A/N: This little oneshot was inspired by the song "Say it Again" by Marie Digby. I think the song is beautiful, and fits James/Lily perfectly. Anyway, I enjoyed writing this, and I hope you enjoy reading it :)
"Hullo Lily," an all too familiar voice shatters my conscientious studying. It's just before Christmas break and I'm already falling behind in Transfiguration. Before I say anything, he has pulled out a chair across from me and sits.
"Hi James," I reply without looking up. I run my hand through my hair distractedly.
"I was worried about you, you didn't even eat dinner," he says next. I look up at him and immediately the butterflies kick in. His hazel eyes penetrating.
"Oh, well, I'm sorry…?" I say, going back to studying. Like I can with this beautiful specimen sitting across from me. He sits there patiently for five whole minutes obviously noticing that I have read the same sentence a million times.
"What are you trying to cram into your strenuously overworked brain anyway?" he asks lifting the cover of my textbook. I don't need to answer. "Why are you studying Transfiguration? That paper isn't due till after break, and honestly Lils, I know you're dedicated to school and all, but this is just ridiculous." I blush.
"No, I'm not writing my paper…I'm just…studying is all." He pulls the book away from me and I prop my head up with my elbow. I notice that, as usual, I am the last person in the library. I also notice, my heart beating fast, that James leg just accidentally brushed mine under the table.
"Lily," he says, his tone serious, "this is last week's lesson." I blush even more. Curse my mother for giving me these undesirable genes!
"Yeah…yeah I know." I manage to stammer. He lifts his gaze from the book and looks at me worriedly. His eyebrows are furrowed and I have the strongest urge to smooth them out. "I'm not that great at Transfiguration, James." I say after he continues to stare at me.
He pushes the book back to me and leans back in his chair, and I know what's coming next. It doesn't matter how much he's changed, it doesn't matter that he's Head Boy next to my Head Girl and that we've been putting our differences aside and actually getting along. James Potter cannot pass up an opportunity to brag that he's better than me.
"Well," he says, "you aren't going to learn by reading Lily, you need to actually practice the spells." My mouth falls open, I know it. He leans forward, the worried look plastered on his face again. Yup, my mouth really did fall open.
"Sorry," I say closing my mouth hastily. "It's just, did you offer to help me?" He's still looking at me worried. Maybe I didn't explain myself right. "The James I know would scoff and use this opportunity to point out all of my obvious flaws and how much better than me you are." James's face immediately softens, but his eyes grow hard. And suddenly, I'm faced with an angry James.
"I've changed Lily." He says quietly, now avoiding my gaze. Oh, believe me, I've noticed.
"I know," I say quickly. He lifts his gaze and when our eyes meet, immediately I'm falling into his deep hazel eyes. "I'm just not used to it is all." He smiles.
"Well get used to it, Miss Lily Evans! James Potter is a changed man!" I can't help but smile. "So," he says after a minute of silence. "Would you like my help?"
"Oh, the almighty James Potter is offering to bestow his gift of superior knowledge on me! How could I refuse!" he laughs so loud Madam Pince throws me a glare. She has never glared at me before. I sober up immediately.
"She's never glared at me before…" I say under my breath so only James can hear. "Now I know how scary it is." This makes him laugh even louder and I can't help but grin widely. I made James Potter laugh. The only time he would normally laugh at me is when I mess up.
"That's it, the Library is closing. NOW! Out, both of you!" As Madam Pince chases us from the library, James and I break out into raucous laughter.
After a couple of minutes, we reach the Heads Dorm. Entering, I plop onto the couch still laughing. James joins me a second later. He looks at me, his eyes shining.
"Are you serious?" he manages to choke out between laughs. "She's never glared at you, not even once?"
"No!" I cry through my hysterical tears. If I hadn't been with James, I wouldn't have laughed about the situation (and I probably wouldn't have gotten kicked out of the library either), but his laughter is just contagious. James lets out another peal of laughter.
"Your face was priceless!" he cries. I try to muster a glare, but it's impossible.
"Well, I'm glad I provided you with comic relief." The comment sounds harsh, I realize a second too late. But, James looks at me and grins.
"You have." Immediately I feel awkward. It doesn't look like James does however, and I finally notice that we're touching. Barely, but we're so close on the couch that we're touching. And his arm is thrown around me. I stare into the fire, trying to sort out this mess. Do I, or don't I like James Potter. I think we all know the answer to that question, I tell myself.
"So," James says, breaking the silence, "did you still want to practice?" I sigh.
"No, not tonight." I grin as I look up at him. "Thanks for the offer though, Almighty James." He laughs again, but this time a soft laugh. He then starts to stare into the fire as I did earlier.
"I mean it though, Lily." He looks at me suddenly, his eyes searching mine, for what I have no idea. "Any time you need help, let me know." I smile back at him.
"Thanks." We sit there for awhile, both of us staring into the fire.
"You know I haven't asked you out all year." James states, as though to himself. The butterflies immediately start twittering in my stomach and my heart beat quickens. James is so close to me now that I think he can feel it. He's still looking at the fire, but my eyes are glued to his majestic profile. If there were ever someone better suited to Gryffindor than James Potter, you can shoot me now.
"I appreciate it James," I say. You are an idiot! You know you missed his constant badgering, everyone knows it, even James! I yell at myself. He turns to me again.
"Do you?" I'm startled and can't tear my eyes away from his. His eyes are searching mine again. "You frustrate me Lily Evans. I have no idea what kind of games you are playing with me." His gaze hardens again and he turns away, taking his arm from around my shoulders. No! I scream, put your arm back!
"James.." I stammer, "I'm not trying to play games with you." He looks back at me.
"But you are." He shakes his head and stands, running his hand through his dark messy locks. "I don't know what to do anymore." He walks away from me and goes to his room. And although my heart and even my mind are telling me to go to him, I'm glued to my seat on the couch. Slowly, I enter my room also.
I can't help but cry myself to sleep. And through my sobs, I swear I hear someone banging things around in his room next to mine.
Breakfast. I've been dreading it all morning. When I woke up, James was already gone. Getting ready for class, I don't even care that my eyes are swollen from my crying and my complexion is paler than usual. I push a headband into my hair to keep it away from my face, not even bothering to brush it.
"Bloody hell Evans, you look horrible!" Sirius Black tells me as I sit across from him at the Gryffindor table. Normally I would sit with my friends, but since they aren't here yet, (probably sleeping in and enjoying it unlike me) I sit with the Marauders. Minus James. He isn't here.
"Thank you Sirius." I say grabbing toast and eggs. Remus gives Sirius a hard stare and Sirius shrugs in response. We eat in silence for a few minutes. "Where's James?" I ask. I notice that Remus and Sirius exchange glances. "What was that?" I ask stubbornly.
"What was what?" Sirius asks innocently.
"That little look you two just shared."
"I have no idea what you're talking about," Sirius replies spreading jam onto his fifth piece of toast.
"James is flying around the pitch Lily." Remus answers my first question. He doesn't meet my gaze. "He goes there when he's upset." He adds quietly. Sirius gives Remus a well placed glare. I walk away with intentions to find and talk to James. I have to sort this out. But even as I walk away, I hear Sirius and Remus arguing.
"She doesn't need to know she made him upset!" Sirius growls.
"James won't mind," Remus replies. "Besides, she has to know she's upset him many times before." I feel a pang of remorse as I hear these words. They quicken my resolve: to sort things out with James.
Flying, I am told, is a great release. At least, that's what James has told me countless times. I sit in the bleachers (freezing to death, having forgotten my cloak), watching James weave in between the goal posts on both sides of the stadium. I've seen him fly many times before, having gone to every Quidditch game since my first year. It's my secret obsession, Quidditch. Even if I don't know how to fly so well.
This time, however, is different. James looks dejected, not confident like he usually does when he's flying around the pitch during a game. I realize with another pang of remorse, that I caused this.
"Are you going to come down anytime soon?" I call loud enough for James to hear me. Immediately he stops in midair, making me nervous. Slowly, he flies towards me. It looks effortless when James does it, like he was born to fly. When he reaches me, he dismounts and sits down beside me.
"What are you doing out here! You must be freezing!" He takes off his cloak and drapes it over my shoulders. Gratefully I hold it tight to my shaking frame.
"I wanted to apologize." I say looking him in the eye. He avoids my gaze.
"Lily, you don't-" he starts.
"No, James. I need to do this. Please listen to me." I lift his chin to make him look at me. "I know you like me. I've known for a long time…obviously. But I never really believed that you were honestly interested in me. You always played pranks on me-"
"But Lily-" I hold up my hand to stop him.
"No, James, let me finish. You always played pranks on me, and you constantly picked on Severus. That made me loathe you." His eyes had darkened to a deep brown. "I don't know why you did it. It's ok; I've forgiven you for it." I say quickly when he is trying to interrupt. "Even if you hadn't interfered Severus and I wouldn't have been friends for long after that. Then, this year, when I got the letter saying I was Head Girl and you were Head Boy, I was horrified. I was ready to take on both of our jobs and not complain about it. I knew it was going to be hard. But, to my amazement, you took on everything. You treated me like a friend, you didn't bug me, you didn't ask me out anymore, and I finally thought, 'Wow, I was right. He didn't really like me,'"
"Lily, I never stopped-" I hold up my hand again.
"James, please stop interrupting. I need to get this out."
Grudgingly he nods for me to continue.
"And to my surprise, I felt sad." James stares at me with an unreadable expression. "I didn't have as much fun hanging out with my friends because I always complained to them about you. And then, when I didn't, they accused me of liking you." I'm looking for some sort of emotion, but I can't read his face, so I continue explaining to the bleachers. "And I realize now that they were right. I had finally fallen for James Potter. And I didn't like it one bit. I didn't want to be looked at by everyone as the girl who gave in to James Potter. I didn't. But now, now I do. And I'm so sorry that it took me so long to realize that I lo- have a major crush on you, and I'm sorry that I rejected you so many times and acted as though you had no feelings. I'm sorry." I didn't know I had more tears to shed after last night, but apparently I did for they were rolling down my cheeks. I wiped away my tears and looked back up at James. He was still staring at me with that empty gaze.
"James," I plead, "please say something-"
"I love you." I blink a couple times then rub at my ears.
"Sorry?" a little smile escapes James's lips and then they're all over mine. After James pulls away, (yes, James pulled away) he smiles even wider.
"I love you." James pulls me into a hug and rests his chin on my head. I sigh contentedly and close my eyes. He smells even better than I had imagined. Like sweat, obviously, (but not gross sweat), and chocolate frogs and butterbeer all mixed in.
"You smell amazing," I say without moving. Rather than just hear James chuckle, I can feel it. The feeling fills me up.
"I was just thinking the same thing about you." He says sweetly. "We should probably go inside though, classes start soon." I laugh.
"If we haven't missed them already." James laughs too and pulls away from me (again!).
"Well, since we obviously have other, more important things to manage, I think we should be exempt from our classes today." James says and he kisses my forehead. I close my eyes at his touch.
"I don't know-"
"Oh come on! It's your first day as James Potter's girlfriend; you have to do something rebellious. It's practically required." James grins.
"Oh really! I'm the magnificent James Potter's girlfriend?" When James nods, I continue, "Because I haven't heard him ask me yet, have you?" James gasps in mock surprise.
"No I haven't! But I've had words with him, and his greatest wish is that, for once in his life, you would ask him out." I throw back my head and laugh.
"Okay, well I'll talk to you later, I need to go find James, and I'm pretty sure I'll see him in class today…" I start to stand but James grabs my hand and pulls me onto his lap.
"Oh no you don't, you aren't getting away from me that easy." He says kissing my neck.
"James Potter." I say sternly. He looks up at me startled. I smile, "Will you bestow the honor upon me of being my boyfriend?" He grins widely and pulls me close to him, burying his face in my hair.
"I would love to."
"Say it again." I order. James looks confused.
"I would love to..?"
"No, that you love me." He grins again. Merlin I swear I've never seen him so happy.
"I love you, Lily." He whispers. I press my forehead to his and close my eyes.
"Again."
"I love you." I grin.
"One more time."
"I love you."
"I love you too." I whisper back. Suddenly, James's lips are on mine again and he's kissing me much more passionately than the first time. I don't know how my hands ended up in his hair, it just seemed natural.
"You have no idea how long I've waited to hear you say that." He whispers again burying his face in my hair.
"I love you, James Potter. And that will never change." James pulls me tighter to him.
"You're mine. You always have been; you always will be. Till the end of time."
I smile again and say to his hair, "We really should get going."
"To skip class." James finishes, pushing me off of his lap. "We are going to sit in our common room in front of the cozy fire all day today, sipping butterbeer and eating chocolate. And of course," the famous James Potter lopsided grin explains, "I will be snogging you senseless."
I hit his arm lightly in mock outrage. "James Potter!"
"I don't lie, Lily." He says taking my hand and winking at me. "Snogging you senseless." We begin to walk back up to school.
"Well, Mr. Potter, I must say, I willingly oblige to your request." The wicked grin is in place again.
"Lily Evans is skipping class!" He screams throwing me over his shoulder and spinning me around. I laugh like crazy. I've never enjoyed being with someone this much.
"To snog one Mr. Potter senseless." I finish.
"No, no, no. I will be doing the snogging." He says.
"I don't know-" he kisses me. "…about that." I finish breathless.
James just grins, "Senseless Lily,"
I have to agree.