Rollin', Rollin', Rollin'
Don't even ask me what possessed me to do it, but I joined a rollerblading club. Mistake #1.Blame it on boredom or stupidity or what have you but I did it. I went out and got all the equipment too. Skates, pads everywhere, helmet, the works. What they don't sell is balance and enough pillows to cushion me when I fall on my, um, natures padding.. Maybe I need training wheels.
Whatever the reason I decided to go out to Central Park and try the new equipment out. Mistake #2. The people in the park make it look so darned easy. Hmmpf, right. I got all suited up and pushed off the bench carrying my light weight footwear and promptly rolled off the sidewalk onto the grass on the other side. There was nothing for me to grab onto and I landed with a bellyflop onto the freshly mowed green grass. It smelled wonderful. If I'd been near a horse, I'd have been in serious danger of being eaten, as it was I was completely green all over the front of me.
I got up by edging over to a tree and hoisting myself back up again, praying no one was watching. I got to my feet –wheels and gingerly set them on the smooth sidewalk, struggling to find my balance. I found it by making a y with my feet. That was at least the right direction. I pushed off gently and got some forward motion.
By doing it slowly with much arm waving and overcorrecting I got headed in the right direction. I really had to concentrate on what I was doing and plowed, unceremoniously, right into the back of a man ahead of me. He at least had his balance and was able to stay on his blades with me hanging onto the back of him. I felt something hard under his jacket and realized to my dismay it was a gun.
He turned to look at me and then he grinned. I must have looked ridiculous. A middleaged woman with a helmet all askew trying to get my balance on rollerblades. "I am so sorry." I apologized.
"It's okay. New blades?"
"Very." I said drily.
"Let me help you. Take my hand. There you go, just push off gently and let everything flow. Relax, you're too tense. That causes loss of control problems. Better now?"
"Yes. Thank you. So how do I stop these things?"
"Bump them together. They can't free roll that way. And try not to run into anything that doesn't have padding." He laughed.
"I'll do my best. Thank you."
He waved at some boys who were calling him dad and excused himself to go over to leave with them. I admired the way he handled himself on the blades. They rolled off like long time bladers.
I continued on my path to destruction. I made my way more or less in the intended direction with an occasional grab at solid things to keep me vertical. An hour later I'd only gone a few hundred feet, was soaked with sweat, looking ruefully at my scraped up knee pads and decided I was better off with things that had four wheels, a seat and a steering wheel. I yanked off the skates and walked over to a young lady who had on some very battered skates on but was doing well on them and gave them to her. "You can use these better than me. Enjoy."
I made my way home and went to take a long hot soak in the tub. I was stiff and going to be sore, so I called and cancelled my membership to the rollerblading club. The lady understood completely. I considered that my best decision of the day.
I popped myself some popcorn and sat down to stiffen up while watching some TV. The news came on and right in front of me was the man I'd run headlong into in the park. He was the captain of the Major Case department of NYPD and they'd just solved a huge ring of counterfeiters. That was enough for my ego for one day. I shut off the TV, hobbled into my bed and pulled the covers over my head.
Conquering New York City could wait for another day.
Complete