Abed thinks a lot about movies.
Abed thinks a lot about his friends.
So it's no wonder he has cast them each in a movie of his own creation. One that fits them perfectly, at least in his mind.
Britta and Jeff would be in your standard Anne Hathaway/Gerald Butler rom-com. She would play a strong, independent business women, and he would be a devilish, play-by-his-own-rules sports reporter who would do away with her feminism, sweep her off her feet and somehow impregnate her, even though she'd be well into her forties.
Shirley would be an inspirational homage to Eat, Pray, Love. She'd be traveling all about the world, sassy, fabulous, newly divorced and "Luh-ving it!". She'd have a ridiculous amount of catchphrases and voiceovers. The catchphrases would be borderline racist of course, but people would be too full of "Girl Power" to care.
Pierce would be a spy thriller. He'd play the rough and tumble cop who'd seen a lot of shit in his day, you better believe it, but was now a grizzled old man stuck at a desk job he couldn't seem to escape. He'd get a chance to crack one more case before he retired, with his obnoxious rookie partner, named Ace or Doogie or something. Eventually, he'd be offered a the promotion he'd always dreamed of, but he'd turn it down to keep working with Doogie-Buddy-Boy.
Annie, she would be the wholesome story of a girl who moves from a small town in Indiana to New York to make it big on Broadway. There would be trials and tribulations, of course, but she'd be a star in the end, when the lead in the musical she got fired from quits and she's the only person who can fill in, for some reason. Hillary Duff's "This is What Dreams Are Made Of." will play throughout the film.
And Troy...Troy will be in a period movie, where the sensitive, handsome prince comes to rescue the socially awkward, lonely, secretly self-loathing heir to the throne, and gives the heir a reason to start living. Maybe for the first time ever. The beautiful, not-at-all tacky romantic music would swell as the handsome prince kisses Abed-Um, I mean, the heir. And everyone's totally cool with it. Because this kingdoms really progressive. They legalized gay marriage, like, six years before Massachusetts.
Erm, anyway,
the heir kisses the handsome prince back, because Troy's all the heir really needs. He's all Abed's ever really had.
Then blackout. And they live happily ever after.
At least, until the TV shuts off.
And the heir is forced back into the real world.
Real life isn't a movie.
If this were a movie, he would have Troy by now.