Disclaimer, I don't own Harry Potter. If I did you wouldn't be reading this here you would have read it as one of the books. I never get disclaimers. I mean it's obvious isn't it? We all know JKR owns HP. Why do we need to say that…like really? Anyways.
Just an FYI, this story is going to be pretty AU, bashing on the Weasleys (cept twins) and Dumbles. Cept its not going to be one of those where Harry gets revenge. He is literally not going to care. He probably should. But its my fanficiton. And what I say goes. Except if it's 'I own Harry Potter'. Then I'm lying. But everything else. Yeah. Everything else…alright? Now read. And…
ENJOY
101 Things To Know
Chaos was bored. There was no other way to describe her dilemma, it was undoubtedly boredom. She wanted to release a plague or horde of demon beast or even just remove the number 8 from every location on the small planet she was watching over. However, Miss 'Queen Of Flipping EVERYTHING' Fate, told her that she wasn't allowed to do anything like that anymore. Well whoop dee freaking doo. Now what was she supposed to do. She absently waved her hand and looked at someone else who was probably cursing Fate. She watched on from above for a moment before gazing into his future, and groaned at how dreadfully dull it was. Sure he fights, and dies and comes back, in this great big wizard war, but with nothing fun or interesting happening the entire time, it was kind of pointless.
Then Chaos got an idea. It wasn't exactly a nice idea, but then she probably couldn't remember the last time she had a nice idea. First she created the emotion of boredom in a ball, it was quite easy as she just felt it, then through that forward. Next, Chaos swirled her hands and created a small, red book. She grasped the book and with an evil like grin, shoved the book forward.
Two dimensions to the right and four down, Fate looked up and frowned. Something wasn't right.
The Leaky Cauldron
Harry Potter was bored (Somewhere far away, Irony was laughing his head off). Like, nothing to do, stare out the window and imagine a bomb going off and plan how you would react kind of bored. Sure, he could resolve this by going downstairs and talking to Tom for a bit, but he did that earlier and yesterday. Or he could read his textbooks, but he already read them all (except the Care of Magical Creatures, only Hagrid would get a book that bites) and he didn't feel like looking through them again. He already studied and practiced the wand movements and incantations, but until he could get to Hogwarts he couldn't actually perform them. Homework? Done, to his actual dismay it only took a few hours.
'Then again', Harry thought, 'The Leaky Cauldron is defiantly an improvement to Privet Drive with Aunt Marge and the rest of the Dursleys.'
But he was sooooo bored. He had tried going out to Diagon Alley but Tom had stopped him because someone, either the minister or Dumbledore, told him to keep him inside.
"Is 'ot safe ou' ther' for ya 'arry," He had told Harry in his nearly unintelligible accent.
Harry groaned and leaned his head on the foggy window. He KNEW it wasn't safe out there. With his luck, he'd walk out and all of a sudden, BAM, Voldemort would appear in some form. He already had to deal with him in elderly, parasitic, and angsty teen, so chances are it will be either a Midlife Crisis Voldemort or Temperamental Toddler that attacked him this time. He chuckled as he thought of a Lucius Malfoy having to stop a baby tug-a-war between his son against his master.
'I wonder who he'd pamper first,' Harry thought grinning.
However, soon his grin faded as his mind once again became bored with his inactivity. He groaned as he imagined having to do this for two more weeks. Stuck in this room planning an end of the world scenario where he was the only one left. This was going to be a really long two weeks. If only he had some way to sneak-
Harry smacked his forehead, "Wow, congratulations Harry, you're an idiot."
His flipping invisibility cloak was sitting in his trunk. Mumbling, Harry walked over to his trunk and leaned over to look inside. He moved his books, his nonexistent porn collection (he really should get on that, its kind of pathetic), his school robes and underneath, his father's cloak. Harry grinned at his freedom. He quickly pulled it on, grabbed his wand, and was out the door.
He crept down the stairs, avoiding other passerby's until he reached the pub.
'Now the tricky part' Harry thought, 'getting through the wall.'
However, as soon as Harry walked into the back room, he was greeted by the sight of Minerva McGonagall escorting a large group of parents and children through the now open wall. Based on their apparel, Harry guessed Muggleborn. He quickly joined the back of the group while still under the cloak.
As Harry looked out over the crowded street, he breathed a sigh of relief. He had been cooped up for wayyyyy to long. Harry watched at McGonagall ushered her group into the familiar story of the creepy McCreepytons Ollivander's. Then Harry thought about what that meant. Wands choose the wizard. And there were at least 13 new muggleborns who needed wands.
'They're going to be in there for awhile.' Harry thought grinning.
He quickly moved through the crowd and into an alleyway, and after making sure no one was around, pulled the cloak off. He rolled it up tightly and placed it in his pocket. Grinning at his luck, he tilted his head down to avoid being noticed and glided through the alley with a destination in his mind. As he knew, entertainment in almost every form cost something. Which mean he needs money. Which means he needs Gringotts.
Harry quickly made his way through the bustling crowd toward the white gothic like bank. He stopped at the door to admire the threat to thieves. He smiled at the cute rhyme scheme, goblins are so creative. He waved to the guards by the doors, ignoring their shocked expressions.
He walked into the expansive hall to see quite a few wizards and witches waiting in the queue, none seem to friendly to the goblins. Harry frowned and shook his head at the cruelty of the wizard folk. He watched by the doors, as the wizards all seemed to change queues and hunt for the fastest line. He shook his head once more and walked over to one of the lines. He looked at who his teller would be and shrugged, but out of the corner of his eye he noticed the teller for the line next to him. Grinning he jumped over to that one, ignoring the fact that it was slightly longer.
His move didn't go unnoticed, the Master Teller on the main desk saw his shift and his beady eyes narrowed. He had only seen a line shift by the wizards when there was something illegal going on. He waved his hand and threw a goblin listening charm to the teller's table. He quickly looked down at the goblin's background. Recently moved up the ranks from Vault Runner, related distantly to Chief Manager Ragnok, no crimes reported, no challenges given or received. He frowned as he read everything over. If anything, he appeared to be an excellent choice for the position of Teller. But the change to a longer queue was concerning. He's eyes rose up as he watched the boy approach the teller.
Harry walked up to his teller grinning, "Hello Griphook, how are you?"
The Master Teller's eyes narrowed even further at what he believed proof, but the goblins reply completely offset him.
"You remember me Mr. Potter?" Griphook replied, his face displaying the shock he felt.
Harry scoffed, "Course I do, you were the first goblin I met, rather impressionable."
But Griphook didn't seem to be swayed, "But that was over two years ago."
Harry shrugged, "You and I sat on the cart staring at Hagrid both pretty concerned that he was going to lose his stomach. Congrats on the promotion to Teller by the way."
The goblin grinned at the memory, "Yes, I do believe the giants-blood was rather queasy. And thank you. Now, Mr. Potter, what can Gringotts do for you today."
"Well I've realized I'm in the need of galleons so I was interested in traveling to my vault to grab a bunch."
Griphook nodded and scribbled something down in his notebook, "And do you have you're key Mr. Potter?"
Harry nodded and pulled it out of his pocket and handed it to the teller, who nodded and scribbled something else, "Very well Mr. Potter, Steelfist here will take you to your vault."
The young goblin walked up and glared at the young wizard.
Harry simply smiled at Griphook, "Thank you Griphook, I hope your day is profitable."
The last comment had every goblins head snapping toward the boy and watching him follow the Vault Runner. It was not the correct goblin greeting and farwell, but it was still as close as one could get without speaking Gobblegook.
Without noticing the commotion he had caused in the hall, Harry walked with Steelfist towards the vault cart. He grinned as he sat down for the ride. With Hagrid last time it was fairly tense, but now, it would be so much more fun. Without a warning, Steelfist pressed a button that launched the cart forward. As the cart turned and tilted at an incredibly high speed, the goblin watched out of the corner of his eye as instead of turning green, the boy was shouting with both hands up in glee.
'What a weird human,' he thought.
"Vault #687," he told the boy when they reached the end.
Harry pulled himself off the floor still grinning, "That was a blast."
The goblin shook his head and took the key from the boys already outstretched and unlocked the vault.
"I will wait here, ask if you need anything," He informed him stoically.
"Thanks!" Harry replied cheerfully.
Harry skipped into his room and stared up at the mountain of gold coins in front of him. He grabbed one of the bags on the side of the wall and started filling the bag up by hand.
"Steelfist," he asked, "Is there anyway to find out how much is in here?"
Steelfist scowled at the question, "Of course, there is a ledger on the wall. Or you can simply read it from your monthly reports."
Harry looked away from the small bucket he was using to pour galleons into his bag to the paper on the wall, "Awesome, and how do you get monthly reports?"
Steelfist's eyes narrowed viciously, "What do you mean, 'how'? You should already be getting them."
Harry shrugged and looked back up from the now large bucket filled with galleons that he was pouring into his small bag, "I've never gotten anything from Gringotts, it's probably just a mistake somewhere. No biggie."
The goblin thought differently. If the young boy wasn't receiving monthly reports it meant that someone was. And that right there was, under Goblin Law with the punishment of dragon pen duty, illegal.
Unaware of the problem he just started, Harry peeked into his bag of galleons.
'Damn these hold a lot,' he thought looking down at the bag that still only seemed half full. He briefly thought about grabbing the shovel, but decided he didn't need that much…yet. He could always come back.
"Alright Steelfist, I'm all set."
Harry's words brought him out of his revelations, "Very well Mr. Potter. Let us return to the surface."
Right before Steelfist pushed the button, Harry asked another question.
"Is it possible to go faster?"
"No Mr. Potter."
"How about us a longer path."
"No Mr. Potter."
"Damn."
"WHAT DO YOU MEAN HE ISN'T RECEIVING HIS MONTHLY REPORTS?" Chief Manager Ragnok roared.
The collection of kneeling goblins winced at the head goblins fury. As soon as Harry Potter had care freely walked out of Gringotts, Steelfist had immediately reported to the Master Teller, who grabbed him and went to tell the Floor Manager, who grabbed them both and went to tell the Wizardry Reports Manager, who grabbed two of them and had his secretary grab the other one, and immediately went to inform the Chief Manager. Which put them in this situation. Although, no one could quiet tell how the Third Manager for Dragon guard got pulled along, it just kind of happened somewhere along the way.
All of the heads turned down the line till it reached Steelfist.
He breathed deeply, in hopes that he keeps his head, "Chief Manager, in his vault Mr. Potter requested to see his vault contents. I informed him of the ledger on the side or the use of his monthly reports. He then asked me how to receive monthly reports. I immediately pressed back and told him he already gets them. Then he told me that he has never received any Gringotts mail."
The growl that came from Ragnok made him go completely silent and gulp.
"Deepknut," Ragnok barked, the Monthly Report's Manager looked up, and gulped fearfully when he saw his leaders full grin, "would you mind explaining a few things to me?"
Harry finished the rest of his ice cream bowl. It was a little bigger than one should probably buy, but then again, he was a teenager and a eight scoop ice cream sounds delicious to any teenager.
"Thank you," he told Mr. Fortescue.
The man smiled and waved as he handed another child a six pound sundae.
'Now, where to next?' Harry thought.
He had already been to the Quidditch shop, seen the Firebolt. Stopped by the Emporium for some Owl Treats. Hid in alleyways to hide from well-wishers. Hit the Menagerie to talk to some snakes and scare the bejeezuz out of the store owner. And now grabbed some ice cream.
Suddenly his eyes rested on Florish and Blott's. Bookstore it is.
Harry walked up and down the aisles looking for books. He briefly stopped at the Harry Potter section to see if he did anything else while he was asleep, but sadly no new additions yet.
He sighed, 'Maybe Ginny knows if they made any new ones.'
The mop haired boy continued to walk, ignoring the gasps of shock when people saw him. Sudden he came on a new section, frowning Harry looked up to the genre title area.
Miscellaneous
'Huh, guess this is me."
He ambled slowly through book filled hall hoping for something to catch his eye. When something did.
He turned and tilted his head to look at the red leather book resting on the shelf. For some reason he wanted to read it. Cautious from the events that unfolded last year, Harry slowly reached out and picked it up. He looked at the cover and read the title.
101 Things One Should Probably Know When Living in the Wizardry World But Are Not Entirely Needed to Know But Might Be Semi Useful or Interesting But You Do Not Actually Need To Remember Because of the Only Partially Importance of Some of the Things One Should Probably Know by Bill
'Huh…well this sounds interesting."
Six dimensions north and nine dimensions portside Fate looked up from her scyring bowl and said one word. Well. Actual it was more like shouted. Even then that doesn't really convey the absolute annoyance and anger she felt at that point. And what she felt for another three millennia.
"CHHHHAAAAOOOOOSSSS!"
Disclaimer. Well that was a cute little intro if I do say so my self. And I do. Brought out a little plot. Maybe a little teaser. Idk, could be fun. We should find out together. Alright. New plan. You. Me. Two Pairs of Sunglasses. 40 Bucks and a Bottle of Apple Juice. Lets go.
Alright. Anyways, please leave a review. Except flames. Or flame. I actually really don't care. But fav or follow if your curious whats in the book with a really long name. Cause I know I am. Ok.
BYE!