Partner
By Cypher
Being an alien isn't easy. I mean, sure, around here it's rather common, but while I may look like a human, I'm not one of them. I'm as smart as them, though there's some technology and culture shock, but I can keep up. That's not why they give me a hard time, though. My partner says they don't hate me, that they're just upset, but I'm not so sure. I think they do hate me. And why? Because I killed Doctor Daniel Jackson.
No, I didn't take a zat and shoot him myself, but I might as well have. Because of my own cowardice, Doctor Jackson died. He saved me, my people, my world. It shouldn't have been him, but I can't keep blaming myself for what he did. He doesn't blame me. That's what my partner says. He and Doctor Jackson were really close. Not as close as he and I are, but pretty close.
My partner. If it weren't for him, I don't think I could survive the mess that is my life. See, he's also an alien, so he understands what a hard transition this is for me. He's the only one that's forgiven me for what happened. When Colonel O'Neill wouldn't give me the time of day, when Major Carter couldn't look at me, when General Hammond shouldn't have given me a place here; he was there.
It was strange, really. I was looking around Doctor Jackson's office and he just came in. It was an awkward moment, but then he started talking. Not much at first, but after a couple hours (and a meal) later, we were really connecting. He became my first real friend on this world, and I don't think anything could tear us apart. His betrayal was very brave, and the trust he put in these people…it astounds me that it happened so quickly.
But then, that's how it was with me, was it not? No, I don't suppose so. Unlike my partner, I have the guilt of Doctor Jackson's death on my shoulders. And it's something that'll always haunt me, even though technically he's not dead, but ascended. And now that I'm on SG-1, things have improved a bit, but it's still difficult.
Colonel O'Neill only gave me this spot to keep a Russian off his team. I don't pretend that he's accepted me and forgiven me. I'm one step up from his least favorite ethnic group. That's not a very high standing, in anyone's eyes. Major Carter at least makes the effort to include me, but every now and then she opens her mouth with the word 'Daniel' on her lips, and she casts me this dark look. The pain is so very raw for both of them, and there's nothing I can do to heal it.
My partner keeps telling me to relax, to give them more time. He doesn't understand that time won't heal this wound. I murdered their friend, their family, and they won't see it any other way. Not General Hammond, not the cleaning staff. No one will ever see it any other way.
Except my partner.
And maybe that's because he is an alien, like me. Maybe it's because we have similar interests. Maybe it's because he admired Daniel Jackson, and knew that death was no stranger to him. That's what makes the most sense. Doctor Jackson accepted his death. From all accounts he'd died numerous times already, so this was just another trip into the abyss. Only this time…he wasn't coming back.
And then my partner reminds me that he isn't dead, but ascended. He's not gone. A part of him will always be here, whether in his research or if he's making an invisible visit. He says the doctor won't stay away, can't stay away. And because he's my lover, I believe him. No one else will listen to his theory, but I do. It's one of the things I need to help me atone for my sin and forgive myself.
"Jonas."
"Yeah?"
"Are you asleep yet?"
"No."
"Go to sleep."
"Okay."
We're sharing a bed. On base. Everyone else thinks we're just friends, and they're not wrong, but we're also so much more. The first time he asked me to bed, I was ready to give it a go. It would bring us closer together, and to be honest, I had been thinking about touching him. Of course, saying yes was only the first and easiest step.
We spent nearly fifteen minutes on the internet trying to find instructions on how to do it. We finally came across some sites (which General Hammond was really mad at me for visiting) that not only explained how, but showed us too. It was awkward and hard--I mean difficult, after all, there were other hard things…um…what was I thinking? Oh yeah. Thankfully we're both fairly limber. You wouldn't think it to look at him, but he is.
And after two hours of love making, we finally fell asleep. Since then, at least three times a week when I'm on Earth, we sleep together. Some soldiers don't really like it. They know what we're doing, but they know better than to threaten either of us. I've proven my combat skills, and my partner is renown for carrying a zat with him at all times. Something about a foothold situation spook.
I don't know if my team knows. I mean, the SGC is a gossip mill, and I've heard that I'm sleeping with Major Carter, and even Colonel O'Neill. I think they've had me sleeping with just about everyone. It's an outlet for their anger, that's all I can figure. Slandering my name makes them feel better, they think it hurts me. But it doesn't. I have my partner, and rumors don't bother either of us.
"I saw Teal'c earlier."
"Huh?"
"You're still awake, and I'm telling you I saw Teal'c earlier. He said not to forget about the mission briefing tomorrow. Oh-nine-hundred."
"Right."
Teal'c knows of my partner and I. He approves of it, and he's given the impression that anyone who tries to push us around will have to face him. I know he used to protect Doctor Jackson, and I think he's projected that onto me. I don't mind. It's probably helped me live this long.
"Is that what you're thinking about? The briefing?"
"No. Just…thinking."
My partner snuggles against me. "Well, it's nearly one in the morning. You should try and get some sleep."
"Alright, Nyan." I rest against him and kiss his temple. "I love you."
"Love you too, Jonas. Now go to sleep."
I close my eyes and let myself start to drift. Nyan is my rock, my lover, my friend, my partner. I thank whatever God there is that he's like he is, that he fell for me. I hope that he thinks I'm his partner, too. Because I am, and nothing will tear me away from him. Ever.
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Author's Prattle: One thirty minute challenge I gave myself. I don't remember how I got the partner theme, but this was an academic exercise on my writing skills. Usually I don't respond well to challenges (by myself or others), but I seem to need to now, so I'm keeping my skills up, increasing my WPM, the usual. That's also a bit of a vain thing, I mean my sister's up to 40, and I'm still down at 36...anywho, hope you enjoyed!
Disclaimers. I don't own Stargate SG-1. It belongs to Showtime, Viacom, MGM, SciFi, Gekko, etc. I simply own the plot and situations. Don't sue, as I'm a college student.