pulled out his business card and slipped it in to Naruto's hand before heading toward the door.

"What's the business card for?" Naruto asked, confused.

"That's what you get for making me come," He said, and when Naruto still looked confused, he continued. "It has my cell number on it. Feel free to use it. Now I have to go home to get a shower."

He walked to the door and left, leaving his three shocked friends behind him.

-OoOoOoO-

Sakura was in heaven. Seeing Sasuke and Naruto like that brought her yaoi fantasies to life. Suddenly she didn't need her computer to watch two guys getting each other off. It happened right here in her living room!

"I can't believe you got him off…" Sakura said wistfully.

"I can't believe he gave you his business card!" Suigetsu exclaimed, and Sakura nodded in return.

"I know," Naruto said thoughtfully, turning the small rectangle of paper over in his hands. "Especially when I could just get his cell number from one of you guys."

Sakura and Suigetsu shared a pointed look before Sakura continued.

"You don't understand," she said. "Not all his fucks get his business card. That's saved for someone he's actually serious about. If you haven't noticed, it has all his information on it. Home number, cell number, work number. And even his address."

"Wow," Naruto said quietly, now amazed at the small piece of paper in his hand. "So when should I text him?"

"Now!" Karin all but shouted. "Ask him if he needs help in the shower."

Naruto flipped open his phone and saved the numbers before texting Sasuke. When all three phone numbers were successfully programmed, he opened a new text message and sent, Need any help in the shower? They all waited nervously for the reply, which came a few minutes later.

"I was wondering when you would text, Naruto," he read aloud. "Depends on how fast you can get here. Karin?"

"Go," Karin said. "I'll talk to Hinata. I'm sure she won't mind."

Naruto's shoes were already on by the time Karin finished talking. He was on his way out the door when Suigetsu stopped him.

"Hey, don't you need directions?" he asked.

"No," Naruto said as he walked out the door. "I have GPS."

-OoOoOoO-

Sasuke's phone went off as he pulled into the driveway, and he smirked. He put the car in park and unlocked his phone. Be there soon. He chuckled darkly, not sure why he was actually doing this. He turned off the car and got out, locking his car behind him. He unlocked the front door and walked inside, immediately noticing his house wasn't fit for company. But he had to get out of these sticky pants. He climbed the stairs to his room and took off the pants and boxers, haphazardly throwing them in the dirty laundry basket against the wall.

He pulled on his favorite flannel pajama pants that were sitting on the bed and stripped off his shirt. He pulled a condom from his bedside table-he couldn't believe he was about to do this-and slipped it into the pocket of his pajama pants. He set to straightening the house. He threw away empty beer and Mountain Dew bottles and reorganized his trading cards. Just as he was putting away his box of trading cards, Sasuke heard the signature screeching tires and loud music permeating through his walls. Naruto was here. Sasuke hurriedly fixed the back of his hair and waited by the door. Naruto knocked, and Sasuke waited a few seconds before opening it and striking a seductive pose in the doorway.

Naruto's mouth stood agape for a few seconds as he drank Sasuke in. He met onyx eyes, then his gaze traveled to the lean-muscled chest and the chisled arms, then down the long torso. Sasuke could nly imagine where his eyes ended up. Sasuke grabbed the front of his shirt and dragged Naruto inside, slamming the door behind them before slamming Naruto against it and covering his mouth in a heated kiss. Naruto's mouth opened with little resistance and their tongues met, making Sasuke hard again.

Naruto broke off the kiss and looked pointedly at Sasuke.

"Just so we're clear," he panted, "I can nibble your ear and touch your cock this time, right?"

"My ear is yours to nibble," Sasuke replied. "And you can do more than just touch my cock."

Naruto pulled Sasuke back to him and caught his ear lobe in his teeth. Sasuke's stomach leapt and he palmed Naruto's clothed erection. Naruto dropped to his knees in front of Sasuke and traced kisses from his navel along the trail of hair that led under the flannel pants. He unbuttoned the opening on the pants, revealing Sasuke's thick member. He wrapped his hand around it and started pumping slowly. He teased Sasuke with a few light licks and sucks to the head before plunging his mouth down onto the heated flesh. Sasuke tipped his head back and moaned. Usually, he wasn't a fan of blow jobs, but Naruto's mouth around his cock was a feeling he could definitely get used to. The hot wetness completely engulfed him, and he laced his fingers through the blond's hair and thrust slowly deeper into his mouth. Naruto kept up his pace, sucking hard. Sasuke moaned again, his whole being consumed with Naruto's mouth covering him. His breaths were getting ragged, and he was sure he was going to come again, but Naruto stopped. Sasuke let out a whimper of complaint, but Naruto was done.

"You already came once today," he explained. "I need you hard for this shower we're about to take."

Sasuke understood, and led Naruto up the stairs to his en suite bathroom. Sasuke turned the shower on while he allowed Naruto to marvel at the size of the shower. It was huge, and there was easily enough room for five people in the shower. Sasuke discarded his pants and pulled the condom from the pocket. He stepped inside the shower-with the condom between his teeth-and gave Naruto one of his signature come-hither looks. Naruto hurried out of his clothes and discarded them against the wall. He stepped in the shower behind Sasuke, who quickly turned him around and bent him over at the waist.

"You know," Naruto said, "you have to prepare me first. I don't think I could handle that thing without it."

Meanwhile, Sasuke was covering three fingers with a thick coating of saliva.

"I know that, dobe," he said, pushing the first finger past the ring of muscles between his buttocks and earning a gasp from Naruto. "I may not have been fucking men, but I know how this works. No one can handle me without being stretched."

A second finger joined the first and Sasuke went to work stretching Naruto's hole. Naruto was moaning in earnest now. Sasuke smiled. He couldn't wait to turn those moans in to screams. He scissored his fingers and started to pull them out, only to add a third finger. He curled them, searching for Naruto's prostate.

Naruto braced himself against the wall of the shower and let out a strangled cry as Sasuke brushed against the sensitive bundle of nerves.

"Found it," Sasuke chuckled, and continued to tease the area he'd just brushed against, pulling more moans and whimpers out of Naruto's mouth.

"Sasuke," he breathed. "I'm ready."

Sasuke tore open the condom with his teeth, not bothering to remove his fingers from Naruto's ass. He rolled the condom down his cock, teased Naruto's prostate one last time, and removed his fingers. They were quickly replaced by his cock as it pushed against Naruto's entrance, slipping in without much resistance. Naruto let out a hiss of pain as he was filled.

"Move, teme," he said through gritted teeth.

And Sasuke started to move, slowly at first, like always, allowing Naruto to adjust to his size.

"Oh, my God," Naruto panted. "Please, Sasuke, f-faster."

Sasuke smirked and picked up his pace. He was starting to lose himself in the tight heat that engulfed him. Naruto was really tight, tighter than Sasuke had anticipated. He was moaning with Naruto now, and the vulgar sounds of skin smacking against skin echoed in the large shower. Sasuke was slamming himself into Naruto with more force and speed than he had originally thought himself capable of. He reached around Naruto and grasoed his rock-hard erection, pumping it in time to his thrusts.

"This time," Sasuke panted, "I want you to come."

"I-ah-I will," Naruto said between moans. "Just-uhn-just keep doing… Ah, that."

"I want you screaming my name, Naruto."

Sasuke knew his cock was dragging against Naruto's prostate with every thrust. It was only a matter of time before-

"S-Sasuke!" Naruto cried as his seed spilled over Sasuke's hand.

Sasuke felt Naruto's muscles tighten around him, and he was shouting Naruto's name as he came for the second time that day. Sasuke shakily pulled himself out of Naruto and took off the soiled condom. He opened the door to the shower and tossed the condom in the toilet. He returned to the shower, and Naruto was standing under the spray of water, letting the hot drips run down his strong body. Sasuke pulled the blond close and nibbled on his ear.

"I could just eat you up," he whispered huskily.

"What happened to you not being gay?" Naruto chuckled, squeezing some shampoo in his hand and massaging it in his hair. Sasuke reached up and massaged the shampoo in Naruto's hair, thinking for a moment.

"Maybe…" he began, unsure of himself. "Maybe I should retract that statement."

Naruto's eyebrows shot up at this admission.

"Really? One time with a guy and you're suddenly convinced you're gay?"

"I guess I've always known," Sasuke admitted. "I was just too timid or ashamed to admit it. But now that I've found you, it seems like I was always meant to be gay. Besides, that was literally the best sex I've ever had."

"But you don't even like me," Naruto accused.

"I never said I don't like you," Sasuke said as Naruto washed his hair. "You just… annoy me sometimes. But I like you."

They finished their shower and got dressed. Sasuke walked Naruto to the door, and they shared a tender kiss before Naruto left, promising to text another time.

"I'm sure we'll see each other at Sakura and Suigetsu's," Sasuke said.

As much as they didn't want to, the two men parted ways. Sasuke went inside his house and cracked open a beer. He had a lot to think about, and work tomorrow would be a welcome escape from all his worries. This realization that he was, in fact, gay was not something he was ready to tell his brother yet, but Itachi would know something was awry…

-OoOoOoO-

A month later, after Naruto and Sasuke had solidified their relationship, Sasuke finally came out to his brother. Itachi had, as Sasuke had imagined, known his little brother was hiding something from him. He wasn't angry or disappointed, as Sasuke had assumed he would be, but very understanding of his situation. He wished his brother and his new boyfriend nothing but happiness.

Naruto continued to date Hinata and Karin as well as Sasuke, and their relationships were prosperous.

Sakura kept writing and reading fanfiction. Suigetsu kept getting his ass kicked at Mortal Kombat.

All in all, everyone was happy. Sasuke was gay, and it took a blond dobe to show him to be honest with himself.

A/N: Sorry this ended so abruptly. I stayed up all night to write it. If this gets enough reviews, it might get a sequel.