I never thought things would end like they did. To tell you the truth I never though it would end period. We were inseparable. Even though we had our rough patches we found a way out of it. One was never without the other. I was happy when she was with me and from the goofy smile she had on her face when we hung out I knew she felt the same. What we had was magic. I know that sound cliché but it's the truth.
Our senior year in high school was support to be our best out of the four. Everything started out great. We had finally patched things up that summer and were back to our old selves. Back to our weekly sleep over's and Cheerio practices. Well the practices were hell but I still get to spend time with her so it made it a little less painful to go though. Anyways, we were having the time of our lives.
But I was kidding myself when I thought it would last. Nothing that good was going to last…. Not with me in it anyway…
"God Santana! Would you just back off already. We all know you're just an insecure little bitch."
Finn stepped in front of his girl friend and placed a steady hand on her shoulder. Rachel looked like she was about to tear me apart after the my moustache comment. What? You all know its true.
"Bit me Frankenstein McMoods! Take your midget and get out of my face. We're not going back to your Diva run club."
Since I left New Directions with Britt Finn just didn't seem to get the message that we weren't coming back. For the last week he'd been trying to persuade us to came back as another one of Rachel Berry's little back up singers. No way in hell was that happening.
"Fuck you Santana. Fuck all your insults. Fuck all this shit. I know the reason your like this. I know your just an insecure little bitch. I know your just jealous. Your jealous because you know you'll never be able to have what I have with Rachel."
"Oh really? And what might that be" I pushed.
Ok I have to admit what he said definitely caught me off guard but I don't run away from a fight, verbal ones especially. People started to form a circle around the three of us aiming to hear every word of our little conversation. At that moment I should have ran. I should have just left it at that and walk away but I was willing to take a gamble and believe that he was just bluffing. He wouldn't dare say it in the middle of the hallway, so I though…
"Your scared that's what. You're the biggest coward in this school Santana. You think you could just fool people into thinking your straight by sleeping with guys but we all know what game your playing! Get your head out of your ass!"
Nothing was heard but the gasps of our growing audience. Almost instantly people where typing away at their cell phones intent on notifying there friends on what just went down. Everything became fuzzy after that. Slowly I pushed my way through the crowed not really sure were I was going. I just let my feet lead the way.
I don't remember running to the parking lot or driving recklessly down Lima's empty streets. All I remember is the growing fear that threatened to take me over. My whole life had just fallen apart in front of me. The scene played over and over in my head until I was finally safe in my room. Away from judging eyes. Away from the madness that had just recently become my life.
I felt my phone vibrate. I really wasn't in the mood at the moment so I ignored it but shortly after it buzzed again. And again. And again.
"Why cant these people just leave me alone."
Fishing my phone out of my pocket I looked at the burry screen. There where 15 missed texts and 4 missed calls all from the same person. Brittany.
11:30pm: San are you ok?
11:33pm: Babe where are you?
11:35pm: Saaannnnnnnn! ):
11.40pm: Please pick up Santana!
And it just went on. Before I got a chance to replay I heard knocking at the door. Who ever it was I didn't have time for them.
"San are you home?" a familiar voice called.
Not wasting a second scrambled out of my room and raced down the stairs careful not to trip over my two feet. Swinging the door open I was met with a more then distraught looking blonde. Long pail arm wrapped around waist pulling me into a hug.
"Oh my god your ok. You'reokYou'reokYou're." That was a bit of an understatement.
"Britt what are you going here?"
"What do you mean what am I doing here? Im here to see you. You're my girlfriend after all."
I don't know what got over me but I just snapped. I knew she was just there to support me but nothing was ok at that moment.
"Britt im not ok! How can anything be ok right now?"
It came out a lot harsher then I intended it to. I could feel Brittany's arm slowly loosen there grip around my body.
"Maybe not now but one day they will. San your going to have to stop running eventually."
"You just don't get it! No one will see me the same way ever again."
"Yes you're right about that. They'll see the real you. The Santana that I know." Brittany was trying to keep for voice down. We had this conversation countless times before and I would just ignore the topic but now I had no choice but to face it.
"We don't live in a perfect world B! People aren't very expecting and loving like you think they are. They will tear you apart any chance they get."
"You think I don't know that Santana? Do you honestly think I live in own little world all the time?" She snapped. "I choose to ignore those people San! Those people out there in that school. Do think I care what they think about you? Or me? Us? No, I care about you! I worry about you! Because at the end of the day you're all that matters to me! Why cant you see that!"
She was crying now. Her fists were tightening at her sides, shacking violently as she let the wolds roll of her tongue as if she had been waiting forever to say them.
"B. im…"
"Save it San! Don't say it again. You never mean it."
"I do mean it! I am sorry! But being out in public with all those people I just cant… it's to much I feel like im going to break. Im not ready."
"When will you bee ready S! Cuz im tired of waiting for you! I want you. The same way Finn wants Rachel and Kurt wants Blain."
" B… try to understand." I begged. I was trying to figure out what hurt more. Brittany ready to give up on me or me being to much of a coward to finally be with her, officially officially.
Her head lowered slightly in defeat. Shacking her head slowly from side to side she looked back at me her eye's so distance I felt a little piece of my heart break as I waited for her to say the words.
"Santana I..I cant do this anymore. I cant keep waiting for something thats never going to happen."
With that she turned on her heals and walked out of the house not bothering to close the door behind her. I wanted to say something. Anything to make her believe that I would try. But I didn't. I couldn't. I knew I would be telling a lie. I want going to make her a promise that I couldn't keep.
Falling to the ground as I watched her leave I knew it was over. She wasn't going to come back. Clutching my arms around my legs I rocked back an forth. Eventually my parents came home hours later to find me curled up on the floor, door still wide open. They flooded me with questions but all I heard was soft murmuring from the two.
For the next week I didn't go to school. I just stayed in my room the whole time occasionally leaving to go to the bathroom or grab a snack from the kitchen when hunger got the better of me. My mom eventually got me to go to school. The moment I stepped into the halls of McKinley
I could feel everyone's eyes on me. I never felt so small until then. Days turned into weeks and weeks into months this whole time not speaking a word to Brittany. I tried to talk to her but our conversations were always brief. She all of a sudden became extremely busy since our fight. Graduation came around then university. Time just passed me by and I didn't care. Nothing felt right without her.
One morning my alarm went off and an old favorite of mine started playing…
Never plan that one day I'd be losing you
And in another life I would be your girl
We keep all our promises, be us against the world
And in other life I would make you stay
So I don't have to say you were the one that got awayThe one that got away
My eyes flew open as I heard the chorus of the song filled my room. My throat instantly tightened and an all to familiar pain in my chest started up. Just as I though I had ran away for those feeling they quickly came rushing in.
I was dreaming you were my Johnny Cash
Never one, we got the other, we made a pact
Sometimes when I miss you, I put those records on, whoa
Someone said you had your tattoo removed
Saw you downtown singing the bluesIt's time to face the music, I'm longer your muse
I started to sing along letting old scars reopen not bothering to hind the hurt anymore.
And in another life I would be your girlWe keep all our promises, be us against the worldAnd in another life, I would make you staySo I don't have to say you were the one that got awayThe one that got awayThe one, the one, the oneThe one that got away
All these money can't buy me a time machine, no
Can't replace you with a million rings, no
I should've told you what you meant to me, whoa'
Cause now I pay the priceIn another life I would be your girl
We keep all our promises, be us against the world
And in another life, I would make you stay
So I don't have to say you were the one that got away
The one that got away
The one, the one, the one, the one
And in another life I would make you stay
So I don't have to say you were the one that got away
The one that got away
As the song finished I closed my eyes forcing out the remaining tears that clouded my sight. Who knew it would still hurt this much after all this time. I still regret not stopping her that day. Not being brave enough to try and work it out.
You're the one that got away.