note: I'm never up to any good.


Oh boy.

They watched in awe as the gummy ship was consumed by orange flames. A collective sigh rose out of the trio. Forget the fact that Donald's magic was strong enough to put the flames out with a blizzard spell or that they should've tried to save what ever supplies were left, the gummy ship was on fire, and fire was, well, hot.

Experience has taught Sora this, because hot things burn, and fire is an extreme form of something that is hot, therefore it was not something to be touched, fondled or fooled around with. Experience has taught Donald that his feathers double as combustible fuel and that he did not need to test Cid's little hypothesis again. Experience hasn't taught Goofy anything. He just thought the sight of electrical sparks and flames licking and melting the block like parts away was pretty.

"So, I guess we wait until the fire goes out?"

Donald and Goofy looked at Sora, who chuckled and scratched the back of his head nervously.

"Great, this is just FUCKING Great!" Donald exploded. The duck turned to his comrades, who just looked at him in shock.

He could feel his cookie cutter Disney rep slipping. "Er, what I meant to say was…" He looked around for something to distract his friends with. Seeing nothing shiny, Donald pointed to the burning ship again.

"Oh no! The ship is on fire!"

"What? Again?" Goofy whined, hands on his cheeks, head swaying in lament.

Donald looked at Sora, who resisted rolling his eyes at the duck's lame cover up. The kid wasn't as dumb as he led on to be. Damn.

"Looks like our search for King Mickey and Riku is put off until we can get a ship," Donald said, crossing his arms over his chest and frowning.

"Don't worry. I'm sure there's someone on this world that'll be able to help us, ahyuhk."

Donald looked around the desolate area. There were a few gloomy looking trees here and there, their branches looking almost skeletal as they drooped under an invisible weight. There was an occasional muddy puddle that told Donald of the recent rain fall as well as a thin mist floating around, making the creepy forest more ghastly. Compared to this, Halloween town looked like the fruity colorful world of Wonderland. But what really bothered Donald was the silence. It was a forest, so where were the animals? He couldn't detect not one sound of rustling in the trees nor the snap of a twig by a near by squirrel or animal.

Caw! Caw! Caw!

The trio looked up at the somber sky and saw a flock of crows.

"We're going to die, aren't we?" Donald asked, watching the horde of birds disappear.

Sora frowned at his feathered companion. "Let's be optimistic about it," he said, placing his hands on his hips. "I'm sure we'll find a town some where and get help. We'll be out of here before you know it."

Goofy nodded.

"Yeah, Sora's right. We'll be alright."

Despite their enthusiasm, Donald strongly believed they were going to die. This world was different from all the others they've visited. For one thing, it didn't seem all that Disney friendly (the lack of talking animals and bright colors was evidence of that) and it wasn't chartered on the map.

They ended up there by accident as their gummy ship suffered major damage from making a new route. In order to salvage what was left of the ship and avoid further alien attack, Sora was forced to take a detour into uncharted territory. Donald didn't think that they would crash land into this godforsaken place, but they had. Now they were going to die and he wasn't too happy about it because that meant he couldn't watch the season premiere of the Office.

The trio decided to make their way north in search for help. They walked for about an hour before hitting the entrance of a shabby looking village.

WELCOME TO PONDEROSA

POPULATION: NONE

That should had been the first sign that things were not going to end pretty, but for the sake of this loosely developed plot, the trio made their way inside the small village.

The place resembled a ghost town with empty grungy looking huts, houses, and deserted dirt roads. When they made it to the heart of the village, they were greeted by a huge bonfire.

Donald stiffened at the sound of chickens and other farm animals near by. Sounds meant life, life meant people, and people meant help! So maybe they weren't so screwed after all.

"I wonder where everyone is," Sora voiced as he looked around.

Goofy shrugged. "Maybe they're on vacation."

Donald stopped in his tracks. "…or they're all dead."

"What gave you that idea?" Goofy asked, genuinely curious.

Donald rubbed the bridge of his nose and counted to ten. He knew it wouldn't help if he exploded into another on of his tirades. Instead, he pointed to the bonfire.

His gaze narrowed on Goofy's innocent face. "Those aren't logs burning."

The talking dog thingy looked at the bonfire, his forehead frowning as he concentrated hard.

"So those aren't body shaped logs?"

Before Donald could angrily reply, Sora got their attention by summoning the keyblade.

"Guys, I don't like where this situation is heading. Get ready in case something jumps out at us."

His two companions nodded and summoned their own weapons. The trio slowly made their way down the dirt road, eyes darting in alert.

"Garsh, do you think any heartless are around?" Goofy asked.

Sora frowned at the question.

"Let's hope not."

Donald was ready to kick who's ever ass they were going to need to be kicking in order to get out of there. Honestly the village was not sitting well with him, what with the neglected farm animals and the bonfire of corpses and all.

Sora stopped in his tracks and nearly tripped forward as Goofy and Donald knocked into him. Donald peered out and saw what the figure of a man approaching. The animal duo straightened up.

"Hey, it's a civilian! Ahoy there!" Goofy waved. Donald would feel the feathers on his neck stiffen in anger.

"Goofy!" he squawked.

As the man drew near, Donald noticed that he was carrying a pitch fork. The man walked lazily, swaying back in forth like he was hypnotized. Donald gripped his staff and gulped.

"Um…excuse me, sir?" Sora began asking, but Donald pulled on his shirt and gestured to the boy to shut up.

"Don't talk to strangers," Donald hissed.

"Why not?" Goofy piped up. "He sure looks trustworthy."

The man's eyes were glazed over, their whites now yellow and pupils wide as saucers. His face looked old as it sagged with years and was covered in gray stubble. His worn clothes looked stiff from all the dirt it was covered in. He moaned in a zombie like manner as he walked and he didn't seem to care that a fly just landed in his eye.

"Trustworthy…right…" Donald took a step back. "Goofy…you go talk to him."

Sora gulped and nodded as if reaffirming himself in his head. Donald decided to watch from a safe distance, not that he was a coward or anything. Screw it, he was a coward, but was it cowardly to satisfy one's own need to live?

"Ex-cuse me s-sir," Sora's voice squeaked. The man didn't seem to hear him as he moped by.

"Sir, excuse us, sir," Goofy managed to voice a bit too loudly. The man turned around sharply, an annoyed look on his face.

"Que carajo haces aquí, cabron?" (What the hell are you doing here, motherfucker?)

"We were wondering if you had a shop around here."

The man eyed the talking dog suspiciously.

"Tu tienes nervio chulo!" (You got nerve playa!)

then he took a step closer towards Sora and smelled him.

"El diablo! Tu tienes carne fresca?!" (The hell?! You have fresh meat?!)

"His name is not Francesca, it's Sora, and I'm Goof—"

The zombie pointed. "Carne fresca!" (Fresh meat!)

"Is he really saying Francesca?" Sora asked, leaning back so that the man didn't poke his eye out.

"Yeah, he looks pretty upset!" Donald yelled from behind the barrel.

"Sure he is." Goofy nodded. "I didn't self teach myself German for nothing."

Donald peered out from his barrel. "He's speaking Puerto Rican you dolt!"

Sora pinched the bridge of his nose, sighing. "Guys, I think he's speaking Spanish.

The man roared because he couldn't think of anything zombie like to say and lashed out with his pitch fork. Sora brought his keyblade up in time to block the crazed man's attack.

"Run!" Donald yelled, getting a head start, but his default Disney setting made his feet turn into the opposite direction and towards the zombie. Stupid party preference mode, was it his fault that Goofy didn't heal Sora as much as he should?

The duck gave a battle cry (or sob) as he charged with his staff towards the man. Goofy did what he did best and rammed his shield into the man's back.

The angry villager managed to throw the trio off with his super zombie strength. He pointed dramatically at Sora, finger shaking, mouth foaming as he formed his Puerto Rican-er Spanish words.

"Te voy a matar chulo!!!" (I'm gonna to kill you sucka!!!)

Sora got ready, back crouching a bit, feet planted firmly into the soft ground, his keyblade firmly grasped by his gloved hands. The man screamed something in Spanish and charged while Sora screamed something in English to counteract the Spanish and charged. Before his keyblade could meet with the man's pitch fork, the man slumped forward after being riddled with shots.

At the sound of gun fire, Sora, like any person with a weapon to defend themselves, threw his keyblade down in surrender. Donald, like any self respecting coward, ducked. Goofy, like any clueless idiot, tried to decipher where the shots were coming from.

"Who are you kid?" A man with in a nice leather jacket aiming a pistol at Sora asked. He walked cautiously up to Sora, who raised his hands up to show that he had no weapons.

"Sora," a very pale looking Sora replied.

The man, sensing no danger from the boy drew his weapon down.

"The name's Leon S. Kennedy. I'm an agent sent from the United States. I'm here to rescue the president's daughter," Leon said, telling his life story to a complete stranger.

Sora looked a bit more relaxed and decided that the armed man could be trusted.

"Maybe we can help. We're stranded here. I'm Sora and that's Donald and Goofy," he said pointing to his friends. "We're on a trip saving the worlds from darkness and trying to find our friends, King Mickey and Riku."

Leon raised an eyebrow.

"Kid, are you high?"

Sora shook his head. "Not today."

The man looked at the duck and dog narrowed his eyes suspiciously.

"And these are your friends, from Disney?"

"Yup," Sora nodded, smiling.

The man sighed. "I need to be drunk for this," he muttered under his breath.

"What was that?"

"I said, 'you guys want in on this?' "

Sora and Goofy nodded while Donald shook his head no.

"Well then, come with me. If you last another minute longer here alone, I'll doubt you'll survive," Leon said, walking ahead of the group.

"We'll hide out in this here dangerous looking shack thing and think of what to do next."

Sora and Goofy nodded vigorously, following the brown haired agent. Donald looked around, not sure whether or not he wanted to follow. When the dead zombie twitched, the duck squawked in fear and soon followed the others into the decrepit shack.


note: Spanish is my first language, so some of the translations are intentional for the humor. I'm tempted to continue this…so tempted. But for the moment, it'll remain where it is until otherwise.