Disclaimer: I don't own CSI, if I did I wouldn't have spent almost two hours crying over Tim's death. And Tim's best friend would have shed some tears instead of acting like a jerk. I like Eric but in "Lost Son" I just wanted to smack him really hard.

Silence

I've been living in Miami since I was born. In fact, I was almost born on the way to Miami, during a trip which led my family to Liberty. Between Cuban and Russian, I was made an American.

Miami : the city that never sleeps. Silence is the only thing which is inaccessible here. Everyone can procure themselves drugs, alcohol, sex... but silence... that's luxury. Sometimes I have to say that the noise is slightly unbearable. When you need your sleep, silence is precious. But everywhere you go, the only thing which will surround you in Miami is noise.

Even if you like to party-and that's my case-you might feel trapped by all those sounds. You try to escape but you just can't. Why? It's quite simple! After all this is Miami! The fing city which never sleeps.

There are different kinds of noises you know? Just like there are different kinds of silences. The noise I prefer is the buzzing of the machines or... His laugh. That sound is so rare... you have to cherish it when you're lucky enough to hear it. The same thing can be said about our silences. They aren't tensed or uncomfortable. Quite the opposite actually. We find ourselves sitting next to each other...silently. Those moments are the best. We understand each other like that, we just don't need words. Those are the silences I treasure.

But tonight is different, I can feel it. There's so much noise! I can't stand it. I want silence...no, I need silence. My mind can't concentrate. Where is he again? Oh yes, he's in the field with H. Why the fk do I feel so scared? This sure as hell isn't like me...(thankfully my mum can't hear my thoughts right now.) It's a shame he is not here. I know he would have made fun of me but at least I would have laughed with him. God would you all shut up?! Stop talking! Stop the machines! Stop everything! Just...stop the noise... I can't bear it anymore. My head is going to explode!

I keep wondering though...Why does this night feel so different? I can't wait for him to come back. He'll know what to do to help me calm down. I know it...he always does everything he can to help me. Once he's here, the noise won't bother me anymore...and who knows, I might be able to hear his laugh tonight! The thought makes me smile.

Suddenly, the noise stops. Did I miss something? Here comes Calleigh... I wonder what happened, she seems beaten. From that point, everything happens in slow motion. I hear what she says... I hear but I don't understand. My mind goes blank. The silence is still here. I look at her but her eyes are fixed on the floor. A silent tear runs down her face and crashes next to her shoes.

She doesn't stay long...she has to go to the crime scene...HIS crime scene. I don't move, I can't. Her words keep repeating themselves in my head. After a moment the echo disappears and I'm left in the same silence which appeared when he... My body is now on autopilot. We have a little boy to find. That's the case after all... Nothing else happened.

The case is closed, the boy is alive, life keeps going...does it really? The silence is still there. Nothing has been able to break it. Not even his father's pain or his mother's tears, not even the shots they fired for him, not even the rain which came after. There's nothing but silence. And I can't stand it.

But what I can't stand even more are the memories of his laugh, of his voice...because that's what they are...memories.

If noise is a nuisance, then silence is pain. And if silence is pain, then memories... are hell.

Eric Delko