One Last Kiss (a Suits fanfic)

Rated: T

Pairings: Mike/Harvey

Summary: Harvey realizes he just can't handle a long-term relationship. Mike says he understands and leaves, but not without experiencing a lot of silent heartache.

Posted 12 November 2011

A/N: Ok... so, I don't know where this came from. I don't even know if it's good at all, so please be honest with me. If it's bad, tell me so I can take it down and save myself further embarrassment... Also, I'm working on updating all my other stories, I promise, I just keep getting distracted by these ideas that sneak up on me :)

*PS - This former oneshot is now a multi-chapter fic!

Chapter 1 - The Kiss

Mike's lips were tingling as Harvey kissed him. It was his favorite part of their relationship, the kissing. Of course he enjoyed spending time with him, and the sex was great too, but there was just something about sharing a kiss with him that set his whole body on fire.

But it was different this time. This kiss was felt reserved. It shouldn't have bothered him so much, considering their kisses had felt like this for about the first month of their relationship as he tried desperately to break Harvey free of his loveless philosophy. But now, about six months in, it felt wrong. He felt a faint but sharp pain in his chest as he pulled away from him.

"Harvey? Is something wrong?"

Harvey took a long breath, placing his hands on Mike's neck and bringing their foreheads together. "Maybe..."

Mike's heart stopped for a second, only restarting when he closed his eyes. "Maybe?"

"Mike... you know... how I feel about you, right?"

"Yeah." Mike nodded, yet still refused to open his eyes. "I know."

"That hasn't changed... but I..."

"Wait," Mike whispered, placing a cold, shaky hand over Harvey's mouth. "I know how you feel, and I believe you. But I also know you, better than anyone else does, I think... and... I have a feeling I know what you're going to say. So why don't you just skip it?" He wasn't angry, his voice was soft and understanding. "I knew when we started this that it wasn't... permanent. You told me so, and I... I chose to be with you despite this. Because I figured it would be better to have some time with you rather than never getting to be with you at all. So just... if I'm right and this is what I think it is, can I just get one last kiss?" He opened his eyes, not bothering to hold back the sadness he knew was shining in them.

Harvey stared back at him, his eyes glazed with just a hint of regret and guilt. "And if you're wrong?"

Mike bit his lip before answering quietly, "I'm not wrong."

With a tiny nod, Harvey conceded and touched his lips to Mike one more time. He owed him that, he felt. Although it had been clear in the beginning that they would eventually reach this point, he still felt bad that it had to end this way. He didn't want to hurt Mike. He loved him, after all. But he just wasn't ready for this. He knew long ago, before he'd even met Mike, that he'd never be the type to settle down. And no matter how much he hated himself for using Mike like this, he wasn't able to stop himself. He was generally good at controlling himself, but this one time he just had to be a little selfish.

But not anymore. He wouldn't hurt Mike anymore. He wouldn't let him drown in fear every day, constantly wondering when everything would fall apart. He'd wanted to find a way to stay with him, but it was clear now that that was never going to happen.

Mike's whole body was aching by the time their kiss ended. He felt pathetic when he realized it had been the best kiss of his life. He gave Harvey one last tiny smile and pushed him away, turning his back to him so he didn't have to watch him walk away. "Thanks," he said.

There was no response but Harvey's soft footsteps as he retreated into his bedroom, shutting the door quietly and leaving Mike to his business.

They'd discussed everything in the beginning. When their relationship ended, Mike would gather up all his things and leave without a fight. And he wasn't about to go back on that. Because even though the world saw him as the fragile one, he knew better. He knew it was really Harvey who was constantly on the verge of being broken into a million little pieces. And he wasn't going to be the one to do that to him. He loved him far too much.

So he kept his end of the deal, taking a box out of the closet and scouring the apartment for anything that belonged solely to him. His toothbrush. His slippers. His magazines, books, medicine, clothes, movies. Anything that was his before they'd started dating. Anything he acquired while with him or that they'd bought together was purposely left right where it was. Photos of them together were left hanging on the wall and sitting on the end tables. The quilt Gran had made for them was left draped over the back of the couch. And the adult-sized bib Harvey had bought for him as a joke was left sitting at his place at the kitchen table.

No, he wasn't leaving them to get back at Harvey. He wasn't that spiteful. He just didn't know what to do with them. If he kept them, he'd never be able to part with them. But he didn't want to hang onto these memories. That, and he didn't want Harvey to ever forget that Mike would always be there for him. No matter how long they were apart, if Harvey ever wanted him again, he'd willingly go with him, no questions asked. And he'd do it no matter how many times Harvey broke up with him, Why? Because he knew Harvey needed him.

He was strong, and could deal with being away from Harvey as long as he knew that deep down, Harvey really did love him. And God, did he know it. But Harvey couldn't handle it. If he needed Mike, he needed him. Harvey Specter was a strong man, invincible in the eye of the masses. But Mike had the power to crush him, smash his soul a thousand different ways and make it hurt more than any man could imagine. And that's what kept Harvey from promising him anything more than a temporary relationship, the fear of being reduced to dust by the person he cared about most.

Mike tried to explain that Harvey held the same power over him, but that he trusted him never to abuse it. But Harvey was just too scared. He was sure he'd come close to easing that fear a few times, but it was never fully gone, and when it returned it was ten times worse.

His hope wasn't completely lost as he lifted the box of his possessions and carried it out into the hallway. He know he'd see Harvey again. They'd be reunited tomorrow at work. And Mike would do his best not to make it awkward. He'd managed to keep their relationship a secret, he was certain he could keep his heartbreak a secret as well.

So he left that place, making his way back to his tiny apartment which he hadn't officially moved out of for this very reason. He realized on his way there that he might not be as strong as he thought he was, feeling himself come undone as he finally finished putting his things away. His insides were all jumbled up, so much that he thought his organs had disintegrated, leaving an empty vacuum where there should have been a person.

But despite the torment he was feeling inside, his body remained intact. And he would remain that way, he told himself. He had to find the will to go on, somehow. Because if he shattered, if he gave any indication that he was suffering so much, it would be the end of Harvey. He'd blame himself and live the rest of his life in a hellish misery filled with more nightmares than he currently endured. He didn't want that. He had to stay strong. For Harvey. If he was fine, Harvey would be fine. And if Harvey was fine, all would be right with the world. At least from where Mike stood.