The day began like any other day before; check Pesterchum, look outside for Dad, figure out your captchalogue system. Ugh, that capt-whatever was annoying along with the sylladex. But you're stuck with it now and forever… Oh yes! A message! You're about to check the Pesterchum application when you suddenly remember; what's your name again? Right in the moment you ask yourself that mentally, a giant screen appears above your head, stopping you abruptly. What in the world was that? A loud tacking sound begins to rattle your room for a second before you realize someone is typing on it. Maybe it's your name after 13 years of waiting! Your hopeful and excited expression quickly drops flat into an unamused scowl. Zoosmell Pooplord. What the ever-loving fuck. Giving it a disgusted look and a violent head shake, it backspaces and attempts again. J-O-H-N. E-G-B-E-R-T. John Egbert huh? Alright. You smile brightly at your new name and the screen instantly disappears in a flash. Now to finally check Pesterchum! You hop into your chair and look at the chumhandle. turntechGodhead. Seems like he's also been trying to reach you for a few minutes now. You open it up, but not before looking proudly at your computer background you made yourself, and began typing.

- turntechGodhead [TG] began pestering ectoBiologist [EB] at 16:13 –

TG: hey so what sort of insane loot did you rake in today

EB: i got a little monsters poster, it's so awesome. i'm going to watch it again today, the apple juice scene was so funny.

TG: oh hell that is such a coincidence i just found an unopened container of apple juice in my closet it is like fucking christmas up in here

EB: ok thats fine, but i just have one question and then a word of caution. have you ever seen a movie called little monsters starring howie mandel and fred savage?

TG: but

TG: the seal on the bottle is unbroken

TG: are you suggesting someone put piss in my apple juice at the factory

EB: all im saying is don't you think monster howie mandel has the power to do something as simple as reseal a bottle?

EB: try using your brain numbnuts.

TG: why did the fat kid or whoever drank it know what piss tasted like

TG: i mean his reaction was nigh instantaneous

EB: it was the 15th day in a row howie mandel peed in his juice.

TG: ok i can accept that

TG: monster B-list celebrity douchebags are cunning and persistent pranksters

TG: also fred savage has a really punchable face

TG: but who cares about this lets stop talking about it

TG: did you get the beta yet

EB: no.

EB: did you?

TG: man i got two copies already

TG: but i dont care im not going to play it or anything the game sounds boring

TG: did you see how it got slammed in game bro?

EB: game bro is a joke and we both know it.

TG: yeah

TG: why dont you go check your mail maybe its there now

EB: alright.

You sigh, lifting yourself up from your chair. Man that guy is a handful sometimes, but he's still a cool dude. Walking over to the window, you see that you have mail! Maybe it's the beta? A smile crosses your lips happily. Sadly, that changed in seconds when you see your Dad pull in. That man had the worst perfect timing in the world. God, you hated that. Oh well, whatever. You here more alert noises from your computer. "I'll deal with you later." You captchalogue your fake arms again, which causes yet another clog. Fucking great. You sit back down and open the same chat window.

TG: is it there

TG: plz say yes

TG: maybe you can play with TT shes been pestering me all day about it

TG: shes mackin on me so hard all the time i start to feel embarrassed for her

TG: i mean not that i can blame her or anything

Spending the next few minutes chatting with TG and chuckling on occasion, you get orders from him to do something. Now you have a thing called hammerkind. What is this supposed to do? You just shrug it off and start reading some of Gamebro magazine.