1. We're both looking for something
We've been afraid to find
The first time Jackson realizes he likes Danny much more than as a friend, it's when Danny gets the first boyfriend that doesn't go away. Usually, Danny isn't really good at picking them, they all turn out to be jerks and it always ends up the same with Danny brokenhearted for two days, time that Jackson will spend talking shit about the current-ex-boyfriend, and then Danny will show up at school one day and say that you have to hate the players not the game, and Jackson isn't even sure what that is supposed to mean.
However, Chris doesn't disappear after two weeks, not even after a month. He starts trying to get Jackson to like him which means that Jackson hates him more every time they see each other. Danny sometimes frowns at him as if asking what the hell is Jackson's problem, but it takes a while before Jackson can actually understand himself what his problem actually is, and when he does, he keeps it to himself.
He doesn't call it being jealous, he doesn't call it anything, doesn't even give a name to what he knows he feels. He ignores it and hopes it gets away before he ends up doing something stupid and looses Danny in the process.
Things change after Chris has been in the picture for five months. Danny shows up late at night over at Jackson's, the house empty of parents like always, he lets himself in and goes upstairs to Jackson's room and finds him asleep.
Danny walks over to the edge of the bed and stands still for a moment before starting to shake Jackson awake.
When sleepy blue eyes finally open, it's to a frown, a moment later, he gets punched on the arm.
"You and your fucking bullshit about being everyone's type," Danny says by way of greeting.
Jackson rubs at his eyes and manages to sits up while massaging his sore shoulder. "What the hell, dude?"
Danny grabs a pillow and throws it at Jackson who manages to catch it. "He said that he realized that I wasn't the one he's interested in."
Still half-asleep, Jackson can't understand what his best friend is going about. "Would you calm down? What happened?"
"He left me!" Danny shouts and then points at finger at Jackson's face. "For you! My straight best friend. How fucking great is that?"
Jackson doesn't really mean to, but starts laughing. Danny hits him again and when Jackson doesn't stop, Danny pushes him down on his back and then climbs on top of him. He grabs Jackson's hands in his and pins them to the bed.
"How can you find this funny? I loved him and..."
Jackson shakes his head, his laughter finally subsiding. "You always love them. They always leave. Maybe you don't know what you're talking about."
Danny snorts. "And you do?"
Jackson shrugs. They both know that the only thing Jackson knows about love is what Danny shows him, they both know that Jackson has never been in love, they both doubt it could happen, but what Danny doesn't know is that if there's something resembling to love in Jackson, it's all for Danny, no matter how much of an asshole he can be even to him.
They stare into each other's eyes for a few seconds and then Danny sighs and throws himself down on the bed next to Jackson.
"You'll find someone else."
"Yeah."
Their breaths are the only sound in the room for what feels to Jackson like hours, then there's the rustling of the sheets and Danny's hand close around Jackson's wrist.
They're not the kind of friends who hold hands and share long hugs, but there are times, when it's just the two of us, where they let go of all the pretenses.
2. Looking at you, holding my breath,
For once in my life, I'm scared to death
A new boyfriend doesn't show up until the end of the school and they're into the second week of their summer holidays. He doesn't last to the third because of Jackson's assholness. Boys still ask Danny to choose and they always lose, always will.
They're sitting on the roof of Danny's house waiting for dinner when Danny says, "I don't get you."
Jackson raises an eyebrow and waits for him to continue.
"I've never been a jerk to your girlfriends, can't you return the favor once in a while?"
A few minutes go by in silence, Danny is almost sure this will be filed under the many conversations they don't have, and then Jackson just shrugs and says, "You deserve better than those losers."
Danny rolls his eyes. "I appreciate the concern but..."
Jackson looks straight into Danny's eyes and holds them. He's not sure what he looks like right now, but there must be something in his expression that makes Danny frowns. "You don't get it," Jackson simply says and before Danny can say anything else, his mom calls them to dinner.
A few hours later, they're in Danny's room, Jackson on the bed and Danny on the floor and they're both staring up at the ceiling.
Jackson is so lost in his own thoughts that he doesn't notice Danny is moving until he feels the mattress dipping under an added weight. Danny doesn't have the big bed Jackson has, it's why they take turns to it when Jackson is sleeping over, so when Danny climbs in, he has to lay on his side on the edge of the mattress to avoid laying completely on Jackson.
"What you said earlier..." Danny begins.
Jackson turns on his side and lets Danny come closer. In the light coming from the window, he can barely make out Danny's face.
"What?"
"What did you mean? What is it that I don't get?"
"You're supposed to be the smart one," Jackson jokes, because he's good at avoiding talking about his feelings, except that Danny knows him all too well.
Reaching out, Danny puts his hand over Jackson's biceps and squeezes. "I'm serious," he says even though it's unnecessary.
Jackson looks into Danny's eyes and bites his lower lip. He's scared and he thinks about Derek telling him that he's been scared his whole life and Jackson knows now more than ever, just how much that's true. He's scared of everything, but right now, he feels like taking the risk is worth it.
He licks his lips slowly and opens his mouth as if to say something only to backpedal. He's never been good with words. So he kisses Danny and hopes he won't lose again.
3. We're crashing
Into the unknown
We're lost in this
But it feels like home
The summer breeze comes in from the half-shut windows making the blue curtain fly. In the overcrowded bed inside the room, the sheets are kicked off, the pillows thrown away. Sweaty skin is pressed against even sweater skin and it's uncomfortable because it's august, but they prefer to sleep naked on a stripped bed then apart.
The sky outside is a pale pink, the sun slowly starting to rise above the horizon. The first eyes to blink open are black, they fell on the skin of the neck his nose is pressed to. A moment later Danny's lips stretch into a smile.
His hand is pressed against Jackson's chest, the strong beating of an heart under his palm. He's not sure where they found the courage, but he's so grateful they somehow managed to end like this. It felt like crushing into the unknown, he knew how Jackson acted when he's supposed to be with someone, he feared they'd lose their friendship, but after two months, they're still okay.
Danny grins, more than okay, really.
It was so easy to go from being best friends to being also boyfriends. They told Danny's mom first and she had laughed and told them that they could have just come out of one of those romance novels she loves to read.
Jackson's parents still don't know because he doesn't want to hear what they have to say, he doesn't want anyone to ruin what he and Danny have.
For now, Danny is mostly okay with it, know Jackson's parents enough to know that perhaps Jackson is right in wanting to keep it a secret.
The body under his arm stirs and Jackson turns his head, seeking out Danny's lips even before opening his eyes.
Danny presses him in the mattress and kisses him with more than a simple good morning.
Jackson tries to turn around but Danny pulls away and kisses just behind Jackson's ear making him sigh.
His fingers skims down Jackson's sides, the hand of the arm Jackson is lying on, sprawls against Jackson's taut stomach.
In some corner of his mind, Danny thinks he's glad that his mom left him home for the weekend while she went to visit some relatives.
When his hand reaches Jackson's thigh, Danny slides it under his knee and pushes Jackson's leg upward and Jackson's hand closes into a fist because it has nothing to hold on as Danny presses closer to him, his dick hard against Jackson's ass.
They had spent the previous night fucking but they seemed to can't ever get enough and when they were too sore, Danny has found out that Jackson has a really tight grip with his hand.
His lips leave a trail of kisses down Jackson's neck and on his shoulder while he uses his hand to spread Jackson's cheeks apart and slide between them, not as good as being inside Jackson, but good enough to get them both off.
Jackson hides his face in his arm and pants against his already damp skin. He pushes back against Danny and wishes he wasn't so sore that Danny can't be inside him.
If they weren't in love, Jackson thinks they could be together even on the sex alone. It's best Jackson has ever had and he carefully never asks Danny if he feels the same because Jackson still wants to be the best at everything, still fears being replaced, but he doesn't want his fears to ruin things with Danny too.
Danny pulls away a little, just enough to turn toward the bedside table and reach for the lube.
He coats his dick in it and then spreads it between Jackson's cheek, feels him take in ragged breaths. His fingers indulge for a moment against Jackson's hole and he feels the boy laughs against him.
"Don't even try it."
Danny smiles and when Jackson turns around a little so he can look at Danny, they kiss again, this time deeper and hotter just as Danny starts to slide between Jackson's cheeks again.
They have to part when they both moan and Danny's fingers close so tightly around Jackson's hips that he knows they will leave marks.
Jackson pushes back against him and takes Danny's hand in his to slide it down to his erection. They close their hands around it and Jackson lets out a strangled moan and squeezes Danny's cock with his cheeks and finds the presence of mind to grin when Danny gasps.
They soon found a rhythm, they have done it so many times already, to know when the other's body is close to reach climax, Jackson used to think that would be something boring, with Danny it's not that.
Afterward, as they are recovering their breaths, which is not easy since they can't stop kissing, Jackson whispers three words that make Danny stop and stare.
He knows Jackson has never said it before, so he just revels in the feeling of knowing that he's the first to ever hear those words coming out of that perfect mouths. He wishes he could be the last too, but isn't so stupid to start thinking about that.
He can't help but feel though, as if he's right at home, like he's feeling and tasting and being for the first time. Danny has never felt better in his life. He thinks that in some ways, this is the first time for both of them.
I'm feeling alive all over again
As deep as the sky under my skin
Like being in love for the first time
Maybe I'm wrong, I'm feeling right
Where I belong with you tonight
Like being in love to feel for the first time