Standard disclaimer: I do not own these characters and do not intend to profit from their use.
This is my first effort at a Harry Potter fanfic. Any and all reviews and constructive criticisms are greatly appreciated.
After knocking for a couple of minutes, she performed one of the first spells she ever learned at Hogwart's, "Alohomora."
The door to Professor Lupin's office unlocked. Hermione turned the handle, pushed it open and stepped inside. When Remus had been a teacher her in her 3rd year, his office had been comfortably cluttered with interesting bits of paraphernalia on his shelves. Now it was bare without even a single photo of Nymphadora and Teddy on the walls. Nothing on his desk except a bin holding homework scrolls. The fire had burnt down to embers giving her just enough light to see that the door leading to his private chambers stood ajar.
Hermione had been concerned when she saw him in Aberforth's pub earlier. She had decided to take advantage of the Hogsmeade weekend and given herself a much deserved break. She had planned to visit to Dumbledore's brother, but stopped short of entering when she heard raised voices coming from inside.
"Just pour me another damned fire whiskey, Ab."
"And I said, you've had enough, Remus. You can't keep doing this to yourself. You've got to let yourself feel and grieve for them, so you can move on."
"I don't want to feel! It just hurts too much."
"It will pass, son. I know. Not quickly, but it will."
"I don't need another lecture nor another pep talk. I just want to forget for a while."
"Fine. Here, you stupid git! Take the bottle and fall into it. But you'll not be doing it here. Go back to the castle while you can still find your way!"
"Fine!"
She heard coins dropped on the bar and stepped out of the way just before Remus stormed past. He did not see her or if he had, he didn't acknowledge her in any way. She watched as he made his way toward the path leading back to Hogwarts weaving slightly.
Sighing, she opened the door and entered the dim, dingy pub.
"Girl, this is no place for an underage witch." The gruff voice coming from the equally rough looking owner.
"Mr. Dumbledore, it's Hermione Granger. We met … last year."
The imposing man came out from behind the bar. "Oh yes. I recognize you. Is everything alright?"
"Yes, thank you. I'm fine. I think I just saw my friend, Remus Lupin, leave. Does he come here often?"
"Too often. And if you are his friend, maybe you can look to that."
"What do you mean?"
"I never see him with anyone. Even with his condition, no one should have to get through their losses alone." Hermione's mouth fell open momentarily rendered speechless. She was just about to clarify that she was in no way prejudiced against her professor's lycanthropy when Aberforth continued speaking as he moved back behind the bar. "Now, you should move along unless of course you want a fire whiskey of your own?"
"No, thank you," she replied primly. She internally cringed at how she had just responded like a first year. She a deep breath and stood a little taller and said, "I appreciate your trying to look out for him. It seems like you are still watching over some of us at the castle."
He made a shooing motion with the hand that wasn't wiping down the counter, but she noticed a small smile and acknowledged her with a slight nod of his head.
Hermione escaped into the bright afternoon which it was only in comparison to the dark interior of the Hog's Head Inn. She replayed what she'd seen and heard as she went about her errands of buying more parchment and restocking potion ingredients. In a moment of weakness, she stopped in the new sweet shop for chocolate frogs and sugar quills. She felt it only wise to have emergency chocolate on hand as NEWTs were fast approaching.
During her trek back to the castle, she couldn't shake Aberforth's admonishment. Had she been so preoccupied with her own losses and studies to properly see what was going on with Remus? She knew he wasn't the same man that had taught her just 4 years ago, but no one was unchanged by what happened.
Instead of returning to Gryffindor tower, Hermione made her way to the Defense Against the Dark Arts classroom to check on her teacher. Her friend. He had once called her the brightest witch of her age. And while her grades may say otherwise, she didn't believe that she had been living up to that title recently.
"Remus?" She crossed the room and nudged the door open the rest of the way. She was startled by the appearance of the room. He must have forbidden the Hogwart's house elves to enter.
The modest sized room was sparsely furnished. Two mismatched chairs, a woven rug and a small table sat in front of the fireplace which was bracketed by tall mullioned windows. Against the room's far wall was a four poster bed and wardrobe similar to the ones in the dormitories and immediately to the left of the door was a writing desk and a straight back chair. Every hard surface in the room seemed to sport an empty bottle or two along with cups of varying kinds.
She stood motionless just inside his room listening intently. She suddenly felt hesitant about trespassing any further.
"I don't want…" a slight slurred masculine voice said.
"Professor, I just wanted to check on you." Hermione called softly and stepped further in the room.
"You shouldn't have…." The words were slowly uttered.
"I was worried about you, Remus." She hoped he wouldn't notice her lapse in using his given name. She crossed to the sitting area and moved in front of his chair to find him asleep.
"You weren't supposed to…". He appeared to be dreaming and responding to her words from within it.
Her heart ached for him as she watched a tear escape and slide down his stubble covered cheek. It was obvious that he was dreaming of Tonks. There was little she could do for him in this condition except to make him more comfortable. Hermione gingerly removed the nearly empty bottle from his hand.
The movement must have triggered something in his subconscious causing him to reach out. He grabbed on to her arm. "Don't go." He pleaded huskily.
She responded instinctively, "I'm here." Using her free hand, she took the bottle and placed it on the floor carefully.
"I miss you so much." He whispered. Hermione saw several more drops escape his closed eyes. Unable to bear doing nothing, she gently wiped the tears from his face.
"I'm sorry, Remus." He turned his face toward her touch placing a kiss on her palm. He pulled on her arm bringing her closer. She knelt on the floor next to his chair and continued to cradle his head in her hand. He clutched her arm to his chest.
"Stay." He begged. Hermione felt a tear of her own fall. His life had been so difficult already. Why did he have to lose them too?
"Shhh. I'll be right here." She continued to kneel in front of him. His features gradually relaxed and his breathing became slow and regular. She didn't know how long she waited before she tried to gently extricate herself. She slowly moved her hand so that Remus' head was supported by the upright of his wingback chair. Using her now free hand, she carefully loosened his fingers from her arm.
Once out of his grasp, Hermione slowly stood and went to work. She pulled her wand from her robes and cast a non-verbal spell to get the fire burning brighter. She quietly set about collecting the bottles and cups and set them on the empty writing desk. She chose one at random and carried it into the small lavatory in his room.
"Scourgify." She whispered pointing her wand at the mug. When she was satisfied with its cleanliness, she filled it with water. Checking the cabinet over the sink, she found a headache remedy. She took both and placed them on the now clear table next to Remus' chair.
The room still seemed cold to Hermione, so she walked to his bed and removed the folded throw from the foot of the bed. She carried it back to where he was sitting and carefully tucked it around him.
Without giving it a second thought, she leaned down and pressed a kiss to his cheek. "Good night, Remus."
As she pulled back to straighten up, she saw that his eyes were open. She couldn't move or speak. She lost herself in his gaze.
He slowly raised his hand to her face. "So beautiful," he murmured. She allowed him to pull her forward into a heartbreakingly gentle kiss. She felt hot and cold all at once. Her lips tingled from the contact. His hand fell away and his eyes drifted close again.
He was dreaming. It wasn't you he was kissing it was his wife. She knew she was going to hell for enjoying it though. Nothing in her limited experience with either Viktor or Ron had ever felt like that. At least she wasn't doubly damned for cheating on Ron. Their relationship had withered during the first half of the year and was officially terminated at the end of Christmas break.
She stood up and stretched. As she headed for the door, she knew she should be grateful that he wouldn't remember any of this. A tiny voice inside her piped up, but I wish he would.
As she pulled the door to his quarters closed, Remus shifted in his chair. "Hermione," he sighed. A slight smile ghosted his lips and he slipped at last into a dreamless sleep.