Chapter one.
She didn't know it yet, but Regina was about to meet the love of her life...
Is something Regina Mills wishes her narrator would have said this morning.
But just like every other morning, that sentence is never uttered. So instead she wakes up, fixes her usual coffee (milk, one sugar) and goes about her morning routine; scanning social media, applying her makeup and skipping breakfast as usual in favour of those extra few minutes of sleep it provides.
At 35, Regina really thought her life would be a bit more put together, or at the very least, a little less lonely. Isn't being a single 30 something living in a small town supposed to be endless nights of cocktails and laughs with friends, while enjoying the lingering gaze from men when you're wearing that outfit that shows well, a bit too much skin?
Instead, she spends most of her free time at home, tucked up in a blanket on the sofa catching up on TV, wearing the same red flannel pajamas she's worn for a week and eating things one shouldn't really be eating if they are going to continue to repeat the words: 'I will start that diet' every god damn morning.
But her problem is not the lack of friends, or opportunities of a good time, of late nights, or long weekends in a foreign city. No, Regina's problem is that she listens a little too closely to her own little narrator that she's conducted in her mind. The one that tells her that she would meet the love of her life if she bothered to lose weight or fix her hair. The one that insists the only reason she doesn't have plans at the weekend isn't because her friends are just busy with their new partners but because they have in fact grown bored of her - didn't really like her in the first place. The one that repeats she's doing a terrible job at work and at life in general, so why even bother thinking happiness is something that will be granted to her now?
Don't get her wrong, she is not insane, she knows none of the things her little narrator says to her is true. But it never has been easy to silence the negative thoughts we have, has it?
Regina has become accustomed to the narrators backhanded remarks, it's just second nature to her now, hearing the little whispers in her head telling her she's not good, never has been, never will be, which is probably why over the years the voice has gotten that much louder, louder than the ones that used to fight back. Now all she is left with is the quick witted voice that apparently seems to detest every little thing she does.
She knows that having a narrator probably isn't something any normal person has to put up with but it has been with her for as long as she can remember, it never just popped up one day, it was just always there. Quiet at first, but still present.
Apparently a narrator's job is to stick to the script. But Regina's narrator didn't exactly follow protocol. Instead of narrating on her journey throughout life, it chose to tell her when it thought she was messing something up, or wasn't doing something just right, clinging to her like a shadow, suffocating any light that could reach the corners of her mind. Which is how she began to picture the narrator to look like a grey cloud hanging above her constantly, the same draining voice she had grown accustomed to, but a voice none the less that she could ever place from someone she heard before. A voice specifically created for Regina, by Regina.
She knows deep down it's her fault her life is this way, if she didn't do what it told her to do in the first place, she wouldn't be sat at home night after night sulking into yet another apple turnover. If she just put herself out there, maybe listened to her own voice for once, maybe things could change.
'Ha, fat chance of that happening' it perks up, knowing full well she has no chance of listening to her own advice, she isn't loud enough or by any means strong enough now to block it out. Which is why she can continue her daily morning routine with nothing more than a scoff of her breath and an exaggerated eye roll at her own reflection, tucks her dark brown hair behind her ear and continues to apply her make up in front of the mirror she has sitting on her desk. It's an unusually cold day in Storybrooke for the middle of April, the mist of the morning air sitting heavily as the sun struggles to finds its way through the clouds. She lets out a heavy sigh as she stirs absently out the window, counting the minutes down that she has left to get ready before her day in work begins.
'Should you be applying that much lipstick?' The narrator questions as Regina applies her new MAC in vogue matte lipstick, 'who are you trying to impress anyway?' another eye roll follows this comment, you would think the narrator would know better than to ask that question when the answer is so clear. Literally, Every-Fucking-One. Regina thinks as she grabs an off white shirt from her wardrobe to go with the black straight leg pants she's already chosen for the day. 'You know you shouldn't really wear fitted pants, stick to dresses to hide that muffin top' the narrator continues as Regina stirs herself down in the mirror.
At 8.30 am Regina leaves her house, double checking to see if there was any post on her way out that she may have missed from the day before. One letter from a credit card company and the other a 'sorry we missed you' note letting her know she could pick her parcel up from the post office. 'Typical' she thought as her heels clicked on the marble flooring of her hall 'why can't they just leave it on the porch?!' she mutters to herself as she shoves open the door and makes her way to work.
Working in marketing has always had its perks to Regina, the hours are typical 9 - 5 if you don't count the extra hours she will throw in every now and again when there's a new client or an extra busy news day, the work load is ever changing so she's hardly ever left with a 'dull day in the office' that she's heard many complain about, it helps the location is handy for her to be able to make it to work within 20 minutes of her leaving home.
Her favourite part of her job though is being able to work from home when she needs to. Which can be quite often considering she has a weekly battle with the narrator. Some days she can simply ignore it, throws it to the back of her mind and continue her work, but other days it gets too much, making her feel like she's being drowned by her own thoughts. Anxiety rippling through her like a plague of insults stinging her skin, making her muscles strain and her chest tighten. On days like these, Regina stays at home, hides under her blanket with her laptop, blasts Pearl Jam as loud as she can until her work is done, her stomach is growling and the narrator has finally said everything it could for the day.
At exactly 8:50am she arrives outside her office, pushing open the doors and making her way over to the lift in her office building.
"Morning!" Kathryn says from the reception, playing with the ends of her blonde ponytail, "did you have a good weekend?"
"Hi Kathryn," Regina answers with a small smile, "yes it was lovely thank you, did you?"
'Liar. You did fuck all. How is that lovely?' the narrator, perking up as usual, "can't you just be quiet for one hour?!' Regina thinks as she listens to Kathryn describe her Friday night out with the rest of their colleagues in Aesop's tables, the local hot spot for the office folk who want nothing more than a crisp cold drink after a long day in work.
'Oh would you look at that, another event you weren't invited to.' The narrator digs, just scratching at the surface.
Regina has to remind herself that she was in fact invited. Several emails were sent last week reminding her of the celebratory drinks for John in finance, he had just got a promotion and everyone was invited to join him for few drinks after work, including Regina, much to the dismay of her narrator. She had even bought an outfit for the occasion, brought it into work, hanging it up in the free closet space they have, but by the time 5 o'clock rolled round, and people were heading out to the bar, she had looked around and noticed that she had been left behind. Sure she could have looked up earlier and noticed that someone had called over to her saying "we will see you there when you are done" but she hadn't, instead she was too busy signing off the latest press release on the upcoming guidance product the company was pushing. So instead of heading to the bathroom to get ready after turning off her computer.
She heard the narrator nagging to her 'I told you no one liked you, they didn't even bother to wait.' which led Regina to leave work alone as usual. Walking the 20 minutes home holding back the tears and crawling under her duvet for another night of 'who hates you more' conducting by the narrator itself.
She continues her pleasantries with Kathryn, telling her she hopes she had fun and laughing when Kathryn jokes 'yes, but not too much' with a subtle wink that has Regina laughing, not quite reaching her eyes but not something that Kathryn would be able to pick up on. The lift pings, which has Regina nodding at Kathryn as a way of goodbye, taking a step into the lift and pressing number 4.
'I can't believe you have just nodded at her. Who the fuck do you think you are, too good to say a simple goodbye now?' Regina had hoped that embarrassing moment would slip past the narrator but nothing ever does. She takes a deep breath as she waits for the lift to get to her office floor, counting back from 10, trying to calm down, keeping the anxiety at bay, there is no need to get worked up about a simple gesture, calm down, she thinks to herself over and over again, all the while hearing the narrator laughing at how pathetic she is.
The lift pings, she's at her floor and she uses the small amount of control over her body to walk out of the lift, reach into her bag to find the key card she needs to get through the doors, pressing it against the fob and taking the 30 or so steps over to her desk. She shrugs out of her coat hanging it on the back of her chair and reaches into her bag to take one of her anxiety pills. Just the one, she only needs the one, just to calm down a bit more before logging into her computer.
Taking a deep breath and a quick walk over to the water fountain in the kitchen she manages to smile at the rest of her colleagues walking in and settling at their desks, making as a little polite 'office' conversation as she can muster with those that stop by the kitchen to try to cling onto the last resemblances of their weekend. A long slow gulp of her water has her relaxing that little bit more; she concentrates on the way the ice cold water feels against her throat, moistens her lips and soaks her dry mouth. After two more gulps and a few seconds with her eyes closed, back turned to everyone still flittering about in the kitchen, she feels herself calming, the weight of the anxiety attack lifting off her shoulders, keeping the narrator at bay at least for now so she can get on with her morning.
"Hey girl, everything alright?" Regina hears as she's making her way over to her desk, placing her water bottle down on the table and switching on her computer. Without even looking she knows its Zelena, her work-wife, the one person in the office that makes coming in when she has to tolerable. They have worked together now for 10 years, both had started at Clock Tower Marketing on the same day and had stuck together like glue ever since.
They were complete opposites; Zelena was tall and slender, had a beauty that would make anyone double take and a body that made models green with envy. Her red hair was always worn below the shoulders and curled just in the right way that it looked she had just spent the day at the beach and her wardrobe could only be described as flawless.
But it wasn't her looks that had people pouring themselves over each other to get to her; it was her brighter than life laugh. One of those laughs that came right from the stomach and oozed out of her so effortlessly that every time you heard it you would believe you were the centre of her world. And that's why Regina loved her; she made her feel special, like she was the only friend Zelena needed. The narrator on the other hand, being level headed as always, reminds Regina that Zelena is in fact like that with everybody, that she isn't special and wouldn't even be classed as an associate of Zelena's, let alone a friend.
Regina on the other hand was short, barely reaching 5 ft 5, wore a size 8 on a good day and thought she was a bit too curvy. Her brown hair was nothing but ordinary and the light had left her brown eyes years before. If it wasn't for the narrator's reminder of her weight, Regina would actually know her body was more than ok, she would know that her hourglass shape was something that was admired by many, but there is only so many times you can stir at yourself in the mirror and hear the words ugly repeating themselves over and over again that you finally give in and start thinking it too.
"Oh hi Zelena" Regina manages to muster after logging into her computer and scanning her first few emails, "yes I am fine, just one of those mornings! How are you? How was your weekend with Bobby?"
"I am in LOVE!" Zelena practically screeches, loud enough for the whole office to turn around looking at them both. "Regina honestly he is amazing, he is definitely husband material, I am already planning the wedding in my head, you will need to plan the hen do of course, I can't leave that up to my sister, that's a fucking disaster waiting to happen." Zelena continues as she perches on the side of Regina's desk.
"Didn't you only meet this guy a few weeks ago? How are you already planning your wedding?" Regina chuckles to herself, it's just like Zelena to fall madly, deeply in love with a guy she only knows because they both swiped right on Tinder.
"Just because we only met a few weeks ago doesn't mean it isn't true love, I am telling you, he is my soul mate. We just fit, like a hand in a glove, or whatever the expression is, we are a perfect match!" Zelena now holds that dreamy look in her eyes that most people get when they first start falling in love, the look of pure innocence and hope of what is to come. Regina just laughs at her and tells her that he sounds like a dream before saying; "now get off my desk, I have work to do."
Its 1:30pm before Regina manages to peel herself away from her work and grab some lunch. It had been a hectic morning, a new client had to be shown around the office, her boss and taken the morning off so it was Regina's job to give the grand tour of how things are done at Clock Tower Marketing. She had taken the new client, Robin Locksley, the head designer at Bows Designs, around the different departments, explaining what their roles were within the company, trying to impress the client with as much as she could muster about a financial company that would normally have people suppressing yawns. Normally she wouldn't mind rattling on about the company to some stuffy old guy, she knew what to say and how to say it but something about her was off today, must be the lovely pep talk she got off the narrator this morning, or the fact that the guy she was approaching couldn't more further away from a stuffy old guy.
"Hi I'm Regina, it's nice to meet you Mr…"
"Robin, Robin Locksley" he offers as he takes the hand she's holding out.
"Well Robin, I suppose you left your bow and arrow at home huh?"
'A Robin Hood joke seriously? That's the best you can do?' The narrator digs which has Regina wincing, gaze automatically going to the floor as she tries to brush it off, not quite hearing his chuckle and response of "actually I did, milady" she's too busy fighting her own internal battle, trying to pull together whatever dignity she has left to get through this tour.
She finds herself stumbling over her words, walking slightly off on her heels that were a little too high now that she thinks about it. But Robin is taking it all in his stride, pursing a small smile when she forgets the name of one of her colleagues. Saving her by introducing himself; "Hi I'm Robin, it's nice to meet you…"
"Leroy! Its Leroy." Regina suddenly remembers, embarrassed over how high pitch her voice went.
"Yes, its Leroy, nice to meet you too, I hope you're enjoying your tour here and that Regina isn't boring you too much with all the nonsense that goes on in this place." Leroy remarks, giving her the much needed breathing space before she continues with the tour.
"So far it's going well, I have to say I really am quite impressed with the way its run around here." Robin says as he scans the room, that smile still on the tip of his lips.
"I just have one more department you need to meet and then I believe you have a meeting with the board to discuss the contract you're working on?" Regina asks quietly, she suddenly feels nervous, can feel the skin on the back of neck prickling with sweat, she runs the back of her hand against it and brushes the hair out of her face before continuing; "they are just over here if you would like to follow me." she turns her back but not before hearing Robin say; "Of course, lead the way."
She takes them over to investment management, where the director Neal is taking his time to explain what it is they do, Regina doesn't pay much attention, this type of work always goes straight over her head, she's in marketing after all, it's not her job to pay attention to their client's investments, and it's her job to get the clients. So she uses the time to calm her breathing and take a good look at Robin. He's young, older than her perhaps in his late 30's but young enough to have her wondering how he is here speaking on behalf of his company and not one of the owners of Bows Designs.
He's tall too, his broad shoulders have her thinking he might play football every so often, his hair is a darker shade of blonde and his eyes are a captivating blue. She gives him a quick look up and down, noting the tailored suit he's wearing, navy, with a crisp white shirt and maroon tie, his shoes she notices are perfectly clean.' You can always tell a lot about a man by the type of shoes he wears' her mother used to tell her. She never really understood the expression but she's relieved to see that he at least knows not to wear Converse with a suit.
'Do you actually think you have a chance with this guy dearie? Is that why you are staring at him so hard?' she hears the narrator ask, 'you can't possibly think, this man would show you any interest.' her right hand is resting on her hip, fingers lightly pinching at the skin to try and maneuver her thoughts to the slight pain she's feeling rather than the thumping the narrator is giving her in her head.
'Don't embarrass yourself with this one. You do not stand a chance. Just look at you.' And that's all it takes for shoulders to drop slightly, her hand leaving her hip to come to her hair pushing it behind her ear again where it's still too short to stay put. Her gaze flicks from Robin to Neal slowly as she musters up a smile and interrupts "I think Robin has a meeting he needs to get to, so Neal if you don't mind?" Neal takes that as his cue to leave, "Ah yes of course, well Robin I hope to be seeing you again soon. Take care." both men shake hands as Regina leads the way out of the office towards the lifts where she can take Robin up to the 6th floor for his meeting.
"Well he sure does like to talk doesn't he?" Robin muses as they wait for the lift. "Yeah sorry about that, he gets really into it, after all this time I think my brain just automatically switches off when he talks so if there is anything you need to clear up, I am not the person for it." She looks at him when she hears him chuckle, his smile soft, making her do the same. "Don't worry it's not my job to understand either" he says as he taps the briefcase he has hold of, "just my job to sign the papers."
The lift doors open at that and they walk the few steps it takes to get to the main boardroom; "Here we are, I hope you enjoyed your tour, sorry it took so long." Regina says as she tries to grab the handle of the door but stumbles on her right heel and knocks into his side. He automatically grabs her arm stopping her from falling over which has her internally kicking herself, does she really have to be so pathetic?
"Are you okay?" he asks looking her up and down with concern; "Yes, yes I'm fine sorry about that, serves me right for wearing these heels." she mumbles turning her gaze from the floor to his eyes, her cheeks suddenly turning a slight colour of crimson. He chuckles slightly, lips turning into a smile that has Regina automatically feeling calm, like she's breathing in the fresh ocean air, she smiles back at him and holds out her hand. "It was nice to meet you Robin." She says as he takes her hand in his, presses his fingers against hers for a few moments before saying; "It was nice to meet you too, Regina, hopefully I will catch up with you another time." And at that he nods his head and opens the door to the boardroom, leaving her with another one of his trademark smiles before closing the door.
'Damn now that's how you say goodbye.' She hears the narrator say as she takes a minute to go over what Regina just said. Catch up another time? What does that mean? Does he really want to see her again?
'Don't go thinking too much into this, he is not into you. He was being polite. You're not his type.' She hears the narrator say, and on this one she has to agree. There is no way he likes her, no possible way he can either. She's nothing, a nobody.
'Nobody will ever love you, dearie. Don't go getting your hopes up.' Regina makes her way out of the office for some much needed fresh air, grabbing lunch on the way before getting back to her desk ready to forget about Robin Locksley.