I blame Shawnee for this one. And her mind. XD

McDonald's icons, anyone else remember those? Psh, I sure do. I had like, three of their movies.

(This is written in two, completely unrelated parts because I had two ideas for this and couldn't choose which one to use. Number two is more of an extra, though. Lol.)

X

001.

The resemblance was uncanny, Mello noted as a commercial for a McDonald's Happy Meal flashed across the screen.

A group of four stood smiling widely at the screen, a landscape of grassy green hills in the background. On the far left, seemingly in front and the shortest of the group, stood a yellow bird, clad in pink overalls with brown pigtail-braids. Behind her was a large, purple bell-shaped character with short arms and a goofy grin plastered on his face. Behind him, almost in the middle of the gang was a tall, clown-like figure dressed in yellow, white and red. And next to him, on the far right, was Matt.

Red hair; check. Long sleeved black and white stripes; check. Gloves; check. Non-corrective eyewear; check. Hell, just replace the hamburgers with video games and Matt would practically be animated.

The clown, of course, would be L. No, not because of the eye makeup, lack of fashion sense, or incorrect posture—Mello had assumed this because they both seemed to be considerably older (and taller) than the rest, apparently a mentor to the other three.

The purple thing. It looked out of the ordinary, but not completely absurd given its surroundings and was standing almost vulnerably close to the clown, who seemed to take a liking to it as well. Number one to the mentor, always number one—it could be Near.

Wait.

That left the obviously female bird to be…

Nevermind.

--

002.

Most know me as Matt, the passive, all-around-gamer and number three to succeed L (and also admittedly, Mello's bitch). However, not as many know of my secret identity as the Matburglar! And with my undercover assistant Birdie, we cover each McDonalds in the tri-state area, stealthily swiping their hamburgers to feed our addictions.

Yet, one fateful Saturday night as we drove down the street with a truck full of burgers, Birdie and I ran into a problem, literally. The truck in question was…

"McDonald's Matt? Come on, you know I'm classier than that."

"Yeah, but I'm not."

"You realize you just owned yourself, right?"

"Eh, it happens."

"…Wait! Damnit, Matt, is Birdie supposed to be me?!"

"Um…nah…"

Bang!

X

This was total crack, I know.

But it was good, fulfilling, I-can't-believe-someone-would-write-this-shit crack, right?

Gee whiz, I hope so.

I love you btw.