Disclaimer: All items are hereby owned by Disney and/or Victor Hugo. I don't own anything (yet).

A/N: Believe it or not, I had this idea around 6:30 in the morning on the bus ride to school listening to my iPod. Random much. The following authoresses will be featured in here with names most compatible to their pen names. Hope you all enjoy!

Opaque Opal: Opal

Lazy Chestnut: Chess

Lennon Drop: Lenny (don't worry, it's a unisex name!)

theatreChick1794: Chickie

LilyHelsing: Lily

ForestWater: Whatever

Opal stood at the podium with a gavel in hand. Her blue eyes were hidden behind her spectacles, but she was determined. Determined to entertain, collect money, and sell some of the most prized possessions in the world.

"I hereby decree the first ever Hunchback of Notre Dame Auction ever!"

The few people who were in the room cheered with delight. Their wallets had more credit cards than Paris Hilton and Britney Spears combined. This was serious business. To add to the seriousness, each authoress carried wooden paddles with numbers on it.

"This is gonna be so much fun!" declared Whatever.

"CLOPIN IS MINE!" Chess cried.

"NO HE'S MINE!" shouted Lenny. The two almost ensued in a bitch fight, but Opal pounded the gavel threateningly.

"Hey! Save the fighting for the bidding!" she snapped.

They fell silent. After all, they wanted the auction to begin.

"The first item up for auction is—ESMERALDA'S TAMBORINE!"

A curtain unveiled the beautiful instrument. A revolving light above it made it shine at all angles.

"The starting bid will be 5 bucks!" Opal announced.

"God! That's cheap!" grumbled Lily.

"10!" Chickie screamed, waving her paddle.

"Going once? Going twice? SOLD TO CHICKIE!" Opal cried, slapping the gavel down. Esmeralda glared at the girl as she giddily started slapping it, jangling the bells on the side.

"Next up for auction. FROLLO'S HAT!"

Some of the authoresses booed, but their protests were silenced by a death glare from Lily.

"We don't even have to auction this off. Here you go," Opal grumbled, tossing it to her.

"YAY!" she squealed, catching it. She began to rub it along her cheek like a baby kitten. "It smells like him," she said dreamily.

"What DOES Frollo smell like?" Whatever asked.

"Honey and furniture polish," Lily sighed, stroking it.

"Funny. Normally I'd think he'd smell of wine and gypsy blood!" Lenny put out.

"HEY! WE HAVE FEELINGS TOO YOU KNOW!" Clopin and Esmeralda shouted from the sidelines.

"Okay," Opal said, casting a weird glance the auctioned items. "Next we've got DJALI!"

The little goat was led onto the stage on a rope leash, looking quite disgruntled and sad.

"He's quite the loveable creature. But he's overprotective and loyal. Similar to a Rottweiler. Bidding starts at 25!"

"That's a lot for a goat!" Chess remarked "But I'll take him!"

"SOLD TO CHESS!" Opal cried, slapping the gavel.

"WAHOO! I PWNED YOU ALL!" Chess cried, running up to take her new purchase.

"No one bid against you though," Lily pointed out, rolling her eyes. Chess completely ignored her, for she was too preoccupied with Djali. He had already peed on Lenny's sneakers, butted Chickie in the knees, and even took a chunk out of Frollo's hat.

"AAAAAAAAAAAAAH!" Lily screamed, causing everyone to go deaf within a forty mile radius (except for the authoresses. For Opal doesn't know how to write fanfictions using sign language).

"Why did he do that?" Chess asked, looking up at Opal with annoyance.

"I forgot to mention. He's not housebroken and unless you buy Esmeralda he won't behave."

"Can I have my money back?" Chess asked.

"NO! ALL SALES ARE FINAL!" Opal said, banging her gavel loudly.

"When are you auctioning off Clopin?" Chickie asked.

"Not for a while. So don't you guys worry about it. Up for our next item ACHILLES!"

Phoebus' horse was led up on stage, looking quite content. He came with a nice saddle and a bag of oats was tied around his neck.

"Well, I've never been to a horse auction before. How much do they run for?" Opal asked.

"I think depending on the type you want they can be up to 100 grand," Chess said thoughtfully.

"Well, we'll start the bidding at a nickel," Opal said wisely.

"I shall buy him!" said a highly masculine voice. Very randomly, Daniel Radcliffe entered the room only wearing boxers. Nearly every single girl in the room gave ear-piercing fangirl squeals of delight.

"OMG! DANIEL RADCLIFFE!" Opal shrieked, barely able to contain her excitement.

"We're touring Equus in the United States this summer. And we need another horse. Can I buy this lovely creature?" Daniel asked with his adorable British accent.

"On one condition. YOU give tickets to us and we can invite as many people as we want," Lenny said.

"Done deal," Daniel grinned.

"WAHOO!" everyone cheered. Achilles was not looking forward to his home however. After all, who would want to be acting next to a kid who's sexually attracted to horses and rides them naked? Once the completely random moment was out of the way, the auction continued. Opal managed to buy Esmeralda's Woven Necklace for 38 and even Lenny bought Quasimodo's Figurine Set for a whopping 300.

"Alright my friends. Our first round of the many rounds of this auction is about to close. So here's the final item for tonight." Everyone waited with baited breath, praying it would be something good. And it was:

"THE TRIO OF GARGOYLES: HUGO, VICTOR, AND LAVERNE!"

"I'll buy 'em for 500 bucks!" Chess cried.

"Wait to go, gorgeous," Hugo winked, springing to life.

"Quit flirting with humans you pig!" Laverne ordered, slapping him upside the head.

"Why must I be auctioned off like a slave?" Victor asked woefully.

"I'll buy them for 600!" Whatever cried.

"650!" shouted Chickie.

"700" said Lily.

"725!" Chess screamed.

"890!" Whatever declared.

Everyone went silent, even the gargoyles. That was the highest bid so far and they haven't even gotten to the people yet.

"Going once?" Opal asked.

No response.

"Twice?"

No response.

"SOLD TO WHATEVER! Auction is dismissed for the time being!"

And with that, everyone collected their purchases and went home. But in the back of their minds, they were eager for Round 2.

A/N: Did you guys like it? I'm sorry its really random. But I'm not sure if I can write it in play format. Flames will be put out with a fire extinguisher, but constructive criticism is appreciated.