Hi everyone!
THIS IS IT! THIS IS THE LAST SECTION! Only 3 parts to this one, so it's going to be over soon! I hope those of you who have stuck with it aren't disappointed with the ending, thank you to you all for reading, reviewing and making me sooooo happy! I've been so cruel to you all, for months now, so I hope this, and the little stories I have to come, will make up for it!
I do love you all for giving me the support to post this, thank you!
If I could just ask for one more push of support? :D
Last one, let's go!
The tension seems to dissipate.
You are getting along well, it would seem.
After the dance, however, there has been an extremely large elephant in the room when the two of you are together.
There is more to be said.
More to be done.
It seems your lives are built around things unfinished.
Your recovery.
Her pregnancy.
Your marriage.
Unfinished business, some would say. Elintézetlen in Hungarian, if you remember correctly from your lessons.
She keeps her word, the promise she made at the lab and you almost slip into a routine; you spend time with Kit mostly at weekends. On Wednesday evenings you go over to the house and bath him and settle him. It's beneficial for everyone, you spent time with your son and Nikki gets a break.
This particular Wednesday is important to you. That day you had completed a post-mortem on an eight year old boy, poisoned accidentally. The fault sadly, of negligent parenting. Since Kit you find that these ones hit you harder. They make you realise how precious life is.
There isn't a moment to waste, really.
As always, Nikki leaves the two of you alone, not meddling and allowing you to choose what you do together. She busies herself reading in the sitting room.
He's very content, smiley and alert for a tiny baby. You're sure there is something different about him compared to other babies. Perhaps that's just because he's yours. When he's upset rather than make a song and dance about it he'll go quiet, give you time to figure out what his problem is. He's patient, calm. It must be Nikki's influence. The more time you spend with them the more you notice this new laid-back attitude she has taken on. She insists it's good for him. You're beginning to agree. Now he has a routine and you find that he is asleep fairly quickly once you've played, bathed and cuddled. Leaning in, you place a gentle kiss to his head and sneak from the room.
You had forgotten how well Nikki could read your emotions until you stick your head around the sitting room door to wish her good night. Instead of giving her usual brief smile, she comments on your apparent mood. She is usually pleasant but aloof, something you have grown used to.
Not tonight.
"Bad day?"
"Honestly? Awful."
"Have you got plans? If not, I have wine?"
For a moment you hesitate, unsure whether she is just trying to be kind or if she genuinely wants your company. You know you want her company, since the dance, what you said to her hasn't differed.
You still miss your best friend.
2 hours and 1 and a half bottles of wine later you are still talking, this is certainly new, you haven't had all that much to say to one another for a long time but tonight it is as if you, as friends, have found your way back to one another, rediscovering that common ground and holding tightly to it once again. The atmosphere is light-hearted; instead of talking about your current state of affairs or work, it is the kind of conversation you'd expect to have when you meet a best-friend on a weekly basis for a coffee.
You're not drunk but you're beginning to get that feeling in the pit of your stomach and in your head. She looks ready to talk more and you must admit, you've enjoyed yourself, she looks pretty in the orange glow of the lamp light. She looks pretty in any light, you muse…
It's definitely time to go.
"Anyway, I should get going."
"You can't drive now, why not just stay here?"
"You sure?"
"I'm sure, you know how lonely it gets…"
This comes as a shock. It was always her who had crossed to line in your relationship, made the big decisions, but not for a long time. To bring up anything to do with the past year has been labelled taboo, always, not to mention this evening.
But you can't help nodding.
It was always what you had been most proud of, your ability to calm her; she always seemed to sleep easier with you around. It made you feel strong and sometimes, on cold and lonely nights in your damp, aged flat, you long for that feeling again. She seems to realise the change in atmosphere and her eyes remain firmly on the carpet as she picks up and takes a sip of her wine.
Speaking of which, perhaps you are slightly more intoxicated than you first realised.
"Even if I do, I've only got myself to blame for that haven't I?"
"It was an illness, Harry, it can't be helped."
You note her use of was. If she's right and it was an illness, does she believe you're cured? Do you? You know that it will always be part of you. The only gene of your father's you wish you didn't possess. But you understand it now; you are stronger, more resilient. You refuse to lose anything else to this demon. Is there really anything else to lose? With this terrifying thought you feel almost close to tears and you are forced to look away.
She tucks her feet underneath her now and shuffles along towards you before taking your hands from your lap and holding them tightly. What she says brings a whole new surge of emotions to the fore. You feel an overwhelming surge of love for her, it makes you feel like anything is possible, that everything happens for a reason. It is as if your whole adult life has been leading up to this one moment. Everything makes sense. Your past, your present, even what lies ahead.
"This is no one's failure, Harry."
Her eyes don't leave yours. Before you have a chance to thank her for remembering, for echoing your father's words, her fingers are placed delicately on your jaw as she moves in and bends down, golden curls falling in a rich curtain over your face as she kisses you. It is slow, seductive and lasts a mere second, not enough for you to taste her and you arch your neck towards her as her lips leave your own, pleading for more.
Then her lips are on your cheek and your jaw, and her teeth are grazing your earlobe. This is not what you were expecting. More like a sordid teenage fantasy than what you and Nikki have ever been. It is fast and complex and you obviously want different things.
"Harry, will you let me?"
You are so out of sync it shocks you.
She is laying a trail of hot, open mouthed kisses on your neck now as a single hand pushes down your torso, over your belt, to your groin and with a hint of embarrassment, you realise that this is enough to make you ready for her.
It had, after all, been a very long time.
"Let me, Harry."
Concentrating on the buttons of your shirt now, she lifts one leg over and straddles you, the textured material of her trousers making you groan as her thigh brushes against your sensitive area.
The concentration and speed with which she is undressing you makes you question the whole situation. She knows exactly what she is doing, she is rushing, she seems almost desperate. But you find, as she lowers her hips onto your own, the pressure, the friction reminds you of that blissful ecstasy you feel when you're with her like this, and she lifts her top and bra over her head in one quick movement. Her voice is a mere breathy whisper against your skin. She is like some kind of sorceress, with every movement enticing you deeper under her spell, she is irresistible, mesmerising…
And yet though the haze of lust you still detect a hint of impartiality in her efforts.
"Let me."
You can't bring yourself to stop.
In a shadow of a second, all of your repressed, sexual feelings for her break free of your unconscious and you feel it all at once, driving you insane.
You feel anger, because she kept your son from you. You feel possessive, after all those times you knew the assigned DIs were thinking lustful thoughts about her and there was nothing you could do. You feel hunger, after too long without her; her body, her smell, her taste.
And suddenly you've grabbed her, carried her to her bedroom, thrown her down in a rage and you're removing her final garments of clothing with your teeth while she gasps for breath, aroused beyond belief.
You are rough with her tonight; tugging and pulling and twisting her to see her react, while she digs her fingers painfully into your skin. Though she refuses to look at you, at all.
So you need to hear her.