She had stared at the letter in her hands for at least ten minutes.
Her jaw had dropped, losing the popcorn from her mouth in mere seconds. She re-read the lines over and over again, not feeling comprehending what was going on. She remembered becoming really upset after that, but what she described as "upset" could also be described as depressed or maybe even a little crazy, but no one would say that to her. Especially not Summer or Seth, who had both sat on the phone with her for over an hour at the minimum, letting her vent, scream, cry, etc to feel better about what had happened.
Her hands trembled as she tried to read her book and placed it down on her lap, she didn't understand why she was even going to the wedding; I mean it wasn't like the bride wants her there. She knew that the bride hated her, although she smiled and seemed polite, all her actions were transparent to Marissa. She could see through every smile and every "nice" action she did, she was only doing it because her boyfriend wanted her too. Yes, Ryan had a fiancé, he was getting married. It was something that was supposed to take place with them a few years ago, but had ended when she asked him to move to Seattle with her, and he had refused.
She had been living in Seattle for two and a half years, working as a nurse, slowly trying to piece back together her life. She regretted choosing Seattle over Ryan every day but knew it was for the better. She had gone home to visit her mom and Summer as much as she could and when she saw Ryan, it was awkward to say the least. The hardly said any words to each, not knowing what to say to the person they were still in love with but wouldn't admit it. Ryan overheard Summer murmur something to Seth during one of Marissa's visits, "I think the only people that don't know that Ryan and Marissa still love each other are Ryan and Marissa" and in that moment, Ryan knew he'd never get over the girl next door. She hadn't gone home to visit in about a year and since the last time she was there, Ryan and Allison had been dating for a few months, nowhere near as serious as they had become since she hadn't gone back.
Ryan and Marissa had a history that no one could top, after she left for Greece and stayed with her dad, she came home expecting everyone to be in their lives, not accepting her back into theirs. But Ryan was different, he had accepted her back quickly, confiding how much he missed her and how their time apart had made him see how much she really meant to him. They spent as much time together as they could, while she started at Berkeley College a year after him. They had gotten back together during college and stayed together until after graduation while he worked for the Newport Group. The nursing program she had done had set her up with many different hospitals to work at, and Seattle had caught her eye, she had mentioned it to Ryan and he had refused, so she left, leaving behind the one person she thought would be there when she got back.
"I can't just leave Marissa…my life doesn't revolve around you…I have a job" he yelled loudly. Marissa stood quietly in front of him, "I know that you have a job" she said softly as she stood helplessly. "Then stop asking me to give it up just for you" he said loudly and Marissa tucked her hair behind her ear, "okay" she said quietly and the next night, Ryan went to Marissa's bedroom to find nothing but a note explaining where she was and why she left. Ryan read the note, hoping that this would be some kind of sick joke, but it wasn't and he was left with nothing but a letter and memories of their time together.
Marissa took another sip of her water and looked out her window, seeing the coastline come into view as they got closer and closer to Orange County Airport. Summer had said that she would pick her up, but in that moment, she would have loved to get on a flight right back to Seattle and to skip this entire wedding. Luckily, she was only going for the wedding, she wasn't going to anything else. As the flight descended, she tried to compose herself and take deep breaths to calm herself down. She went to baggage to get her luggage and picked up the light blue suitcase as they came around, setting it upright and wheeling it out with her as she moved to the doors. She heard someone call her name and turned to see Summer coming towards her with a smile, Marissa smiled and hugged her best friend as soon as she was in close range. "Hey Sum" Marissa said as she sighed, "Coop…it's so good to see you" Summer said as she buried herself in Marissa.
They separated and made their way outside to Summers car, it was a new Mercedes convertible and Marissa knew she was back in Newport. She felt like she had been in a time warp, everything in Seattle was so much simpler. It wasn't sunny every day, which for some odd reason, made her very happy. She didn't have an expensive car; although she could afford one, she drove a black Ford Edge, lived in a double apartment that overlooked the bay and ferry boats. And although she lived in one of the most expensive apartment complexes in Seattle, she couldn't blame her mom for buying the apartment for her; it was beautiful in all ways. She had a plain life and loved every second of it.
They conversed all the way home, catching up and learning about their current lives. As they pulled in Seth and Summer's home, Marissa knew it was too late to go back, the wedding was in about an hour and a half and she had to go, she had reserved her chicken plate and everything. "Well Seth already went over to see Ryan, of course I'm not in the wedding, even though I am Ryan's sister-in-law and have been apart of the Cohen's lives and Ryan's life for about a decade longer than her" she said through clenched teeth, before mumbling something about a spoiled whorebag, something Marissa couldn't help but laugh at. "Summer, do you seriously want to be apart of that girls wedding?" Marissa asked with a laugh. Summer along with her, "no…not really" Summer said as she started leaving the bedroom for Marissa to get ready. Marissa quickly got into the shower, trying to wash off all the insecurities that had risen while being on the plane. She got out and let herself dry off before putting her hair in soft curls down her back and doing her makeup. She put a simple pair of jeans and t-shirt on before looking at the clock, the wedding would start in 45 minutes.
Marissa knew that Summer would at least spend the rest of the time she could getting ready, so she knew it was the perfect opportunity to leave. She quietly went downstairs, grabbing the keys on the way and leaving the house in a jiffy. She drove to the Cohen's and tried to smooth out her clothes and hair before knocking on the front door, hoping to God that Ryan wouldn't be the one to answer, but God was not on her side today. "Marissa" Ryan said clearly surprised as he opened the door.
Marissa had tried to compose herself for this meeting, to try and keep herself calm. But she never thought about bracing herself for how good Ryan would look on his wedding day. His hair was cut short and seemed blonder than the last time he saw him, he was deeply tanned, his eyes stuck out again his honey colored skin and his body…oh his body, Marissa could see the muscles at the top of his chest that were revealed with his tie off and top 2 buttons unbuttoned and his nice forearms as his sleeves were folded up to his elbows.
"Hi" she said weakly with a smile, she didn't think her mouth would go dry or her teeth would chatter against each other. He smiled at her as he came forward and embraced her in a warm hug, a hug that sent shivers down her spine. She pulled away from him, "it's good to see you" she said quietly as she started to fidget with the end of her long blonde hair. Ryan smiled, "it's good to see you too" he said and she couldn't help but feel in that moment that every feeling she ever had for him, had never gone away in the first place.
Ryan proposed that they sit on the front steps' considering the ruckus inside the house was almost too much for him to bear. Marissa took a seat next to him, softly resting her elbows on her knees, her hands holding her face up. He sat up straight, keeping his posture and looking down on her, seeing a certain curve of her face, and seeing all the beauty that had never left.
"When did you get in?" Ryan asked, Marissa shrugged and sat up, "a couple hours ago…I just wanted to see you before the wedding" she said and quietly finished up the last part. Ryan turned to her, "I'm glad…I'm glad that you're here" he said. Marissa smiled back, "how's Seattle?" Ryan asked. Marissa ran a hand through her hair, "it's great." Ryan smiled, "that's good…I've always liked Seattle, I don't know why but sometimes, I just want it to rain" he said quietly. "Yeah…I know what you mean" Marissa said with a small smile. Marissa felt like this was just like old times, but it wasn't old times, he was getting married, she lived in another state. Marissa felt disappointment seep through her, things weren't going to be the way she wanted them to be and she needed to accept that.
She looked down at her watch, seeing that the wedding would start in 25 minutes, she knew the limo would be here soon. "I really need to go…I have to get changed…so I'll just see you there" Marissa said as she stood up quickly. Ryan stood up after her, Marissa felt her gaze lock with his and in that moment, she knew she wanted to say only one thing: "You're making a mistake…don't marry her…be with me" but she wouldn't be that woman.
Marissa simply leaned in and kissed his cheek softly before smiling unconvincingly and getting back into her car, trying to keep every tear that had surfaced in her eyes. She drove back to Summer's house and quickly went inside, satisfied with herself that Summer hadn't noticed she had left. She got changed into her dress, a midnight blue cocktail dress that had a low cut to the breast line that flattered her breasts and gave her ample cleavage. The bottom half flowed out to a little above her knees that led to her navy blue flats. She was ready.
They arrived at the wedding and were seated near the front. Marissa was right next to the aisle and could see the alter right in front of her. She saw the priest start to gather all the things he would need and saw Ryan place himself on the alter with Seth right next to him. She locked eyes with the floor as Ryan seemed to be mesmerized by her appearance; Summer glanced at Ryan and knew that he was staring at an oblivious Marissa. And before Marissa could look up, Seth elbowed Ryan and brought him out of his gaze. The music started and everyone stood for the bride, a moment that Marissa felt she would faint. The bridesmaids made their way down the aisle and placed themselves in their seats.
Marissa watched as Allison descended down the aisle, she didn't dare look at Ryan, not wanting to see him watch her. Marissa felt tears come to her eyes, not because it was a beautiful wedding or that the bride looked beautiful, but because that beautiful bride was marrying the man that she was still in love with. She got to the alter and the priest started to speak which seemed to only make Marissa even more sick, this was actually happening, he was getting married. A concept that she never seemed to grasp until that very moment, and it killed her to know that she could have had him; she knew that engagement was in the cards for her and Ryan but she left anyways. She was selfish, she left and now, now she was getting was she deserved, she was losing the one person she never thought she would.
"Now Allison repeat after me, I Allison take you Ryan" the priest said, "I Allison take you Ryan" she said with a smile in his direction, "to be my wedded husband" the priest directed, "to be my wedded husband" Allison said softly. "To have and to hold from this day forward" the priest said. "To have and to hold from this forward" Allison repeated. "For better, for worse, for richer, for poorer" he said, "For better, for worse, for richer, for poorer" Allison said. "In sickness or in health, to love and to cherish 'till death do us part" the priest said finally, "in sickness or in health, to love and to cherish 'till death do us part" Allison finished with a smile.
"Now you Ryan" the priest said. Marissa felt her heart break into two and she turned to Summer, "I can't be here" she whispered helplessly to Summer as she felt a tear fall from her eye. Summer hugged Marissa, "its okay Coop…it'll be okay" Summer repeated, but they both knew that nothing would be alright.
"I Ryan, take you Allison" the priest said with a smile, "I Ryan, take you Marissa" Ryan said with a smile, but felt his jaw drop as soon as the words came out. Allison felt her world fall apart as she heard his words. The crowd loudly gasped, Summer and Seth stared at each other, while Sandy and Kirsten did whatever they could to not laugh. Marissa sat completely still, not knowing what it meant and how to react. Allison threw her bouquet at Ryan, and started to run down the aisle. And as Ryan started to run after her, Allison's father got up and pushed Ryan back, warning him to stay away from his daughter and chased after her.
And as people started to clear out of the church, Marissa sat still, and so did Summer. Marissa didn't dare look up, she knew he was staring at her, she could feel his eyes burning a hole through her. Marissa felt her own eyes move upward without any control, meeting his angry and frustrated eyes, and she knew, she just knew that in some twisted way, even though Ryan said those words, it was her own fault for what had happened. Summer grabbed Marissa's arm and urged her upward, telling her that we had to get out of our seats so other people could move but as Marissa stood, she knew that she should have just stayed still. Ryan started towards her and for a split second, Marissa almost felt afraid, afraid of what he might do once he got close enough.
He came up close to Marissa and stared at her right in the eyes, his eyes were blazing with fury and Marissa didn't dare say a word. And in a split second, he turned and left the church through the side door. Marissa slowly turned and met Seth's eyes, signaling him, he nodded softly, "I'll go talk to him" Seth said softly and left the church. And as soon as Seth left, Marissa felt her knees break from underneath her, as she fell to the floor. Summer sunk down next to her as she sobbed into her hands and tried her best to hold her and comfort her.
She sobbed for leaving Ryan in the first place, she sobbed for how much she still loved him. She sobbed for how she just managed to ruin another girl's life and possible marriage and she sobbed mostly because she did know that Ryan still loved her, but he didn't want to anymore.
The next day, Summer and Seth said goodbye to Marissa in the airport. "You can stay if you want…you don't need to leave" Seth said softly as Marissa fidgeted with her bag. "Oh I do…I do need to leave, I need to go home and just try to piece together everything. I can't be in Newport anymore, I don't belong here" Marissa said. Summer moved forward and hugged Marissa tightly and Marissa hugged back, "I'll call you later…okay?" Summer asked and Marissa nodded. "I love you" Marissa said, "I love you too" Summer reciprocated as they separated. Marissa turned to Seth and smiled softly before leaning in and hugging him. They separated and Marissa moved towards the security line but not before turning back to Summer and Seth.
"Seth…wait!" she said loudly before walking back over to them, Seth stood puzzled. "When you talked to Ryan…what did he say?" Marissa asked weakly and Seth sighed. "He just said that he needed to leave…he needed to be away from all this" Seth said quietly and Marissa just nodded, she turned away and walked back to the security line. And on that day, Marissa got on her plane and went back to Seattle.
A few hours later, the cab pulled through the streets of raining Seattle up to her apartment complex. She let herself out as the doorman came over to her with an umbrella as she grabbed her bags and moved towards the door, "Hello Miss Cooper…how was your trip?" the doorman asked politely. Marissa smiled weakly, "it could have been better John" Marissa said with a smile and went to the elevators. She got to her floor and unlocked her doors, dropping her bags on the floor in the main hallway but as she walked in, she knew things looked different.
She walked into the bedroom but no one was there, she walked into the living room but no one was there, she lastly tried the kitchen and found the last person she expected along with a few suitcases. "I told Seth I needed a new place to go…and I knew that you had room" Ryan said with a small smile. Marissa stood in amazement at the doorway, not knowing what to say as tears made their way to her eyes. "Also, like I told you, I really love rain…so I think Seattle might be good for me" Ryan said as she made his way over to her. Marissa felt a tear hit her cheek, "what about Allison?" she asked quietly. Ryan sighed and ran a hand through his hair, "she went on the honeymoon…by herself, and gave me back the engagement ring…she told me that if I couldn't love her the way she deserved then we might as well not be together at all" Ryan said as he took the ring out of his pocket.
"I guess she knew that she would always be second" Ryan said quietly as she grabbed Marissa's hand and entwined their hands together. "Who's first?" Marissa asked as another tear fell to her cheek, Ryan shyly smiled and wrapped his arms around her waist and pulled her closer to him. "You…I let you go once Riss and made the mistake of not coming after you…but I'm not going to do that again…no matter where you go" Ryan said softly as he traced the curve of her face with his hand. Marissa broke down into sobs and pulled his lips into hers, letting herself get lost in the man she always assumed would be there waiting for her. And she was right; he always was waiting for her. The rain had finally come.