A/N: This is a song fic. And incase you don't know what a song fic is, it's a sort of based on a song. :) This song has been based on a song of the country singer named Miranda Lambert, Love Song. Here's a link if you have never heard of it. To, you know, fully understand the story. :)
youtu(putdotinhere)be/x94BzPeKqII
Enjoy! ;)
Love Song
Kate slipped out of the sheets and out of her room. She stroked her hair a few times allowing them to tangle pass free her fingers. The seven o'clock sun had found a way to send its rays inside her living room. The light travelled from the blinds in her window all the way up to her body. She gathered the sides of the thin, white curtain she bought a month ago and tied it with a ribbon nicely to fully welcome the sunshine in. She sucked in a deep breath as she walked towards the coffee maker in the kitchen and put everything in order; everything but her thoughts.
Her doubts and fears crept up her mind. She feared not being good enough for him. She's too scared to lose him and what they have. She wants to be able to open herself to him completely, but doubted that she would. The wall she built is starting to come down but the vast number of her fears is starting to mend the holes. What if she fails to meet his expectations? What if she won't be able to return the same amount of love he is giving to her? What if she can't give him anything in return at all? What if she'd cause him something or someone so important to him and likewise to her, such as Alexis or Martha or his life and his career? Her mind is filling up thoughts of what if's that she didn't even notice her tears falling.
The hot sensation of liquid from her ores rolled down her cheeks and into the curve of her lips. She parted them to draw in some air and tasted a bit of saltiness her tears restrained. She brought her palms to her face and wiped away all the marks of sorrows. She turned around to face the sink, dropping her head down to allow the tears to come out freely, so as the sobs.
A familiar pair of muscular arms slid on both sides of her waist, wrapping it around her; the warmth of him draping her smooth shivered skin. He breathed on her hair above her ear.
She can hear every draw of air from his lungs. She can feel the rise and fall of his chest on her shoulders and her back. She knows she doesn't even need to say a thing about what she's thinking. He knows her that well. Yet, she tried. "Rick, I…" But likewise before, the word was caught in her throat. She can't even say it nor swallow.
"Ssshhh." Rick hissed as he pushed her closer against him and swayed little to the peacefulness of the area. He knows. He wants to comfort her and tell her that he feels what she can't say. He wanted her to know that she's willing to wait for those bricks to be blown away, and or that he's willing to take it down himself. He stood there, strong and tall as he loosen his hold on her.
She turned slowly to face him; leaving the marks of tears visible in her face. She let out a breath as she looked in his eyes, her palms settled on the curves of his chest.
He brushed her curls from her face and ran his fingers on her cheeks to erase the tears away. Though, the pain in her eyes remained suspended; ghosts of sorrow and doubts and fears. He doesn't know where to find the right words to say. But he wants to make her feel safe, to make her feel like she's…perfect.
They stayed there for a long moment. He rubs his palms softly at her back while her head leans on his shoulder as the tears ran streaming down her face.
A promise with no words said. A vow that was exchanged in silence. A guarantee that both would be there for each other no matter what.
But it's not enough. She needs to tell him. She wants to. But she's too damn afraid to do so.
She wiped her tears away and looked up in his eyes, appreciating that he's a little taller than she is. Her eyes were still wet but she blinked away the tears hanging on her lashes.
He looked down on her and held her face steady with his two hands cupping her ears.
She slid her hands up to his shoulders and crossed her fingers at the back of his neck. She leaned tiptoed into him, his frame supporting her body while she parted her lips and allowed her tongue to come inside his mouth, searching for his. He opened his mouth wide enough to accept her. Kissing her could be compared to a one year-old having his first candy; he'd never had enough. He always wanted more of her, more than what she could give her. But he knows. He gets it—what he's getting is good enough for now. But he's willing to wait; even if they'd spend a lifetime doing so.
He lowered himself down to relax her toes and crossed his hands at the back of her upper thighs and pulled her up to himself. Closer—until her the only thing separating the skin of their hips are their clothes. He settled her down to the counter. She sat there feeling the coldness of the marble seep through her laced satin gown. But the chill isn't enough to overtake the heat she's feeling right now.
Rick broke off to allow oxygen to enter his lungs that longs for air. He breathed against her lips as she too does the same. Their foreheads touching, noses brushing each other as they stared down to each other's lips.
He stared at her eyes and waited for her to return the gaze. He murmured in her lips, "I love you." The words came out of his lips unexpectedly.
She closed her eyes in despair and pushed him away lightly. He stepped back to give her enough space. She breathed hard and sobbed. She looked at him, her eyes begging for him to stop. She cannot return the favor. But she knows, in every bit of her being, every fiber, every strand, that she feels for him much more than what she cannot say and what she can. She just can't put them into words. She's not yet ready. She wants to destroy the wall completely; for herself, for him, for them.
He wraps his arms around her while he whispers on her, "I'm sorry, Kate. I'm sorry."
Kate glanced at his eyes before looking away. Her own face dripping with tears from her eyes.
He got what she was trying to convey— she isn't ready to say them back. Not yet. But he just wants to yank the wall inside her. He wanted her to be happy. And for what it's worth, even to let her mother's murder case go.
"I just want you to know. I'm here for you, Kate. I'll never leave you. Whatever it takes. Whatever happens." Rick said before turning his back on her and started walking towards the door of her apartment and slams it behind him.
She has a lot of things to tell him; an ocean of thoughts and wanders that she wanted him to know. But she didn't follow him. She didn't chase him. She knows he needed some space, too. Some time to think about the things between them.
Kate poured her emotions to tears and let them all out of her eyes. Sobbing as loud as what gets out of her just to release everything she's been hiding inside her—all the negative feelings she'd been refraining to show.
The tears had drained her hours ago. Now, she's staring at her door from her couch. She can feel him slamming it; can imagine him walking out of her place. She can picture him suffering because she can't open up to him; she can see his future: chasing her around, waiting for the bricks to shatter. She doesn't want that.
Her own words came stumbling back into her mind, striking like a thunder in the middle of a peaceful night. You cannot let your life be driven by your past. She needs to look at her future now, and the way she sees it, it's with Rick.
She stared at the wooden blinds on her window for a moment. Seeming to make up her mind, she stood up and walk towards her room. When she came back, she's tugging a box in her right hand, a box big enough for two pairs of shoes to fit inside, yet all it has was nothing but air. Kate drew her improvised murder board open as she runs her sight over it for one more time, scanning every inch perfectly before closing her eyes and allowed her fingers to feel them; each photo, each note, the ends of every photo, the position, where it is placed. She knows them all already. But she just wants to feel them again. Maybe not for the last time, but it'd take long before she'd see them again. She's finally letting them go.
She just cannot let herself be trapped in the past; in her mother's murder. Her future is inviting her with arms wide open. In fact, it was, long ago to what had seemed 4 years. With Castle, she feels safe and loved and happy and free, like nothing else matters and it's just the two of them. She feels like, with him, they can face anything or anyone without fear together. She's there. She's ready to let go.
###
The sound of the doorbell had the clouds of thoughts above his head disappear. He immediately marched in towards the door and opened it.
Kate was standing in front of him, carrying a box, eyes practically begging him to let her do whatever she's thinking of doing.
Castle stepped out of the door and gestured his other hand to take her coat. But instead of taking her coat off, she took in a deep breath and paced her way to him as she took the lid of the box off. She looked down to peek at the inside and extend her hands to share the contents.
He stuck out his hand inside and pulled up a photo. "Kate, what are you trying to say?" He said, raising the photo of Kate's mom lying in the alley, dead, lifeless.
"Remember when I told you that I'm not going to have the kind of relationship that I want because of that?" She stole a glance at the photo and back at the man in front of her. "I'm ready, Rick. I'm ready to let her go." She paused; the lump rose and fell on her throat. "And it may be long before we find the person who did this to her. Maybe not sooner. But we will. And I'd want you to keep this from now, Rick."
It took him a few seconds to realize that his mouth was open in surprise. He immediately hunts for the words to say in his vocabulary. "Kate," he began.
Before he could say another word, Kate smiled at him so bright. She smiled at him like she had never smiled before. He feels like she's been freed of a burden she had always had before. The way she smiled almost split her face into two, but not even a single tear cornered up her eyes. "I love you, Rick."
"I love you." Rick whispered and the photo had been put back into the box without her even noticing it. Neither his hand that was supporting her head, nor his lips that was in between hers.
"I love you very much." They both said, in sync, like they've been doing for years.
"Always." Both said, eyes holding each other's stare as the smile spread widely across their faces.
