Damn the Apologists
I own nothing here but the arrangement of words. Harry Potter is owned by JK Rowling, and whomever she has loaned him out to.
Hermione sat in her seventh year Defence class and waited for the professor to begin. She couldn't say she was fond of this year's Defence professor, but he did have a number of interesting points, and was at least a competent instructor. He did, however, seem to have a great deal of contempt for witches and wizards in general.
The door swung open as the instructor came in, and shut softly behind him. Professor Elrod was a striking individual, tall and very pale, but the latter was to be expected from an albino.
"I have heard," the professor began, "talk that I find quite disturbing. Therefore, my lesson plan has changed. We are going to discuss the Unforgivable Curses."
Draco Malfoy, who managed to somehow weasel his way out of a long trip to Azkaban spoke up: "We've already covered these in fourth year, professor." The blond Slytherin rolled his eyes.
"And from what I've heard, you've had some firsthand experience with them as well, have you not?" The professor waited until the laughter died down, but not long enough for the blush to fade from Malfoy's face.
"I will assume that you all know what the Unforgivables are. I wish to discuss them because there apologists claiming that these spells have benign origins."
As the class gaped in shock, he continued: "Yes, there are, in fact, some desperate souls who, for whatever reason, insist that the Unforgivables are not truly horrific spells designed solely to cause torment and suffering, but have medical or otherwise non-evil uses. These people are morons."
If the lesson had been delivered as a rant, perhaps the class would have been able to shake off their shock, but having this told in a flat, neutral tone made it hard for them to snap out of it.
"We will start with the torture curse, the Cruciatus. There have been claims that it was invented to help restart a person's heart when it was stopped, much like how muggles use defibrillators. I can find three glaring errors in this claim.
"First, a defibrillator uses electricity to shock the heart back into the correct rhythm. While there are no studies on the Unforgiveables, everyone who has survived the experience and reported on it has described it as pure pain, and have lacked even the smallest electrical burns. It also seems to make no difference if the target is on a conductive surface or not, and the curse has never veered to the side to ground itself in a metal pole, unlike other electrical spells.
"Second, even if it did channel electricity, that wouldn't matter, because a stopped heart needs epinephrine to restart. A defibrillator is used when someone is experiencing tachycardia, or otherwise has an unnatural heart rhythm, and would be useless to someone whose heart had stopped. While healers may not be well-versed in muggle science, and not know this fact, I cannot imagine torturing a dying person would prove to be popular with them, particularly if it never helps.
"Now, let's see if one of you can give me the third reason. What do all three of these curses have in common? Mr. Longbottom?"
Neville paused for a moment before slowly replying.
"They're unblockable."
"Correct. Five points to Gryffindor. Now, I don't know about the rest of you, but I've never met someone dying of heart failure who was not only capable, but willing to cast a shield between themselves and the person trying to heal them. This also debunks the claim that the killing curse was designed either for killing livestock humanely, or euthanizing the dying painlessly, because neither cows nor the critically ill are well-known for their shield spells, now are they?
"Some would still say that the Imperius curse was used to help those with bad habits or attempting to commit self-harm, and that is why it's unblockable, but the fact remains that a well-crafted confundus spell will be just as effective, and anyone claiming that they're taking away your free will for your own good is highly suspect.
"Last, but certainly not least, is the emotional aspect of these spells. We know from Auror interviews of suspects that in order to cast any of the unforgivable spells, it is necessary to have strong negative emotions towards your target. Most farmers don't hate their livestock, and would be hard pressed to generate the emotions necessary to supposedly kill them."
Hermione raised her hand, and was quickly recognized. "Supposedly painless, sir? The killing curse is painless, all reports say so."
Professor Elrod shot Hermione a dark look. "How do they know? Unless Harry Potter wrote those reports, no-one has ever survived the curse. For all we know, it could be a thousand times more painful than the Cruciatus."
Hermione opened her mouth for a second, blinked, and then closed it again, lost in thought.
"For your homework, I expect eighteen inches on the history of one of the three Unforgivable curses. I'm dismissing class early, in hopes that you'll take some time to contemplate what I have said. Off with you."
AN: I can't stand Unforgivable apologists. "The killing curse was not originally evil, it was used to slaughter cows!" Great, so why is it power intensive, emotionally charged, and capable of going through a shield?
I have taken a few liberties with the spells. Only the killing curse is noted as being unblockable, and the Imperious is never explicitly shown to have an emotional component, but since they are all grouped together and banned, and are portrayed that way in fanfiction, I felt justified.