Chapter 1
Disclaimer: I don't own anything. Everything belongs to their rightful owners.
AN1: So after seeing Civil War three times, so far, I am in a deep Steve/Tony focused mood, and because of that I wanted to write something, and after some help I came up with this idea. I may continue the one shot I wrote, but I wanted to try my hand at writing something else first. This will be, starting next chapter, post AOU, but with no Bruce/Nat romance and no Barton family. There will also be refrences to thinks learnt in CACW, starting from next chapter.
March 3rd 1945
As he lies in bed in the arms of the man he loves Howard Stark finds the rest of the world slips away, as he lays on Steve's chest and hears the rhythm of his heartbeat it is easy to imagine that the word outside of the bedroom of Howard's London house doesn't exist. As he lies on Steve Howard forgets all about the war ranging on outside, he forgets all about the fact that in a few short minutes Steve has to leave to take down a Hydra base, he forgets about the real possibility that this could be the last time they are together.
"What's going on in that amazing head of yours?" Steve's voice asks, as Howard feels him staring to run his hands through his hair.
"Nothing much, I'm just thinking about how much I don't want you to leave." Howard admits.
"I have to, Howard, this is our shot at Red Skull. We might finally be able to stop him." Steve reminds Howard.
"I know; I just don't want you to go. I want us both to stay right here." Howard admits.
"I know." Steve says as he places a kiss on Howard's head, honestly wanting the same thing, "But we both know that neither of us can stay in this bed forever. We both have things we need to do." Steve says, honestly he doesn't want to leave, but he knows he has to.
"Once this mission is over we're coming back here and neither of us are leaving this bed for like, three days." Howard informs Steve.
"Deal." Steve responds as he leans down and kisses Howard, causing Howard to respond enthusiastically.
After about a minute of passionate kissing, and even though they both wish that they could continue, both Steve and Howard reluctantly break apart.
"I've got to go." Steve says as he looks over at the clock.
"I know." Howard says, and Steve leans in and gives Howard a quick kiss before he gets out of bed.
Once Steve is out of bed he starts to look around for his clothes, Howard watching him the entire time, unconsciously memorizing the view.
"Where'd my uniform go?" Steve asks as he looks around and sees no sign of it.
"I think it is somewhere on the stairs, or the hallway." Howard says as he throws off the blanket and stands up.
"Yeah, that'd make sense." Steve admits and he heads to the door, when he gets there Steve opens the door, once he opens it Steve finds a pile of clothes, searching through the clothes Steve throws a pair of pants at Howard while starting to get ready himself.
For the next couple of minutes Steve searches for his clothes, and puts them on as he finds the individual items. Once he has them Steve returns to the bedroom where he finds Howard only wearing a pair of pants and holding his shield.
"My helmet was on the statue." Steve says with an amused look on his face.
"That's new." Howard says with a grin, "If I keep this does that mean you have to stay?" Howard asks curious, knowing that it is petty but wanting Steve to stay.
"No. I've got to go, you know that." Steve says, being pretty sure that these goodbyes are getting harder, "I love you." He tells Howard, even though it isn't the first time he has said the words to Howard to Howard they mean just as much, if not more, to hear them now than they did the first time.
"I love you too." Howard responds and the two of them once more exchange a kiss, a kiss that they both know could be their last but neither wants to think about. As they kiss Steve takes his shield out of Howard's hands.
"It's time." Steve says as he rests his head on Howard's forehead as his hands wrap around Howard's waist.
"I know." Howard responds, "I wish I was going with you, you might need me."
"I always need you." Steve responds, meaning that, "But it's safer for you to stay."
"I know." Howard responds, even though he wishes it wasn't true.
"But Howard, as long as I have this shield a piece of you will always be with me." Steve tells Howard, telling the truth, "I've got to go."
"You've got to go." Howard repeats and after one more brief kiss Steve turns and walks away, Howard watching him go like he has so many times before, not realising that this time is different, not realising that this time he is watching Steve go for the last time.
Fourteen months later
It has been fourteen months since Howard watched the man he loved walk away from him for the last time and ever since then Howard has been struggling to function, he has been forcing himself to go on because, despite what everyone has told him, he knows that Steve is alive and he knows that he will find him.
Even though it has been a long few days for Howard, what with kidnapping, brainwashing and almost killing a lot of people, but he isn't resting like he should because he needs to figure out how to destroy everything that was stolen from him. As he does Howard realises that there is no way that Steve's blood was broken during the events that have occurred.
"Peggy has to have it." Howard says, feeling hope for the first time in months, and so, without another through Howard goes running out of his house, running to the apartment he gave Peggy.
As he drove pretty fast, even by his standards, Howard is able to get to the apartment he gave Peggy relatively quickly.
"PEG! PEGGY YOU HERE?" Howard yells as he enters the apartment, "PEGGY." He yells as he makes his way down the corridor.
"I'm right here." Peggy says as she walks out of one of the living areas, "What's going on?"
"Where is it?" Howard asks, his voice full of desperation.
"Where's what?" Peggy asks, faking confusion as she is pretty sure that she knows exactly what Howard is asking about.
"Steve's blood. I know it wasn't smashed, where is it?" Howard asks.
"I poured it out, off the Brooklyn bridge." Peggy informs Howard.
"No." Howard says, a look of horror appearing on his face, "Why would you do that?" he asks, sounding furious.
"Because it was the right thing to do." Peggy says, "I know you loved Steve, and he loved you, which is why I know he would have wanted you to move on and you wouldn't be able to do that if you heled on to that blood."
"HOW COULD YOU?" Howard yells, shocking Peggy as she is pretty sure that she has basically never heard Howard yell, "It was my one shot" Howard says, his voice full of betrayal, "It was my one shot, I need it, I can't figure this out without it." Howard says, collapsing to his knees, "How could you Peg? How could you take that from me?" He asks, as tears start to roll down his face.
"I thought it was for the best." Peggy admits as she walks over and squats down in front of Howard, being completely shocked by his reaction, "But what can't you figure out?" she asks, being pretty sure that she is missing something, "Howard?" Peggy asks as she puts her hand on Howard's shoulder.
"I need to show you something." Howard says, deciding to tell Peggy something he was going to keep a secret, "In my lab, at home."
"Okay." Peggy says and Howard forces himself to stand up, and without another word, though still looking heartbroken Howard walks towards the door, Peggy following behind him.
Not long after they left Peggy's apartment Peggy and Howard walk into the Howard's workshop at his main property, it being clear to Peggy that Howard is struggling to hold himself together.
"What I'm going to show you I haven't shown anyone, not even Jarvis." Howard informs Peggy.
"Okay." Peggy says, wondering what it can be.
"And I need you not to tell anyone. No one else can know, it's too dangerous." Howard reveals as he walks over to his filing cabinets.
"Is it another weapon?" Peggy asks, disapproval to her voice.
"No." Howard answers as he pulls out a draw to of the large cabinet to reveal a hidden safe which he opens and pulls out a file and an odd looking device.
"What does that do?" Peggy asks when she sees the device.
"You'll see." Howard responds, "There is something I haven't told you. I didn't need you to tell me that Steve's plane went down." Howard says, his voice hitching, "I already knew."
"How?" Peggy asks.
"I just knew, I had a feeling and I got the feeling at the exact time, your report said the radio cut out." Howard answers, "And a few weeks later, while I was out looking, I collapsed, and the medical people on the ship couldn't figure out what was wrong, and the doctors I had check look into me couldn't figure it out either." Howard reveals, leaving out that he hasn't been to a doctor in a year because of the fear of a doctor figuring out what he has realised.
"Are you sick, Howard?" Peggy asks worried.
"Not exactly." Howard says as pushes stuff off the table and lies on it, as he does he lives up his shirt a little and puts the device of his stomach and presses a few things on the side.
"What on earth are you doing?" Peggy asks, sounding completely confused because honestly she is.
"Give me a second and all will become clear." Howard says and then suddenly there is a thump, a fluttering sound.
"What is that?" Peggy asks,
"What do you think it is?" Howard asks and then, a minute later there is another fluttering sound.
"It almost sounds like heartbeat, but it's too slow." Peggy comments.
"Come have a look." Howard requests, having no idea what to expect Peggy walks over and as she looks at the device as she does she sees an image projected onto it, and honestly she cannot believe her eyes.
"That's not possible." Peggy says, sounding completely shocked.
"That's what I thought." Howard comments, "It's taken me a long time to figure it out, but I think that because of how many times Steve and I were together the serum changed something in me, caused this." Howard reveals as he sits up, "But since he went missing something's changed, it's like it's frozen too." Howard reveals, "You say that Steve's dead, but I know he's not." Howard tells Peggy, "This tells me he's not." Howard reveals as he places his hand on his stomach, "There's a piece of Steve inside me, and…." Howard starts to say but then Peggy cuts him off.
"You needed Steve's blood to figure out what's going on." Peggy realises, feeling bad about her actions now even though she believed that it was the best thing to do.
"I need his blood to figure out how to save it. I need his blood to figure out how to reverse the freezing without killing it, because as far as I can tell it's healthy, but I don't know how long it will stay like that." Howard explains as the reason he hadn't already used the blood by now is that he knew he only had a small amount so he wanted to wait until he had something concreate to test for, or to try.
"Or yourself." Peggy adds and as she does Howard avoids looking at her, "Howard Stark, please tell me that the ways you're working on to save if aren't going to kill you." Peggy says angrily.
"I can't." Howard admits, "My theory is that it froze for a reason, that it needs Steve, something from him, or even that I need something from him to be able to handle it growing." Howard reveals, "I don't know how this is possible, I haven't figured out the exact science yet." Howard admits, "But I suspect that for me to figure out a way for it, for mine and Steve's child to live." Howard says, saying the words out loud for the first time, "I may I have to die. I don't know if I'll survive a pregnancy without Steve, I don't know If I can." He reveals, admitting what he has been fearing since he realised what is going on.
"I don't accept that." Peggy says Howard as even though she doesn't know how this could be possible, she knows that there has to be a way for the child, and Howard, to survive, "You are the smartest person I have ever know if anyone can figure out a way for you both to survive then it is you, and you have to." Peggy says as she reaches out and takes her friends hand, "Your child is already missing one parent, Howard, you cannot let he, or she, grow up without two." Peggy says, "I am sorry that I destroyed the blood, but I promise that I will help you in any way I can, but only if you figure out a way for you both to survive." Peggy says, it being clear that she isn't' gong to compromise on this.
"I'll try." Howard says, "Thanks Peg." Howard says before hugging his friend, feeling a some of the weight that has been on his shoulders since he realised what was going on lift off.
May 29th 1970
After over twenty-four years, and almost seven months of pregnancy where Howard almost died more than once, Howard has finally given birth, via a procedure like a Cancerian section, to his and Steve's child, a son.
In the twenty-five years since Howard revealed the fact that he was pregnant to Peggy Carter only two other people have learnt the truth Edwin Jarvis, and the woman who became both Howard's wife and closes friend, Maria. Peggy, Jarvis and Maria have kept Howard's secret, covered for him in the past seven months and Howard knows, without a doubt, that he wouldn't be holding his son, Steve's son, right now if it wasn't for them.
Even though he is so exhausted Howard is wide awake, lying in a bed in a place that he created to be a medical facility for him, holding is newborn son in his arms.
"Hey, Little Guy." Howard says to the baby, "I began to think that I would never actually get to meet you." He admits, "I'm sorry that it took me so long to figure out how to get you here, and I'm sorry that your Dad, your other Dad, your better Dad, isn't here to meet you, he would love you so much." Howard says, a tear coming to his eye, "His name's Steve, and he's a hero, the most incredible person I've ever known, and would be so much better at this than me." Howard admits, "I'm going to do my best, but I don't know if it will be good enough, I don't know if I'm going to be good enough, I don't know if I'll be able to be the father you deserve." Howard admits, "But I do know that I love you and that I will always try to do what is best for you." Howard says and as he does he notices the baby's lips starting to go blue and his skin starting to heat up and go red. So, quickly looking around Howard presses the button to activate the intercom while holding is son close to him, "Maria, I need the case! Now!" he says, his voice full of panic, "It's okay, you'll be okay." Howard says to his son, hoping that what he is planning on doing actually works.
A few seconds later the door to the room opens and Maria comes running in, holding a large steal briefcase.
"It's happening?" Maria asks as he runs in, and Howard just gives a nod, not trusting his voice, "The dosage we talked about?" she asks and Howard once more nods, so Maria quickly opens the case and inside there are several vials of liquid which aren't either blue or green in colour but some kind of middle ground, pulling out the needle that is also in the case Maria draws one of the vials into the needle then walks over to Howard, "Would you like me to do it?" Maria asks curious as she figures that it wouldn't be easy for Howard to stab his son with a large needle, even if it is to save his life.
"No, I will." Howard says and he carefully, as he doesn't want to stab himself takes the needle of Maria, "I'm sorry about this, but if I don't do it you'll die." Howard informs his son before injecting him at the base of his neck. The second Howard injects the baby two things start to happen, one the newborn starts to cry and scream, and two he starts to go back to his normal colour.
"I really don't think he liked that." Maria comments as takes the needle for Howard.
"I know, but he needs it." Howard says as he holds his son close to him to try and comfort him, "Shhh, it's okay, you're okay." Howard tells his son, "If he doesn't get it he'll die." Howard says as even though this serum may not save him forever, it may not always keep him alive, it should save him for a very long time, and at the moment that is the best he can do.
"I know."
"Which is why I need you to promise me something." Howard says to his wife, as he continues to try and comfort his son, "If anything happens to me I need you to make sure he gets the injection…" Howard starts to say.
"Every seventy-two hours for a year." Maria finishes, knowing that because she and Howard have talked about it a lot, "I will, I promise Howard." She says as even though she isn't the baby's biological mother she feels like she is his mother so she will do whatever she has to do to protect him, to save him.
"Thank you." Howard says, Maria's love and support meaning the world to him as even though he will never stop loving Steve, and never be able to completely move on he does love Maria too.
"You don't have to thank me." Maria says as she walks over and puts the needle back, "Have you thought of a name?" she asks, curious as she sits down on the edge of Howard's bed.
"Yeah, I was thinking Anthony, Tony." Howard reveals, "Steve always liked that name." he admits, a sadness to his voice.
"Tony." Maria repeats, "I think that's a good name." She says with a grin, "I'll leave you two alone." She says standing up and turning away from Howard.
"You don't have to." Howard says, "Tony has two fathers, and I'll figure out a way to tell him that one day, but you are his mother. I want him to always think of you as his mother." Howard reveals, "That's if it's okay with you."
"It's more than okay." Maria says, walking back over, "I love you Howard, and I already love your son." She says as she sits down next to him, "I know that you still love Steve, and I know that will never change, and I don't want it to." Maria admits, as she accepted that a long time ago, "Tony is your son, and Steve's, and I would consider it to be a privilege to be his mother, but I will never want to take either of your places." Maria admits, "I'll be his mother, but one day, when he is old enough to understand you have to make sure Tony knows he has two incredible fathers, he deserves that."
"Yeah, he does." Howard says, having no idea how he is going to explain that to Tony, or when, but knowing that he has to, "I love you." He tells Maria.
"I love you too." Maria responds and as she does Howard looks down at Tony, he looks down at his son, at Steve's and his only thought is that he hopes, more than anything, that someday, somehow Steve gets to meet their son because in his heart he knows that Steve is still alive and he knows that he will never stop looking, because Tony deserves to know his other father, and Steve deserves to know their son.