Summery: River, to get Komui to do his paperwork, makes a deal with him. If River wins, Komui has to help him with his own paperwork. If River loses, he has to do anything Komui asks him to do. Unfortunately, Komui wins and his request is rather…odd. RiverKomui.

This story is rated T (mostly to be safe. I think it's closer to K+, but T is mostly to be safe) for language, shounen-ai and Komui's weirdness.

Weird.

Random.

Obviously fueled by coffee.

You'd think Komui wrote it, and for all I know, he may have.

Enjoy.

Also, if anyone knows where I can buy a white beret, I would be very happy. I'm going as Komui at a convention, but I can't find the damn hat anywhere.

The Bet

That was it.

If there was a hell, he was in it.

With the things he went through, he figured he must have pissed God off pretty good in a past life and was paying for it now. And he decided he officially hated his job, his life, and pretty much everything around him was on his mental hit list: The desk (oh, god, the desk…), the papers, the people and especially the coffee-addict standing in front of him with that god-awful smile on his face and a hardhat on his head. He had, obviously, just finished with some poor ill-advised soul's damaged Anti-Akuma weapon (hopefully not Crowley's. The vampire would be scared for life) and was now looking for one of two things.

A – The next casualty who would probably become a fatality with Komui as the doctor.

Or the terrifying option B – Him.

River raised an eyebrow at the man before him as he edged back a bit and put the rim of Coke bottle to his lips and took a small sip from the carbonated drink, knowing all too well that he would need the energy if the bothersome man noticed him. Komui's smile widened and that alone was reason enough for the younger scientist to seek a swift retreat before he was dragged into one of the psycho's experiments. Or worse: put on Rinalee duty.

He looked around the room for an escape route, and that's when he realized something. The room was clean. Not a single paper hid the floor, the chairs or the desk and the room almost sparkled. Some little voice in his head started whistling the Twilight Zone tune, and he had to agree. Was Komui really an Akuma?! River twitched and shook his head. That was just wrong. Wrong and frightening.

"River-san!" Komui said in a voice that was filled with a sugary sweetness that could mean only one thing. Trouble. The man tossed his hardhat aside and held his arms out as if to hug the younger male as he added, "I've been looking everywhere for you!"

River took those words to mean, "Run for your life!" and calmly (well, as calmly as a man facing Death could) took a few more steps back, effectively dodging the man's tackle-and-hug attack. "What is it this time?" River asked, mentally scolding himself for asking such a stupid question. Now he had to listen.

Picking himself up from the floor, Komui put his hands behind his back and leaned close to the Australian's face, the blonde leaning back to keep at least four inches between their faces. "Remember our bet yesterday?" River grimaced, rubbing his forehead.

"How could I forget…? That defeat was just embarrassing…" The man mumbled, looking up at the ceiling.

- - - - - - - -

"Supervisor!" River shook the sleeping man's shoulders gently. When he didn't get a response, he sighed and leaned close, cupping a hand around his superior's ear and whispering, "Rinalee's getting married." He moved back as quickly as he could, but was caught by the tip of Komui's fingers, leaving behind a small cut on his cheek as the older man jumped to his feet and cried out, reaching for the imagined Rinalee.

"Nooooooooo! Rinaleeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee!" He sobbed, and then realization settled in. Tears still in his eyes, he gave River a child-like pout and mumbled, "Why must you wake me like that every morning?" The younger scientist gave him an exasperated glare.

"I try, and every morning you ignore me."

"So? Try harder!" Komui yelped defensively, waving his arms around and sobbing. Shaking his head, River thrust the man's favorite coffee mug into one of the flailing hands, the actions making the older male's whining cease to sip at the cup's hot contents.

Rubbing his forehead as if in pain, River asked, watching Komui with tired eyes that betrayed days of sleepless nights, "What can I do to get you to do this paperwork?" he motioned to the cluttered desk that had a sign in front of it that read, 'Caution! Avalanche Zone!' and an avalanche zone it was. Papers were piled haphazardly, overflowing from every conceivable opening, and the Squad Leader was convinced that there was a living creature from the Ice Age hidden within the mountain of paperwork from four years ago.

Komui put a hand to his chin thoughtfully before shrugging and sitting back in his chair to go back to sleep. Twitching somewhat violently, the blonde threw his hands up in the air and stated, an idea hitting him suddenly, "Alright, Supervisor!" The man gave him a curious look, wondering where the younger male's sudden energy had come from. River smiled. "A bet! If I win, you have to help the rest of us losers with our paperwork. By HAND. No machines. No substitutes. You. If you win, I'll…" he pondered and shrugged. "Do whatever you want. No complaints."

The Science Department Supervisor straightened and gave the Australlian a coy smile. "And it is?"

"You do every single piece of paperwork on that mess you call a desk! If you can finish it by tomorrow, you win. If not, or if I come in and find you sleeping, you lose." He held out his hand, knowing that either way, paperwork would get done. Pouting, Komui pondered the bet and, after a few minutes of silence, nodded and accepted the hand, giving it a weak shake. Pulling his hand free, River grinned and left, nearly skipping.

Even if he doesn't clean off his desk, at least some work will be done. The man inwardly cheered. He was beginning to wonder why he hadn't thought of that before.

- - - - - - -

And now he knew why.

At least something good came out of this.

The desk was clean and the ancient papers were done.

The bad news? The desk was clean and the ancient papers were done.

River gave Komui an irritated look and sighed, shrugging. A deal was a deal, and River Wenhamm never went back on his word. He turned to face Komui and asked, almost afraid of what the request would be, "Alright…what is it you want?" The older man smiled almost sweetly and held up a finger in River's face.

"Close your eyes, River-chan!" Komui ordered. Okay, now he was scared. He raised an eyebrow at the older male and, fearfully, did as told. He heard Komui giggle and opened his mouth to ask what was so funny, but was cut short by warm lips pressing against his own.

Instinctivly, his eyes shot open and he took a step back, but his "attacker" moved with him. River's cheeks turned red as he stared at his supervisor's closed eyes, and his cheeks practically glowed when he felt something slick and hot enter his mouth, teasing his tongue lightly.

Head swimming, River stumbled back and tripped over his own feet, landing on the floor with a thud. Sadly, this did not break the passionate kiss, only inhanced the wrongness of the image. Komui was sitting on top of him, hugging his neck and planting light butterfly kissed upon River's quivering lips. The man on his lap smiled and opened his eyes as he whispered, seeming to ignore River's shock, "River-chan…" the name rolled off his tongue like velvet and sent a shiver down the younger man's spine.

Relaxing in Komui's grasp, he asked, chest heaving, "Yeah, Supervisor…?"

Komui grinned as he asked, "Will you try Rinalee's cooking with me?" River stared at him for a long while before letting his head drop onto the floor, staring at ceiling with a look of disappointment on his face.

Somehow…he thought, ignoring the full-grown child that was tugging on his lab coat and begging him to try the cooking of a girl who had never even seen a kitchen. I should have seen this coming…

-Owari

A/N – I had to! It was just too cute to pass up, and I think it's pretty good for my first ever RiverKomui. Actually, it was more like a KomuiRiver…Hmm…Eh. Whatever. Should I write another one? Should I make this pairing a second on-going series like my infamous TikiRabi? Feedback! Pleeeeeeeeeeeeeeease!