Ianto stared at Jack, laying in Ianto's bed. In Ianto's flat. In Ianto's life. He wondered when this had become normal. He wondered when having a man, his boss even, sleeping in his bed after fucking him senseless, had become his life. He wondered if he cared?
Shivering slightly, Ianto thought back to Lisa. Then he thought back to Torchwood 1. His recruitment. College. High school. The terrible abuse from his father. His mother's death. All of it seemed so far away now. It kind of scared him to think that he had lived that life. That at one time, he was just Ianto Jones random college student from Newport, shits-ville, Wales. He had been nobody.
Glancing at his clock, the red numbers told him that it was far too late at night, he'd be late to work the next day. He mentally shrugged the thought off, considering that the person who would fire him was himself, and only at the request of the man who slumbered peacefully next to him. It was rare at that point for Jack to sleep so peacefully. All of his past lives haunted him in his dreams. With an inaudible snort, Ianto realized that his past lives came back to him as well. He realized that one didn't have to die all the time to have them. It felt like another life at this point.
Ianto glanced lovingly at the man next to him. At this point, he couldn't imagine his life without Jack Harkness. He didn't want to either. That life seemed so drab and pointless, Jack made him feel so… alive. So useful. So loved. He knew he was just a blip in Jack's many lifetimes. But really, it didn't matter. At this point, wasn't Lisa just a blip in Ianto's many lifetimes?
Blip: (n) anything small, as in amount or number.
Weren't all of these parts of his life just blips in time? So many people that he'd known. Yvonne, Rajesh, Matt, Lisa, all of Torchwood one. Before that, friends relatives, family, so many people that just didn't matter in this particular era of Ianto's life. It wasn't that he didn't care, they just didn't matter. The were from Before.
His thoughts became more melancholy. He wondered if he wanted that normalcy back. He wondered if he wanted to walk down the street and not be seen as a "poof" or "gayboy" or any of the other quaint little terms that floated nastily towards his ears. Then, he'd just glance at Jack, or see the look in his eyes, or feel his lips on his, and know that right now, this was the life he wanted. Needed. Everybody who didn't like it could sod off.
Love: (n)
1. a profoundly tender, passionate affection for another person.
2. a feeling of warm personal attachment or deep affection, asfor a parent, child, or friend.
Ianto loved Jack. He didn't know if Jack loved him back. He knew Jack cared, though. And that was more than he could say for some of the people that he'd met. He knew that Lisa had loved him. At this stage of his life, however... Ianto wondered if Lisa would have loved him enough. He knew that after being with Jack he couldn't go back to "normal." Jack was so … well… Jack. Not boring. Not normal.
"You're thinking so loudly its keeping me awake" Jack pulled Ianto into a warm embrace. Ianto's parting thought as he fell into a deep restful sleep was that he wouldn't change this for the world.